Omarov keeps up the win!

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Omarov

Member
I'm not busy at last!
Well... Heyllo  :)
I'm at a key point in my fight against the disgusting, loathed, cursed and abhorred devil that is pornography! 41 Days no pmo, 10 days nofap and no porn searching and looking at the address bar on my clock.
It's a strange moment really, I've reached some realizations and I've been through very strange feelings.
At times like this, when I've gone a long long time without porn, I crave pmo to the point I can't think of anything else in the world, which puts me in a huge risk to fall victim to another relapse each and every moment I'm awake. But strangely enough, when I withstood a few days like those at the end of January, I woke up next day (around the 3rd of February) with absolutely no urges to view porn, even more repelled from pmo.
That makes me more sure about a theory I had but couldn't prove for a long time: At least in my case, the unbearable urge will only endure for a maximum of 2 weeks. If I hold it well during those 2 weeks, they will effectively subside for a long period of time. But then they will start coming again (they started in a significant strength today). Now all I have to do is to wait for them to subside.
Urges come and go. When they come, all I have to do is to wait till they subside. All the thoughts I have during unbearable urges, namely the idea that I will explode if I don't pmo now, or that I won't be able to endure my frustration without another pmo session, are not true. because I've experimented that and I've succeeded in living a good number of days with absolute freedom from urges and contempt for porn. I even tried thinking about porn to see how my brain would receive it: Will it like it and ask me for triggers? And the result was in the negative. My brain just wasn't a tiny bit excited. I can live happily without porn. That's a proven fact now!
I've never been more ready!
 
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BlueHeronFan

Respected Member
That's all great to hear! Congratulations on the progress that you're making!

I know it can be hard for me to believe that urges will subside. It's actually really helpful to hear that they last two weeks. i think sometimes I expect them to last for a few minutes or a few days at the most, so then when they go longer, I lose hope that they ever will and end up giving in.

Thanks for the inspiring thought--and good luck in the days ahead!
 
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Omarov

Member
Thanks for your support my friend!
When your brain keeps incessantly asking for a crave (any crave, even certain types of food) and you keep ignoring it with the same stubbornness, it starts giving up at a certain point.
I'm starting to feel urges these days too. But I feel the frustration and hesitancy in them. They're not as confident that they can order me around as they were in the past. I hope they will keep getting weaker as I keep ignoring them each time they start knocking on my door.
And believe me, it's all about your state of mind. Be confident enough and you'll see urges as an enemy you can confront. Urges hate your confidence.
 
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Omarov

Member
No urges today or yesterday. The only urges (or desires, to be exact) I have is the desire to have sex. I'm a virgin. And if you ask me what is the single most thing that you'd want to do I'd say: to have sex. I feel that if I do it my mind will become clearer and sharper and productive activities will become more appealing to me, because I feel my sexual frustration is clouding my brain somehow.
It's not about porn. It's really interesting and weird. Something I haven't experienced before is happening with my brain. I get the desire for sex and my hormones keep bustling and fussing inside my blood screaming for sex, but then I try doing what I've always done before, which is to think of sex in terms of porn actresses and erotic photoshoots of the sexiest women on the internet. In the past, this would wildly turn me on, my brain would find the answer to my sexual frustration in seeking erotic pictures of women so that I can masturbate to them. In the past, that was always the case, BUT NOW IT ISN'T! I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO PORN!
Honestly, I still can't fathom what's happening with my brain. Where are the porn neural pathways? How aren't they seeking dopamine? They're supposed to be really thirsty now, why aren't they screaming? why aren't they in dismay? I, myself, keep knocking on their door to check whether they're still alive. I knock so hard but they don't answer. Are they dead? or are they just asleep? What has happened to them? Who/ what stupefied them to that extent? I can't remember the instance when they got such a very stupefying hit.
In the past, around this time of no pmo/ no porn streaks. They'd be starting to get really active and demand their fix of porn induced dopamine surge. What made them so apathetic now? I'm not so happy as much as I'm extremely baffled. Because I haven't for a fraction of a second imagined that something like that would happen too soon and so effortlessly. I mean, I've just won my first round of the first battle against the first wave of urges after my last relapse. I did that before that's true, but I have never felt like that in my life. After all I'm nowhere near my record of 88 days no pmo yet.
Anyway, let's not jump to conclusions. As much as I'm excited I'm still extremely cautious. The last thing I wanna do now is to be carefree and careless. After all, porn has always been my archenemy and the most nefarious monster which has tried all it could to destroy my life. I still expect another wave of urges. I'll keep expecting the next wave till my brain rewires with natural sex.
All my weapons are ready for any coming skirmish. It's what I've been training for my whole life. It's my field of expertise.
 
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Omarov

Member
When the next wave of urges comes, I should know this:
1- I'm gonna feel more fear than I've ever felt during my struggle against porn. I'm gonna be like "Here it comes again, even after feeling repelled from porn for all this time, it seems like there's no shaking this thing off". At this point all I have to do is to avoid despair at all costs and to avoid losing my confident state of mind. A confident state of mind is ALL it takes for a porn addict to overcome the urge, and despair has always been the main trigger for a relapse.
2- As I said before, urges come and go in waves. Since the first wave came and went (and I've suffered a lot during its 2 week rein of terror), then the next wave will stay for a while and will eventually go. Imagine how decisive such a win is gonna be, now that I've been surprisingly confidently repelled from porn for 2 weeks, the confidence after overcoming the second wave will be much higher, and the repel from porn will be much more powerful and probably longer. That might actually be it. It might take only another victory against a wave of urges for my brain to rewire. That's how not giving in for the next wave is so extremely important.
3- I should always remember how relaxing the restrictions on staring at women, on fantasizing and on being okay with minor triggers on the internet is damaging. After all, minor triggers were always the starting point of all the relapses. Forgetting to put those restrictions can make the trigger build up and eventually cause the urges to make a comeback.
 
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Quitforeverthenwin

Active Member
Wow, past 5 months! Congratulations and keep it up! Happy Ramadan! My good friend is currently celebrating it and he said he finds it very enlightening and spiritually rejuvenating.
 
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