quit for good
- Thread starter joepanic
- Start date
joepanic
Respected Member
Now 18 days Its very strange that with all the stimulus out their that i see on a daily basis TV Internet advertising and so on that I am not being chased down the rabbit hole. I'll admit some it makes me hard or I will wake up hard as a rolling pin even with my hand on my dong. I just seem to tell myself "nahh I don't need to" but if I don't bang the wife in the next few days who knows anything could happen, But i am sure it won't be porn. Think I have more or less lost interest in that at this point.
joepanic
Respected Member
Well here it is 21 days no mo,,,, There were times I really wanted to but thought There are other things that are a little more important to take care of right now using that time . taxes a few home repairs play some music visit friends the list could go on. I am not abstaining from mo as a moral thing nor am I anti mo. I may mo at some point soon again. With me it was all about changing the contest of mo not doing it to "porn" is number one and that because I just didn't like the direction porn has taken as well as how it took over my life for a little too long. Wife and I made love last night and I sensed that we might a few days before and thought I would like to see how it went having been mo almost 3 weeks. I will say it was a little better but there me be other factors at play there. I am still processing a porn free life. Working out how this new life could play out.
Time will tell
Time will tell
joepanic
Respected Member
Started working out again It's such a struggle but I think it goes hand in hand with giving up porn as that was a struggle too. I figure if I can give up the porn and it looks like mo also (I am now at 23 days) I can surely have the discipline to get into decent shape again
joepanic
Respected Member
Been a couple of weeks since I've been around but things as usual around here are quite busy. So porn is gone as well as MO. My wife is working on herself so as we are starting to get a little time together now. I am also working on improving myself playing catch up with more music in my life as well as trying to learn a few new things. I have also started working out again eating better and really improving my sleep habits.
Its funny how "porn" is to blame for everything wrong in a relationship. To be honest for me and I'm going to bet for a lot of others that "porn" is just the symptom of other problems. You can not just give up porn and all will be good. You were seeking out porn as a band aid solution and than it just spiraled out of control. Than others may or may not have been hurt and in the end some felt you were the bad guy, and that was the end of it.
So perhaps just going out and using brute discipline to stop porn is probably not going to work. Figuring out what the problems and issues were that drove you to porn in the 1st place and fixing them might be a better strategy. That is how it worked for me. After that abstaining from porn just began to fall into place.
So really porn is not so much the bad guy here. the termoil that is in our lives and does not get dealt with is the real devil.
Its funny how "porn" is to blame for everything wrong in a relationship. To be honest for me and I'm going to bet for a lot of others that "porn" is just the symptom of other problems. You can not just give up porn and all will be good. You were seeking out porn as a band aid solution and than it just spiraled out of control. Than others may or may not have been hurt and in the end some felt you were the bad guy, and that was the end of it.
So perhaps just going out and using brute discipline to stop porn is probably not going to work. Figuring out what the problems and issues were that drove you to porn in the 1st place and fixing them might be a better strategy. That is how it worked for me. After that abstaining from porn just began to fall into place.
So really porn is not so much the bad guy here. the termoil that is in our lives and does not get dealt with is the real devil.
joepanic
Respected Member
Time ticks on by I'm off work for a few weeks just due to the nature of my work. it also is generally a cause for some anxiety in me. For many years it was part of the recipe of indulging in porn. That is no longer the solution. It's even tougher at the moment as both my wife's parents are sick and not well. there are many trips back and fourth to help with their care... They live an hour each way by car. So we are both tired a little more these days. Sex has slowed to a crawl for the time being. It just goes to show that even "men" who are addicted to or have beaten the addiction are full of integrity too. The addiction is the bad guy the devil the cause of mistrust not the man who is addicted. he is just battling an illness
joepanic
Respected Member
It's now "haven't a clue how many" days being clean. I stopped counting as I believe it to be relevant i stopped watching porn and that's a;; there is to it. or is there more? Dealing with the issues that drove me to porn was the real challenge. But I've got those sorted out too for the most part. It took the sacrifice and understanding of others for that to happen
joepanic
Respected Member
Its kind if odd. Over the years of reading and posting here it's come up that when your clean you might stop noticing girls as much as you used to. I seem to notice them more. I think I just pay a little less attention to them than I used to. My thoughts don't run on about them or they are at least a little "cleaner" than they might have been at one time.
Things okay around the house. Always too busy in our world here. In the meantime I have been able ton get a few things done
Things okay around the house. Always too busy in our world here. In the meantime I have been able ton get a few things done
joepanic
Respected Member
Another 10 days has gone by with no mo. It's becoming a more common thing for me these days. We made love on Friday night probably the 1st time in 3 weeks which. Who knows it could be another 3 weeks till we do again. It used to be something we did weekly. At the moment I don't find the "compulsive" need to mo. I don't do it because I am "stressed" or because we can't find time in 3 weeks to make love like a married couple should. If I do it it's because it feels good and can be fun. At the same time I am finding other "fun" things to do with some of my free time.
joepanic
Respected Member
Going to start the health program bare with me for a few days as my journal may be a little repetitive and mundane I did this several years ago and it really helped to keep me focused not so much on staying away from porn but on living the life I should have been living. Sort of going to use my journal for accountability on that front weight 254.6 ugghhh Any fitness gurus out there i'm all ears for advice
Dangermouse
Member
Good job, you have to keep going, you should be very happy and proud for yourself. Well done @joepanic
joepanic
Respected Member
Thanks Dangermouse I am now in the next phase of recovery. Basically going back and attempting to live the kind of life I should have started living 35-40 years ago. I think the problem many of us face...especially men, is a lack of mentorship. My dad was like many fathers of that time period. Absent due to working long hours to support a family. No offence to the ladies but they are not really equipped most of the time to raise boys. Since I was not set up to play on sports teams as a pre-teen/teenager due to finances, time and location I could not learn much in leadership, having a sense of belonging or even confidence, it made it very difficult to sometimes make friends and so on. Now at 52 I am going to attempt that life. More on this later
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
I definitely agree with this. I know for sure that I really needed a mentor but I was not lucky to find someone. Cause you mentioned your father you made me think of my own father. Was/Is my father the most badass masculine man out there? No, but he was at my age definitely "more man" than I am at my age. And this concerned me at one point. I was thinking, who should teach you how to be a man? What is a man actually? My father has been a great father when it comes to other aspects of my life, other people didn't even have that, but for most of the time he didn't even interact with me. I mean, he never even made it a goal to teach me the things he knew, how to do things around the house and stuff. I've found myself all my life having to always be the one who had to go after the people and ask them to teach me stuff, at work and at home.
Yes, maybe sometimes people would like to have a father like some of the people they follow on youtube, who talk about masculinity and Jiu Jitsu and all those things, how to solve your problems, how to deal with emotions, all the stoic quotes, all the "as a man you should deal with this in this way", "As a man you should learn skills, go do things, change a tire etc.", those type of people that wake up their kids and tell them "let's go, we have things to do", I know I wished I had this sometimes but it's not going to happen, I ended up following those very people on Youtube, trying to learn how to be a man because my father never had a conversation with me about more than trivial things. I've never known what the fuck is inside this man's head.
Eventually I came to my own conclusions about who I was and started medicating myself with porn, alcohol and eating.