Age 20. Do or do not. There is no try.

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deminounrae

Member
Hi

I hope things are going well for you because for me they are not. I slipped once 3 days ago and today again twice.
It's strange, the first slip was almost called for. Hundreds of things that accumulated to the point where I PMO'd. Today itnwas just that I needed a release valve and I fell back into temptation again. I know it's not the end of the world but I am a little sick of this back and forth condition I'm in.

When I rebooted the first time I was super motivated and I lasted all those days until I played with fire and got burned.

From that day on I'm doing this Porn free life but I'm not that motivated because I still feel healthy, but I know that porn is bad. So this lack of strong motivations keeps me in this sort of limbo. In 2 days time I'll be free from all duties and so will be my girl, so I think I'll be porn free for quite a while. Only time will tell. Sorry if I've let someone down
 
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dusty

Active Member
deminounrae said:
From that day on I'm doing this Porn free life but I'm not that motivated because I still feel healthy, but I know that porn is bad. So this lack of strong motivations keeps me in this sort of limbo. In 2 days time I'll be free from all duties and so will be my girl, so I think I'll be porn free for quite a while. Only time will tell. Sorry if I've let someone down
Click to expand...

But you'll see dome day that you're not really healthy. Maybe you'll still be able to have sex and so on, but porn fucks our minds. For sure. I think that no constant porn user can be really happy ever. I'm pretty sure about this. Because you only find a happinness in porn and sex.

I believe in you deminounrae.
 
No regrets

No regrets

Member
You are stronger than you give yourself credit for! I know it seems impossible, but you've got this. You've dealt with it for this long, you can keep going. It gets better. I want to tell you how proud i am of you and how far you've come- even if you don't believe in yourself. I can't promise it'll get better tomorrow- but i can promise we will be there with you on your hardest days
 
Do or die

Do or die

Respected Member
Control yourself . you can do it for 400 days if you make your mentality for 400 days . just trust yourself and control your mind.
 
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deminounrae

Member
I'm on day 9

Two days ago I had a super strong temptation, I almost fell. I had to MO to calm down. Now I'm back to normal. I try to keep super busy cause it works. I almost fell again but I didn't.
 
No regrets

No regrets

Member
Be proud of yourself for how hard you are trying. . Sometimes, your day isn't "challenging". It just plain sucks. Some days are hard and stupid and full of mistakes. And other people make you want to throw breakable objects at the wall. It's okat to curl up for a little bit so you can regroup. You'll get 'em tomorrow, tiger  :)
Stay gold my friend  :)
 
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deminounrae

Member
A long long time has passed and I am in deep shit.
I fell again but this time I am really hooked, more than I ever was. I'm trying everyday to quit but the best streak I have now is 1 day. This has happened already 20 times, 20 times I said I quit, 20 times I was back.
I moved alone in another state, I currently have no job so most of the days I'm just in my room and the temptation is there.
I failed the touch test.
The bad part is that life is going very good, except for the job part but that is just a momentary thing, all the things that I think are more important for me right now are going great. So why don't I just get rigged of this addiction?

I am making a statement to anyone who wants to read.
I am rebooting again.
I have to, before it's too late.

I had some really important people in my life telling me: you fall 100 times you get up 101

I will get up

It will be very difficult, much more than it was the first time, but I can do it.

 
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deminounrae

Member
Day 1

One very busy day. I helped with a wrestling event so I woke up and went. I wasn-t home until 11 PM so I ate something and went to sleep. I had no time to have cravings.
 
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deminounrae

Member
Day 2

Today I woke up and phoned home, first my mom then my girlfriend. I wasn't triggered by my girlfriend (sometimes has happened) because we talked about serious stuff. After lunch I went to the gym and probably if I didn't I would have just relapsed. Stupid music videos at the gym got me triggered a bit but, since I was in a public place nothing could happen. I went home had dinner and straight away managed to play DnD via Skype with some friends. Again I think that distracted my mind from cravings. After that I pratically went straight to sleep cause I was too tired from the gym. I am meditating to do hard mode or not. I know myself and staying too much time without MO doesn't work well for me, so I'll just go by feeling. I managed to do two days, I'm happy for that
 
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deminounrae

Member
Day 3

I played smart, since I know my cravings come after lunch. I stayed home being as productive as possible in the morning and went out to do the groceries in the afternoon, after that I went straight to training, then dinner then bed. I had thoughts before going out but that's about it. I managed to get through 3 days! I still haven't MO'd we'll see what tomorrow brings
 
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deminounrae

Member
Day 4

This was a difficult day. I had to stay home until training so I watched something really long and interesting and then I played some non trigger videogames and read a book. I went to training came back home had dinner and I went to sleep. I managed to get through the day even if the cravings were very strong in the afternoon.
It seemed impossible to me 1 week ago

I noticed that I don't have cravings for an O I have cravings for watching P and that is a bit disturbing.
Also MW are not showing up.
 
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deminounrae

Member
Day 5

Today I've passed a job interview! I was so happy that i've stayed outside all day. Didn't exercised today but I've watched a fil I have always adored as a kid after dinner. before going to bed I had massive cravings and almost fell. I managed to switch off my pc before doing something stupid but I was too horny and I MO'd before sleeping. I did responsibly and thinking just about feelings. THe strange fact is that I really struggled sleeping I was drowning in ideas and stuff. Luckily no P thoughts or something like that...

I got through another day I am happy
 
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Jeks

Well-Known Member
Good job on not relapsing to porn. Watch out for the chaser effect.
Restless mind and too much thoughts were symptoms ive also had. Often it helped me to write them down, so i dont have the obligation to hold on to them in my mind. Good job on your job interview.
 
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IamMayor

Member
deminounrae said:
A long long time has passed and I am in deep shit.
I fell again but this time I am really hooked, more than I ever was. I'm trying everyday to quit but the best streak I have now is 1 day. This has happened already 20 times, 20 times I said I quit, 20 times I was back.
I moved alone in another state, I currently have no job so most of the days I'm just in my room and the temptation is there.
I failed the touch test.
The bad part is that life is going very good, except for the job part but that is just a momentary thing, all the things that I think are more important for me right now are going great. So why don't I just get rigged of this addiction?

I am making a statement to anyone who wants to read.
I am rebooting again.
I have to, before it's too late.

I had some really important people in my life telling me: you fall 100 times you get up 101

I will get up

It will be very difficult, much more than it was the first time, but I can do it.
Click to expand...

I read your whole journal , Lol you have been on quite a journey and I would like to congratulate you ,it takes a lot of courage and self determination to put in all the effort you have. I noticed how you have been dealing with multiple relapses and all and IMO it has just been a simple case of The Chaser Effect ,its no big deal unless it is fed.
Having an urge is not a problem its paying it attention that should worry us. Since you have now been separated from your GF I too can confirm its no easy situation but it is also the best time to get a lot of your stuff in order. Addiction wise or other 'personal' wise this is the time to get all that introspection going.

I know you will do well. Keep up the fight and live through each and every urge as a battle you have to and will win.
 
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deminounrae

Member
This is not the first time I write here but I needed to talk to someone. Covid has actually brought me back home so now I can stay with my GF , we don't live together but we see each other multiple times in a week.
I'm having an amazing time with her both emotionally and sexually BUT I still can't get rid of the addiction, going past a week is so very difficult when day 7 hits I just can't resist. Usually in the weekend we can't see each other and there is were I almost always fall. I'm trying to think at doing something else when I feel the urge but I struggle so much in putting these things to practice (these things are : finishing a book, write stories, prepare stuff for my DnD or workout).
Today I was in the situation where it just hit me , I was home alone, after my GF said to me at the last minute that we couldn't meet each other (not by her fault) and I just relapsed, I tried to fight it but I just.... couldn't
After it I felt so bad , I felt so sad deep inside...
Two days ago I tried to spread awareness on P addiction to some of my friends and I wanted to be a good example, but I just couldn't....

I'm sorry I had to write this, I hope that someone reads it, I would really need some motivation right now. I don't know if talking to my GF would fix it...

With that said, I'm not going to give up, I have made a promess and I am going to respect it , I will be free
 
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deminounrae

Member
I'm continuing to fall into relapses, but now I can most definitely say that I know what times and in what circumstances I am the most vulnerable.
I want to make this statement: I will not watch P from now on

I'm putting my willpower into it, because I didn't do it in the last 2 months

I can do it
I will do it
 
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