quit for good

joepanic

Respected Member
I definitely agree with this. I know for sure that I really needed a mentor but I was not lucky to find someone. Cause you mentioned your father you made me think of my own father. Was/Is my father the most badass masculine man out there? No, but he was at my age definitely "more man" than I am at my age. And this concerned me at one point. I was thinking, who should teach you how to be a man? What is a man actually? My father has been a great father when it comes to other aspects of my life, other people didn't even have that, but for most of the time he didn't even interact with me. I mean, he never even made it a goal to teach me the things he knew, how to do things around the house and stuff. I've found myself all my life having to always be the one who had to go after the people and ask them to teach me stuff, at work and at home.

Yes, maybe sometimes people would like to have a father like some of the people they follow on youtube, who talk about masculinity and Jiu Jitsu and all those things, how to solve your problems, how to deal with emotions, all the stoic quotes, all the "as a man you should deal with this in this way", "As a man you should learn skills, go do things, change a tire etc.", those type of people that wake up their kids and tell them "let's go, we have things to do", I know I wished I had this sometimes but it's not going to happen, I ended up following those very people on Youtube, trying to learn how to be a man because my father never had a conversation with me about more than trivial things. I've never known what the fuck is inside this man's head.

Eventually I came to my own conclusions about who I was and started medicating myself with porn, alcohol and eating.
Sounds very familiar My dad had a lot of expectations of me but never taught me much although today he is 80 and he would like to think he taught me a lot. In his defense he had to work long hours to support us and today he is happily retired and healthy and I don't much have to worry about him yet. On the other hand he loved his porn. Basically where i got my start as a curious teenager. Being a porn addict is very complex and so many don't understand say more than about 10% of the issue. Only what they see on the surface. All I can say is i am raising my kids in such a way that they hopefully will never need to turn to it for anything. I am doing my job as a father and a husband 100% now. Masculinity is not toxic. The problem in society now for men and especially fathers is they are no longer allowed to be masculine. Perhaps if we taught our sons to change a tire fix a tap fix a lawnmower they will begin to see their value
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Sounds very familiar My dad had a lot of expectations of me but never taught me much although today he is 80 and he would like to think he taught me a lot. In his defense he had to work long hours to support us and today he is happily retired and healthy and I don't much have to worry about him yet. On the other hand he loved his porn. Basically where i got my start as a curious teenager. Being a porn addict is very complex and so many don't understand say more than about 10% of the issue. Only what they see on the surface. All I can say is i am raising my kids in such a way that they hopefully will never need to turn to it for anything. I am doing my job as a father and a husband 100% now. Masculinity is not toxic. The problem in society now for men and especially fathers is they are no longer allowed to be masculine. Perhaps if we taught our sons to change a tire fix a tap fix a lawnmower they will begin to see their value
Absolutely well said (y)
 
Sounds very familiar My dad had a lot of expectations of me but never taught me much although today he is 80 and he would like to think he taught me a lot. In his defense he had to work long hours to support us and today he is happily retired and healthy and I don't much have to worry about him yet. On the other hand he loved his porn. Basically where i got my start as a curious teenager. Being a porn addict is very complex and so many don't understand say more than about 10% of the issue. Only what they see on the surface. All I can say is i am raising my kids in such a way that they hopefully will never need to turn to it for anything. I am doing my job as a father and a husband 100% now. Masculinity is not toxic. The problem in society now for men and especially fathers is they are no longer allowed to be masculine. Perhaps if we taught our sons to change a tire fix a tap fix a lawnmower they will begin to see their value
That is a great comment. Very enlightening and perfectly correct. I agree that most people think they cannot be masculine when they should.
 
251.0 the weight is coming off its good to be able to focus these days Gonna get the "masculine" dad bod by summer time Bring on the beach
Sounds like a plan. I need to get myself back into shape, used to be so much fitter then I got to busy with my work. Need to take more care of myself.
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Sounds like a plan. I need to get myself back into shape, used to be so much fitter then I got to busy with my work. Need to take more care of myself.
249.8 How did I manage to dump just over a lb in 24 hours? I think eating really healthy is number 1. Dangermouse I think most of us need to take a little better care of ourselves. Porn addiction does not cause us not to but not taking care of ourselves I think can lead to porn addiction
 

joepanic

Respected Member
So much more focused these days and only 1 mo in 15 days and no urges to do it. the one I did do I don't think was stress related or frustrations of any kind. it just feels good so why not. I don't think it's hurting anyone Sp all is good at the moment
 

joepanic

Respected Member
ahhh weight goes down and weight goes up 251.4 today such is life still porn free and I would like to say that's all that matters but it's only the tip of the iceberg. Working on more important things today than just staying away from porn
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Wow where did the time go has it really been almost 3 weeks Old habits are just that old habits. porn really was just the tip of the iceberg. It's funny in can't say as I get a whole lot more sex since giving up porn. maybe even less due to how busy we are in our household. Something i think we need to discuss these days. In my opinion nothing can build more connection in a marriage than good old fashion sex. It burns calories feels awesome and relieves stress and it's something that only your partner can give and you can give to your partner. How can that not build connection? Sex in a marriage does nothing but strengthen it. It's a good old fashioned value in a world that has gone sideways. A good old fashioned value like forgiveness and understanding
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Gentlemen we all know what porn has done to us some of us have beaten it some still working on it. My topic today is how do we keep the next generation of young males from following the same mistakes we have made. I find that the addiction had slowly just crept in not realizing it till I was in my 40s if I had not been so lonely or bullied as a child perhaps it may not have happened. If i hadn't been mistreated by girls as a teenager perhaps it might not have happened. This might be very controversial but it needs to be debated. It's ironic how we look at the exploitation of girls in porn and what a bad thing it is. But for that exploitation to occur there must be an audience. Remove the audience and you might remove much if not all of the exploitation. To remove the audience we must make young men feel valued in all aspects of life. Teach them that if they are being undervalued that porn is not going to be the answer.
 

joepanic

Respected Member
So again it's been a few weeks since Ive been around. Things going pretty good especially the last 4 days. for some reason not a trigger in site usually there is something at least once a day be it something on tv or in an advertisement or even on the street. Not a one though. Wife finally found time for a romp on the sack on Friday night. Perhaps that was a big part of not being triggered I jus don't know. I am sure there were triggers out there, they just had no affect on me. Health regimen is going slower than I hoped but still moving forward will try to pick that up a little this week
 

joepanic

Respected Member
All quiet these days It seems the patterns are broken. Just life really seems to get in the way of living life if you know what I mean. Always too busy to live it. That used to be a major trigger for me instead I seem to eat a little more and drink a little more. Nothing too serious as neither seem to spike the dopamine through the roof. Things reasonably good with wife always lots of touching and making love on a semi regular basis. I'm sure someday we'll get more time
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Sheesh has it really been 5 weeks Things could not be better Best sex with wife in a long time Still working on other issues progress there is a little slow but so be it Who ever said it's easy to change a ladies mindset? No one....
 

marco_60

Active Member
Sheesh has it really been 5 weeks Things could not be better Best sex with wife in a long time Still working on other issues progress there is a little slow but so be it Who ever said it's easy to change a ladies mindset? No one....
I do not know if the same holds for you, but for me the most important is of getting rid of the obsession of P, i.e. the idea that it can be an escape to little or big life problems.
 

joepanic

Respected Member
I do not know if the same holds for you, but for me the most important is of getting rid of the obsession of P, i.e. the idea that it can be an escape to little or big life problems.
To me porn is not the problem it's the symptom of many other problems. That is what makes kicking the addiction so hard. Trying to "guilt" or "shame" people out of it never works. In fact it just makes it that much harder. One must understand the reasons for actually turning to porn in the first place. Work on those and than porn should be easier to kick. This would for sure require the help of our loved ones and perhaps in some cases professional help
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Started to make a few changes again in my life. 1st is working out again but this time its goal orientated rather than results orientated. I am not getting on the scale and expecting results. Instead I am just setting daily goals that are easy to reach in my workouts only riding the bike so long only lifting so much weight and so on. It does not matter if it causes me to lose weight or inches or gain muscle or not. just that i continue to workout and change my daily routine. A few years back I had done the same thing with fighting porn. Told myself that it was more important to reach a goal of perhaps 3 days clean and relapse than 3 another 3 days clean and so on. Doing that showed myself that i could reach and maintain a goal. the goal being 2 parts. 1... I was no longer surfing porn every day now it was every 3 days. the second part was reaching the goal of changing my daily routine. At that time it really helped
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Another day clean what can I say other than I don't count them at this point and the patterns have being broken Not sure if there is much reason to come here anymore
 
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