Age 20. Do or do not. There is no try.

[deminounrae]

Thanks BluHeronFan I will listen to your advice.
One day at a time. It's exactly what I did the first time I rebooted. One day at a time. Words to live by 

Right now it's day 1, because yesterday I slipped again, wrote the long post afterwards, I was on day 5.

One day at a time.
I love you all

 

[Lero]

The urges/cravings are really intense and really difficult to deal with, but they don't last forever. If you can get through them, they'll eventually wear off for a while. Learning that I can get through those waves of cravings has been a huge help to my progress.

I've realized that if I went through a round of urges, they seemed to go away for a while. They would eventually return so it was like coming in waves. But I sabotage myself with edging during urges.

 

[Lero]

The biggest downer is that in this limbo I already told myself ten times that I would stop with porn... I hate the fact that I'm probably addicted.

That's the problem with those fucking addictions. Paths are created in the brain to "remember" the addiction and it could wake up anytime, even when we think we are done with. I've seen this happening to many guys. They though they were healed now only to return back to their old routine without even realizing. It's a tightrope situation and we have to be careful all the time.

 

[deminounrae]

I'm writing this on the middle of day 3

Day 2 has passed very well, it was a happy day and in the evening I went out with my girl to eat an ice cream, we ended up making out on a bench and then back home. Making my way home walking and upstairs I had this little f*cking douchebag of a voice saying:"Go PMO"
I took that little s*it and threw it out the window.
This morning I had sex twice. I have to say that I remember how it was before relapsing and I'm not even close. My sensitivity has decreased a little and my boners are not strong as they used to be. Sex is still very satisfying however and drains all my horniness away (and rightfully so).

After all I'm just thinking, was it worth it? Was it worth it to fall in to the hole of porn again? Thinking "I'm over it and I can live with it"
No it f*cking wasn't. Cause now I made a step back on my sex health and I feel super guilty.

I want to reboot. One day at a time

 

[dusty]

Thank you deminounrae for your reply in my journal - you have such a hard nickname, haha.

That's nice that after sex you get rid of horniness. I have completely different feelings. Usually I'd like to watch porn more because od chaser effect, have you heard about this?

It's an awesome idea to support each other. Indeed our stories are similar.

I'm going to checking your progress so don't disappoint me!

 

[deminounrae]

Day 4

The second half of day 3 was fun. I hung out with my friends and my girl. I drank some alcohol in the evening and then went straight to bed. No little voices, no urges nothing.
Today I woke up with a strong MW and I had to sit down and wait for it to pass before going to the bathroom .
Rest of the day I was at work, in a few hours I'll go play football with friends. I don't think I'll even have the energy to think at PMO.

One day at a time

Thank you Dusty. I won't disappoint you

 

[deminounrae]

Day 5

As I said, I didn't even think about doing PMO last night.
Today I woke up ten minutes before the alarm with MW. I talk about it because for me it's an indication that things are going fine. Before rebooting I very rarely had one. Having it almost every morning is a relief, for me is the proof that I'm healthy.
Then I went training I had lunch and now I'm at work. Tonight I'm going to something that we can call "a party in the woods". So there's no chance for any P.

Tomorrow I'll have sex and I'm curious if in these 2 days something has changed

 

[deminounrae]

Day 6

Sex has changed a bit, I'm not more sensitive but erections are stronger. I went to the sea and I can say that some girls are difficult to watch without getting a little horny, but when I see them I don't have any porn fantasy in mind or urges to PMO which I think it's good. In the evening I went to a party and although there were alcohol and girls, the moment I went to bed the last thing I thought was P. I see this as a step forward

 

[deminounrae]

Day 7

I spent the entire day at a cosplay fair. I was in a stand with some friends and I saw a lot of things. Again, some girls make me horny, but my mind doesn't fly around porn and in reality I don't have fantasies, it's just a stimuli. When everything ended and I went to bed, for not even a second I thought of PMO even if I had some sex thoughts but mostly about my girl

 

[deminounrae]

Day 8

I was tempted but I resisted. I ended up MO'ing in the afternoon, but I used no P and no fantasies at all. I accept that, for me there's nothing wrong, I just need to stay vigilant. The rest of the day went by, in the evening I was tempted again of watching P but I didn't so I'm ok.

 

[Lero]

Every good step is a step forward. Don't think about it like: "Fuck, man! Those urges are killing me!" Think about it like: "I' just passed a round of urges. I can do this. I'll give myself a high five." You see what I'm saying? It's focusing on how hard the urges are vs focusing on the fact that you pass them.

 

[LeanAndBop]

Hi,
I'm 20 and I think i'm very fortunate.
I started with PMO at 13. I almost always masturbated with porn. But I didn't considered myself an addict. It was more like an habit, a thing that I used to do while masturbating (blame my massive disinformation).
I didn't had a girlfriend until more or less 1 month ago. Things went very fast as I knew this woman for a while before. After 1 week I had my very first time having sex, and it was....ok.
First I was anxious, not able to get it up, she told me to make lunch and retry. I did and it worked, had sex all afternoon...BUT something wasn't right.
We had other sexual encounters and I started to noticed that I wasn't very sensitive, sometimes I didn't even finished, sometimes I just went soft in the middle of sex. Horrible. Handjobs and blowjobs were like nothing, just a little stimulation, nothing else. She was frustrated and I was too, but I didn't really knew what to do.
Here kicks in my fortune.
Months ago I saved in the youtube watchlater the Tedtalk in glasgow about the great porn experiment. I was bored and I watched it. IT OPENED MY EYES. I didn't even know that delayed ejaculation existed... Went on to yourbrainonporn.org and started connecting the dots. I found a post by a guy with my exact same problem and I was a little scared at first. Than I saw he recovered in a record time of 11 days. I decided to do the same thing.

So here I am quitting porn forever, I know that there are guys out there who have bigger problems with this issue and they have all my respect.

This is my journal, I don't think it will take long to reboot

I'm currently on day 8, but I will do the journal for those first seven days too.

Hey I've been there with the insensitivity. I literally couldn't finish after hours of sex. Eventually, after less PMO I got the sensitivity and now its no issue.
Hope you're good

 

[deminounrae]

Every good step is a step forward. Don't think about it like: "Fuck, man! Those urges are killing me!" Think about it like: "I' just passed a round of urges. I can do this. I'll give myself a high five." You see what I'm saying? It's focusing on how hard the urges are vs focusing on the fact that you pass them.

Wow that's a great new point of view. Thanks man!

Day 9

As I'm writing this I'm figuring out that 9 days are great!
I had a full , almost all fun day. I woke up in the morning (with a MW) , went training, I had sex and then jumped to work, after work I went to the cinema with my friends and then I went to bed. Before sleeping I usually had cravings of porn if had the cellphone in hand, but yesterday I just watched some comedic skits and that was it. I'm beginning to have the hard erections I had before slipping and it's great.

To Lero: yes I'm good now and sex is incredibly great but I have to keep the guard up, that's why I'm keeping the journal

 

[Do or die]

So be aware and write down your urges. Because you have new urges also in day 9 to day 50.

 

[dusty]

Every good step is a step forward. Don't think about it like: "Fuck, man! Those urges are killing me!" Think about it like: "I' just passed a round of urges. I can do this. I'll give myself a high five." You see what I'm saying? It's focusing on how hard the urges are vs focusing on the fact that you pass them.

Wow that's a great new point of view. Thanks man!

Day 9

As I'm writing this I'm figuring out that 9 days are great!
I had a full , almost all fun day. I woke up in the morning (with a MW) , went training, I had sex and then jumped to work, after work I went to the cinema with my friends and then I went to bed. Before sleeping I usually had cravings of porn if had the cellphone in hand, but yesterday I just watched some comedic skits and that was it. I'm beginning to have the hard erections I had before slipping and it's great.

To Lero: yes I'm good now and sex is incredibly great but I have to keep the guard up, that's why I'm keeping the journal

That's really good man. Keep going, beautiful journey ahead I think

 

[deminounrae]

Day 10-11

I had sex on day 10, which was until then a very boring day. I'm feeling way more comfortable now and I had plenty of fun doing it. I went to bed at 3 AM because of it and the day after (day 11) I was just like a Zombie all day ahahah (nobody ever laughs in this journals, I hope I will be the first of many). So the day went by between naps , work and a long, almost devastating, training in the late afternoon. I just collapsed in the bed. So no. No PMO

 

[deminounrae]

Day 14

These 3 days have passed well, I was super busy. On day 13 I decided to MO because I wanted to and something in my mind told me to watch porn. I didn't do it and I ended the right way. Now I know that my brain is still associating masturbation to porn. The simple way out will be no M for a while.
I was wondering how can a thing like P fuck you up so much. I personally have been desensitized by it. I recovered from that condition. Fell into it again just for two weeks and two weeks was enough to lose the MWs and having some trouble finishing again. Now that I'm back on track I'm feeling way better, but knowing that I have pathways in my brain is a little scary. I remember what it was like falling into it again... It started has a slip, I have watched some videos that said a slip is not a total relapse, if you're not bingeing you're ok just be careful. I have to say I wasn't feeling guilty, I was alright. Then the day after I was there again and just like that I knew I was hooked. In that moments I was like a spectator I knew it wasn't right but I did it. I lost a lot of my self-esteem in the process. I was proud of my streak and I had it broken in two days. I continued going back and forth not being able to stay away from it. Then, just like the first time, it was my girl who saved me. We had sex on her return and I knew that I wasn't sensitive as I was, that wasn't the erection I had before breaking the streak of no P.
So here I am doing it again because I want to be healty and be free from any addiction. I had to get it off my chest

 

[Lero]

Day 14

These 3 days have passed well, I was super busy. On day 13 I decided to MO because I wanted to and something in my mind told me to watch porn. I didn't do it and I ended the right way. Now I know that my brain is still associating masturbation to porn. The simple way out will be no M for a while.

This happens to a lot of people around here. They can't masturbate because they go back to PMO, including myself. There is always this debate about whether we should masturbate or not but I guess everybody could just ask their own question if they pay attention. If you see that masturbation pushed you back to P, forget about it, at least for a period of time.

I was wondering how can a thing like P fuck you up so much. I personally have been desensitized by it. I recovered from that condition. Fell into it again just for two weeks and two weeks was enough to lose the MWs and having some trouble finishing again. Now that I'm back on track I'm feeling way better, but knowing that I have pathways in my brain is a little scary.

Those pathways are there like a "memory". We could stay away from P for a long time but we could easily wake up those pathways and return back to it. This could piss you off but I like what Blue Heron said: I try to live my life like a former addict who handles it because I could never live like P has never existed. We have to manage it and be careful because we could easily return back to it. Have you heard of alcoholics or drug addicts who started using again after like 20 years? That's right. It's the fucking pathways.

I have watched some videos that said a slip is not a total relapse, if you're not bingeing you're ok just be careful.

This actually saved my life. I was burying myself, relapsing and feeling devastated, super depressed and so on. Starting to see one PMO as a step back only and not the end of the world, saved me. But binges or returning back to the PMO frequency is a total relapse for sure.

All right, man, good luck with this. You have 2 weeks.

 

[dusty]

two weeks without porn is great. MO is a hard topic for me. Sometimes it really helps but you have to be so careful with this. First of all masturbating to porn connected memories is so bad for us. I explain it to myself like that: 'it's much better to MO than PMO then if i really can't handle the temptation MO is my ultimate solution to avoid porn".

Take care

 

[dusty]

Hey, how is it going deminounrae?