Recovery is an incredible process
- Thread starter faenoe
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faenoe
Active Member
The last couple of days have been a whirlwind.
I have been super stressed out over that past three days because of a paper I have to do for my English class. It requires a lot of research and has been taking me forever to make progress on it. But somehow I'm here now. A little closer to finishing it.
I spent most of the day on Saturday being productive and also trying to work on my paper. Didn't do much else. Was just about to go to sleep around 10 on Saturday and then my roommate came home and wanted to go get food so I went with him. I ended up going to bed pretty late (for me) at around 1. Sunday I just felt kinda off for the whole day. I was still really stressed about my paper so I tried going to sleep early so I could work on it this morning. Turns out, I could sleep for very long and I ended up waking up at 1:30 AM. Since I wasn't able to fall back asleep I decided I should probably just get up and work on my paper. So I did. And so, I've been up since 1:30 today haha. I guess if my body doesn't want to sleep when I want it to, it won't get any. I should be able to sleep really well tonight though.
Just barely had some pretty strong urges but only for about a minute. It was weird. I know that I don't want to look and porn anymore and I feel ok accepting that. It doesn't have anything I want. So, I decided that instead of looking at porn, I'd get on here and write my past few days out.
Onward and upwards. Pretty sure I'm over two weeks now!
I have been super stressed out over that past three days because of a paper I have to do for my English class. It requires a lot of research and has been taking me forever to make progress on it. But somehow I'm here now. A little closer to finishing it.
I spent most of the day on Saturday being productive and also trying to work on my paper. Didn't do much else. Was just about to go to sleep around 10 on Saturday and then my roommate came home and wanted to go get food so I went with him. I ended up going to bed pretty late (for me) at around 1. Sunday I just felt kinda off for the whole day. I was still really stressed about my paper so I tried going to sleep early so I could work on it this morning. Turns out, I could sleep for very long and I ended up waking up at 1:30 AM. Since I wasn't able to fall back asleep I decided I should probably just get up and work on my paper. So I did. And so, I've been up since 1:30 today haha. I guess if my body doesn't want to sleep when I want it to, it won't get any. I should be able to sleep really well tonight though.
Just barely had some pretty strong urges but only for about a minute. It was weird. I know that I don't want to look and porn anymore and I feel ok accepting that. It doesn't have anything I want. So, I decided that instead of looking at porn, I'd get on here and write my past few days out.
Onward and upwards. Pretty sure I'm over two weeks now!
BlueHeronFan
Respected Member
Good stuff! Papers for English classes have a way of taking over. Congratulations on getting it done!
It's also great that you're dealing with urges with such a cool head. You're exactly right that porn doesn't have anything to offer you. The urge is a sign that something in your life needs attention and your brain thinks porn will solve the problem. If you use the urge as a sign that you need to do something healthy to take care of yourself, you're on the right track. Glad you posted here instead! Train your brain to use the internet for good instead of for addiction!
It's also great that you're dealing with urges with such a cool head. You're exactly right that porn doesn't have anything to offer you. The urge is a sign that something in your life needs attention and your brain thinks porn will solve the problem. If you use the urge as a sign that you need to do something healthy to take care of yourself, you're on the right track. Glad you posted here instead! Train your brain to use the internet for good instead of for addiction!
faenoe
Active Member
Dear friends,
I spent the entire day working on my research paper and now I have a complete first draft. I was going to wait until tomorrow to post but I decided to hop on real quick and give an update. It has been a stressful week. I had another interview with a company I want to intern with and I have otherwise been doing homework.
This morning, I went to work out and mid way through my workout, this girl came in and started running on the treadmill. After she was done running, she asked me what my name was. It was really cool. I thought she was pretty cute and she seemed to match my level of maturity. I think it would be cool to ask her on a date.
Anyways, there's my update. Oh yeah, still going strong btw. I think I had some urges yesterday but they don't seem nearly as powerful as they used to. Living life without porn is so wonderful. Thanks for you love and support. Peace.
I spent the entire day working on my research paper and now I have a complete first draft. I was going to wait until tomorrow to post but I decided to hop on real quick and give an update. It has been a stressful week. I had another interview with a company I want to intern with and I have otherwise been doing homework.
This morning, I went to work out and mid way through my workout, this girl came in and started running on the treadmill. After she was done running, she asked me what my name was. It was really cool. I thought she was pretty cute and she seemed to match my level of maturity. I think it would be cool to ask her on a date.
Anyways, there's my update. Oh yeah, still going strong btw. I think I had some urges yesterday but they don't seem nearly as powerful as they used to. Living life without porn is so wonderful. Thanks for you love and support. Peace.
BlueHeronFan
Respected Member
Sounds like a great report! Huge congratulations for getting a first draft done, that's awesome!
I think it would probably would be cool to ask her on a date. Why not make it happen? I got some good advice just recently to see dating as a practice. Whether it works out with a particular person or not, it all gives you experience and prepares you for the day when you eventually meet someone you'll spend a long time with. Give it a shot!
I'm glad to hear you're going strong still. Just keep on going, one good day at a time!
I think it would probably would be cool to ask her on a date. Why not make it happen? I got some good advice just recently to see dating as a practice. Whether it works out with a particular person or not, it all gives you experience and prepares you for the day when you eventually meet someone you'll spend a long time with. Give it a shot!
I'm glad to hear you're going strong still. Just keep on going, one good day at a time!
faenoe
Active Member
BlueHeronFan said:
I think I just might!
Well, today is November 6 which means ONE MONTH free of PMO! Thank you all so much for your support in my journey! I am going to set my next goal on my original post. Before this month, the longest I had gone over the past year was probably no longer than a week so being a part of this community is definitely making a difference. Much love to all of you.
I definitely think the last few days have been the hardest of all. It's almost like my brain is searching for anything to de-stress itself but I am teaching it the PMO is not the avenue it will take. Over the past week and a half, I have been going strong doing my coursework and working. It feels good to have a month under my belt. I felt a really high libido yesterday and the day before. It was kinda annoying but I made it through by focusing on getting homework done and working out. Stay strong as ever boys. Next goal, here we come!
BlueHeronFan
Respected Member
Way to go! A month free of PMO! That's something to celebrate!
It's awesome that you're going strong right now and taking the urges/triggers in stride.
Keep it going! One month plus one day is a great place to be!
It's awesome that you're going strong right now and taking the urges/triggers in stride.
Keep it going! One month plus one day is a great place to be!
quitforeverthenwin2
Well-Known Member
Just read the whole journal, great stuff man!
Keep going strong. Remember, there are lots of healthy ways to distress! It's great you have a roomate, I think having that having someone nearby and it being very easy to socialize is excellent, even if we don't always feel like it.
Keep going strong. Remember, there are lots of healthy ways to distress! It's great you have a roomate, I think having that having someone nearby and it being very easy to socialize is excellent, even if we don't always feel like it.
faenoe
Active Member
It pains me to write this but this morning I MO'd. Last night I was going to go to sleep at 9pm and get plenty of rest for today. Right as I was going to go into my bedroom, someone I know showed up and wanted to talk for two and a half hours. After she left, I went to bed but my roommates were being super loud and I couldn't fall asleep. I was getting pretty angry which only made it more difficult for sleep to find me. Eventually, I got up and politely said, "Hey you guys are being pretty loud. I'm having trouble sleeping. Thanks." They seemed to quiet down a little bit after that but I didn't fall asleep until after 2AM (which is realllllllly late for me since I get up at 5:30 every morning). This morning, I guess I forgot that MO isn't an appropriate way to deal with stress and emotions :L
Anyways, I'm going to set a new goal and keep at it guys. Sorry to disappoint y'all but I'm not gonna give up or anything.
Anyways, I'm going to set a new goal and keep at it guys. Sorry to disappoint y'all but I'm not gonna give up or anything.
BlueHeronFan
Respected Member
Sorry to hear it, man, but, as you know, all is not lost. It's a learning experience. Emotional triggers are real, and it's important to find ways to deal with strong emotions/stress in healthy and useful ways.
Nothing messes me up more than not getting the right amount of sleep. That's a tough thing to have happen.
Tomorrow is a new day. You can get right back on track, no matter what happened today!
Nothing messes me up more than not getting the right amount of sleep. That's a tough thing to have happen.
Tomorrow is a new day. You can get right back on track, no matter what happened today!
faenoe
Active Member
Hey guys, just thought I would check in. I'm working on another big project that I can't wait to be finished with. It's due in a week but I want to get it done by tomorrow so it's off my plate. I'm just listening to music and trying to do some writing.
I made it through my first day. Feeling really antsy about sitting here at my computer. I think I need to go work out or something. I definitely don't want to look at porn and begin the spiral of death. I want complete abstinence. That is the goal I am sticking to.
I made it through my first day. Feeling really antsy about sitting here at my computer. I think I need to go work out or something. I definitely don't want to look at porn and begin the spiral of death. I want complete abstinence. That is the goal I am sticking to.
BlueHeronFan
Respected Member
It's a good goal, stick with it for sure. Complete abstinence is the only thing that has ever worked for me.
Working on a big project always makes me antsy too. It's a good idea to get it done, but I think you're right to think about working out or something. It's good to break up all the brain work with some healthy body movement.
Keep it up!
Working on a big project always makes me antsy too. It's a good idea to get it done, but I think you're right to think about working out or something. It's good to break up all the brain work with some healthy body movement.
Keep it up!
faenoe
Active Member
Wow a lot has happened since I last posted. No PMO though!
It's been ten days since my last journal entry. I have had an amazing week. I got a lot of projects finished and so far, this is the best semester I have had academically. I haven't missed any assignments all semester and I have done well on all of my exams. Hard work is the most satisfying thing when you can see it paying off.
A couple of weeks ago, I was on vacation with some friends. I saw this girl while we were on our trip and I wanted to get to know her so I got her number. At the beginning of last week, I texted her and it turned out that she was coming to where I live the following weekend. I asked her on a date. We had a ton of fun and I'm going to where she lives this weekend. I really enjoyed her company and it felt so different to spend time with a real girl than with P. Real girls are infinitely better, no contest. I'm really excited to see her again this weekend.
I just finished all of my homework for this week and it feels good to finally be able to relax. I am really looking forward to next week because of the holiday coming up.
Just feeling super good.
It's been ten days since my last journal entry. I have had an amazing week. I got a lot of projects finished and so far, this is the best semester I have had academically. I haven't missed any assignments all semester and I have done well on all of my exams. Hard work is the most satisfying thing when you can see it paying off.
A couple of weeks ago, I was on vacation with some friends. I saw this girl while we were on our trip and I wanted to get to know her so I got her number. At the beginning of last week, I texted her and it turned out that she was coming to where I live the following weekend. I asked her on a date. We had a ton of fun and I'm going to where she lives this weekend. I really enjoyed her company and it felt so different to spend time with a real girl than with P. Real girls are infinitely better, no contest. I'm really excited to see her again this weekend.
I just finished all of my homework for this week and it feels good to finally be able to relax. I am really looking forward to next week because of the holiday coming up.
Just feeling super good.
faenoe
Active Member
Also wanted to share this article that a friend of mine sent me: https://markmanson.net/fuck-yes Pardon the language but I think the message could be helpful to someone.
BlueHeronFan
Respected Member
Wow, it all sounds awesome! Staying clean, getting through school, going on a good date!
I'm really glad to hear that you're feeling super good. That's where you want to be. Keep it up!
I'm really glad to hear that you're feeling super good. That's where you want to be. Keep it up!
quitforeverthenwin2
Well-Known Member
Man congrats bro! That is super super awesome, and yes real girls are soooo much better than P. When away from dating for awhile, one can forget that, how amazing reality can be.
Thanks for the article, Mark Mason has some good stuff, will check it out for sure. Reading good stuff is just an awesome boost from time to time.
Edit: Reading the article. What a coincidence! Was just thinking about this very topic, great article as I incoropate this more and more into my dating life things are much better and a lot more peace of mind.
Thanks for the article, Mark Mason has some good stuff, will check it out for sure. Reading good stuff is just an awesome boost from time to time.
Edit: Reading the article. What a coincidence! Was just thinking about this very topic, great article as I incoropate this more and more into my dating life things are much better and a lot more peace of mind.
faenoe
Active Member
Hey team, I'm looking for advice or experience today.
So last night, this girl I posted about earlier invited me over for dinner. I was really excited all day for it and I usually get a ton of anxiety before dates (which makes it hard for me to eat) but this time I was feeling okay. Anyways, we ate dinner and then watched a movie. About halfway through, we started making out. Since I had never kissed anyone before, it didn't really feel natural. It was a new experience. I felt really weird afterwards. Anyways, has anyone else had a similar experience, or how do you guys usually feel after a lot of kissing? I really like this girl so I don't know why it felt so weird but it did.
So last night, this girl I posted about earlier invited me over for dinner. I was really excited all day for it and I usually get a ton of anxiety before dates (which makes it hard for me to eat) but this time I was feeling okay. Anyways, we ate dinner and then watched a movie. About halfway through, we started making out. Since I had never kissed anyone before, it didn't really feel natural. It was a new experience. I felt really weird afterwards. Anyways, has anyone else had a similar experience, or how do you guys usually feel after a lot of kissing? I really like this girl so I don't know why it felt so weird but it did.
BlueHeronFan
Respected Member
Definitely not an expert, but could it be that it was weird because it was new? Maybe going from 0 to 60 was a lot all at once.
I don't know, I feel like the first anything is going to be weird on some level. Looking back on my first kiss, it was definitely my weirdest and worst kiss, but things change with time and experience. If you still like her and she still likes you, I don't think there's too much to worry about. (And I say that knowing that I would definitely be worrying about everything if I were in a similar situation. I know that worrying is counterproductive, but it still happens despite my best efforts.)
In other words, it kind of sounds like you're moving forward and getting into new territory, and that's exciting. Whatever happens, you're learning and progressing, so keep it up!
I don't know, I feel like the first anything is going to be weird on some level. Looking back on my first kiss, it was definitely my weirdest and worst kiss, but things change with time and experience. If you still like her and she still likes you, I don't think there's too much to worry about. (And I say that knowing that I would definitely be worrying about everything if I were in a similar situation. I know that worrying is counterproductive, but it still happens despite my best efforts.)
In other words, it kind of sounds like you're moving forward and getting into new territory, and that's exciting. Whatever happens, you're learning and progressing, so keep it up!
faenoe
Active Member
Thanks for the reply, I can't thank you enough for your input. It just helps to have someone to tell all of this stuff to. I decided to stop worrying about it and it seems like I felt pretty good about everything after a day had passed. This holiday weekend we have spent every night texting and talking about life together. Unfortunately she's kinda far away but I guess I knew that when I asked her out initially.
Life has been good these past few days. Pretty much no urges but after a very long break, I did spend some time on Instagram this morning and was astonished at how quickly I was bombarded by images of girls in swimming suits or with a lot of cleavage. I was able to get out fast before any pathways got triggered. I think the one thing that has helped me most since joining this forum is remembering that porn is any artificial sexual stimulation. There's no "dipping your feet" that is safe when it comes to looking at girls. It always leads to regrets.
Anyways, thanks for your guys' support and keep going forward!
Life has been good these past few days. Pretty much no urges but after a very long break, I did spend some time on Instagram this morning and was astonished at how quickly I was bombarded by images of girls in swimming suits or with a lot of cleavage. I was able to get out fast before any pathways got triggered. I think the one thing that has helped me most since joining this forum is remembering that porn is any artificial sexual stimulation. There's no "dipping your feet" that is safe when it comes to looking at girls. It always leads to regrets.
Anyways, thanks for your guys' support and keep going forward!