The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
- Thread starter harpoon
- Start date
My energy has returned and i'm back on track.
I have been trying to quit, or drastically reduce the amount of coffee and tea I consume. When I look back on the amount of caffeine I was ingesting it's no wonder I wasn't sleeping.
It's not difficult to abstain from porn now, I really don't care to go back to who I was, even what I was.
I sometimes get cravings but these cravings aren't as strong as they once were.
The most valuable lesson I have learned is this: no-one can save you but yourself.
I have been trying to quit, or drastically reduce the amount of coffee and tea I consume. When I look back on the amount of caffeine I was ingesting it's no wonder I wasn't sleeping.
It's not difficult to abstain from porn now, I really don't care to go back to who I was, even what I was.
I sometimes get cravings but these cravings aren't as strong as they once were.
The most valuable lesson I have learned is this: no-one can save you but yourself.
humaninprogress
Member
Yes!!
I'm liking all that GREEN humaninprogress!
Plenty of morning wood and lots of urges lately. I have defo somewhat recovered from ED and feel like a more sexual being, and more of a man
Yesterday I was running along a nearby beach, I noticed a couple of logs on the ground so I threw them over my shoulders and kept running it's truly great to have energy and feel good.
Plenty of morning wood and lots of urges lately. I have defo somewhat recovered from ED and feel like a more sexual being, and more of a man
Yesterday I was running along a nearby beach, I noticed a couple of logs on the ground so I threw them over my shoulders and kept running
it's truly great to have energy and feel good.So i'm not sleeping well and it is zapping my energy, and i'm exhausted to be honest.
The danger with being flat (for me at least) is looking for something to lift your mood, as porn addict I get urges to watch to lift my mood and make myself feel better, this has probably been the cycle for years. For along time I thought relapse would occur because of desire for porn but that's just not true, boredom, feeling down, there is any amount of emotions that can send you flying back.
The last few nights have been the toughest so far for me, but I made it.
I was thinking to myself, "I can't do this anymore" and then I thought "I have been doing it" "i've proved I can do it" "believe in yourself."
Truthfully I MO on day 12, I let it slide as I didn't view porn and I thought it would do more harm than good to reset my counter at that point in time, I was proved right as I made it to day 62 before MO again (this was after I read an article about PSSD which freaked me out, so I checked was still working.) and last but not least PMO on day 77, but I have steady the ship.
Again resetting my counter would cause more harm than good so i'm 3 for 82 which is great as far as i^m concerned and the overall picture is ok
The danger with being flat (for me at least) is looking for something to lift your mood, as porn addict I get urges to watch to lift my mood and make myself feel better, this has probably been the cycle for years. For along time I thought relapse would occur because of desire for porn but that's just not true, boredom, feeling down, there is any amount of emotions that can send you flying back.
The last few nights have been the toughest so far for me, but I made it.
I was thinking to myself, "I can't do this anymore" and then I thought "I have been doing it" "i've proved I can do it" "believe in yourself."
Truthfully I MO on day 12, I let it slide as I didn't view porn and I thought it would do more harm than good to reset my counter at that point in time, I was proved right as I made it to day 62 before MO again (this was after I read an article about PSSD which freaked me out, so I checked was still working.) and last but not least PMO on day 77, but I have steady the ship.
Again resetting my counter would cause more harm than good so i'm 3 for 82 which is great as far as i^m concerned and the overall picture is ok
W
Web100
Guest
Glad to hear your recovery is still going well Harpoon.
It takes a stronger person to put a small blip behind them and keep moving forward.. then a person who has a small blip and completely throws in the towel !
It takes a stronger person to put a small blip behind them and keep moving forward.. then a person who has a small blip and completely throws in the towel !
Thanks Web100
I haven't dwelled on it, I fought day by day and the cravings and these sexualised thoughts have subsided.
Just for the record, here's what happened: I was farting about on Facebook, and a friend of mind "liked" a photo of an attractive women, hmm I thought, nice photo, so I looked at a few more of them. Next I was googling images of women I find attractive (it all seems so harmless ) then fake images, then porn videos.
The thing is this: Watching porn eases the horrible feelings that porn addiction creates. Thankfully I'm wise to this.
It's bittersweet, but i'm proud that I didn't completely disappear into the porn world once again
I haven't dwelled on it, I fought day by day and the cravings and these sexualised thoughts have subsided.
Just for the record, here's what happened: I was farting about on Facebook, and a friend of mind "liked" a photo of an attractive women, hmm I thought, nice photo, so I looked at a few more of them. Next I was googling images of women I find attractive (it all seems so harmless ) then fake images, then porn videos.
The thing is this: Watching porn eases the horrible feelings that porn addiction creates. Thankfully I'm wise to this.
It's bittersweet, but i'm proud that I didn't completely disappear into the porn world once again
I don't struggle with porn urges anymore, in fact when I did PMO about a week ago I think I just needed to empty the tank. Maybe I was just horny.
My brain has changed and I am not as compulsive as I was. I have healed somewhat and one fap to porn is not going to bring you back, in my case I would really have to work on relapsing.
There was a time when I thought one fap would send me out of control, and in the earlier part of the reboot this was true, but now that's not the case.
The major difference is that now I see porn for what it is: nothing. I don't need it anymore.
My brain has changed and I am not as compulsive as I was. I have healed somewhat and one fap to porn is not going to bring you back, in my case I would really have to work on relapsing.
There was a time when I thought one fap would send me out of control, and in the earlier part of the reboot this was true, but now that's not the case.
The major difference is that now I see porn for what it is: nothing. I don't need it anymore.
David Albert
Active Member
"...when I did PMO about a week ago I think I just needed to empty the tank. Maybe I was just horny." - NO, NO, NO, bloody hell NO man !
It was not your need to "empty the tank", it was not your horniness, it was not your libido...it was your addictive brain asking for its fix. And you gave it to him. If it would have been just your need to "clean up the pipes", you would have done it without P, just like you did on days 12 and 72. I get the fact you don't want to make a big deal about it and it's great that you can move on with optimism and not fall into a binge, but please, don't minimize its impact either. You did allow yourself to relapse after a VERY GOOD string and you have to ask yourself why. How did it all start and how you ended up seeking porn. Think about it and then close that path. That's how it works man. You close, one by one, all the paths that lead to PMO use. You haven't undone your progress obviously, you've come a long way, but you have taken a big step back. There's no need to threaten yourself with doom when that happens, but moving on like nothing ever happened is not OK either. Analyze, analyze and then avoid. In your case, I would try to minimize time spent on social media, it seems to have a big impact on you, just like it did on me a few months back.
"...now I see porn for what it is: nothing. I don't need it anymore." Don't just say it, believe it ! And act on it !
I hope you take my words as they are meant, observations and a bit of constructive criticism. Be well and take care my friend !
! It was not your need to "empty the tank", it was not your horniness, it was not your libido...it was your addictive brain asking for its fix. And you gave it to him. If it would have been just your need to "clean up the pipes", you would have done it without P, just like you did on days 12 and 72. I get the fact you don't want to make a big deal about it and it's great that you can move on with optimism and not fall into a binge, but please, don't minimize its impact either. You did allow yourself to relapse after a VERY GOOD string and you have to ask yourself why. How did it all start and how you ended up seeking porn. Think about it and then close that path. That's how it works man. You close, one by one, all the paths that lead to PMO use. You haven't undone your progress obviously, you've come a long way, but you have taken a big step back. There's no need to threaten yourself with doom when that happens, but moving on like nothing ever happened is not OK either. Analyze, analyze and then avoid. In your case, I would try to minimize time spent on social media, it seems to have a big impact on you, just like it did on me a few months back.
"...now I see porn for what it is: nothing. I don't need it anymore." Don't just say it, believe it ! And act on it !
I hope you take my words as they are meant, observations and a bit of constructive criticism. Be well and take care my friend !
The best thing I have done over the past two-years has been to introduce new activities to my life, rather than just trying to avoid porn. It is a great strategy to tackle this addiction.
One of my favourites is the PLANK exercise. Get an urge, just hop onto the ground and your away.
I took up running and lost three-stone. I'm in the best shape of my life.
I volunteer at a local parkrun and have good fun doing so.
I have changed.
The final steps seem the hardest. To cut yourself completely adrift and to somehow find your way.
But that's why i'm here, to find my way back.
I'm doing good, let's do great.
One of my favourites is the PLANK exercise. Get an urge, just hop onto the ground and your away.
I took up running and lost three-stone. I'm in the best shape of my life.
I volunteer at a local parkrun and have good fun doing so.
I have changed.
The final steps seem the hardest. To cut yourself completely adrift and to somehow find your way.
But that's why i'm here, to find my way back.
I'm doing good, let's do great.
I do regret PMO over a week or so ago. I did straight after. The only way I could cope was to promise myself (and to believe ) that I wouldnt view porn again.
The week was very tough, for the first few days everything was sexualised, my brain looked for a hit everywhere but i kept fighting and kept my promise to myself.
I put staying off porn for the last week down to the fact that my brain has healed somewhat over the last three-months and my willpower remained strong and the fact on this occasion I didn't edge for hours like I used to.
Certainly there has been some damage to my reboot, but I still dream and have morning wood so it's ok, and now i'm moving forward again.
So I have a few goals today: run at least 5k in the morning, some weights in the afternoon and read a few chapters of a book i've been slowly turning into an ornament.
Buenos dias (I learned a little Spanish in college, I loved learning it, I might dust off my notes and brush up!)
The week was very tough, for the first few days everything was sexualised, my brain looked for a hit everywhere but i kept fighting and kept my promise to myself.
I put staying off porn for the last week down to the fact that my brain has healed somewhat over the last three-months and my willpower remained strong and the fact on this occasion I didn't edge for hours like I used to.
Certainly there has been some damage to my reboot, but I still dream and have morning wood so it's ok, and now i'm moving forward again.
So I have a few goals today: run at least 5k in the morning, some weights in the afternoon and read a few chapters of a book i've been slowly turning into an ornament.
Buenos dias
(I learned a little Spanish in college, I loved learning it, I might dust off my notes and brush up!)Most of the time my sleep is terrible, but I had a good night's sleep last night and felt great this morning. I went for a run on the beach and felt awesome.
It occurred to me that what I do today seems to directly affect how I feel tomorrow. If I binge on sugar, I will feel terrible tomorrow, and if I consume large amounts of coffee I will always feel terrible, if I edge and pmo I will feel terrible tomorrow.
It seems that my brain is producing more of these neurotransmitters and I have cut coffee and sugar down. I think sleep is the key, if I can start sleeping well, this will be way easier .
It occurred to me that what I do today seems to directly affect how I feel tomorrow. If I binge on sugar, I will feel terrible tomorrow, and if I consume large amounts of coffee I will always feel terrible, if I edge and pmo I will feel terrible tomorrow.
It seems that my brain is producing more of these neurotransmitters and I have cut coffee and sugar down. I think sleep is the key, if I can start sleeping well, this will be way easier .
Mikel
Active Member
I like what you said in your last post as I feel similar. One thing I have done continually is pick myself up when I have tumbled and go for it again. No matter what happens, keep moving forward.
On another note, so what if you've had a nap in the afternoon. You're at home, got nothing urgent on and you're tired. Shouldn't be an issue.
On another note, so what if you've had a nap in the afternoon. You're at home, got nothing urgent on and you're tired. Shouldn't be an issue.