A new beginning

[Quitforeverthenwin]

Great information here guys.... avoiding those dopamine rushes is big! A good message for me, to put more into avoiding them.

Basketball/ sports in general are great. I got a little into basketball during one of my reboots and it was hugely helpful. Sports, especially team ones are some of the best things ever. It's exercise and social, and the cool thing is even when you feel awful you can still play and be social even if you feel a little awkward.

 

[pichaelthompson]

Thanks @BlueHeronfan! I realized that when I take the steps to avoid the artificial sources of dopamine, the genuine dopamine hits from being with friends, playing music, and exercising are all the more satisfying, so that's an extra motivator as well!

@Quitforeverthenwin yeah definitely! I think a part of it is accepting that the rushes will come when you don't want them to, but always knowing you can just let them pass and move on with your life yeah basketball is dope, reallly fun and also an amazing cardio workout if you're going hard!

Pretty good day, got some good basketball in and am feeling really good at where I am physically and mentally at this point, while still realizing there's alot to improve upon. My violin practicing has been good but I feel like it can be better...I feel motivated during the day to improve but oftentimes I feel the most motivation right before bed, after the day is pretty much over which is weird lol. I'm going to try to push myself just a little bit more and see what happens. Outside of that, I've been dealing with urges the same way so I hope a minimal increase in workload will not affect the vigilance I have kept so far

 

[Quitforeverthenwin]

Sounds good! That makes sense, things seem to be going well and slowly methodically adding more in, sounds like a plan.

 

[BlueHeronFan]

Good stuff!

I really like how our journeys of recovery involve so much more than just quitting PMO. We're really working to become healthier, better people in every aspect of our lives, and that's an inspiring thing. Keep it up!

 

[pichaelthompson]

Thanks again guys! Yeah I think rebooting is really a lifestyle change, even if it's just small changes, as I have realized my addiction has definitely hurt many aspects of my life in the past.

Good day, pushed myself more than I usually did, so some tiredness is to be expected. I have a big audition at the end of the month so I really want to make the most out of every day, music-wise especially so I have 0 regrets when I step on stage for that audition. I think a way to "hack" rebooting is to really hone in on the things that you want to achieve, rather than just sitting on your hands and be like "yay I'm not PMO'ing," and not change anything else, I honestly think it speeds up your recovery so that you need less days to achieve stronger results. This is just speculative, but I feel so much better about my progress with dealing with urges this time around compared to past reboots when I was pretty much the same person outside of PMOing. Anyways I'm super tired so I'm about to pass out lol

 

[Quitforeverthenwin]

Awesome man! That is a great kind of tired, busting your ass on things that you want.

I totally agree, my first long streak I basically forgot about pmo because I was working on a major goal. On that note, I have just started working on goal setting. I know goals are really related to dopamine and I feel setting and achieving even small goals must be a good way to get the brain working properly again, delayed gratification, healthy dopamine usage etc.

 

[pichaelthompson]

Had a really fucked up dream involving "sex robots" which has kind of bummed me out so far today...I know dreams are random and don't mean anything but it's so vivid in my memory it is starting to bother me a little bit, and did trigger some urges. Regardless, I'm gunna stay strong cause there's much work to do, I meditated which I think helped a little, felt really anxious in class today but there's plenty of day left to make the most out of, no need to sulk in my own despair when I can do things that make me feel better in a healthier, more sustainable way.

 

[Quitforeverthenwin]

Mine didn't involve sex robots but I had a weird pmoish dream a few months ago.... I can't remember what it was a bout! but I felt the same way. That right there is a message that it'll pass. Remember the rough patches always patch! I  had a pretty long one but the last few days have been good. It feels bad, but good things are still happening in your brain.

 

[BlueHeronFan]

Man, PMO-related dreams mess me up for a day or two when they happen. Stay the course though! (Not like you need me to tell you that)

I think you're right on with your "hack." If all we're thinking about is quitting PMO, we're still just thinking about PMO all day, and that doesn't help anything. If we switch to thinking about goals, though, that's a real change of our mindset and habits of thinking. Great insight!

 

[pichaelthompson]

Thanks guys! Urges, are strong today, it's like my brain is trying to find an excuse to fantasize from anything I do...I'm going to take a nap bc I've been pretty sleep deprived and hopefully I'l feel better later. Regardless, I think I need to be kinder to myself as I often scold myself for slipping up into fantasizing, looking at a youtube video that would turn me on. It's hard finding that balance between compassion and discipline, and sometimes both is needed greatly at the same time, especially when urges get really bad.

 

[Quitforeverthenwin]

Stay strong bro!I'd say ESPECIALLY avoid the youtube video like the plague that is a slippery dangerous slope. I feel you, finding that balance is hard.

Part of it, I think is being both. Being super strict about not doing any of this bad stuff but without chastizing ourselves or being mad for wanting to or imperfects. Almost like avoiding it is a way to take care of ourselves.

 

[BlueHeronFan]

I was right where you are a couple days ago. The strong urges are AWFUL! But they've settled down as I've gone through the week. It might take a while, but they will die down, so keep doing what you know you should and stay clear of anything that could tip you over the edge.

I've been doing meditation and learning about anxiety a lot lately. One of the things I listened to recently said that when we just pay attention to the physical sensation of anxiety, where is it in the body, what does it feel like, etc., we approach that anxiety with curiosity instead of worry. And, because curiosity feels better than worry, our brain starts to build a new habit around curiosity instead of worrying.

It might be that what you need to do now is just lose yourself in some task--exercise, dancing, some kind of handiwork--and just get your mind away from any urges. But, it might also be useful to spend some time understanding what you feel when you feel an urge, not worrying about it or judging it or acting on it, but just understanding it. Depending on my mood that could either help me or push me over the edge, so you'll have to decide what's right for you now.

Either way, we're here for you. Don't let those urges have their way!

 

[pichaelthompson]

Thanks guys! Yeah @blueheronfan that's a really good idea that connects alot from what I am starting to get out of meditation, I think I instinctually try to push anxiety down when I'm around people, but that only makes it come back stronger. My worry is always that if I lean into my anxiety that I will act even weirder than I already am being, but even if that's the case that's the only way I can move forward and not let it effect me as much. I think I'm at the point in the streak where there are no real benefits to speak of, as well as fluctuating urges. I just gotta keep reminding myself that this is better than PMO because of my long-term goals, and continue to look towards things in the future; my big audition in a couple weeks, and then get to see some of my best friends and road trip around in the summer. While it hit me especially hard the last few days that I haven't made any deep connections with people during my time here in grad school since the year is pretty much over, I won't let that take away from who I am towards the people I care about and the people that care about me.

 

[BlueHeronFan]

Recovery can definitely be a bit of a drag sometimes. We turn to PMO because it lets us trade the anxiety of life for a dopamine high, so I guess it isn't surprising that things can seem a little flat or a little bleak without it. But we're in the process of readjusting to normal stimuli, and I guess that takes time.

And I'm with you on grad school. It can be hard to make connections. Even harder not to feel anxiety all the time. Grad school is hard, and grad students deal with anxiety and depression at something like three times the rate of the general population. I don't mean to be discouraging, just to say that we need to take time to take care of ourselves, whatever that means.

I think recovery and grad school are both ways to do something really hard (that we sometimes wonder if it's even worth it) in order to have a better life in the future. I don't know why we decided to put ourselves through both at the same time lol, but just think of the lives we'll have when we're through  ;D They'll definitely both be worth it!

 

[pichaelthompson]

Thanks @BlueHeronFan, yes patience is definitely key. For sure it's important to take care of ourselves in healthy ways, I got to play some bball yesterday with people which definitely made me feel better

Urges are present, but not as bad as earlier. I do know that I want to be ready (whatever that means) for a relationship as soon as possible, and I truly believe no PMO is the best way to get there. Relationships with people are always going to be unpredictable, so all we can control is ourselves to be ready for anything, otherwise we will miss potentially life changing opportunities. Only 2 weeks left of school, and I'm going to do what I can to make every day count and finish the year strong.

 

[BlueHeronFan]

You got it! We're on the last couple weeks of class too. It's going to be a big push to the end, but we can do it!

And I know exactly what you mean: I want a relationship and I want to make sure that I'm actually ready for it when it comes. I want to give the best version of me to whoever I end up with, and kicking this habit is a huge part of that. Let's get us worked out so that we can be the kinds of guys that will attract the kinds of women we want to attract!

 

[Quitforeverthenwin]

No doubt about that, no pmo is the way to go 100%. Keep it up!

 

[pichaelthompson]

Another day, not as productive as I've hoped for but thats okay, I feel more peaceful and less anxious than I usually do. Hope to do better tomorrow!

 

[Quitforeverthenwin]

Great man, glad to hear you had a good day!

 

[pichaelthompson]

Final stretch, I've been feeling more of an urge to just be generally lazy rather than PMO, which is less stressful but has also hurt my production these last couple days. I think my brain is like "good job not PMO'ing, as a reward you can just watch netflix/youtube and chill." I think it's partly because I am already in "summer mode" with a week of school to go, but I gotta remind myself to just focus on what I have to do every day and not look too far ahead. If I do that, the future will be naturally brighter...3 days till I hit the 30 day mark!