Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life

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changemylife

Guest
blueRaccoon said:
DAY #18

Clean without cravings.

Another usual day.
The growth has not been linear. I would say I was on fire at the start but this phase has been stagnant so far. I have not yet worked on some of the habits I want to incorporate -exercise, meditation- and feel like writing this journal is the single things I look forward to in a day. Other than that there is nothing. I have to get myself charged again. Fear of failure has always been a problem with me when I see something too big for me to climb up, I just stay still at the bottom looking at the top of the hill thinking I can not do it and this makes me go numb in all other spheres of my life. Standing still in one sphere of my life make the progress of other spheres stop too. I guess this phase is the phase of fear, I have to face it and conquer it for me to progress in my life.
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Yeah, man, I could relate to this. I've been trying to quit P since 2 months ago and I haven't made any progress. I kept relapsing (bingeing) once/twice a week. I haven't even completed 1 week without P or edging and it annoys me. I've seen users around here saying they have been trying for years and it just scares me. I've joined this place after (like maybe everybody) I've discovered Gabe Deem and Gary Wilson. I started with that "courage from autosuggestion" let's call it, I felt like I could do it in a few months. But then 1 relapse, another one, another one, bingeing like crazy, I've become depressed and started to doubt it. Sometimes I feel like I know what to do but I can't do it. I'm too obsessed with pleasure, that's the fucking problem. I don't do it everyday, I don't do it as self-medication anymore, I just do it for pleasure. I wait days to built up the urges and then do it. However, in the last 2 weeks or so, I've been completely asexual. I can't turn myself on, I can't have urges. You could say "Alright, then why are you doing it if you don't have urges?" The answer: I am obsessed about pleasure. I want to experience pleasure. I start edging, in a desperate attempt to turn myself on. It didn't work and I despaired. I don't know, man, I'm doing this wrong.
 
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blueRaccoon

Active Member
changemylife said:
blueRaccoon said:
DAY #18

Clean without cravings.

Another usual day.
The growth has not been linear. I would say I was on fire at the start but this phase has been stagnant so far. I have not yet worked on some of the habits I want to incorporate -exercise, meditation- and feel like writing this journal is the single things I look forward to in a day. Other than that there is nothing. I have to get myself charged again. Fear of failure has always been a problem with me when I see something too big for me to climb up, I just stay still at the bottom looking at the top of the hill thinking I can not do it and this makes me go numb in all other spheres of my life. Standing still in one sphere of my life make the progress of other spheres stop too. I guess this phase is the phase of fear, I have to face it and conquer it for me to progress in my life.
Click to expand...
Yeah, man, I could relate to this. I've been trying to quit P since 2 months ago and I haven't made any progress. I kept relapsing (bingeing) once/twice a week. I haven't even completed 1 week without P or edging and it annoys me. I've seen users around here saying they have been trying for years and it just scares me. I've joined this place after (like maybe everybody) I've discovered Gabe Deem and Gary Wilson. I started with that "courage from autosuggestion" let's call it, I felt like I could do it in a few months. But then 1 relapse, another one, another one, bingeing like crazy, I've become depressed and started to doubt it. Sometimes I feel like I know what to do but I can't do it. I'm too obsessed with pleasure, that's the fucking problem. I don't do it everyday, I don't do it as self-medication anymore, I just do it for pleasure. I wait days to built up the urges and then do it. However, in the last 2 weeks or so, I've been completely asexual. I can't turn myself on, I can't have urges. You could say "Alright, then why are you doing it if you don't have urges?" The answer: I am obsessed about pleasure. I want to experience pleasure. I start edging, in a desperate attempt to turn myself on. It didn't work and I despaired. I don't know, man, I'm doing this wrong.
Click to expand...

Yeah man. This was something I was facing too. I would resolve every day to fight and get rid of this addiction once and for all but just after that particular moment of resolve I would give up and start binge-watching P. My very first post about myself was a result of a PMO session, I thought I would feel good  after sharing everything but as soon as I posted, I shut down my laptop and began watching P in my smartphone. The 3 days following that were also spent in multiple PMO sessions. I was in despair and wanted to get rid of this, I had to make a tough decision for myself. The source of P for me was my smartphone. I rarely watched P on my laptop. I gave my smartphone to my mother and bought a brick phone for myself. I knew that laptop is also one of the sources but to be precise it is the internet which is the source for me. I am using filters on my laptop, have confined the duration of use to 1 hour btw 4 pm to 5 pm and use my sibling's smartphone for internet access so if I am alone with my laptop I do not have access to the internet. Getting far away from accessing the P has worked well for me. I am on a good streak and even when there are low days, urges I am forced to face it in a natural way. Try getting away from P, when your brain realizes that it can no longer have the pleasure it lets you control itself.
 
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changemylife

Guest
blueRaccoon said:
Yeah man. This was something I was facing too. I would resolve every day to fight and get rid of this addiction once and for all but just after that particular moment of resolve I would give up and start binge-watching P. My very first post about myself was a result of a PMO session, I thought I would feel good  after sharing everything but as soon as I posted, I shut down my laptop and began watching P in my smartphone. The 3 days following that were also spent in multiple PMO sessions. I was in despair and wanted to get rid of this, I had to make a tough decision for myself. The source of P for me was my smartphone. I rarely watched P on my laptop. I gave my smartphone to my mother and bought a brick phone for myself. I knew that laptop is also one of the sources but to be precise it is the internet which is the source for me. I am using filters on my laptop, have confined the duration of use to 1 hour btw 4 pm to 5 pm and use my sibling's smartphone for internet access so if I am alone with my laptop I do not have access to the internet. Getting far away from accessing the P has worked well for me. I am on a good streak and even when there are low days, urges I am forced to face it in a natural way. Try getting away from P, when your brain realizes that it can no longer have the pleasure it lets you control itself.
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Yeah, man. I really need to recalculate everything. I haven't been doing this right.
 
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Kaingang

Member
Hey Blue.

The same thing I suggested to Change I'll suggest to you...

Without blockers it's so much harder to stay away from P. even more at this early stage of reboot.

So I'm going to tell you what I've been using and that's helped me

On the phone: App called BlockSite (you can block your favorite porn sites manually and there is also a button to block adult content in general).

On the computer: I installed a blocker in the Google Chrome called Adult Blocker and uninstalled/blocked the other browsers in my notebook.

I hope this can help you. Take care!
 
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changemylife

Guest
Kaingang said:
Hey Blue.

The same thing I suggested to Change I'll suggest to you...

Without blockers it's so much harder to stay away from P. even more at this early stage of reboot.

So I'm going to tell you what I've been using and that's helped me

On the phone: App called BlockSite (you can block your favorite porn sites manually and there is also a button to block adult content in general).

On the computer: I installed a blocker in the Google Chrome called Adult Blocker and uninstalled/blocked the other browsers in my notebook.

I hope this can help you. Take care!
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I would need something that blocks P in general cause I don't know all the websites. I know some but, when I watch P, I don't go straight to that website. I wrote the names on google and then go to the website that has it. You know what I mean?
 
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changemylife

Guest
Kaingang said:
yes! but the both apps that I said to you have the two options: add websites and block porn sites in general..
Click to expand...
That's great.
 
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blueRaccoon

Active Member
Kaingang said:
Hey Blue.

The same thing I suggested to Change I'll suggest to you...

Without blockers it's so much harder to stay away from P. even more at this early stage of reboot.

So I'm going to tell you what I've been using and that's helped me

On the phone: App called BlockSite (you can block your favorite porn sites manually and there is also a button to block adult content in general).

On the computer: I installed a blocker in the Google Chrome called Adult Blocker and uninstalled/blocked the other browsers in my notebook.

I hope this can help you. Take care!
Click to expand...

Thanks man. I've started using a brick phone and don't have a smartphone so accessing P on phone is not a thing I can do. And for the notebook, I have turned on the filter in my antivirus software so it also helps, however, I'm still gonna do what you have suggested - installing blocker on chrome, and blocking other browsers. I have one question though, how do you block the other browsers? through the options in the OS or some other software? Thanks in advance. ;D
 
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blueRaccoon

Active Member
DAY #19

Clean without cravings.

Yesterday, after making an entry to the journal I spent a good amount of time on YBOP and it was so enlighting. Half of the thoughts I have had are induced by P. The "right thing" my brain suggested was nothing but my prefrontal cortex telling to be rational while the "go get it" is obviously the primitive brain. P addiction has made the Go-get-it circuit strong and rational circuit weak. The simple solution is to follow the rational circuit to make it strong while the go-get-it weakens by itself. The go-get-it circuit will remain there so it's better to modify it too. The craving and flashback are the activations of go-get-it and the result was PMO, a better idea would be to train the brain for some good activities thus forming new circuits. I have tried imagining a big X with a buzzer sound when I get a flashback but I also plan to do some physical activity for these. The brain will crave the dopamine it used to get and the solution to this is to get the dopamine naturally - friend, family, outdoors etc. Apart from that doing exercises and meditation help enforce the prefrontal cortex circuitry i.e. getting better control over our minds. I gonna follow this strategy from now (everyone is doing this knowingly or unknowingly).

And today was another usual day however I was able to improve a bit, I woke up half an hour earlier to what I usually do bearing in mind the reinforcement of the prefrontal cortex circuitry or simply doing the right thing as I called it earlier. I did exercise and meditation but would love to hear your suggestion on how to improve them. For the exercise, I do some yoga and calisthenics, the yoga is not a problem but I am struggling with calisthenics, any suggestions on that? and also on meditation?
 
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changemylife

Guest
blueRaccoon said:
DAY #19

Clean without cravings.

Yesterday, after making an entry to the journal I spent a good amount of time on YBOP and it was so enlighting. Half of the thoughts I have had are induced by P. The "right thing" my brain suggested was nothing but my prefrontal cortex telling to be rational while the "go get it" is obviously the primitive brain. P addiction has made the Go-get-it circuit strong and rational circuit weak. The simple solution is to follow the rational circuit to make it strong while the go-get-it weakens by itself. The go-get-it circuit will remain there so it's better to modify it too. The craving and flashback are the activations of go-get-it and the result was PMO, a better idea would be to train the brain for some good activities thus forming new circuits. I have tried imagining a big X with a buzzer sound when I get a flashback but I also plan to do some physical activity for these. The brain will crave the dopamine it used to get and the solution to this is to get the dopamine naturally - friend, family, outdoors etc. Apart from that doing exercises and meditation help enforce the prefrontal cortex circuitry i.e. getting better control over our minds. I gonna follow this strategy from now (everyone is doing this knowingly or unknowingly).

And today was another usual day however I was able to improve a bit, I woke up half an hour earlier to what I usually do bearing in mind the reinforcement of the prefrontal cortex circuitry or simply doing the right thing as I called it earlier. I did exercise and meditation but would love to hear your suggestion on how to improve them. For the exercise, I do some yoga and calisthenics, the yoga is not a problem but I am struggling with calisthenics, any suggestions on that? and also on meditation?
Click to expand...
I struggle with getting rid of the desire for pleasure. When urges built up, I lose control and all I think about is what great pleasure will come if I act on those urges.
 
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blueRaccoon

Active Member
DAY #20

Clean without cravings.

The days seem to pass pretty easily. My muscles were sore because of yesterday's routine so I decided to skip the exercise for today. Nights have been weird, I don't know when I fall asleep but it takes its own time after I go to bed, and mornings have been pretty lazy. I think I am oversleeping. I have started to work on controlling myself - skipping the sweet dish if I know it not good for me, studying when I have too irrespective of my mood etc. small things but seems to work for now. I have entered the 3rd week of the reboot and it's 17th clean day today. I would say the 2nd week had some troubles for me but till now 3rd week seems normal. For most of the fellow rebooters 3rd and 4th week have been the toughest and this is where some of them have relapsed. These are days when the protein binding the PMO circuitry starts to break. I am waiting to tackle the challenge head-on and get over it!!
 
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Circle

Member
Good work man! Stay strong, you sound like you will power right through the next few weeks. Your brain is already changing and soon enough you'll be on autopilot - the days will fly by :)
 
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blueRaccoon

Active Member
Thank you @Rebooter2019, your constant support means a lot.

Thanks @ circle, the brain is definitely changing. It feels like I have started to control the brain rather than the brain controlling me all the time however it still tries to dominate once in a while. Gotta work on that.
 
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blueRaccoon

Active Member
DAY #21

Clean with some cravings.

I did the meditation and yoga today. I have decided to split the calisthenics and yoga routine which I used to do together at one go. Yoga and meditation will be the part of the morning routine as to have a smooth and calm start of the day while the calisthenics would be in the evening as I have to get the energy out somewhere and also to make myself fit and well built (Any suggestion Yoga/Meditation/Calisthenic routine from your side is most welcomed!!).

The cravings I faced today were mostly due to a girl I saw and after that, there were weak cravings whenever I would have some dead time be it for a minute only. I was able to overcome these craving by getting myself busy with the work. Another thing that I have noticed is that my bathroom is somehow acting as a trigger. It's weird as I rarely did anything P related there. Maybe it's the fact that earlier my biggest trigger was being alone, in private, where I am assured that no one would see me and the bathroom is definitely such a place. At present, I am not worried about it much as somehow I am able to stop my mind from wandering here and there. One thing which I am yet to face is being alone which had caused the triggers in past. It is the most basic challenge which I have to pass in order to get over this addiction.
 
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Rebooter2019

Active Member
Love to see your progress! I'm really happy to do it when I feel that it can help you even a tiny bit! We're all in this together... if one win we all benefits and win indirectly. That's how I see it!

I think your routine is good. I don't do yoga. For the calisthenic training, I do it in the morning where I have the most amount of energy available! It's my personal preference though and maybe not something I would suggest to most people! The reason is I really kill myself with the training, so I can be really tired after such training. At the same time it help me start my journey with something I'm really proud to have done.

So it's a tradeof that I'm willing to do ;)

Keep going brother, you're on the right track that's for sure!!
 
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blueRaccoon

Active Member
DAY #22

Clean without cravings.

The was good, I did yoga and meditation but the yoga I have been doing is sort of a combination of yoga and calisthenics. I need to find a proper route to these two. I'll be doing my digging on the subjects and hope to make a proper routine for myself soon. The meditation has been good I guess, I am able to get a few minutes of NO-THINKING time but after that, it's just bombardment of thoughts. These random (clean) thoughts in my head did not let me sleep yesterday and I am also having a bit of headache in the forehead and sometimes on top of the head, I do feel my brain changing now. I get a feeling that I would be subjected to the alone time in the upcoming days, then I feel like I am stressing too much on this. Hope to get over it whenever it appears.
 
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blueRaccoon

Active Member
DAY #23

Clean with flashbacks.

I had an important test today and the entire day went by without much. I wasn't able to do yoga or meditation as I left for the test in the early morning. What seems to be interesting to me are the late night headache and flashback and early morning flashbacks. I think it was because I wasn't well prepared for the test and my brain was trying to pull me towards P using this as an excuse. I won't be doing much in the evening (post making the entry to journal) as I hope to rest for while. Ain't gonna watch anime, learned the lesson from last Sunday.

 
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Rebooter2019

Active Member
blueRaccoon said:
Thanks @Rebooter2019, I can sure get benefitted by your thoughts on meditation. How's your progress with that?
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I made good progress. I can get to the zone much faster now. Plus, I can reach more than an hour of meditation where before I was simply unable to!

Hope everything went well for your test. Keep going my fiend!!
 
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