I want to be inspiration for you

[Berens]

Thank you Green Wizard, i really appretiate your feedback. I have just been thinking on how much our success in rebooting is dependent on cooperation in this rebooting community. If i would be writing posts only for myself then probably it wouldn?t had that much influence on me. Thank you all!

 

[kopp]

Congrats. Just a few more days and you are hitting 1 month which is pretty badass. Keep at it and stay strong. I've personally just started and it's been 10 days for me. It hasn't been easy but you definitely learn a lot about yourself with this process.

Thanks for bringing the word "process". That is what it is. I love the idea :  during the process I become a better person.

I'm not trying to abstain from fapping just because "porn is bad", I'm doing it because when I do, I have more energy, more ambition, I'm happier, people enjoy being around me more... And as you said I learn a lot during this process.

I wish you all a lot of success

 

[Berens]

Thank you Kopp, you are absolutely right, it is a process. Process that require a lot of patience.
Day 24
Another wet dream. Marnia Robinson?s book differentates between two ways of sexual relationships: mating and bonding. Mating is when we want to experience an intense orgasm with a woman. Bonding is when we want to connect on deep emotional and intimacy level. Rebooting allows us to change from mating behavior to bonding. It is a change in a mindset. I am single now but when i will be in relationship i will continue rebooting so to speak, as i will avoid having an orgasm for the sake of deeper connection with a partner.

Also one thing worth mentioning at this point, one of the biggest benefits i notice after few weeks of rebooting is ability to maintain strong eye contact.

 

[Berens]

Day 24
Don?t imagine yourself having an orgasm or having an intercourse that would lead to an orgasm. Imagination plays big role in MO. Without imagination there would be no PMO. P is more about fantasy than about beauty of female body itself. You can use imagination to help you instead of being a burden. If you imagine just holding a hand of a woman that you would love and feel fulfillment in that, it will be additional motivation to reboot and subconscious mental powers will come to help you to bring that to reality. It?s a change in the mindset.

 

[Berens]

Day 24
There is a demon calling my door. When i PMO, he goes away but after some time he always comes back. When rebooting, there is no way to make him go away. At some moment he just hold the ring button, it becomes so annoying that i just have to open the door. When i open the door he enters, but he is not alone, there is whole family of demons. Demonic children screaming like from horror movie and running around destroying everything. His wife that seem to come from hell itself. Medusa from greek mythology looks nice next to her. They are in my home. I have to face them and confront them as they will live with me since now. I don?t like them at all. They bully me laughing at my weaknesses. They make me doubt who i am and how i live. If i could just use magic wand, avadakedabra, PMO and they would disappear. But that is not an option. I can?t kick them out of my house. Earlier everything was easier. I would just PMO and wouldn?t hear demons, my demons calling my name. That?s exactly how i feel now. There are demons in my room. What i can do is to learn to live with them. I feel lost and i am going through some kind of crisis. I can find myself. I can do even more, I can create myself. Overcoming doubts and crisis always brings the sensation of meaning and control over one?s life. And this is what going through rebooting is. There are demons now in my home but it is still my home, my little kingdom.

 

[Berens]

Day 25
At this stage of rebooting I will have to begin to plan what I want to do with all this time and energy. From time to time it?s good revaulate one?s own life. The question is how do I want to live my life? What do i want to experience? I have done months ago self-authoring program by Jordan Peterson. Maybe i can do it again, i am in different stage of life right now. Rebooting makes you have more control over your own life and over your actions. So we have to make a good use of it. Time ago i would just act compulsively. Now i have to decide what to do and sometimes i can just feel lost and not know what to do.

 

[Berens]

Day 25
I feel like i want to escape, like i need some holidays far away from where i am. It is like some kind of tension that has to be released. Probably PMO releases a tension, not only sexual but also emotional. But tension has to be released in a healthy, conscious and controlled way. I am considering therapeutic massage to relax and release stress and muscular tension from the body. Marnia?s Robinson book Cupid?s poisoned arrow talks about how the touch is relaxing and healing.

 

[Berens]

Day 26
I have to remind myself of how important it is to eat and sleep well. In last 3 days i have been feeling very tired constantly. Which made me drink more coffee which is not very good either as later at night i feel my heart beating fast and i can?t fall asleep. I am thinking about love and intimacy. And i recognise how desperatedly hungry i feel for love, for intimacy, for emotional relationship, for having someone who would take some care of me. And also, how much i need someone i could love. When there is that gap in one?s chest, it is very tempting to fill it with anything, be it P or hook ups, or drugs or anything. It doesn?t feel good to write it but it?s much better than not feeling anything. And the optimistic part is that we can change.

 

[Berens]

Day 26
I have relapsed  :'( :'( :'( :'(
I have been like hypnotized. I am crying. I can't handle this addiction. I have registered on this forum in June 10, 2014. Now we are in September 24 2018. I can't do it alone. I will look for psychologist/psychotherapist, whoever who can really help me. 26 days without MO and PMO is a good result, but i must overcome this forever. PMO is destroying my life. I feel such a shame for my sexuality. I just can't stop crying. I just don't know what to do anymore. I desire so much to be in a loving relationship and to experience intimacy. If i have promised to be an inspiration for you, then i can't give up. I have fallen but now i get up and I won't give up until i will be free. I am not going to allow P to beat me down. I am going to win. It is my damn life and it belongs to me, not to P. I am going to become healthy. I am not going to live my life in knees. There is no way. I feel shame right now, i feel like must hide from the world. I am not going to do so. I am vulnerable because i relapsed but i won't allow even a relapse to make me have doubts about myself. I can stand on my own two feet and walk forward with confidence, even if i fall. I should have started my day in totally different way. Instead of complaining about feeling tired and week, i should get up earlier, do some exercises, eat a good meal and work. I have been just losing time.

 

[Berens]

Day 1
I feel like I have to do more additional things than only writing a joirnal here on daily basis.

 

[Berens]

Day 2
After a relapse i have felt a certain relief. There must be some way to release a tension without relapsing.

 

[Berens]

Day 3
Actually 26 days was a good result and now i notice more success than failure about it.

 

[Berens]

Day 3 > 0
I have relapsed again in the morning. I am a bit down now, in a crisis. I must forgive myself those relapses. I have been thinking about how much it is a habit in our minds to be afraid and to stimulate ourselves with sexual fantasy. If we have been doing it since childhood, it will be a habit that will control our life. We can brake from this habit by recognising it.

 

[kopp]

Remember it's a process and you're doing good about it

How are the other areas of your life? That's the important part

 

[Berens]

Day 1

How are the other areas of your life?

Other areas of my life are quite good, i have done a lot of progress in my life and it is noticeable. I am overcoming obstacles and growing on regular basis.