Taking Steps Towards Freedom

donewiththisish

donewiththisish

Member
Props man! Keep it up- you are doing great. If you don't look at P this long you can believe something is helping you. I was able to succeed for 2 full great years by simply confiding in ONE person. It is a mental thing that I think is crucial in kicking the habit. You know you are accountable to someone besides yourself (is this forum, a wife, friend) and a great supporter for those days that are trying. A safety net for those times you slip, to keep you from forgetting about the progress you have already made.
    I believe the moment you start a reboot you should consider yourself a non P user and really cured- because unlike the other 98? of users, you realize that it is an issue and you want to change. This is a HUGE concept in life style changes: from eating healthy, exercising, alcoholics, to video game addicts, admiting to yourself you need to change is 90% of the battle. You are a stud!! 8)
Cheers!
 
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voidwarranty

Member
9/11/14

Day 19 of reboot.  Late update and technically on day 20 as of two minutes ago, but thatbjudt means I have the joy of updating again later today.  Nothing out of the ordinary today, just sticking to the straight and narrow.  Here's to today and sticking with it.

-voidwarranty-
 
V

voidwarranty

Member
9/12/14

Day 20 of reboot.  Feeling good right now, this morning was a very heavy emotional roller coaster, but as of right now it feels stable.  Have been having some really good ranked games in lol so I'm feeling even better about that.  I needed a game day like today, it really helps me to release stress and unwind.  One more day off to go then a short work week, so I'm feeling really good doing into this next week.  Happy weekend fellow rebooters, stay strong, and look towards n awesome addiction free future.

-voidwarranty-
 
V

voidwarranty

Member
9/13/14

Day 21 of reboot.  Lazy last day before work tomorrow.  Spent most of the day in bed watching movies on Netflix.  All in all seemed pretty successful for such a lazy day.  I'm sure my work week will bring boring posts again.  Until tomorrow.

-voidwarranty-
 
S

sempervirilis

Guest
Keep up the good work man! 21 Days is really something and you should feel great about making it out this far, keep that momentum and stay positive!
 
V

voidwarranty

Member
9/14/14

Thanks for all the support guys.  Day 22 of reboot.  Work was all kinds of messed up today.  This is why I can't have days off lol.  At least it's a short week, so only two days left, then a nice long weekend.  Let's hope I sorted out any future issues for this week at work.

-voidwarranty-
 
V

voidwarranty

Member
9/15/14

Day 23 of reboot.  So glad I only have one more day of work this week.  This stress has been ridiculously tiring.  I had a brief moment where I felt like an urge might hit, but I just put it down and out, focused on work, and it left pretty quick.  I'm really looking forward to some good sleep tonight and hoping tomorrow will fly by so I can enjoy my weekend.  Until tomorrow rebooters.

-voidwarranty-
 
V

voidwarranty

Member
9/16/14

Day 24 of reboot.  Holy stress bat man, what a fucking awful day.  Can't even say my work week is over yet since I get to go in tomorrow to help train some people and go to a training class for a new tool in our department.  All this stress this week really came to a head, and I had some serious urges and mental flashbacks to surfing for porn.  I did not act on these urges, but man it was heavy for a bit.  I Texted my fiancee and having her reassure me that everything would be okay and that I can beat this really put me back in a better place.  Tomorrow shouldn't be as bad as it has been.  Off to bed soon, I'll be back tomorrow reboot nation.

-voidwarranty-
 
V

voidwarranty

Member
9/17/14

Day 25 of reboot.  Work wasn't to bad today, probably helped it wasn't a full day.  I've felt outside of myself today, just weird, and not sure why.  No urges today and feeling good about that.  Now onto my weekend, until tomorrow.

-voidwarranty-
 
V

voidwarranty

Member
9/18/14

Day 26 of reboot.  Pretty easy going day, nice not having to work, and nothing major to report.  Just a chill relaxing day.

-voidwarranty-
 
V

voidwarranty

Member
9/19/14 and 9/20/14

Day 27 and day 28 combo update.  Was up way to late last night and spaced on updating last night so here is both yesterday and today.  No crazy to report just enjoying what weekend I have and dreading going back to work tomorrow.  Let's hope less stress this week.  Until tomorrow fellow booters.

-voidwarranty-
 
V

voidwarranty

Member
9/21/14

Day 29 of reboot.  Work was is surprisingly not all bad, I'll be leaving here soon and heading home for the night.  No urges, thouvhts, or desires to speak of.  I've felt that even the fantasies have started to fall of from where they were a week ago.  It's nice, and quite relaxing.  I feel like my mind has some freedom and breathing room right now.  Couple that with a weekend of league of legends round robin matches for worlds and call it a good weekend into work week transition.  Until tomorrow.

-voidwarranty-
 
J

Jimmy

Member
Man... I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. After reading your initial entry I understand why your emotions have been so heavy. You and I are similar. Same age. I am married and my P addiction didn't rear its head until into the marriage in unfortunate ways.

Stay strong man. Your heart is in the right place. This addiction sucks. Its really difficult to kick it.

I want to encourage you for day 40/50/60 and beyond. When I had a scare after heavy P use it was easy to quit for like 60 days. But as my relationship healed and my guilt subsided I quickly slipped back into P.

I can tell you're resolute now, only three weeks from some very heavy emotional feelings that were clearly shared with your fiancee. You seem very focused. You have to take the long view in addition to your day by day counting. You're not gonna make it if you are literally counting the days and writing in this journal for the rest of your life!

I support you, man. You are doing the right thing. I am sorry you had to slip so severely. I ended up watching homosexual P (my personal wake up call). As you can imagine, being married at the time it was.... dumb. The most difficult thing about our position is that we have women close to us in our lives, and we have to manage our struggles and their emotions during the whole damn process. I hate it. I feel guilty. I am getting better. I want to completely remove it. I know I will. I know you can too.

The small silver lining of these serious mistakes is how it shows us we need to improve. At least now there is no debate about the fact we need to get our shit together.
 
V

voidwarranty

Member
The guilt of what I've done and bad I've hurt her weighs heavy on my mind every day.  I know as time goes on and the trust rebuilds that will slowly subside, but right now it kills me daily.  But the future is the ultimate goal, and thatbid what I look forward to.

9/22/14

Day 30 of reboot.  A nice day at work, things are moving forward in a positive fashion at work and thank God for that.  Today felt like a good day, and hitting 30 days feels like a small victory in this ongoing war.  Part of me wants to call it a milestone, but I want to call my one year mark a milestone.  But for now it's off to bed, and on to a couple of more days of work.

-voidwarranty-
 
V

voidwarranty

Member
9/23/14

Day 31 of reboot.  What a hectic work day, Whig still isn't over as of this posting.  Oh well,one more day to go, and a nice shirt week to look forward to next week.  Nothing to report from today,to tired to have any thoughts outside of work.  Definitely feel like an early trip to bed is in order tonight.  Sorry for the lack luster update, work does that to me.  Until tomorrow fellow rebooters.

-voidwarranty-
 
V

voidwarranty

Member
9/24/14

Day 32 of reboot.  Hello weekend my old friend.  Another few days where I plan on doing things and get side tracked by watching Netflix or playing video games.  All in all a boring day today, just staying to my course and looking forward to the future.

-voidwarranty-
 
V

voidwarranty

Member
9/25/14

Day 33 of reboot.  Good first start to my weekend.  Got to use my new waffle maker, which is fantastic.  Watched some movies, and kept myself busy.  No urges, fantasies, or feelings of wanting to need porn.  Onto the next day. 

-voidwarranty-
 
V

voidwarranty

Member
9/26/14

Day 34 and the late update.  I guess I'm keeping myself busy enough if I space out on updating right?  This journal still does serve as a reminder of what I'm doing, but I also believe my overall actions and look towards the future are what really count for me.  Day 34 was a good day, caught up with friends over coffee, and just kept really active.  I did feel like I was a bit more snippy then usual, but I also kept it in check.  I'll remember to update again later for today though, I know everyone here was probably on edge wondering about my weekend lol.

-voidwarranty-
 
V

voidwarranty

Member
9/26/14

Day 35 and 36 I did it again with the late update.  Yesterday was a good day and today is looking good as well.  Works. But stressful today, but I think it's manageable.  I'll be on time with an update tomorrow.

-voidwarranty-
 
V

voidwarranty

Member
9/29/14

Day 37 of reboot.  Woot one more day sod work to go then a nice long weekend.  I find myself not focusing so much on the day to day, and more on just my future goals.  I realise day to day is important, but I've been finding I slip updating once in a while.  Urges, fantasies, and the like don't hit me like they used to.  I find that if an urge does hit, I can just shake it out of my head and get back to what I was doing.  All in all I feel league's better from where I was on day one.

-voidwarranty-
 
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