Better Run than Fap

[rnnr]

Day 26. 10:24 PM.

I feel like I can be successful even not having regular sex. It is unbelievable. Because I always measured my overall success as my success with women. I used to think that if I am not successful with women than I am not successful at all.

Now the idea of going through my 90 Days NoFap Challenge without sex at all does not seem so scary as it was at the beginning. During this period of abstinence from sex I will have plenty of time to think about what kind of relationships with women do I really want.

I used to use women only for sex as a substitute for PMO habit. Actually, my longest relationships with women did not last more than 6 months. If I am not seeking for casual sex now and if I am comfortable with having no sex for some time, then I can think about what do I really want from women, what can women give me, and most of all ? what can I give them.

 

[rnnr]

Day 27. 10:26 AM

My knees and ankles stopped aching. And this is really relieving. Today I ran with an average pace of 4:51 m/km in comparison to  6:17 m/km several days ago. I like to compare these numbers because they help me track my progress in the NoFap Challenge.

Now I feel confident that I am not alone anymore and that I can talk to people freely, and they accept me.

It is now time to focus on new money making habits. Not all the activities that I call "my job" are actually producing money for me. Some activities such as promoting my web-design business, sales, and lead generation ? are the areas that I tend to procrastinate on.

Need to spend at least 80% of work time on really Money Making activities. Maby I tend to procrastinate because I am not quite sure that I will succeed in my new career as a freelance web-developer.

I know that my current day job is a weak link. I should quit this job and focus totally on lead generation for my web-design and SEO-optimisation business. But now I am self-sabotaging my web-design business: procrastinating, coming late to the cafe to work in.

Fear is crippling.

 

[rnnr]

Day 28. 8:00 PM

Yesterday and today I felt really excited about my performance in the morning runs, so I decided not to post on this forum. And I started feeling the urges for PMO again. It looks like I need to keep my NoFap Challenge constantly on my radar.

So, posting on this forum must be my priority, as important as my morning runs.

I felt urges after my work on the computer, lots of data analysis for my web-design project. I did not work in a cafe today, I stayed at home. Staying at home + lots of mental work = urges to watch P.

Today I did not write my goals on a sheet of paper. I missed it today in the morning. As a result, lost my focus.

I should not forget these daily habits:

Morning Runs
Handwrite my Goals
NoFap Journal
Work from a Cafe

P.S. Steve Pavlina mentioned YBOP on his blog recently:
https://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2018/03/do-orgasms-energize-you-or-drain-you/

 

[rnnr]

Day 29. 11:55 AM

I am still on track. 29 days in a row. No PMO. And no sex.

Meeting some women. Not trying to get laid. It can not even be called flirt. Just making friends with women.

Started a new challenge to develop new business habits.

Working from home this morning.

Do not feel the urges to PMO, I am OK, not depressed.

 

[JasonGuitar]

Well done on your progress. You and I are just about in the same place. Almost warm enough here for running outside. My no-fap will get much easier once I can release the energy that way again.

 

[rnnr]

OK, I made it to day 31 and then relapsed.

Can't imagine how I made it to day 31 without PMO.

NoFap now seems such a nonsense to me. I came back to my habit to PMO once in 2-3 days.

Lost my faith and energy.

Depressed.

I still keep running in the mornings. But I feel that I do not have that energy and enthusiasm that I used to have.

I stopped writing into this journal on day 30. I even thought that I should delete this journal. I thought that I was finally free from PMO.

But I am not.

I am an addict.

And I need help.

Do not know what to do.

Do not know what helped me make it to 31 days.

Need to start it from day 1. Again...

 

[Reishal]

31 days without PMO is still an achievement. It is still progression. You are PMO'ing less then you used to. Remember that.

Don't focus on this as being a failure. Learn from your mistakes. What caused you to relapse? Try to prevent these thoughts/urges/feelings the next time they appear.

Stay positive and start fresh. Don't let it control you.

 

[rnnr]

Reishal, thank you for your encouragement.

I know that I can not get rid of PMO habit by myself. I need some help from superpowers

I know that as long as I post in this journal I will be PMO free.

So, let's start from the beginning.

Today is Day 1.

So here is my commitment: I will post in this journal for 30 days in a row, every day. I hope that these will be 30 days PMO-free.

 

[rnnr]

Day 2.

I am back on track. Stopped seeing my relapse as a failure. Found an accountability partner. Need to figure out how can I support him.

Planning to run with my female friend tomorrow morning. Let's see if she shows up at 6:30 AM

I am ready to run alone. Just curious if she was serious about running in the morning.

 

[rnnr]

Day 3. 9:48 AM.

Woke up at 5:00 AM.

My female friend did really show up for a morning run. I ran barefoot on the grass. Feeling I am getting back the energy I lost in PMO.

Working from a cafe.

Attracted a new client for the web-design job. Now need to focus to get the job done.

Really need to leave my home early in the morning, at least at 7:30 AM, every day ? not to be caught by urges and cravings. All triggers for PMO are at home.

Public challenges really work for me. I promised to run in the morning, and today was my 38th morning run in a row.

 

[JasonGuitar]

I agree with Reishal, 31 days is still an achievement, and has still served to start to rewire your brain in some way. I had to go cold turkey because it is what I needed to do for me...some people can quit smoking cold turkey, and some need to ween themselves off. Everyone is different. Just keep taking it a day at a time.

Doing things outside the house, especially with others, help tremendously. If you are expected to be somewhere at a certain time, especially early, you won't have time to think about PMO. Even if it is just running errands or going grocery shopping, schedule a time when you are going to do it, and stick to it. I have personally pushed things back way too often. because I'd rather stay home and PMO. Now I make a plan and stick to it.

 

[rnnr]

Day 3. 7:10 PM

Today I quit my day job to focus on my freelance web-design career. I found out that I can not do these both jobs simultaneously. My web-design clients require my time. I needed to make a choice.

It was a tough decision. I've been stuck in that job for 5 years already. It was not so bad, but with no future for me.

It was especially tough taking my relapse into consideration. So my paycheck now deeply depends on my ability to stay away from PMO. Scared a little bit.

My friends are calling me to go hang out with them. It's a kind of a dilemma for me. I am tired after working for 10 hours on my Mac. And I know that if I do not go out, PMO triggers at my home may catch me.

 

[JasonGuitar]

Quitting the day job can be a pretty liberating thing. It sounds like your web clients keep you plenty busy, so hopefully it will be a help towards keeping away from PMO.

I am often in the same place...after a long day at work not wanting to go out with friends or do things with the family. But I think that if you are worried about triggers at home, if you have no other reason to not go other than being tired, I would go. I typically don't want to go out, but when I do, I have a good time and I'm always glad I went.

 

[rnnr]

Day 4. 11:28 AM

Actually, I went out with my friends yesterday, despite being really tired

This web-design job tends to take all my time. Need to set some boundaries to have time for sports and social life. Habits and systems ? these are the things I need to develop now.

 

[JasonGuitar]

I understand that too. I am not self-employed, but I work from home and it is sometimes hard to have a 'quitting time' and not be compelled to basically be 'on call' 24/7 if I get an email on my phone or something on Saturday or Sunday that I feel obligated to handle right away. My wife has helped me see 4:30 or 5:00 as quitting time and time to focus on other things at home and it has been working for me.

Glad you went out!

 

[rnnr]

Day 5. 9:48

Woke up at 4:55 AM. Ran 6 km at an average pace of 4:46 m/km -- my new personal record.

After that, I ran 2 more km with my young female friend (18 y.o.).

It is now easier for me to talk to young women 18-23 y.o. I love their energy and enthusiasm.

Maybe I should look at this age range and find a girlfriend among these young women.

I used to have relationships with women of my age or even 2-4 years older. Maybe I thought that these older women will give me love that I wanted to receive from my mom.

Now I feel like becoming a giver, not an attention, approval, and love seeker.

Yesterday I took my bicycle and rode to the river. Water was too cold to swim in it so I just took a 15 s dip in the river.

Feeling much more energy in my body.

My mind still seems to be a little bit foggy in the early mornings and afternoons. It is due to the lack of a consistent system to work with my clients. I caught myself that I tend to underdeliver on one of my projects. Did not expect it to be so complex. Tough challenge for me.

Need to find some friends in the web-design community, a role model to follow.

 

[JasonGuitar]

I had to look up the conversion for pace from kilometers to miles What a great pace! That is slightly faster than I was running when I was running 30+ miles a week and doing half marathons. I topped out about 8:00 per mile, or 5:00 per kilometer. I hope I can get back there during this summer!

I'd say if you meet someone you are interested in and the spark is there, age doesn't really play in. I suppose an 18 year old's parents may question a 30-something with their 18 year old daughter, but I'd say if you stuck to the high end of that scale (23ish) there is no problem at all with that. I think maturity is the only thing that would come into play.

In my previous marriage, I had a few affairs, and one was with someone about 6 years younger than me. I was 28 and she was 22, fresh out of college. We had a lot in common, got along great, made each other laugh, and the physical attraction was off the charts (especially on my end...not sure what she saw in me!) But, difference in life experience and maturity would come up again and again. She just did not value some of the things I did, lacked some responsibility, etc. There were other issues that caused that to end, but that definitely factored in.

I think becoming a giver is a great way to look at it. I have done that myself. I find myself paying my wife more attention and affection, and the kids too. I like this change in me, and others do too.

Finding a role-model/mentor in your field is definitely a good move. I work in an office environment and having a senior person to guide me and advise me from time to time is a big help.

 

[rnnr]

Day 5. 22:54

Currently experiencing some urges to PMO.

Triggers:

stress regarding my web-development project (it is not moving forward as fast as I thought it would),
met some new women outside, looked at their Instagram profiles,
my ex-girlfriend called and was so nice to me.

 

[JasonGuitar]

Can you take some time away from the project, maybe get outside for a walk? When I'm stuck on something at work or otherwise feel the urge to look at stuff online or MO, I go for a walk around the block. Takes 10 minutes and I feel 100% better when I get back.

I have steered clear of Facebook and Instagram since I started my reboot. Way too many triggers there.

Do you have any hobbies other than running? My music is a big outlet for me that releases energy much in the same way that PMO did, I have come to find.

 

[rnnr]

Day 6. 11:39

Feel really tired and unfocused. Slept only 5 hours this night.

Need to structure my time properly. The job I quit was really structured well, I worked only for 6 hours per day, from 9 AM to 3 PM. And now the borders between work time and free time disappeared.

It feels like I am self-sabotaging a lot.

Yes, I have another hobby -- love to ride on a bicycle with my friends. Need to set up regular activities again. I forgot about my friends when I go back to PMO two weeks ago.

Yesterday I went for a walk in the park with my new young female friend.

Need to spend more time outside, without my computer.

It feels like the more time I spend with my computer, the less productive I become.

Need to sleep more ? 8 hours, not 5.