Omarov keeps up the win!
- Thread starter Omarov
- Start date
Each day when I wake up in the morning, I have to ask myself that question: Am I still serious about becoming a better person? Do I still remember the pact I made with the future me? and the answer should be: Yes, I am serious and I still remember.
I will let this day count. I will not stare at or lust over random women. I will not view porn. I will not fap except if absolutely necessary.
I will do this everyday. I will change myself one day at a time.
Future me will be thankful and proud.
I will let this day count. I will not stare at or lust over random women. I will not view porn. I will not fap except if absolutely necessary.
I will do this everyday. I will change myself one day at a time.
Future me will be thankful and proud.
Update on my progress:
1- Avoiding staring and perverted thinking is getting easier with time, as opposed to before (when I've gone more than a week without PMO I began to look at random women with pathological lust and I just couldn't control myself, and it kept progressing until I have to suppress it with another PMO session). Besides, it has a pleasing tinge to it. I mean, I see a woman, she might be attractive, but instead of looking where I'm not authorized to look, I look at her face or I don't look at all. It makes me a little proud and mature and I feel pleased with myself. This pleasure makes me wanna continue in that path.
2- Building on my previous post about having to stop and think, I devised a way to visually and audibly remind me to stop and think when the urge comes (and it comes sometimes, I laugh it off most of the time and I use that device other times); I usually used to relapse at my desk infront of my computer, so I put a big sticky note in a visible place where I wrote 5 points:
a) STOP AND THINK: there's a 70s song by a disco band (salsoul orchestra) called stop and think, I have it on my phone but didn't listen to it much, now it came in handy. When I listen to good music it clears my mind off things (urges) but I rarely remembered that during previous relapses. Now I can remember easily, and one good song will bring the next
b) a code for one of my big guns (talking to my girlfriend). That girl has a way of sobering me up!
c) Forum and saved posts (I screenshot some of my posts and other people's posts and put them in a folder on my desktop). Reading them in a capsule is remedying and reminding.
d) a code for "praying to God"
e) Remember the 5th of Novermber: REmember is a code for (relapse vs regret) which reminds me that regret will undo the pleasure of relapse. NOvember is a code for: Now or Never. which summarizes the fact that now is gonna be my easiest reboot, relapsing will make it even harder to quit.
3- If you go back to my posts before my last relapse (10 days ago or so), my main problem was that my brain couldn't totally grasp the idea that I'm trying to spend all the coming days of my entire life without any hint of porn. That idea was horrifying! it was crippling me. I couldn't believe it's doable, to never again experience the high I used to experience in porn. Now, that too is gone! I feel more and more resolved to keep porn in the past. I don't just believe that it's doable, I also believe that the way towards it is amusing and studded with bouts of happiness. I see that in the horizon and I'm sprinting towards it! I was first terrified to cast porn away, now I want to live all my life without porn in just a few days. I so wanna do that.
1- Avoiding staring and perverted thinking is getting easier with time, as opposed to before (when I've gone more than a week without PMO I began to look at random women with pathological lust and I just couldn't control myself, and it kept progressing until I have to suppress it with another PMO session). Besides, it has a pleasing tinge to it. I mean, I see a woman, she might be attractive, but instead of looking where I'm not authorized to look, I look at her face or I don't look at all. It makes me a little proud and mature and I feel pleased with myself. This pleasure makes me wanna continue in that path.
2- Building on my previous post about having to stop and think, I devised a way to visually and audibly remind me to stop and think when the urge comes (and it comes sometimes, I laugh it off most of the time and I use that device other times); I usually used to relapse at my desk infront of my computer, so I put a big sticky note in a visible place where I wrote 5 points:
a) STOP AND THINK: there's a 70s song by a disco band (salsoul orchestra) called stop and think, I have it on my phone but didn't listen to it much, now it came in handy. When I listen to good music it clears my mind off things (urges) but I rarely remembered that during previous relapses. Now I can remember easily, and one good song will bring the next
b) a code for one of my big guns (talking to my girlfriend). That girl has a way of sobering me up!
c) Forum and saved posts (I screenshot some of my posts and other people's posts and put them in a folder on my desktop). Reading them in a capsule is remedying and reminding.
d) a code for "praying to God"
e) Remember the 5th of Novermber: REmember is a code for (relapse vs regret) which reminds me that regret will undo the pleasure of relapse. NOvember is a code for: Now or Never. which summarizes the fact that now is gonna be my easiest reboot, relapsing will make it even harder to quit.
3- If you go back to my posts before my last relapse (10 days ago or so), my main problem was that my brain couldn't totally grasp the idea that I'm trying to spend all the coming days of my entire life without any hint of porn. That idea was horrifying! it was crippling me. I couldn't believe it's doable, to never again experience the high I used to experience in porn. Now, that too is gone! I feel more and more resolved to keep porn in the past. I don't just believe that it's doable, I also believe that the way towards it is amusing and studded with bouts of happiness. I see that in the horizon and I'm sprinting towards it! I was first terrified to cast porn away, now I want to live all my life without porn in just a few days. I so wanna do that.
C
changemylife
Guest
That's what I'm talking about, brother! This is outstanding progress! This is what it means "Recovering" not just abstaining or maintaining. You have a plan and you're trying to do anything to make it work. This is inspiring, encouraging and an example for others that it's possible.
Also, you are the most disciplined guy I've ever seen who doesn't want to stare at girls' asses anymore. Who does this today? In this porn society, every guy is just: "I want to fuck this girl and that girl." What you're doing is admiring and respectable. Porn is able to brainwash our thinking and the solution might but what you're trying to do.
First step is making yourself ready. Even if living without porn seems scary and empty, being ready means we will go through this no matter what.
Also, you are the most disciplined guy I've ever seen who doesn't want to stare at girls' asses anymore. Who does this today? In this porn society, every guy is just: "I want to fuck this girl and that girl." What you're doing is admiring and respectable. Porn is able to brainwash our thinking and the solution might but what you're trying to do.
First step is making yourself ready. Even if living without porn seems scary and empty, being ready means we will go through this no matter what.
Thanks man I appreciate it.
One has to gear up his mind before embarking on such a process as quitting porn. It involves a lot of thinking and trials, reaching epiphanies, researching.
It needs nothing short of an enlightenment! And I see you've reached that part as well, and I'm proud of you, and thankful to you because you've helped me reach that part too.
One has to gear up his mind before embarking on such a process as quitting porn. It involves a lot of thinking and trials, reaching epiphanies, researching.
It needs nothing short of an enlightenment! And I see you've reached that part as well, and I'm proud of you, and thankful to you because you've helped me reach that part too.
C
changemylife
Guest
Omarov said:
That's right, brother! We need to start respecting ourselves.
Update on my progress, and new year's -god forbid- resolution:
1- My anti relapse device is working. I get urges and then I have to use parts of it, it goes away. In fact, I have this sheer disgust with my porn-loving past. I mean, I've always lowkey hated it, but I've never sustainably hated it that much and I've never despised eroticism that profoundly. It's not just my brain that needs a reboot. It's also our culture that revolves around seeking eternal orgasm that needs a serious reboot! I just hope it's not a momentary disgust (though I don't see why it would be momentary). All in all, I feel that all my logical arsenal is anti-porn right now. No more of (I don't want porn. But isn't it amusing? but i shouldn't. but why not just one more time...etc)
2- A little early before the new year, I've embarked on one of its resolutions ahead of schedule (in fact two, I'll get to that shortly), which is permanently quitting social media. I've deactivated facebook without the will of ever reactivating it, and the results are fabulous. I've never had that much time to use during the day. Facebook really eats time like the fish in feeding frenzy game. I feel in a better mood (although I'm now faceoff with my eternal boredom), I'm learning to enjoy whatever activities I'm doing throughout the day, and I see I can make progress in that if I'm patient enough.
3- Another new year's resolution that started ahead of schedule is.... project NO FAP. During my long no pmo streak that I washed down the drain with my last relapse, I didn't put any restraints on porn free fapping, and that was a problem. In fact it's one of the reasons why I relapsed. It's necessary for a rebooter to detach the dopamine from porn from the dopamine of fapping in order to successfully reboot. I mean people normally orgasm, but they don't normally go around looking at naked people in erotic positions while orgasming. Anyway, when you stop porn but continue to fap unchecked, the dopamine circuits that fire while you're fapping start stimulating the ones that used to fire during looking at porn, and that makes you seek porn somehow (Yes maybe the biological explanation is flawed, but it's true that fapping without porn makes you want porn more and more, it doesn't decrease your cravings). So it works that way. If you fap just for fun without porn, then quitting porn is not possible, and not much time will pass by till you give in to another relapse (even after 88 days, like what happened with me). I've started a nofap challenge, which constitutes never fapping except once every more than a month (of course without porn) and it must be when I just can't make it one more day without... erm.. venting. It should be as quick as I can, and I should try not to enjoy it. Talk about 1984 :
4- Next year is gonna be one of the most important pivotal years of my life, partly because I'll need to work the hardest to kickstart my career, prepare for major changes in my family life and study so hard for stuff that would lead to me moving to another country. Failing in any of those isn't a luxury. So porn is not welcome. I need every bit of concentration my mind is capable to offer in the coming year.
1- My anti relapse device is working. I get urges and then I have to use parts of it, it goes away. In fact, I have this sheer disgust with my porn-loving past. I mean, I've always lowkey hated it, but I've never sustainably hated it that much and I've never despised eroticism that profoundly. It's not just my brain that needs a reboot. It's also our culture that revolves around seeking eternal orgasm that needs a serious reboot! I just hope it's not a momentary disgust (though I don't see why it would be momentary). All in all, I feel that all my logical arsenal is anti-porn right now. No more of (I don't want porn. But isn't it amusing? but i shouldn't. but why not just one more time...etc)
2- A little early before the new year, I've embarked on one of its resolutions ahead of schedule (in fact two, I'll get to that shortly), which is permanently quitting social media. I've deactivated facebook without the will of ever reactivating it, and the results are fabulous. I've never had that much time to use during the day. Facebook really eats time like the fish in feeding frenzy game. I feel in a better mood (although I'm now faceoff with my eternal boredom), I'm learning to enjoy whatever activities I'm doing throughout the day, and I see I can make progress in that if I'm patient enough.
3- Another new year's resolution that started ahead of schedule is.... project NO FAP. During my long no pmo streak that I washed down the drain with my last relapse, I didn't put any restraints on porn free fapping, and that was a problem. In fact it's one of the reasons why I relapsed. It's necessary for a rebooter to detach the dopamine from porn from the dopamine of fapping in order to successfully reboot. I mean people normally orgasm, but they don't normally go around looking at naked people in erotic positions while orgasming. Anyway, when you stop porn but continue to fap unchecked, the dopamine circuits that fire while you're fapping start stimulating the ones that used to fire during looking at porn, and that makes you seek porn somehow (Yes maybe the biological explanation is flawed, but it's true that fapping without porn makes you want porn more and more, it doesn't decrease your cravings). So it works that way. If you fap just for fun without porn, then quitting porn is not possible, and not much time will pass by till you give in to another relapse (even after 88 days, like what happened with me). I've started a nofap challenge, which constitutes never fapping except once every more than a month (of course without porn) and it must be when I just can't make it one more day without... erm.. venting. It should be as quick as I can, and I should try not to enjoy it. Talk about 1984 :
4- Next year is gonna be one of the most important pivotal years of my life, partly because I'll need to work the hardest to kickstart my career, prepare for major changes in my family life and study so hard for stuff that would lead to me moving to another country. Failing in any of those isn't a luxury. So porn is not welcome. I need every bit of concentration my mind is capable to offer in the coming year.
C
changemylife
Guest
Okay, Omarov, let's see what we've got here.
1) It's amazing that you have already this disgust for porn. I wish I had it. You're doing great with this. Anti-Porn is the attitude. No more porn, that's it, but no more "Softcore porn" as well ( as I like to call it, namely pictures or scenes from movies that are not porn movies like scenes where they go/talk in striptease clubs and stuff like that)
2) Staying away from social media is something I've been doing as well, not because it ate my time, but because of the pictures that triggered me. I would stay away form porn but end up edging to pictures and then moving to porn. It's been great without this. Also, I log in to Youtube anytime I want to watch something there because I can avoid those thumbnails on the front page that are there and you can't control it if you are not logged in. This has been a great help too because the thumbnails always have something triggering.
3) No masturbation is something that I'm doing too. Everybody is different and I don't know what to say about masturbation from a scientific point of you, I can just talk from what I feel and I feel like I need to stay away from masturbation. This is what my body tells me and I've started listening to my body cause many times it gives us warnings.
Our journeys have a lot in common.
Peace V
1) It's amazing that you have already this disgust for porn. I wish I had it. You're doing great with this. Anti-Porn is the attitude. No more porn, that's it, but no more "Softcore porn" as well ( as I like to call it, namely pictures or scenes from movies that are not porn movies like scenes where they go/talk in striptease clubs and stuff like that)
2) Staying away from social media is something I've been doing as well, not because it ate my time, but because of the pictures that triggered me. I would stay away form porn but end up edging to pictures and then moving to porn. It's been great without this. Also, I log in to Youtube anytime I want to watch something there because I can avoid those thumbnails on the front page that are there and you can't control it if you are not logged in. This has been a great help too because the thumbnails always have something triggering.
3) No masturbation is something that I'm doing too. Everybody is different and I don't know what to say about masturbation from a scientific point of you, I can just talk from what I feel and I feel like I need to stay away from masturbation. This is what my body tells me and I've started listening to my body cause many times it gives us warnings.
Our journeys have a lot in common.
Peace V
Also same reason for avoiding social media. All those "softcore" stuff, all those sexually twisted jokes, all those guys bragging about knowing all the pornstars! I wish they knew...
About the first point: I'm very disgusted with porn nowadays and I'm still amazed by how deep this disgust has gone, but I'm not so confident it might continue when the normal sexual urges start kicking in during my nofap streak. I know this might happen, so the thing is you have to ACTIVELY be disgusted with porn. Even if you're not right now, keep telling yourself that you're disgusted. That' what I'm gonna do and I believe is effective. Your brain can believe anything if you keep saying it to yourself.
About the first point: I'm very disgusted with porn nowadays and I'm still amazed by how deep this disgust has gone, but I'm not so confident it might continue when the normal sexual urges start kicking in during my nofap streak. I know this might happen, so the thing is you have to ACTIVELY be disgusted with porn. Even if you're not right now, keep telling yourself that you're disgusted. That' what I'm gonna do and I believe is effective. Your brain can believe anything if you keep saying it to yourself.
Throughout my journey I have to remember:
Getting over addiction is a healing process. healing a wound takes much longer time than causing it, and it's definitely much harder than causing it. It's not called quitting, quitting is a word that severely underestimates the endeavor because it makes you imagine that it can happen overnight. It's called healing, and healing doesn't happen overnight. It takes too much courage, too many hardships, lots of blaming yourself, lots of love for yourself, intense yearning for freedom, intense hope in the future.
It's gonna be hard. It's like manually ripping off a part of your brain with a knife by your own hand, half a millimeter a day, for a number of months, maybe even a year.
You have to toughen yourself for the fight. Nobody has ever cured an addiction as easily as he acquired it.
You will suffer every single day until life tastes like freedom. And while you suffer, never self medicate with the same drug that caused you the addiction.
Getting over addiction is a healing process. healing a wound takes much longer time than causing it, and it's definitely much harder than causing it. It's not called quitting, quitting is a word that severely underestimates the endeavor because it makes you imagine that it can happen overnight. It's called healing, and healing doesn't happen overnight. It takes too much courage, too many hardships, lots of blaming yourself, lots of love for yourself, intense yearning for freedom, intense hope in the future.
It's gonna be hard. It's like manually ripping off a part of your brain with a knife by your own hand, half a millimeter a day, for a number of months, maybe even a year.
You have to toughen yourself for the fight. Nobody has ever cured an addiction as easily as he acquired it.
You will suffer every single day until life tastes like freedom. And while you suffer, never self medicate with the same drug that caused you the addiction.
C
changemylife
Guest
That's right, man. This is a lifetime journey not something you do it one day only. There are a lot of changes you need to do. You need to learn to have fun with other things and stop having fun with porn (the euphoria, the "happiness", the high that come with this is too intense, we need to find pleasure in normal things). Also, if this addiction has ever been a self-medication or a cope for anxiety, depression or just stress or boredom, you need to learn how to deal with these without addictions. And those things take some time if you haven't done them in a long time (as it's my case, I mean, I've forgotten how it's like to have fun with something else other than PMO and Internet. I definitely need to re-discover this).
Remember: Go through withdrawal once and be done with it and never look back. There's a need for some suffering after years of pleasure. You can't have it easy.
Remember: Go through withdrawal once and be done with it and never look back. There's a need for some suffering after years of pleasure. You can't have it easy.
Going through withdrawal and dismissing it needs to happen multiple times in a row before you're used to shutting it up tirelessly. And to do that, you have to give it some analgesics, those analgesics are the new things that you're gonna learn to do to enjoy your time instead of PMO. You're right in that.
I come to think that those new things must be as nearly enjoyable and as practical as possible as PMO, in order to replace it.
They shouldn't be an addiction, they must be healthy habits, they must not eat up your time but at least they should keep you entertained and they should use up most of your residual energy after work. I have a list of those, I'll try to enumerate them in order of efficacy:
1- Having natural sex with a loving partner.
2- Working something with your hand: Gardening, carpentering, painting, fixing electronic stuff, writing (a novel or short stories), house chores, learning to build stuff like toys/ picture frames/ pottery/ artwork from scrap and crap, etc..
3- Learning to play a musical instrument: That thing is really good, because it needs lots of practice and consumes tons of energy (my chronic backache agrees with that). Pick a challenging instrument that you can use to play your favorite music, as that will keep you practicing (I'd pick electric bass guitar).
4- Reading. I'm a bookworm personally, so maybe taking up reading doesn't apply to me? I've been eating up books since I was a kid so it's part of my life, maybe if you start becoming a bookworm and start book hoarding.. well THAT is an addiction (a good one).
5- Sport. It's at the tail of this list because sometimes it eats up my energy and decreases the chances of wanting PMO, sometimes it turns me a bit on. So it's a double sided weapon. Not sure how it acts with other people.
I come to think that those new things must be as nearly enjoyable and as practical as possible as PMO, in order to replace it.
They shouldn't be an addiction, they must be healthy habits, they must not eat up your time but at least they should keep you entertained and they should use up most of your residual energy after work. I have a list of those, I'll try to enumerate them in order of efficacy:
1- Having natural sex with a loving partner.
2- Working something with your hand: Gardening, carpentering, painting, fixing electronic stuff, writing (a novel or short stories), house chores, learning to build stuff like toys/ picture frames/ pottery/ artwork from scrap and crap, etc..
3- Learning to play a musical instrument: That thing is really good, because it needs lots of practice and consumes tons of energy (my chronic backache agrees with that). Pick a challenging instrument that you can use to play your favorite music, as that will keep you practicing (I'd pick electric bass guitar).
4- Reading. I'm a bookworm personally, so maybe taking up reading doesn't apply to me? I've been eating up books since I was a kid so it's part of my life, maybe if you start becoming a bookworm and start book hoarding.. well THAT is an addiction (a good one).
5- Sport. It's at the tail of this list because sometimes it eats up my energy and decreases the chances of wanting PMO, sometimes it turns me a bit on. So it's a double sided weapon. Not sure how it acts with other people.
C
changemylife
Guest
That's right, brother. I want to say that you are my number one source of "how a normal human being really should be." You really make me think. I mean, in this era, you are really old school (and this is a compliment). I wish all the people I've met in my life wanted to do this but they didn't. Who looks at a girl and doesn't drop their eyes to her ass? Who looks at a girl and doesn't think: " I want to fuck her, I want to do this and that!" This is how this society is brainwashed. And between all these people, you emerge.
Peace. Don't stop. I am really curious with you, really. I want to see how you manage this, maybe I will try it too.
Peace. Don't stop. I am really curious with you, really. I want to see how you manage this, maybe I will try it too.
Well, that's a definite "awww" moment ;D
Maybe it's something that has to do with my culture? I'm a muslim. We're generally a more conservative culture than others so maybe that's why? I can find a good percentage of people in my community who'd think that way. I personally have some friends who're much more "puritanical" -so to speak- than me, and some who are trying to be. But then again, lots of people in my community are brainwashed in the same way, gaps between cultures are continuing to narrow and we're all in the same trouble. I see stupid parents handing out tablets with full internet access to 6 and 8 year olds without supervision and it terrifies me. I got addicted with limited internet access and on my family computer and I'm now pushing 25 and still struggling, what will be of those poor kids who have no clue?
Anyways, your last reply will get a nice screenshot and into my "stop and think" folder. It's extremely encouraging to be trusted with setting a good example. It deserves to be read everyday among the others.
About the desire for porn: It's still as strong as ever, but I'm more consciously and actively repelling relapses than before. Still needs more training for me to feel safer and more trustful to myself.
One more thing I need to tell you: You wrote about how you feel empty while you try other activities (than PMO or internet) which are supposed to be enjoyable but you can't seem to enjoy them. I wanna ask you to give yourself more time. Yesterday, urges were insane, so I thought I'd listen to some music but then I felt that "empty" you were talking about. My mind was like "nah, I don't want music, I want PMO. That music is lame". But I gave it more time. And half through the song my brain started to compromise. It started taking some interest in the song and it picked its beat. I forgot the urge and I kept skimming through more and more songs till I was tired and ready to sleep.
Maybe it's something that has to do with my culture? I'm a muslim. We're generally a more conservative culture than others so maybe that's why? I can find a good percentage of people in my community who'd think that way. I personally have some friends who're much more "puritanical" -so to speak- than me, and some who are trying to be. But then again, lots of people in my community are brainwashed in the same way, gaps between cultures are continuing to narrow and we're all in the same trouble. I see stupid parents handing out tablets with full internet access to 6 and 8 year olds without supervision and it terrifies me. I got addicted with limited internet access and on my family computer and I'm now pushing 25 and still struggling, what will be of those poor kids who have no clue?
Anyways, your last reply will get a nice screenshot and into my "stop and think" folder. It's extremely encouraging to be trusted with setting a good example. It deserves to be read everyday among the others.
It's getting easier with time. More specifically, I don't have to think too much now like (normally I'd stare at that girl but I shouldn't, so I should try looking at her face instead), no. It happens more automatically. I still get urges to look down there, but they're not compulsive anymore.changemylife said:
About the desire for porn: It's still as strong as ever, but I'm more consciously and actively repelling relapses than before. Still needs more training for me to feel safer and more trustful to myself.
One more thing I need to tell you: You wrote about how you feel empty while you try other activities (than PMO or internet) which are supposed to be enjoyable but you can't seem to enjoy them. I wanna ask you to give yourself more time. Yesterday, urges were insane, so I thought I'd listen to some music but then I felt that "empty" you were talking about. My mind was like "nah, I don't want music, I want PMO. That music is lame". But I gave it more time. And half through the song my brain started to compromise. It started taking some interest in the song and it picked its beat. I forgot the urge and I kept skimming through more and more songs till I was tired and ready to sleep.
C
changemylife
Guest
I knew you were a Muslim without you telling me. I don't know why but I was sure. I even wanted to ask you: "Are you Muslim?" If your culture makes you like this then it just makes me be more aware of my culture (I'm not Muslim) and everybody is like that joke: A calf and his father are standing next to each other, looking at a herd of cows.
"Dad, I want to go there a fuck a cow," the calf said.
"No, son. Let's go there and fuck them all."
When I heard this joke, yeah, I laughed. Your society definitely makes you think in a certain way. If everybody around you is like: "I want to fuck that girl, look at that ass, I want to threesome those 2 bitches right there!" you will probably start thinking the same.
In this day and age, you don't think you could ever find someone with the old school moral values, like my parents, for example. Because my parents didn't grow up in this Internet era full of porn.
I keep an eye on your journal and you have started talking just like me dad. Old school values. And I was like: "Whaaat? What age is he? 24? So in this day and age, there is someone who thinks like my father? This is actually very interesting."
And something inside me started to vibrate. I kind of felt like I wanted to be the same. I started to feel like the old school values shown in your journal were great. I started to think: "I am sick and tired of this porn society. What happened to traditional family? What happened to innocence before marriage? I am tired of these young people only interested in social media and clubs. I am tired of these young people only interested in debauchery, sex, drugs, blowjob in the toilet."
Maybe my super addicted to porn self had had enough. Everything screamed of porn. The orgies, the blowjob in the toilet, the one night stands... All sounded just like porn. And, to be honest, I've never really been the type to align myself to these modern times, anyway. I did to some extent, but as I got older, I started to be tired of this.
I understand exactly what you mean. But maybe we have to understand these parents too. They're coming from an era where Internet didn't exist. I am sure many of them have no idea what could happen. My parents definitely had no idea that I would eventually become an Internet and porn addict. Porn addiction and Internet addiction are something that many people don't know. It will take some time until people look at Internet and porn like they look at alcohol and drugs. Hopefully, in the future, things will get better. I definitely hate to see young boys addicted to Internet and porn. I'm addicted to both and my life has been a hell. I know very well what it's like. I don't wish this to anybody. I don't wish to anybody to spend 16 hours a day online and watch porn and jerk off 7 times a day. When my parents gave me access to Internet, of course they thought they were helping me. I love my parents, they've tried to do everything for me. I don't blame them for my problem. I blame lack of information by the time I was 16. I didn't choose to be addicted to porn and Internet. It just happened. Now I have to get clean. Hopefully, when information about porn addiction and Internet addiction is everywhere, we could say that those parents who hand tablets to 6 years old kids are really idiots.
Thanks, man! This really makes me push myself through hard times because I want to be in the same boat with you. If you are clean, I want to be as well. I just spoke honestly. That's how I felt. It was an overwhelming moment of sincerity. I loved your last post and I wanted to let you know.
As I used to say: We adapt to anything.
I will definitely try that and spend more time with some activities. Maybe I start having fun with them along the way. This would keep me away from spending too much time online. But it's still very very hard. I am very addicted to Internet.
Anyway, happy new year. I'll see you tomorrow cause tomorrow my challenge starts. "Free January".
I want you to know, that while you wonder what happened to today's society in terms of its obsession with twisted and unhealthy sexuality (and other addictions of consumerist nature), other people never do, they just indulge. And you don't wanna know or feel how they turn into. It's a struggle to retain just a little bit of sanity. Your words are words of a sane person.
Actually, everybody started off on this forum like (heyyy guys i'm a sad porn addict but i'm here to look for an accountability partner and with your help i'm gonna change). You started off like that, I started off like that. But here we are after a few weeks discussing sociology, psychology, culture and even history. We've discovered new types of addictions that are rampant in today's society. We're beginning to scrutinize the fundamentals upon which modern society's norms were build. This is big.
When it comes to the wisdom of family life, and the balance between the individual and society, between body and soul, between material needs and conscience. It's not just my religion that has a lot to say. Tons of wisdom can be found in basic texts in all other religions and ancient cultures. It strikes me that you could be sure that I'm a muslim. I could've been a jew, a hindu, a buddhist. I could've been a polynesian, a maori, an african tribesman, a jehovah witness, or anything. I mean, setting "believing in God" aside, humans have spent millennia of trial and error to create balance in their ideals, demeanor and social organisation and to differentiate between what's good and what's bad.
Until something called consumerism showed up.
Anyway, I'm "making a dome out of a handful of sand" as we say in my country : . Let's start an awesome first month of 2019.
Free January here we come!
Actually, everybody started off on this forum like (heyyy guys i'm a sad porn addict but i'm here to look for an accountability partner and with your help i'm gonna change). You started off like that, I started off like that. But here we are after a few weeks discussing sociology, psychology, culture and even history. We've discovered new types of addictions that are rampant in today's society. We're beginning to scrutinize the fundamentals upon which modern society's norms were build. This is big.
When it comes to the wisdom of family life, and the balance between the individual and society, between body and soul, between material needs and conscience. It's not just my religion that has a lot to say. Tons of wisdom can be found in basic texts in all other religions and ancient cultures. It strikes me that you could be sure that I'm a muslim. I could've been a jew, a hindu, a buddhist. I could've been a polynesian, a maori, an african tribesman, a jehovah witness, or anything. I mean, setting "believing in God" aside, humans have spent millennia of trial and error to create balance in their ideals, demeanor and social organisation and to differentiate between what's good and what's bad.
Until something called consumerism showed up.
Anyway, I'm "making a dome out of a handful of sand" as we say in my country :
. Let's start an awesome first month of 2019.Free January here we come!
C
changemylife
Guest
.
It's so true. People don't care what happens to you. They only care what happens to them. You never know what an addiction really feels like when you don't have it. But me, having 3 addictions, I am starting to really be open to anyone's addictions. I don't know what they are going through, but I know what it's like to struggle. I have 2 addictions (namely porn and Internet) that are very hard. They are not something that I could easily quit tomorrow. So I really feel sorry for anyone who is really hooked on something. I wish I could help them. I thought I could deal with my addictions myself but then I saw I had absolutely no chance. I had to give up my pride and join this forum. After joining this forum, I thought nobody would care about me and nobody would talk to me. I was afraid I would be all alone in this even here. And then I was really happy when I could actually find people to do this with. You are the most active from everyone I've talked to. You are everywhere in my journal and I am very thankful for that. I'm trying to do the same.
Yes, it's a commodity to be a sane person in this world.
Well, without attacking anybody, some people just want to be saved. "Help me! I have been watching porn and masturbating!" But they never do anything. You cannot be saved. You just re-learn how to live. You learned how to find pleasure in porn and how to self-medicate yourself with porn. Now you learn how to find pleasure in other healthy things and how to deal with anxiety, depression, boredom, stress etc. without jerking off (that feels like shooting heroin and relaxes you) or drinking etc. whatever you do. You learn how to live. So you have to start doing things for this life. I can't save you. I can only give you tips. I can only tell you what I'm doing. I don't have all the answers. I'm just trying to figure out the best way to do it. That's why we are here: Exchange of experience, events, life situations etc.
I really knew you were a muslim without you telling me. I'm repeating myself. I don't know why. I am not lying. I used to lie a lot and I regret this very much right now. I decided to start telling the truth. You could say "yeah, of course, I just said I was a muslim so now you can say I knew it!' No, I really felt you were a muslim. I even wanted to ask you about it. But I am happy you are a muslim because I like what you're bringing. I like what you are trying to achieve and I agree with it. I don't have too much experience with muslims, only a few conversations with one so I don't know exactly how muslim people are but it doesn't even matter. I judge every individual separately. I think I know your personality a little bit.
I had this concern when I signed up. So I thought the only way to extract help from others is to offer help, I mean that's how forums work anyway. But most importantly, I was interested to know how you're gonna deal with your addiction given that I thought yours is much harder than mine (I used to think that, but now I doubt it), and then you turned out to be really impressive. You said you couldn't go more than a day or two without porn, and then you did a week, and another week, and another.... To be honest, I thought you'd slip at some point in the beginning, and I was preparing what I was gonna say to encourage you to start over. But you exceeded my expectations and I was amazed by how willing you are to change your life. At first, my approach towards you was that I'm gonna coach you to become like me, but it's amazing how that just turned upside down; I learned from you much more than I taught you and it's safe to say that you're the one who's coaching me.
I really wish you ultimate success from the bottom of my heart. It means that I too can succeed.
Well, that being said, I think getting to know people from other cultures is always a good experience. But since the modern western culture has monopoly over the internet, it's extremely hard to get connected with non-english speaking people, poor people, or those who belong to communities that are still not colonized by technology. I believe those people have a lot to offer to the modern Americanized (won't say globalized) mind.
Muslims, including myself, who will have the privilege to be able to use proper English language and be on the internet, are in quite a fierce battle in order to retain parts of their traditional mindset and still be able to acquire some "modernity". So if we're gonna talk about muslims, or any other still somewhat traditional culture groups, those of them who can converse with you will show some elements of "modernity" but will manage to strike you as old fashioned or even weird or interesting. Not all muslims are like me, so I agree with judging each person individually.