Have you thought about what you are doing leading up to the urges to go to chat rooms? It sounds like you may need to really evaluate where the urges come from and build a structure around that to avoid the urges altogether.
For me, for instance, most of my urges come in 1 of 4 situations:
1. Playing on my phone, in particular social media, but can be anything
2. Sitting around watching tv/movies/youtube by myself
3. Laying in bed trying to fall asleep
4. Drunk.
To solve for 1 and 2, I have gone on a full 7 day detox where I am engaging with 0 media entertainment and 0 social media (other than this). For 3 I googled things to think of to fall asleep and have been trying those instead of turning to sexual fantasy to relax for sleep. For the 4th I have cut out alcohol. It's been so nice so far, that I am going to keep it going past the 7 days. I may allow myself a little alcohol with friends after the 7 days, but am going to hold it to an amount where I don't get drunk.
Surprisingly, I haven't missed the media I have cut out. It honestly feels way better to not sit around watching things but to engage in the real world and feel productive instead,
The other thing I might suggest you consider, is what else you want in your life, besides to not use porn. Instead of focusing so much on not using porn, maybe focus on planning out and taking concrete actions to get what you want out of life. Since I haven't been wasting time on media, I have finally started learning some coding to work on a project with friends, finally done some organizing around my home I have been putting off for a year and started furnishing my place, been reading a gigantic book on learning technical analysis for trading stocks and crypto, and working on creating a Udemy course to bring in some passive income.
I think identifying urge generators and productive things to focus on instead can go a long way.
Thanks for your advice
@logicprox . So for me if I think of the lead upto the day 7 or the day of relapse these things usually happen in a sequence-
1. I would have abstained from all forms of P and sex . I would have abstained completely from even thinking or recalling or actually having sex with wife .
2. I would have typically over eaten the day or the day before relapse a lot of junk food .
3. I would have put myself in a lonely environment that even with actually there is work that needs to be done as part of my job but there are feelings looming in my mind due to various and random reasons like boredom or loneliness or disinterest in what I am suppose to get done or hatred/envy towards someone or something that makes me seek out relief or pleasure via explicit materials on phone .
4. Lonely moments after running clean streak of 5-8 days in which thoughts of previous euphoric moments that resulted due to indulgence in explicit content .
5. I am nowadays not at all sexually active in real life marriage .
so what I think I should do -
1. I don’t have to do anything about 1.
2. I have been trying to get myself disciplined in eating but I am not there yet so 2. Is under works
3. I can think of working on mindfulness or guided meditations For solving 3.
4. again for 4. I need to deliberately keep thoughts of previous euphoric recalls out of my mind somehow with practice and perseverance.
5. I could either start improving my real life intimacy with my partner or wait until I heal from chat room addictions.
so In summary here’s what I should do to heal myself of this addiction-
1. Get super disciplined in eating habits .
2. Practice guided meditations to keep negative feelings or thoughts under check .
3. deliberately put out thoughts of P or chat rooms that arise in mind while I am making clean streak days progress .
4. improve my intimacy With my real life partner (this will the tough one for now)
I believe if I do 1.2 and 3 consistently 4 should fall into place gradually all by itself In a few months .
sounds like a plan . Not so easy to actually do it but I have to if I want to be happy and content .
MI30S