Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
- Thread starter blueRaccoon
- Start date
blueRaccoon
Active Member
@Rebooter2019, Exactly!! Now the junky brain has to learn the lessons. It really feels better to get some things sorted out. Though there are many lessons and sorting which need to be done, I'll get them one at a time. I have noticed that when I put an end to one debate/problem in my head, another one pops up but it's not something unnecessary as these might be the issues which were fueling my addiction. Getting rid of them feels like taking a step closer to the freedom we desire.
@Riki, frustration is gone for now. I guess it would be an on-and-off thing for a while. I appreciate your advice. Gonna flow with the motion of life.
@Riki, frustration is gone for now. I guess it would be an on-and-off thing for a while. I appreciate your advice. Gonna flow with the motion of life.
blueRaccoon
Active Member
DAY #13
Clean with no cravings.
Slept well. No random thoughts troubling me. I have started to have some insights about my behavior and usual day-to-day actions. I never really paid any attention to them earlier but now I am able to easily notice them. It feels like my brain is always on alert to watch out for anything which "I SHOULD BE DOING BUT I AM AVOIDING" and one slight hint from the brain is enough to get me doing it most of the time. The next step is to make a schedule and get all the important things done which need dedicated time slots.
The rest of the day was normal, I was a bit productive as I was doing what I should have done.
Looking forward to the next day!
Clean with no cravings.
Slept well. No random thoughts troubling me. I have started to have some insights about my behavior and usual day-to-day actions. I never really paid any attention to them earlier but now I am able to easily notice them. It feels like my brain is always on alert to watch out for anything which "I SHOULD BE DOING BUT I AM AVOIDING" and one slight hint from the brain is enough to get me doing it most of the time. The next step is to make a schedule and get all the important things done which need dedicated time slots.
The rest of the day was normal, I was a bit productive as I was doing what I should have done.
Looking forward to the next day!
Rebooter2019
Active Member
Nice job, man! Almost 2 weeks, you're doing great! It's nice that you start to see things your brain was trying to hide from you. It will help you further along the line!
Stay strong and clean, you're right on the path
Stay strong and clean, you're right on the path
blueRaccoon
Active Member
Rebooter2019 said:Nice job, man! Almost 2 weeks, you're doing great! It's nice that you start to see things your brain was trying to hide from you. It will help you further along the line!
Stay strong and clean, you're right on the path
Thanks!! 3 days to go to reach 2 weeks of sobriety. ;D
blueRaccoon
Active Member
DAY #14
Clean with sudden flashbacks.
Last night I had sudden flashbacks of the P. I was troubled for a while but got control of myself soon. The morning was a bit dull and the dull mood prevailed throughout the day. I wasn't able to get much of the things done but I did the exercise and I am happy about that. The day was sure rough and could have been disastrous. I have to be more careful from now on.
Clean with sudden flashbacks.
Last night I had sudden flashbacks of the P. I was troubled for a while but got control of myself soon. The morning was a bit dull and the dull mood prevailed throughout the day. I wasn't able to get much of the things done but I did the exercise and I am happy about that. The day was sure rough and could have been disastrous. I have to be more careful from now on.
Rebooter2019
Active Member
I had that yesterday and it was partially my fault. Stayed to much in bed, but I got up and didn't return to my room until it was time to sleep! And I meditate almost an hour.
We have to find creative/or not ways the get around our brain trying his best against us!
Stay strong and let's make this day productive!!
We have to find creative/or not ways the get around our brain trying his best against us!
Stay strong and let's make this day productive!!
blueRaccoon
Active Member
Yeah man. Our brain knows us too well to find ways to trick us. I have been trying to identifying that when it's my brain trying to trick me and when it's actually something real. I was really low in the morning for no reason t all and soon realized that it's my brain trying to convince me to take refuge in P.
blueRaccoon
Active Member
DAY #15
Clean with strong cravings and wet dreams.
The day started with me waking up to a wet dream. It was not some usual dream but a weird one which left me thinking what could have been the reason for it? I soon declared that it's my brain's way of making me feel bad about it and take refuge in P. The rest of the day was something I must have anticipated from a "wet-dream day". I was not able to concentrate, the brain was wandering from time to time and often lead to P flashbacks, there were strong urges of P but somehow I survived. The day is yet to over and the battle for survival must continue for now.
Clean with strong cravings and wet dreams.
The day started with me waking up to a wet dream. It was not some usual dream but a weird one which left me thinking what could have been the reason for it? I soon declared that it's my brain's way of making me feel bad about it and take refuge in P. The rest of the day was something I must have anticipated from a "wet-dream day". I was not able to concentrate, the brain was wandering from time to time and often lead to P flashbacks, there were strong urges of P but somehow I survived. The day is yet to over and the battle for survival must continue for now.
Rakses
Member
I get you bro I also witness strong urges recently... It seems to be so real when your brain try to trick you...
Stay strong and don't follow your thoughts. Everytime fantasies come return your awareness to your body and you will be good
Keep it tight! And congratulations on your 2 weeks mark
Stay strong and don't follow your thoughts. Everytime fantasies come return your awareness to your body and you will be good
Keep it tight! And congratulations on your 2 weeks mark
blueRaccoon
Active Member
Rakses said:I get you bro I also witness strong urges recently... It seems to be so real when your brain try to trick you...
Stay strong and don't follow your thoughts. Everytime fantasies come return your awareness to your body and you will be good
Keep it tight! And congratulations on your 2 weeks mark
Thanks man. I'll get through this for sure!!
btw I'm yet to reach 2 weeks mark. The Day number I put on the post is the number of days it has been since I started this journey, I'm maintaining a separate spreadsheet to check on the relapses. It's just a personal choice of not looking at the streak. I had relapsed for the 3 consecutive days at the start of this journey so it's my 12th day today. Save your congratulations for Day #17 post 8)
Rebooter2019
Active Member
blueRaccoon said:Rakses said:I get you bro I also witness strong urges recently... It seems to be so real when your brain try to trick you...
Stay strong and don't follow your thoughts. Everytime fantasies come return your awareness to your body and you will be good
Keep it tight! And congratulations on your 2 weeks mark
Thanks man. I'll get through this for sure!!
btw I'm yet to reach 2 weeks mark. The Day number I put on the post is the number of days it has been since I started this journey, I'm maintaining a separate spreadsheet to check on the relapses. It's just a personal choice of not looking at the streak. I had relapsed for the 3 consecutive days at the start of this journey so it's my 12th day today. Save your congratulations for Day #17 post 8)
I understand your choice about streak, I've have pretty much opinion about it. Still, I congatulate you for all the efforts you've done up to this point.
You're on the right track my friend! Keep going
blueRaccoon
Active Member
Thanks @Rebooter2019
blueRaccoon
Active Member
DAY #16
Clean with no cravings.
I was out for some work for the whole day. I feel a bit tired and plan to rest for a while.
Looking forward to the next day.
Clean with no cravings.
I was out for some work for the whole day. I feel a bit tired and plan to rest for a while.
Looking forward to the next day.
blueRaccoon
Active Member
DAY #17
Clean without cravings
Today was just another usual day for me. No cravings or flashbacks, I was busy doing my own things.
I still need to get my morning routine right. I was supposed to do exercise but I woke up late and eventually skipped it.
Yesterday, I thought of watching some anime but mind was constantly telling me not to do it(right thing!!). As I prepared myself to get the show on, I felt like I was watching myself getting ready for a PMO session. The whole setup to watch a show was similar to that of what I used to do for P. I watched the show, things were normal until I saw a character attacking a female character out of nowhere. At this point, I felt this sudden rush inside my body, I could not feel my weight and felt much lighter. Luckily, that particular scene came at the end of the show just as a sneak-peek to the next episode and might have lasted for 10 seconds only. But it was enough to make me realize that Animes are not something I can continue in this journey. I had known it from the start but thought a new episode a week of my favorite anime can be tolerated but It's not the case now. I was also feeling bad about the reaction I had to that particular scene and it made me realize how my brain sees such things. It was just an attack - a character trying to choke other using his hands - and my brain was all set to see somethings which it had seen earlier. How can a person's harm be something to get all excited about to others, it was an animation indeed but what's the guarantee that my brain would not react similarly if it was real? I do very well know that it's the result of the years of exposure to the P which made my brain react like this but still, it's something I can not let go off easily. I need to get out of this mess and improve myself otherwise I don't know what kind of a person I would be.
Clean without cravings
Today was just another usual day for me. No cravings or flashbacks, I was busy doing my own things.
I still need to get my morning routine right. I was supposed to do exercise but I woke up late and eventually skipped it.
NSFW
Yesterday, I thought of watching some anime but mind was constantly telling me not to do it(right thing!!). As I prepared myself to get the show on, I felt like I was watching myself getting ready for a PMO session. The whole setup to watch a show was similar to that of what I used to do for P. I watched the show, things were normal until I saw a character attacking a female character out of nowhere. At this point, I felt this sudden rush inside my body, I could not feel my weight and felt much lighter. Luckily, that particular scene came at the end of the show just as a sneak-peek to the next episode and might have lasted for 10 seconds only. But it was enough to make me realize that Animes are not something I can continue in this journey. I had known it from the start but thought a new episode a week of my favorite anime can be tolerated but It's not the case now. I was also feeling bad about the reaction I had to that particular scene and it made me realize how my brain sees such things. It was just an attack - a character trying to choke other using his hands - and my brain was all set to see somethings which it had seen earlier. How can a person's harm be something to get all excited about to others, it was an animation indeed but what's the guarantee that my brain would not react similarly if it was real? I do very well know that it's the result of the years of exposure to the P which made my brain react like this but still, it's something I can not let go off easily. I need to get out of this mess and improve myself otherwise I don't know what kind of a person I would be.
Rakses
Member
I feel you bro... It is a part of our rebbot job to notice and diagnose those patterns in our brains. In order for them to dissapear we have to stay away from this sexual stimulation and this patterns for a while.
Keep in mind that anime is a cool thing and we should not abandon this forever... We will never avoid sex and all this over-sexualized society we just have to reboot our brains (take a break from all this stuff) and make a lifetime commitment to do not PMO.
keep being observant and be strong man !
Keep in mind that anime is a cool thing and we should not abandon this forever... We will never avoid sex and all this over-sexualized society we just have to reboot our brains (take a break from all this stuff) and make a lifetime commitment to do not PMO.
keep being observant and be strong man !
Rebooter2019
Active Member
Yeah, me too. It's pretty much everywhere and I don't watch hardly any show apart some carefully selected old cartoon movie which does not have any sexual content. Almost everything as some sort of sexual content in digital(unreal) form in itself and as Rebooters we have to be extra careful of what we watch.
Anyway, when we think about it shows are like fast food for the brain. Sure there's some shows we love to watch, but isn't it the same for food. So in a sense rebooting serves multiple purpose. We must clean thoroughly our brain from everything that is not optimal for it. Like we try to keep our body in optimal condition by giving it the right food through nutrition!
Just my thoughts on the subject. Stay strong man
Anyway, when we think about it shows are like fast food for the brain. Sure there's some shows we love to watch, but isn't it the same for food. So in a sense rebooting serves multiple purpose. We must clean thoroughly our brain from everything that is not optimal for it. Like we try to keep our body in optimal condition by giving it the right food through nutrition!
Just my thoughts on the subject. Stay strong man
C
changemylife
Guest
They know that this is how they keep people hooked. I, too, have run into this problem: WTF could I watch that doesn't have softcore? I ended up watching a TV series for teenagers, out of frustration. It was refreshing to finally watch a full episode without nothing in it. We don't have to dive in movies and TV series. I only watch the movies that I already know they are safe. Like "Doubt", for example. Give it a try.Rebooter2019 said:Yeah, me too. It's pretty much everywhere and I don't watch hardly any show apart some carefully selected old cartoon movie which does not have any sexual content. Almost everything as some sort of sexual content in digital(unreal) form in itself and as Rebooters we have to be extra careful of what we watch.
Anyway, when we think about it shows are like fast food for the brain. Sure there's some shows we love to watch, but isn't it the same for food. So in a sense rebooting serves multiple purpose. We must clean thoroughly our brain from everything that is not optimal for it. Like we try to keep our body in optimal condition by giving it the right food through nutrition!
Just my thoughts on the subject. Stay strong man
blueRaccoon
Active Member
Thank you Riki, Rebooter and chagemylife for the support. I have to be extra careful from now on while watching any series or movies. Sexualization has become so common everywhere, even in the good shows they will just put something to keep the pervs happy. I have to completely abstain from such things for the time being. Must clean all the junk that I have in my brain first.
blueRaccoon
Active Member
DAY #18
Clean without cravings.
Another usual day.
The growth has not been linear. I would say I was on fire at the start but this phase has been stagnant so far. I have not yet worked on some of the habits I want to incorporate -exercise, meditation- and feel like writing this journal is the single things I look forward to in a day. Other than that there is nothing. I have to get myself charged again. Fear of failure has always been a problem with me when I see something too big for me to climb up, I just stay still at the bottom looking at the top of the hill thinking I can not do it and this makes me go numb in all other spheres of my life. Standing still in one sphere of my life make the progress of other spheres stop too. I guess this phase is the phase of fear, I have to face it and conquer it for me to progress in my life.
Clean without cravings.
Another usual day.
The growth has not been linear. I would say I was on fire at the start but this phase has been stagnant so far. I have not yet worked on some of the habits I want to incorporate -exercise, meditation- and feel like writing this journal is the single things I look forward to in a day. Other than that there is nothing. I have to get myself charged again. Fear of failure has always been a problem with me when I see something too big for me to climb up, I just stay still at the bottom looking at the top of the hill thinking I can not do it and this makes me go numb in all other spheres of my life. Standing still in one sphere of my life make the progress of other spheres stop too. I guess this phase is the phase of fear, I have to face it and conquer it for me to progress in my life.