I want to be inspiration for you

[Berens]

Day 27
It?s not that i necesarly have urges to PMO but i catch myself having a mindset of ?i have been rebooting for so long so now i can allow myslf to relapse?. It is a mistake to think in this way. PMO is not a reward but a penalty. To PMO in first place is a penalty for not having self discipline, for not dealing with emotions, for not dealing with relationships, for not having goals and purpose for life, for avoiding maturity, for not using time in a meaningful way etc. PMO is pleasurable prison. I don?t want to come back.

 

[Berens]

Day 28
Everything is going well. I have a lot of energy and i am using that energy well. I don?t feel that bored anymore. Actually i find surfing internet boring. So many things are much more interesting and i don?t want to spend time doing other things. I feel like being on a new level. I don?t feel sexually frustrated either. I know now that orgasm itself is a problem as well and if i will pursue women to use their bodies to achieve orgasm, i won?t liberate myself from PMO.

 

[Berens]

Day 29
Now that i have gone one month without relapsing, i will post on the forum not every day but just from time to time. I can?t name all the benefits that i experience. Lets say that i find my life worth of living now and that i see myself to be on a completely higher level in every aspect of my life.

 

[Reboot543210]

congratulations on completing one month! I hope you are staying strong and feeling good during the journey! Your posts have been very encouraging and refreshing to read during my journey

 

[Berens]

Hi
I have been going through some hard time, i have relapsed and i must get back on track. Day 0, i am going to write here everyday, i don?t know for how long, for at least 90 days for sure. It is a mistake to take rebooting for granted when being few weeks in a row without relapsing.

I?ll just take few deep breaths to feel my body and get out from thinking for a moment.

 

[Berens]

Day 1
Having a good sleep is really important as it defines how we feel during the day. I have began to sleep on my back without pillow, trying not to lie on my side. I have read it?s healthier for my back and the quality of sleep is different.

 

[Berens]

Day 1
I go to sleep earlier. I have made some plans for tomorrow and for this weekend. Without having a plan it is much easier to slip. I feel optimistic about rebooting. I have created an account on this forum in 2014 and i am still not 100% successful. I can?t allow myself to make that fact demotivate and give up. I can?t change my past but i can change my future.

 

[Berens]

Day 2
New day, new opportunity. I don?t want to spend time regretting having relapsed but to focus again on what?s important.

 

[Berens]

Day 2
P, before it happens on the screen, it happens in your mind. If you can get out from your mind, so to speak, and focus on something else, feel your body, be aware of your arms, legs, neck, back, position that your body is in, the taste of the food, sounds that you hear right now, aware of your breath, then it will be easier to forget about dirty stuff.

 

[Berens]

Day 3
In some way, I am the one that creates PMO addiction and urges. P is not directly imposed on me. There is a part of me that chooses it. Choose P over facing fears, over facing discomfort and unpleasant emotions. When i feel bored, i can overcome this boredom by doing something productive and fun. But that requires effort. Also i can take shortcut and watch P. There is the problem. That at some point I choose P over taking effort and overcoming resistance. But that's not deterministic. I can choose on daily basis, if I am going to give up or take effort. If I give up one day, it's a matter of days that i relapse. So taking effort now, in this present moment, is one of the pillars of successful rebooting.

 

[Berens]

Day 3
Everyday is a kind of a challenge. But do we recognise that challenge in a first place? And it's meaning? What can I achieve in 1 day? In 1 day I am awake for more or less 16 hours. Can I challenge myself to do not distract myself for 16 hours? Can I challenge myself to focus on my work, on my body, on my breath, on my mind, on the beauty around me? Instead of looking for stimulation in form of surfing internet, P, youtube, videogames etc.

 

[Berens]

Day 4
Good day to do some sport and make my body feel tired. It is a great opportunity to experience and feel the body. To find a balance between mind and body. That?s why I don?t listen to music while doing physical exercise, it distracts my mind from focusing in the body. And that idea is related to rebooting because P and sexual fantasy happen only in the mind. You can?t feel P or fantasy on your body. That?s why experiencing the body liberates you from urges.

 

[Berens]

Day 5
This morning was hard. I was feeling tired and was having urges but taking a nap has solved the problem. Actually I have fall asleep when trying to meditate to clean my mind from any sexual thoughts. Now I am much more in self-control. That's why good sleep is so important. When we feel tired, we don't have that much self-control and it's easier to relapse.

 

[Berens]

Day 6
P actresses are broken women who have nothing else to offer than their bodies. They don?t experience intimacy or love. They are only lust driven. They are unable to keep one man with them, unable of having authentic relationship nor raise children. They reject the idea of having a loving family. If men would be chosing women only because of their virtue, value, consciousness, empathy, self esteem then P actresses would be virgins for their whole life. There is nothing attractive in P actress except her physical appearance, which is also fake and exaggerated. We became addicted to P because we want to have an orgasm while experiencing a fantasy. P actresses are personification of our sexual fantasies. We don?t see women as they are but as we want to see them. We exploit P actresses because we want to satisfy our narcissistic desire of having an orgasm with fantasy.

 

[Berens]

Day 7
I have to focus more. There are too many distractions. Today I have met some girl that i find attractive. I?ll probably see her next week and I will try to invite her on a date. I don?t want anything to stop me.

 

[Berens]

Day 8
One week into rebooting and I feel more optimistic about life again. I feel like I am gaining control over my life and that I can change the circumstances that I am in. Also that I can change myself. Having that feeling is amazing. When being in relapsing cycle it feels like I can't change anything and that I am helpless. Such a negative illusion to be in.

 

[johnleesmith65]

Yes my friend.
If we won?t repress this sexual beast inside, it will keep robbing us our self esteem and confidence.
And it will give us anxiety and depression every time.
Stay strong.
Go for long stretch of time.

 

[Berens]

Day 8

Something in my mind is holding me back as I still have sexual fantasies. And those make me have kind of brainfog and don?t allow me to focus. The mind seems to be like holding sexual fantasies and not allowing to liberate oneself from them, because of the sensation that they have value. Almost like it would be a lost to get rid of sexual fantasy. But I can only gain by cleaning my mind. Sexual fantasy is taking a lot of energy and concentration that i could use on other things.

 

[Berens]

Yes my friend.
If we won?t repress this sexual beast inside, it will keep robbing us our self esteem and confidence.
And it will give us anxiety and depression every time.
Stay strong.
Go for long stretch of time.

Thank you for your comment. This is very interesting because the sexual beast is part of us, part of our psyche that we can?t get rid of. We have sexual energy and desire because of it and the negative aspect of it is that if we don?t acknowledge those sexual feelings and desires it?s then when we become dominated by the sexual beast. What is sexual beast actually telling us?
-Hi sexual beast, what do you want?
-Hi Berens, i want to have sex with a woman.
-I get it but I can?t just have sex with any woman, I want to be in loving relationship.
-It doesn?t matter to me, I must have sex.
-We must do it the right way, you have no regrets but my consciousness has.
-If you don?t listen to me then I will bring sexual fantasies to your imagination anyway.
-Ok ok, I don?t want to have sexual fantasies, I don?t want to MO nor PMO. How can we cooperate and get what we want?
-I?ll give you energy to pursue good women and to get into longterm loving relationship but you have listen to me when I talk to you, deal?
-Deal.

 

[Berens]

Day 9
It is getting really hard, I have a lot of urges and my mind is so distracted and foggy that I can't even think about what to write here now.
You can't achieve sexual satisfaction with sexual fantasy. It's like eating grass and imagining that you are eating 5 star restaurant meal or watching someone else eating a great meal. You'll only get sick to your stomach, damage your health and confuse completely your brain and metabolism about what you should eat. Physical contact and sexual connection with a woman is the most natural need that we have. If we are limited to only look at women, look at videos of women or imagine them, our sexual drive is going to be distorted. It's like if we could only look at food and water without having the possibility of eating and drinking. It's painful that we are in such situation in a first place. But there are solutions to this and we can fix ourselves to experience very satisfying intimacy and bonding with a woman that we love. It is easier to me to look at women and hide it from the world than admit that i have sexual desires. It's like my sexuality have been repressed so much that i feel shame to even recognise that i am sexual human being. I think I will look for a psychologist/therapist, someone i could consult and someone who could guide me towards healthy sexuality.