Recovery is an incredible process

[BlueHeronFan]

I think the one thing that has helped me most since joining this forum is remembering that porn is any artificial sexual stimulation. There's no "dipping your feet" that is safe when it comes to looking at girls. It always leads to regrets.

Anyways, thanks for your guys' support and keep going forward!

Anytime, I'm glad it's helpful! I know having this place as an outlet has really helped me.

And what you said about there not being any safe artificial stimulation is exactly right. I'm glad you could recognize it, catch yourself, and get out. Those social media apps can be really dangerous, gotta be careful.

It's also good that you're feeling better about the girl and staying in contact with her. Exciting times!

 

[quitforeverthenwin2]

Keep up the good work man! Yeah for sure instagram is good to avoid. I definetly agree, avoid all the external.

Man sorry I am late on this news, but CONGRATS ON YOUR FIRST KISS! That is big man, that's a step in life that's pretty damn far on PMO. And yeah man, it's pretty normal for it to feel weird especially since you have to rewire to it. Keep up doing what you are doing, staying away from porn. SLOWLY and PATIENTLY escalating/ maintaining things with this girl and you will love kissing pretty soon.

 

[faenoe]

I am back here guys! I have not been as strong as I would like to be so I am going to be returning to the forum to gain the support that helped me so much in my previous efforts. Thank you all so much for being here.

Today I am feeling strong urges to view porn but I decided that I would jump on here and write about it before I go and work out. I don't want the fake substitute. I want to stay strong for the confidence in myself and for the the ability to stay sober for my future wife/family.

Keep up the great work and involvement. I have updated my goals on my first post.

 

[wecandoit]

I am back here guys! I have not been as strong as I would like to be so I am going to be returning to the forum to gain the support that helped me so much in my previous efforts. Thank you all so much for being here.

Today I am feeling strong urges to view porn but I decided that I would jump on here and write about it before I go and work out. I don't want the fake substitute. I want to stay strong for the confidence in myself and for the the ability to stay sober for my future wife/family.

Keep up the great work and involvement. I have updated my goals on my first post.

Welcome back. Being part of a community that deals with the same problem can be that +1 that we need. When I get hard urges, it helps to read/watch stuff about porn addiction recovery or nofap. It helps me switch the attention from "I want porn so bad" to "here is why I want to quit." It reinforces my promise and plan.

 

[faenoe]

DAY 1:

This past week has been a nightmare. I have not only relapsed but I have felt the addictive mindset begin to return to me. Almost all throughout work yesterday I was thinking about looking at porn and then when I finished at work I wasn't able to stop myself. I felt totally trapped. Right now I'm at the point where I don't even want to quit because of how addictive porn is, but I am going to try anyways.

GOALS

• one week without any artificial sexual stimulation
• post on here every day for the next week.
  

 

[wecandoit]

DAY 1:

This past week has been a nightmare. I have not only relapsed but I have felt the addictive mindset begin to return to me. Almost all throughout work yesterday I was thinking about looking at porn and then when I finished at work I wasn't able to stop myself. I felt totally trapped. Right now I'm at the point where I don't even want to quit because of how addictive porn is, but I am going to try anyways.

GOALS

• one week without any artificial sexual stimulation
• post on here every day for the next week.
  

Porn is very addictive. I didn't even think that it could be this addictive when I started my attempts on recovery. The problem with porn is that this is an addiction that doesn't involve substances. It gets stored in our memory and then it comes to bother the hell out of us. What you're describing there, I've had that a tone of times. Working in front of the computer but doing things on autopilot and only thinking about what porn to watch at home. At the same time, I was screaming at myself, inside: "No, man, you won't go home to watch any fucking porn!" It's like the new Joker movie. He laughs like a maniac but he can't stop himself. It's very hard to stop thinking about porn. So far I've been following a plan, figuring out what I had to do to avoid a relapse. I reached the point where I did a good job staying away from deliberately searching for porn and porn substitutes but I could not stop fantasizing about porn and this is what eventually made me relapse. During this current streak, I've had a couple of moments when fantasizing about porn almost got me but I managed to stop myself and then I told myself that I had to do something about fantasizing. You see, I want to quit porn, of course, but there is this part of me that begs for any ounce of dopamine. And because I stay away from watching anything, it tries to get dopamine in any way, and the only thing that remained was the porn stored in my brain. It kept sucking dopamine from that hoping eventually to push me to a full blown relapse, exactly what the brain loves the most. We need to learn everything about our porn behavior and world. I don't think we can succeed without this. It's becoming easier, in my mind, because I feel like I'm getting closer to understanding how my addiction works. It didn't come overnight. It meant a lot of relapses and post-analysis to figure out what the fuck was going on. The thing is, this addiction works like the saying "Give an inch, take a mile". If you fuck with it, it will make you fully relapse eventually. Maybe not today but it adds up. You could start the relapse a few days before by messing with porn, porn substitutes or even porn flashbacks and fantasies. Everything that stimulates the addicted brain must be avoided because it's the first piece of domino that starts everything. I know, when hard urges start and the craving gets unbearable, something "small" looks like a no big deal. "It's just a little, I won't watch porn," but this is not you, it's that voice inside your brain that is the first domino piece. I don't think we can succeed if we don't stay away from everything. Porn, porn substitutes, fantasizing, maybe even masturbation. It can lead to relapse for some people. Maybe not for everybody but it does this to me, that I know.

 

[faenoe]

Wow thank you for that incredible response wecandoit. I know exactly what you mean about the whole domino situation. I think you're also right about the brain seeking a full-on relapse because when I did relapse I did twice in one day and that, I believe, is what my brain was trying to get. Thank you for the valuable insight. You have no idea how much that means to me to have your support.

DAY 2
Just felt a strong urge to look at porn but I decided to come on here instead. I was looking at the moderator's profile and decided to read his post from 2014:

[quote author=PursuitOfUnFAPpiness]
Hey Paul,

Welcome to RebootNation! Thank you for sharing your story and it sounds like you?re off to a great start with the past few years and especially the last 90 days!

I can really relate to how you said every aspect of your being is damaged when you would use PMO. I am 26 and I used internet porn for a few years (several times a week). I feel like I have always been observant of how things affect me, but didn't fully realize the magnitude of the effects of PMO until after quitting.  Among many things, the biggest was how it changed my view of women.  PMO reduced my desire for seeking depth in relationships, and what I primarily looked for in girls was physical/sexual, instead of focusing on finding someone I really enjoyed spending time with and loved and deeply cared about.

I am looking forward to hearing more of your story and how it affected you! We are still getting the site up and going, so once we get it rolling I'll take some time and post my journey too and all the ways I noticed how affected me!

-PursuitOfUnFAPpiness
[/quote]

It's like all of a sudden my desire to look at porn was gone as my mind snapped into remembering what my goal is: total recovery. Reading this post reminded me that I DON'T want anything to do with porn, and I want to become totally disassociated with it. I think every time I feel an urge to look at porn I am going to come to this forum instead and hopefully gain the strength to stay sober.

 

[faenoe]

Day 4
Missed reporting here yesterday but I was just inside most of the day. I worked for a while and then studied for exams that I have. It was a pretty successful day as far as being productive while having to be shut inside. I have to say the first three days were difficult in terms of the urges but I feel a little bit more confident now that I have this community with me again.

Here's to one more day!

 

[faenoe]

DAY 5

Made it through another day. I feel like I am gaining more control after the first few days were over. I have made changes in the way I have devoted myself to spirituality since I have had more time on my hands. I think that is also helping make a difference. The cravings are still coming though and it's just annoying to have them there. I don't know if they will ever go away completely but I think coming on here and reading the posts from other people on here is a healthy way to deal with them for now.

Almost to my goal of one week. A couple days to go.

 

[wecandoit]

Every success starts with day 1. It doesn't matter if the streak is short now because you need to start with 5 days to get to a lot more. Patience is very important. Also determination and keeping in mind that there is a day in the future when everything will be over. But be prepared because this addiction is sneaky. Things could be alright today but tomorrow the withdrawal could hit you really hard, the craving could get unbearable and this is when your determination is tested. I'm close to a month without searching or watching/looking at porn or porn subs. But I've had 3 days when I almost fell. I don't know if it applies to everybody but I feel that I had to follow a textbook approach with my addiction if I want to succeed. There is no room for even small mistakes. I can't count how many times I've relapsed after engaging in something "small and harmless". I had to remember that I felt better since the last binge, I had to keep in mind where I wanted to be. There is no place for an addiction in the life that I want to live from now on. This addiction dragged me down too much. Good luck, man.

 

[faenoe]

Every success starts with day 1. It doesn't matter if the streak is short now because you need to start with 5 days to get to a lot more. Patience is very important. Also determination and keeping in mind that there is a day in the future when everything will be over. But be prepared because this addiction is sneaky. Things could be alright today but tomorrow the withdrawal could hit you really hard, the craving could get unbearable and this is when your determination is tested. I'm close to a month without searching or watching/looking at porn or porn subs. But I've had 3 days when I almost fell. I don't know if it applies to everybody but I feel that I had to follow a textbook approach with my addiction if I want to succeed. There is no room for even small mistakes. I can't count how many times I've relapsed after engaging in something "small and harmless". I had to remember that I felt better since the last binge, I had to keep in mind where I wanted to be. There is no place for an addiction in the life that I want to live from now on. This addiction dragged me down too much. Good luck, man.

You're totally right about porn addiction being sneaky. For this reason I have decided to adopt the sentiment that any artificial sexual stimulation is porn. If you do the same, there won't be anything "small and harmless" because all of that material, no matter how "bad" it seems, is sought after for one reason: artificial sexual stimulation to release dopamine.

DAY 7
Kicking back another day over here! I just made it through a pretty intense urge whose origin I was able to pinpoint: stress. This is the only consistent trigger that I have been able to identify through my years of addiction. It's probably shared among many of you. I am working on my end-of-semester project and it is pretty difficult. I frequently get the urge to look at porn when I am stressed. But instead of looking at porn I decided to apply myself and work through the problem I was having. This is the healthy response to stress that I want to train my brain to turn to when it encounters stress. It was a pretty tough battle but now the urge is gone.

Putting another battle behind me.

 

[faenoe]

DAY 12

Wow I did not realize how many days had gone past since last being on here. The days go by so fast when you go to school, work, and do homework all from the same spot.

I am still fighting off urges but mostly just the desire to look at porn. I don't know that that will go away anytime soon. I mean, girls are attractive to guys. But I had a really weird night, I couldn't really sleep (I almost never have this problem except when I am super stressed) and the little sleep I did get didn't leave me feeling refreshed; I woke up in a similar bad mood that I went to sleep in yesterday. I will have to be extra vigilant today to protect myself from losing my goals.

Here's to another day of leaving all this garbage behind me!

 

[faenoe]

DAY 15

Hey guys, just checking in for today. I had a really weird dream last night that left me in a really high-tension mood when I woke up. For a split second I felt the urge to look at porn to relieve the tension. I know that is one of my triggers but I let go of it, took a shower, and went to work (oh yeah, to my desk lol).

It was a good weekend. I started reading a really good book yesterday that made me really grateful for all that I have, my goal to quit porn being one of those things.

One day at a time.

 

[faenoe]

DAY 17

I'm still on the train boys. I feel like I have made it completely out of any chaser effects since I last relapsed a couple weeks ago. However, I know that for me I often fall to this monster when I'm not getting hit with super strong urges. It is usually a small urge that eventually just gets through (because there are millions of them). I'm wary of these, knowing myself and my history.

Leaving PMO one more day further behind me.

 

[faenoe]

DAY 18

Ooof today was a tough one. I was working on my end-of-semester project and got stuck on something. Immediately, I got hit by these extremely powerful urges to PMO. I cannot describe how intense they were. It almost seemed like a life/death experience. Idk how but it was almost like as soon as they were there, they were gone again. My brain is still clearly trying to get me to activate that old neural pathway to get dopamine and relieve itself from stress.

On the flip side, as powerful as the urge was, my resolve to quit porn was stronger. I just kept working on my project and taught myself a little bit more to WORK when I am stressed instead of THROWING MY GOALS AWAY. Feels good to be here tonight with this report.

 

[Jeks]

I can relate to this situation so much. My strongest urges were coming while being frustrated, especially concerning my studies. I wasnt used to handling negative emotions without pmo. Therefore i congratulate you to make it through this. Be aware that it might happen again. Maybe you might want to think about what to do in these situations to deal with the stress. What also helped me was showering, especially cold, when i was just too tired to just keep working.

Keep going faenoe

 

[JB1997]

Faenoe,

Glad you're back on here man - I'm the same way and feel like I have the most success when I'm active on the forum talking with others. Stress is a big thing for me that causes me to want to watch porn, but also specifically when things I feel just aren't going well in terms of dating/personal life. Perhaps maybe that falls under stress as well. Keep it up man!

 

[faenoe]

I can relate to this situation so much. My strongest urges were coming while being frustrated, especially concerning my studies. I wasnt used to handling negative emotions without pmo. Therefore i congratulate you to make it through this. Be aware that it might happen again. Maybe you might want to think about what to do in these situations to deal with the stress. What also helped me was showering, especially cold, when i was just too tired to just keep working.

Keep going faenoe

Thanks Jeks! I can't wait until the urges start becoming less powerful because as well as I was able to make it out yesterday, it's scary nonetheless. I think it's a healthy response to just get up and away from the computer when those feelings return. Put some distance between myself and the place of failure.

Faenoe,

Glad you're back on here man - I'm the same way and feel like I have the most success when I'm active on the forum talking with others. Stress is a big thing for me that causes me to want to watch porn, but also specifically when things I feel just aren't going well in terms of dating/personal life. Perhaps maybe that falls under stress as well. Keep it up man!

Thanks JB1997! I appreciate the support and empathy. It's so hard to not let emotions govern behavior... but I guess that is what discipline is after all!

I'll probably check in again at the end of the day to give myself a goal to make it through the day. Thanks for the love and support guys!

 

[faenoe]

DAY 19

Today has been a wonderful day. I got a lot done on my school work and cleaned my apartment. I made dinner and had a relaxing evening.

I was fighting some urges today about noon time. I tried to keep working on my project to combat the stress but it wasn't working. Too much cortisol building up without an outlet. I decided to work out to get out of the situation. That worked! I was able to relieve the stress via a healthy outlet and I'm feeling pretty good about that. It is going to be a good weekend.

 

[faenoe]

DAY 25

Time goes so fast when you stay at home all day. This week has been surprisingly free from the desire to look at porn. I think it's partially due to two things: I got one of my final projects that was really stressing me out under control, and it has been a few weeks of being clean. I can feel a difference in the power that porn has over me and I haven't really thought about it at all this week. It seems like putting my shoulder the the grindstone has been paying off.

But I want 26 days. So I'll keep on working hard and dealing with my stress in healthy ways. That has seemed like the best way for me to have progress.