quit for good

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Here is an interesting take on some of the reasons for porn addiction. This has nothing to do with "sex" the comment at 1:00 really speaks volumes and should really be the starting point for rebooting

Yes, very interesting discussion about porn addiction. Absolutely essential video to watch. That part about purpose, about one of the key component of being a porn addict is feeling worthless, hit right home for me. I didn't think about it that way. It made me see what's going on. If we think about the fact that I started jerking off at the age of 12 or 13, and at that time I was feeling absolutely worthless, invisible and a complete loser, then it's spot on for sure.

 

[joepanic]

That part about purpose, about one of the key component of being a porn addict is feeling worthless, hit right home for me. I didn't think about it that way. It made me see what's going on. If we think about the fact that I started jerking off at the age of 12 or 13, and at that time I was feeling absolutely worthless, invisible and a complete loser, then it's spot on for sure.

I agree 100% I grew up in a very frustrated life. very lonely and at times somewhat depressed. A few things I did not do was become an "incel" or go around being violent towards women and getting a hate on for them. i simply turned to the one thing that filled the void.... Porn and it's such a shamer that we are branded as horrible cruel people for it. It made beating the addiction so much harder. Harder to the point where I thought why am I even bothering to work so hard to be a better person when it is constantly downplayed.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

I agree 100% I grew up in a very frustrated life. very lonely and at times somewhat depressed. A few things I did not do was become an "incel" or go around being violent towards women and getting a hate on for them. i simply turned to the one thing that filled the void.... Porn and it's such a shamer that we are branded as horrible cruel people for it. It made beating the addiction so much harder. Harder to the point where I thought why am I even bothering to work so hard to be a better person when it is constantly downplayed.

Definitely. Porn addiction is a strange case. I wonder for how porn addicts will keep being seen as perverts or losers who can't get sex.

 

[joepanic]

Definitely. Porn addiction is a strange case. I wonder for how porn addicts will keep being seen as perverts or losers who can't get sex.

It goes to show that it is not only giving up porn that is going to make you a better man that's only a small step really The real improvements begin after . But if some chicks just want alpha males and no one else is good enough there is not much one can do against that, But they are not pervs or losers in any way. Just need a bit of guidance on becoming a stronger man. Something they no longer teach in school no wonder society is failing without good strong masculinity.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

It goes to show that it is not only giving up porn that is going to make you a better man that's only a small step really The real improvements begin after .

Absolutely. One needs to lose the instant gratification in order to get the long term gratification.

Just need a bit of guidance on becoming a stronger man. Something they no longer teach in school no wonder society is failing without good strong masculinity.

This is becoming harder and harder to find these days. No wonder those guys with their "How to become a man" Youtube channels get so much attention. Many young guys don't have a male figure in real life to teach them this. And to be honest, there are other young guys as well who have their fathers in their lives but don't get taught too much either, this is my case. My dad never really got actively one on one involved with me. I recommend guys to try to find good role models to learn from and it's more possible than ever in these era of Internet. Yes, I believe that people who use Internet for what's useful can really get the benefits out of it but unfortunately, in general, the Internet has the tendency to be a place where people waste a lot of time instead. But I recommend people to try to find online those type of man than they want to be. But you have to be careful because there are a lot of toxic people out there who only want to do something like this to get the money, they don't really care about you.

 

[joepanic]

Absolutely. One needs to lose the instant gratification in order to get the long term gratification.



This is becoming harder and harder to find these days. No wonder those guys with their "How to become a man" Youtube channels get so much attention. Many young guys don't have a male figure in real life to teach them this. And to be honest, there are other young guys as well who have their fathers in their lives but don't get taught too much either, this is my case. My dad never really got actively one on one involved with me. I recommend guys to try to find good role models to learn from and it's more possible than ever in these era of Internet. Yes, I believe that people who use Internet for what's useful can really get the benefits out of it but unfortunately, in general, the Internet has the tendency to be a place where people waste a lot of time instead. But I recommend people to try to find online those type of man than they want to be. But you have to be careful because there are a lot of toxic people out there who only want to do something like this to get the money, they don't really care about you.

Yes it is indeed a very scary world for a young man to grow up in and it seems mature men's opinions are no longer welcome so the vicious circle has begun. And this whole generation of young men from teens on will be branded as perverts merrily because they didnt have a good masculine role model My dad was barely present as he worked long hard hours he also loved his porn so did my mom for that matter they watched it together. Basically it was his vhs tapes I discovered as a teenager going back close to 40 years ago so really this problem is nothing new. I actually knew quite a few women who enjoyed watching it over the years right up until this very day. Again I don't think porn is the major issue here that's just the short answer. One thing the internet has exposed is the mess that the world has become especially with young men. We always knew what women had gone through now we are seeing the other side of the coin.

 

[joepanic]

Went to an open air concert in the downtown of our city last night probably 15-20 0000 people. Women everywhere. Of course I did find myself "checking" a few out. It's hard at my age not to. But at the end of the night I did not go back home and pmo like I used to. A definite change in my life

 

[joepanic]

Is it me or are we down to like a half dozen or less in the 40 plus forum? It feels like it's been this way for some time too. I'm not sure what to post these days without being repetitive. I am no longer a raging porn addict. My marriage to my wife is much better since she started therapy over her control issues. That has also made our sex life way better too. Staying away from porn for the most part makes me feel better about myself. I suppose i should post in the success stories forum one of these days. i's just hard in that a few posters made fighting this a little harder than it should have been. The people here who I started with are long gone. some a few years ago now. Of course there were more than a few that showed great support and should be recognized.

Will give it more thought

 

[joepanic]

Where did 2 weeks just go.... So busy but having a wife to make love with makes it all worth while. Do I miss porn? Sometimes.... What I don't miss is all the lost hours while watching it. Porn was such a personal thing for me. It was how I spent lonely time, depressed time, stressed out time you get the idea. Since deciding that watching it was not the answer to those times and since my wife worked on her issues. We have become such a stronger couple.

 

[joepanic]

I feel one of the biggest roadblocks for beating any addiction is the "criminalization" of it. Why would anyone ever want to come out and ask for help when they are told that what they have become is so wretchedly wrong. By reminding them constantly of the "damage" they (may) have caused it adds nothing but a sense of guilt to the matter. "Detox" or in the case of porn addiction "reboot" needs to be done as easily as possible. The rest can come later. The feelings of loved ones of the addict sometimes do need to be recognized and they may need to be helped too. But a constant reminder to the addict of any damage caused does not help anyone. Could you ever see a heroin addict laying in a detox facility with his or her spouse at the bedside day in and day out going on about the damage they caused. It would never be allowed. So why should it be allowed for porn addicts.

 

[Percival]

I think part of the "criminalization" you speak of is that it's such a such a betrayal for the partner: he's looking at girls online instead of at her! That criticism isn't usually fair but it is still basically true. Those of us who are trying to fight the temptation know that it's considerably more complicated than "just don't do it!" (just like it's much harder for the heroin addict than "don't inject!").

To your earlier post: yes, I miss it too sometimes. It's fun because a) it's fun and b) you can find anything, including things your wife can't do or that you wouldn't want her to do. But anything you can imagine is out there. It's obviously always going to be a temptation, but disciplining the mind is part of growing up (shouldn't I be grown up by now? Apparently that is also a thing that is always happening!).

 

[joepanic]

I think part of the "criminalization" you speak of is that it's such a such a betrayal for the partner: he's looking at girls online instead of at her! That criticism isn't usually fair but it is still basically true. Those of us who are trying to fight the temptation know that it's considerably more complicated than "just don't do it!" (just like it's much harder for the heroin addict than "don't inject!").

Thanks for weighing in Percival

What I am speaking of is detox is detox. It's not the healing process for anyone addict or loved one. Addiction is a health crises not a criminal one. Funny how it is "such a betrayal" I'd love to hear any partner tell me that living with a porn addict is far worse than living with a gambling addict who just lost the house or a heroin addict who just lost their job or caused a car accident that killed someone. I would imagine that would be quite the "betrayal" also. Sex is a funny thing. We take what we want from it. We use it as we see fit when it suits us. Some use it as a tool some use it as a weapon to get what they want. Some use it in the context of love like it should be. Some could never find a sexual partner so they turned to porn to fill the void.

Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex.

Hunter S Thompson

 

[Jlied]

You know Joe, I don’t weigh in much these days, not for any particular reason, maybe I’m bored, maybe I’m tired of my life revolving around porn and addiction and just want to start thinking of other things…maybe I’m just in a place where I feel content being quiet, but what you said does resonate with me. Early on in my recovery I thought why am I saddled with this addiction, surely alcohol would be easier to break, all I have to do is not put it in my body or go to places that were ritualistic like the bar with friends, after all porn addiction can persist in your mind even when you take the screen away….truly I think this addiction may be harder, but I have no basis for comparison so it remains a theory. But what I dislike is how dirty this addiction is. How much people’s perception of you can change. It matters not how much good you’ve done in your life, let them know you masturbate to porn and you might as well have a highly transmissible terminal disease. People just look at you different. You’re icky, you’re gross, you have no morals. Drugs, alcohol, food….these addictions are normal, they’re mainstream, people don’t really bat an eye to those. It would just be nice if people had the same understanding attitude towards porn or sex addiction like some of the others. Now I don’t mean to lump everyone into this category, without question there are those that understand and are concerned…..but this one just contains the ick factor which I think only drives us further into shame.

gosh, I sound bitter in the above paragraph, I’m not really, I brought this on myself, no one made me take up the art of surfing for skin….but it doesn’t help the addict when they really feel alone. It will be a welcome day and I’m confident there will be a day with all the shit going on with todays youth when this addiction becomes a spot light. I know I’ll be there to help anyone I know who may struggle with this as i so wished I had someone in my early days to confide in rather than bump around in the dark and do my own research.

I agree that we aren’t in fear of ending someone’s life physically with our addiction, but we can sure inflict enough damage to change our partners forever and in some ways we are ending someone’s life in a metaphorical way. They aren’t the same person after they’ve been hurt and trust is gone. It’s the burdens we bear. We must own it, grow from it, and lead life’s that others wouldn’t be afraid to follow. I never want to go back to having to worry about secrets being unearthed. A constant state of anxiety when I’m not home worried I didn’t clear the history or close the browser.

I feel happy, lighter, and more optimistic these days that those feelings are further and further behind me. Thanks for the post.

 

[joepanic]

Hey Jlied Thanks for weighing in I will tell you one thing and I am sure it will piss some people off I am not ashamed of being a porn addict. No one goes out and decides to become a porn addict. We get "sucked" into it" Just like getting sucked into a bad relationship. the more people understand and support a porn addict the faster they will recover. Only some partners are affected by porn addiction. My wife never cared that I watched it because It was not hidden from her. No trust was broken. Really some here will take the opportunity to turn this into a battle of the sexes and how men are weak and deceitful and all porn addicts are the same and have caused the same damage. The minute shame is taken out of the equation I think many more addicts will come forward. To be constantly reminded of any damage they may or may not have caused will just drive more into hiding. The mandate of this forum is spelled out on the home page. I place for porn addicts to access resources and find support and understanding. Not to fix relationships that comes later. this is equivilent to alcohol or drug detox. Not marriage counciling

 

[joepanic]

Hey what do ya know Porn addiction is becoming a distant memory for me. Almost feels like I was never a porn addict Since I was the only one who knew I was an addict it will soon be forgotten "buried" into the past forever

 

[joepanic]

Life is good Found new addiction in the form of an old video game I played 20 some odd years ago. Brings back a few memories of a better time. Just kidding I am not actually addicted to it. It's one pf those games that would take 20 hours to complete so I just play it an hour here or there. I am being careful not to allow it to become a replacement if porn pops into my head as that would just become a bandage. I would rather use some inner strength to throw the thought out of my mind

cheers hope are all doing well

 

[joepanic]

I see we are pretty much down to 7 or 8 posters in the 40 and up section. I remember when there 2 or 3 times that number. Did porn addiction suddenly drop off the face of the earth? Or is there some reason why they don't want to come here? I know there were times I didn't ?

 

[GBS]

Hi Joe. I share your incredulity. Surely there are dozens of men in their 40s in need of seeing the light. There should be a fair number in their 59s and 60s too. Is this place not cool?

 

[joepanic]

Hi Joe. I share your incredulity. Surely there are dozens of men in their 40s in need of seeing the light. There should be a fair number in their 59s and 60s too. Is this place not cool?

Thanks for weighing in GBS. I have been coming here for 6 almost 6 years and when I 1st got here there was probably a dozen different guys I was in contact with. Not sure why the change

 

[Androg]

Gabe closed the site to new registrants some months ago. He had good reasons, but they are not public.