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changemylife
Guest
Quitting addictions is very scary, no doubt, but the brain has the ability to adapt even to the biggest fears. You need time to get used to fighting the monster.
Omarov keeps up the win!
- Thread starter Omarov
- Start date
I relapsed today. I can't forgive myself for how careless I was those few days.
Lessons learned:
1- A relapse starts well before the actual relapse. It starts right when your brain starts doubting that it really wants to quit. The fight should start there and I will have to fiercely go up against doubts when they appear.
2- Being over-confident that you're past the point where a relapse is easy is a mistake. Never leave your weapons behind even when you feel safest.
3- Counting streaks is exhausting. It also makes quitting look harder than it actually is. You quit when you reach a certain epiphany that porn is past. Look ahead. Don't count streaks. One day at a time. Porn is behind you and addiction free life is ahead of you.
Tomorrow will be a porn free day.
Today I can look at my addicted brain from afar, from now on it's my will that is in control.
I quit. I f*cking quit.
Lessons learned:
1- A relapse starts well before the actual relapse. It starts right when your brain starts doubting that it really wants to quit. The fight should start there and I will have to fiercely go up against doubts when they appear.
2- Being over-confident that you're past the point where a relapse is easy is a mistake. Never leave your weapons behind even when you feel safest.
3- Counting streaks is exhausting. It also makes quitting look harder than it actually is. You quit when you reach a certain epiphany that porn is past. Look ahead. Don't count streaks. One day at a time. Porn is behind you and addiction free life is ahead of you.
Tomorrow will be a porn free day.
Today I can look at my addicted brain from afar, from now on it's my will that is in control.
I quit. I f*cking quit.
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changemylife
Guest
Bro, I'm with you, man! Try when you relapse not to binge. Binging is like "I relapsed so what does it matter anyway? I might at least starve all the urges in me". And like this you end up watching porn all day and masturbating 7 times a day when you could've done it just once and once is better than 7. Years ago, I masturbated even at work, going to the toilet. I took out the cell phone, watched porn and masturbated for like 10 minutes. They started to ask me why it took so long.
I like the lessons you've written there. I agree with all three of them. When it comes to no. 3, I can definitely concur. I've realized counting days wasn't too beneficial for me anyway. It felt like I obsessed myself with "I have 5 days without PMO, I have 3 days." Maybe not counting the days anymore and just doing things for our recovery, could help some of us better. It's never worked well because I've always counted the days and anytime I relapsed, I was like "Day 1 again, fuuuuuck!" I started at day 1 all the time, ignoring overall progress I had made with this addiction because the progress matters more than how many days you stay away from PMO. You are not at day 1 if you've made progress.
And don't censor you're cursing, man! haha. You need to be mad at porn. You need to be so sick of it and tired of it. You need to say "Fuck this porn shit! I'm so fucking tired and it disgusts me so much that I won't watch it again!" This is the spirit. We need to get mad at porn. You feel the life inside you.
Peace.
I like the lessons you've written there. I agree with all three of them. When it comes to no. 3, I can definitely concur. I've realized counting days wasn't too beneficial for me anyway. It felt like I obsessed myself with "I have 5 days without PMO, I have 3 days." Maybe not counting the days anymore and just doing things for our recovery, could help some of us better. It's never worked well because I've always counted the days and anytime I relapsed, I was like "Day 1 again, fuuuuuck!" I started at day 1 all the time, ignoring overall progress I had made with this addiction because the progress matters more than how many days you stay away from PMO. You are not at day 1 if you've made progress.
And don't censor you're cursing, man! haha. You need to be mad at porn. You need to be so sick of it and tired of it. You need to say "Fuck this porn shit! I'm so fucking tired and it disgusts me so much that I won't watch it again!" This is the spirit. We need to get mad at porn. You feel the life inside you.
Peace.
Thank you so much for the support. And yeah if we're gonna censor something might as well censor the porn seeking part in our brains.
I'm definitely not counting this as day 1. This would be so unfair to all what I've done.
Thankfully I didn't binge to that point. I feel really disgusted after relapsing that the regret can keep me off that cursed habit easily for like 3 days to come.
I don't wanna be flaunting that, but there's a religious teaching that praises those who're about to commit a sin, but then they have the courage to "remember" and "have a foresight", therefore they stop and think, and that causes them to avoid the sin (relapse). And those people are then deemed as "strong minded". Remembering is a really good word to use here because when we relapse, we actually "forget" that we shouldn't relapse (which could happen in a fraction of a second). Also, all we need in that hard situation is to have just a little "foresight" how bad we're gonna regret it.
As I told you before, the porn mentality isn't just the porn seeking part. It's all that has to do with viewing a woman as a sex object, or looking with desire towards any woman that isn't your current partner. Porn is the younger cousin of both vice and cheating.
Relapsing starts with thinking as well as staring. You have to kill porn before it grows up to become violence, hate and infidelity directed at your beloved partner. Since staring is the start of the relapse, then it's definitely a part of the problem, and it needs to be addressed first.
Widen the scope of the fight, get angry at yourself for staring, beat your mind up if it starts thinking. One day at a time. One day at a time.
I'm definitely not counting this as day 1. This would be so unfair to all what I've done.
Thankfully I didn't binge to that point. I feel really disgusted after relapsing that the regret can keep me off that cursed habit easily for like 3 days to come.
I don't wanna be flaunting that, but there's a religious teaching that praises those who're about to commit a sin, but then they have the courage to "remember" and "have a foresight", therefore they stop and think, and that causes them to avoid the sin (relapse). And those people are then deemed as "strong minded". Remembering is a really good word to use here because when we relapse, we actually "forget" that we shouldn't relapse (which could happen in a fraction of a second). Also, all we need in that hard situation is to have just a little "foresight" how bad we're gonna regret it.
As I told you before, the porn mentality isn't just the porn seeking part. It's all that has to do with viewing a woman as a sex object, or looking with desire towards any woman that isn't your current partner. Porn is the younger cousin of both vice and cheating.
Relapsing starts with thinking as well as staring. You have to kill porn before it grows up to become violence, hate and infidelity directed at your beloved partner. Since staring is the start of the relapse, then it's definitely a part of the problem, and it needs to be addressed first.
Widen the scope of the fight, get angry at yourself for staring, beat your mind up if it starts thinking. One day at a time. One day at a time.
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changemylife
Guest
That's what I'm talking about, man! You have the right mindset for this. You're doing things for recovery, not just trying to stay away from porn, which is what we actually must do. It's also good that you didn't binge and drained yourself for like a week after that.
I actually agree with the last part. It makes sense. It's what might be going on in the mind of porn addicts without them even knowing (it's definitely my case). When you say those things, it makes me stop and think and discover things about myself that I wasn't aware of. Human mind is definitely a maze of complicated things and we don't even know half of them. Who conquers his mind, conquers his life.
I actually agree with the last part. It makes sense. It's what might be going on in the mind of porn addicts without them even knowing (it's definitely my case). When you say those things, it makes me stop and think and discover things about myself that I wasn't aware of. Human mind is definitely a maze of complicated things and we don't even know half of them. Who conquers his mind, conquers his life.
However much you're resolved to quit, brain will find the perfect time and will succeed in making a relapse sound absolutely harmless and exciting.
You won't move forward if you don't always choose the less attractive and more daunting choice: Porn now has no place in your life and never will.
The answer is no, brain. I'll make you suffer with withdrawal til you surrender.
One day at a time!
You won't move forward if you don't always choose the less attractive and more daunting choice: Porn now has no place in your life and never will.
The answer is no, brain. I'll make you suffer with withdrawal til you surrender.
One day at a time!
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changemylife
Guest
We could never improve if we don't want to go out of our comfort zone. Fighting addictions is nothing comfortable but if we run back to our "comfort zone" which is relapsing, we will never move forward.
Kicking addiction one day at a time.
One "No" at a time.
Rebooting is nothing but an informed decision coming out of a newly adopted mindset of someone who's resolved to become a better person.
And damn! look at all the better uses of the internet! Such an awesome invention
*reads about climate change*
One "No" at a time.
Rebooting is nothing but an informed decision coming out of a newly adopted mindset of someone who's resolved to become a better person.
And damn! look at all the better uses of the internet! Such an awesome invention
*reads about climate change*
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changemylife
Guest
The desire of recovering/rebooting means "maturing". You could be at an age when you consider yourself "mature". Yes, I am 28 I should say I am mature. Well, I wasn't. The day when I said: "I want to change my life and have a life" I finally graduated. I was almost 28 but still a kid in mentality. I lived for PMO, alcohol and Internet. One day I said: "I will do anything to have the life I should have at 30" and I matured myself overnight, more than the last 6 years or so.
The conclusion is: We need to become fucking men and stop giving up to destructive temptations. What men are we?
The conclusion is: We need to become fucking men and stop giving up to destructive temptations. What men are we?
Mature
Forward
Future
Soul
Happiness
Change
Mindfulness
Those are words that must keep ringing in a rebooter's mind all the freaking time.
Personally, being about to graduate in a few months is an extremely powerful push for me to change. I'm running out of time to become the person I wanna be. And it's also a trick that my brain keeps trying to play on me that I can keep drowning myself in addiction for "just a few more days" and then I can start the reboot as a "new year resolution". Come on brain, can't you hear how ridiculous you sound?!
And let me tell you where you're wrong here, brain:
1- When I resolve myself to do something, then I betray that resolution, I have to invent another brand new resolution that sounds more binding, and frankly I'm running out of strong-sounding resolutions. And the current resolution is by far my most genuine and profound. So no, the answer to each entreaty from your sick dopamine deprived nerve endings is no, each and every time.
2- And "New year resolution"? Really? Those are always lame and never work. Nice try!
Thank you, Francesco, for introducing the word "Mature" to my dictionary of rebooting.
(I chose the name Francesco for you. Totally random, I hope you like it. It's just that I can't assimilate using "changemylife" as a nickname ;D )
Forward
Future
Soul
Happiness
Change
Mindfulness
Those are words that must keep ringing in a rebooter's mind all the freaking time.
Personally, being about to graduate in a few months is an extremely powerful push for me to change. I'm running out of time to become the person I wanna be. And it's also a trick that my brain keeps trying to play on me that I can keep drowning myself in addiction for "just a few more days" and then I can start the reboot as a "new year resolution". Come on brain, can't you hear how ridiculous you sound?!
And let me tell you where you're wrong here, brain:
1- When I resolve myself to do something, then I betray that resolution, I have to invent another brand new resolution that sounds more binding, and frankly I'm running out of strong-sounding resolutions. And the current resolution is by far my most genuine and profound. So no, the answer to each entreaty from your sick dopamine deprived nerve endings is no, each and every time.
2- And "New year resolution"? Really? Those are always lame and never work. Nice try!
Thank you, Francesco, for introducing the word "Mature" to my dictionary of rebooting.
(I chose the name Francesco for you. Totally random, I hope you like it. It's just that I can't assimilate using "changemylife" as a nickname ;D )
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changemylife
Guest
You got me there. "Who's Francesco?" ;D No, no, no, you need to get used to saying "Changemylife" everyday. Cause that's what we need to do: Change our lives, if we want to have a chance at beating addictions. And "New Year's resolution" has never worked for me. Trust me, every year on January 1st, the hours 00:01 I told myself: "That's it! I will not drink again this year. I will limit my Internet usage. I will not masturbate even once!" And it took me only a few more days and I went back to PMO, this triggered depression, depression made me drink and just like this everything went out of the window.
So what did this mean? I wasn't doing anything to change my life so how come could've you expected me to have a chance? Do not say things like: "I will start on January 1st, New Year's resolution, I swear!" No, no, start today! The addiction absolutely loves postponing cause it means more dopamine.
So what did this mean? I wasn't doing anything to change my life so how come could've you expected me to have a chance? Do not say things like: "I will start on January 1st, New Year's resolution, I swear!" No, no, start today! The addiction absolutely loves postponing cause it means more dopamine.
Sometimes it's scary to be strong and powerful. I mean, you push yourself to quit porn, then you realize it needs some serious strength to do (which you know you have in ample). But you relapse because you're scared to use that power, you don't have enough courage to cherish it and you're not sure you can escape boredom and feeling down without that kick of dopamine. But the fact is, since you could live a day without porn, you can live 365 days without porn as well. Don't obsess too much, other stuff will then fix themselves if you can do it one day at a time, one"No" at a time.
As I've talked once about having to widen the frontier of your fight against porn by changing how you view women and how you seek sexual stimulation all together, I have more stuff to say about that.
For me, the main challenge here is to unlearn that it's okay to seek sexual stimulation from random women in the streets or social media. First, from those random women whom you see walking down the street to your friends on social media, it's downright immoral to look at them that way, simply because they're not intending to look sexy. So looking for arousal in them in normal situations is a violation of their privacy and dignity.
It's not easy to unlearn that. For most porn addicts, they've started off getting interested in staring at random women at a very young age, and it developed to become a compulsory and involuntary action that seems to be programmed in our brains as if it was carved in rocks.
Day after day, the realization that quitting porn is not merely avoiding porn content and not just adopting the mindset of a person who wants to change, that realization is increasingly instilling itself in my mind. Quitting porn definitely starts from unlearning that random women are sexually arousing. It doesn't need exceptional smart to realize that getting aroused from random women is the greatest trigger to view porn. It should be safe to say that your chances of quitting porn are greatly reduced if you get aroused from normal-dressing everyday women. So I'm preparing myself to start from here. That should be my real focus right now.
Respect women.
Look them at their faces.
Love just 1 partner with all your heart and senses.
As I've talked once about having to widen the frontier of your fight against porn by changing how you view women and how you seek sexual stimulation all together, I have more stuff to say about that.
For me, the main challenge here is to unlearn that it's okay to seek sexual stimulation from random women in the streets or social media. First, from those random women whom you see walking down the street to your friends on social media, it's downright immoral to look at them that way, simply because they're not intending to look sexy. So looking for arousal in them in normal situations is a violation of their privacy and dignity.
It's not easy to unlearn that. For most porn addicts, they've started off getting interested in staring at random women at a very young age, and it developed to become a compulsory and involuntary action that seems to be programmed in our brains as if it was carved in rocks.
Day after day, the realization that quitting porn is not merely avoiding porn content and not just adopting the mindset of a person who wants to change, that realization is increasingly instilling itself in my mind. Quitting porn definitely starts from unlearning that random women are sexually arousing. It doesn't need exceptional smart to realize that getting aroused from random women is the greatest trigger to view porn. It should be safe to say that your chances of quitting porn are greatly reduced if you get aroused from normal-dressing everyday women. So I'm preparing myself to start from here. That should be my real focus right now.
Respect women.
Look them at their faces.
Love just 1 partner with all your heart and senses.
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changemylife
Guest
I respect that. Actually, it's true. That's how a respectable, normal man should think but that's been over for a long time. We live in a society so full of porn. Trying to do what you're trying to do is an act of strength and discipline. You're trying to go back to the old school values which the young generation today forgot about. Good luck with this and update your progress with it so I can see how it's affecting your life.
Certainly. Since today's culture views porn as a normal thing, then when you have a stance against porn you're rejecting a major element of today's entertainment culture. You'll have to not only reject porn content but some"normal" hollywood movie scenes and plots, and some hypersexualized social media platforms like instagram, maybe even regard some "normal" jokes or memes that revolve around unhealthy sexual obsession as insensible and not funny.
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changemylife
Guest
I agree with you.
I was at the gym today, and I caught a guy staring for such a long time at a woman's posterior. She was completely oblivious. Besides, her attire wasn't at all provoking, it was ultra modest.
To me, that guy looked really awful. I just realized how bad one would look like if he's caught staring (I never stared for such long times anyway).
It's just disgusting. And yeah, worth saying that I did very good today at avoiding staring or thinking about women in an inappropriate way. I must say it's very liberating and it feels really good, to finally be able to explore the world of women and girls as normal human beings who can be your friends and who you can trust yourself around.
It's easier afterall to unlearn lusting over random women than to avoid porn. I contemplated the idea today and attempted to get attracted to a girl at the gym (as an experiment) and I was utterly disgusted with it. It feels WAY better to look upon her as a sister and a friend.
Once you learn that and live by it, then porn is done away with automatically.
To me, that guy looked really awful. I just realized how bad one would look like if he's caught staring (I never stared for such long times anyway).
It's just disgusting. And yeah, worth saying that I did very good today at avoiding staring or thinking about women in an inappropriate way. I must say it's very liberating and it feels really good, to finally be able to explore the world of women and girls as normal human beings who can be your friends and who you can trust yourself around.
It's easier afterall to unlearn lusting over random women than to avoid porn. I contemplated the idea today and attempted to get attracted to a girl at the gym (as an experiment) and I was utterly disgusted with it. It feels WAY better to look upon her as a sister and a friend.
Once you learn that and live by it, then porn is done away with automatically.
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changemylife
Guest
That's right, brother, that's what it means to be a normal human being. Everybody who disagrees with you has been brainwashed by this porn society. I understand what you're trying to do and I agree with it. This is what I have to do as well.
When your brain starts to prepare for another offensive, it puts the (PMO is fun) argument in the front and somehow magically makes everything you have against porn seem forgotten and nonexistent. That's where you have to stop and think. That's where what you learned during your battles should be recalled. That's where you should stop and think, and tell yourself: "Well well well, that's the moment the addiction revolves around, now is the time where I naturally would relapse but guess what? I will remind myself of why I'm quitting this, I will reassert the fact that porn is past, I will ignore the urge and disappoint it, and I will get out all my big guns NOW, and FIRE!
I was so weak today and was about to relapse, but it didn't go through, and I kinda had to fap as quick as I could without porn so it would go away and then I can figure out without interruptions all my arguments against porn. I won't call it a mini-relapse because that would be unfair. I was about to, but I stopped and thought, and that resulted in early termination of the relapse and burying of the urge without the usual dose of dopamine it was seeking. Isn't that what's supposed to be done? Next time, wouldn't it be easier to terminate the relapse before it starts? Won't it be easier for me to "remember" and come to my senses?
Well, that I hope. I will be more vigilant next time. Now I realize it's also a matter of training. You have to train yourself on what you should do in the battlefield too, not just in your barracks when you feel rather safe.
You have to act QUICKLY.
..... phew!
I was so weak today and was about to relapse, but it didn't go through, and I kinda had to fap as quick as I could without porn so it would go away and then I can figure out without interruptions all my arguments against porn. I won't call it a mini-relapse because that would be unfair. I was about to, but I stopped and thought, and that resulted in early termination of the relapse and burying of the urge without the usual dose of dopamine it was seeking. Isn't that what's supposed to be done? Next time, wouldn't it be easier to terminate the relapse before it starts? Won't it be easier for me to "remember" and come to my senses?
Well, that I hope. I will be more vigilant next time. Now I realize it's also a matter of training. You have to train yourself on what you should do in the battlefield too, not just in your barracks when you feel rather safe.
You have to act QUICKLY.
..... phew!
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changemylife
Guest
That's right, bro, that's what I'm talking about. Stop and think. I didn't use to do that now I do it. Yes, you are right that addiction finds a way to magically make you forget all the problems you've had because of it, all the crushed feelings you had after you relapsed etc. and make you think it will be fun and you will have a good "high". Fuck that! We don't need this shit. We are stronger than this shit. Remember that you're body is just a vessel for your soul. You soul is the real you, you're body is not what should control you. Mind and soul don't go hand in hand many maaaany times.