Andrew1973
Active Member
Well done Shade - great to hear. We should have a reboot nation planking time challenge! Have a good day.
HE'S BACK! I've finally stopped. Now to hold on. My story to recovery
- Thread starter ShadeTrenicin
- Start date
It?s great to hear that you as me are still on track! Great job Shade! Yep these Coronavirus times makes it more difficult for us addicts, it?s really easy to wander off in my head (thinking about sex/p) because of the worry or being in quarantine.
It?s really good to hear that you?ve opened up more with your partner about the addiction. It is not easy, I know the shame is like thousand tons of stones on your back. It makes it so much easier when you can talk about it. My gf knows about me too, and it makes it easier, and I don?t want to let her down, and I can see more and more clearly about why I shouldn?t let myself down as well.
Your?re doing great!
It?s really good to hear that you?ve opened up more with your partner about the addiction. It is not easy, I know the shame is like thousand tons of stones on your back. It makes it so much easier when you can talk about it. My gf knows about me too, and it makes it easier, and I don?t want to let her down, and I can see more and more clearly about why I shouldn?t let myself down as well.
Your?re doing great!
blueicetea10
Member
That's awesome exercise is a great way to blow of that steam! Awesome work 
ShadeTrenicin
Well-Known Member
Thanks for the support UKGuy, CB and blueice,
SO yesterday i wanst feeling myself so i MO'd in the shower.. No P. I don't rlly know why but i was in a fuck it all mood...
So today the counter has been reset to day 0. I'm not feeling bad about it, but i'm trying to understand what made me feel that way.
I also noticed that yesterday, for the first time in a long time, i've been gaming for quite some times (3-4 hours) and afterwards i had a similiar feeling after PMO-ing; brain fog and feeling disconnected from reality. It actually took me an hour and a walk outside to snap out of it. My wife also noticed it.
Somehow i wasnt enjoying gaming anymore (what is always the case when i do it for like an hour or so). So this is what most likely contributed to my MO-ing yesterday.
I've learned a powerful lesson, one that is already widely know i guess, and that is that gaming in itself is also very addictive and that it is not good to do when you're rebooting. So, this game which cleverly uses a leveling system that makes you chase, is now being shelved.
Today i've been up for a while now, been doing the laundry, clean the kitchen, unloaded the dishwasher and looked at job oppurtunities.
This lookign for job opportunities is also a sign i've had addictive behaviour! It is looking for something better, more money, more vacation days etc.
It all stems from a deeper feeling that something is not right.
The question for me to answer right now is; what is missing inside of myself that makes me want to chase these superficial things.
SO yesterday i wanst feeling myself so i MO'd in the shower.. No P. I don't rlly know why but i was in a fuck it all mood...
So today the counter has been reset to day 0. I'm not feeling bad about it, but i'm trying to understand what made me feel that way.
I also noticed that yesterday, for the first time in a long time, i've been gaming for quite some times (3-4 hours) and afterwards i had a similiar feeling after PMO-ing; brain fog and feeling disconnected from reality. It actually took me an hour and a walk outside to snap out of it. My wife also noticed it.
Somehow i wasnt enjoying gaming anymore (what is always the case when i do it for like an hour or so). So this is what most likely contributed to my MO-ing yesterday.
I've learned a powerful lesson, one that is already widely know i guess, and that is that gaming in itself is also very addictive and that it is not good to do when you're rebooting. So, this game which cleverly uses a leveling system that makes you chase, is now being shelved.
Today i've been up for a while now, been doing the laundry, clean the kitchen, unloaded the dishwasher and looked at job oppurtunities.
This lookign for job opportunities is also a sign i've had addictive behaviour! It is looking for something better, more money, more vacation days etc.
It all stems from a deeper feeling that something is not right.
The question for me to answer right now is; what is missing inside of myself that makes me want to chase these superficial things.
ShadeTrenicin
Well-Known Member
Addition, i feel that im also quite in a shitty mood today. I think i am bored, yet don't want to do anything. I dont want to deal with things. I just want to throw of any sense of responsibility and just wither away doing mindless stuff.
I noticed this when I thought about the things that i wanted to do today, I want to avoid all that and act like a child. It is hard for me to pinpoint exactly why that is and where it is coming from.I feel like not complying to anything. I'm acting like an irrational child and I want to at this moment.
On the positive side, im not thinking about P.. I just feel aggitated or better yet, frustrated. Could it be that these feelings are the consequence of my gaming spree yesterday? I just want to feel usefull and do something productive, but this aggitation and brain fog. I simply cannot oversee it all. The wife is getting ready upstairs and i don't want her to come down because then i have to do the things we agreed to. Its not the wife i dont want to come down but the reality of doing the things we agreed to.
I think that this is it... I'm not feeling like myself and i feel like i am lacking something. So i want to feel like a good person and be productive. But the brainfog and trouble focussing, i'm letting those stop me. So i feel useless in some way and so I want to do something productive AND enter a circle.
Edit: The process of writing my feelins and thoughts down plus immediately talking with my wife about it has helped in such a way that over half of these feelings are not here anymore. I already feel better and relieved i've investigated and expressed these feelings! I have to remember this for future references!
I noticed this when I thought about the things that i wanted to do today, I want to avoid all that and act like a child. It is hard for me to pinpoint exactly why that is and where it is coming from.I feel like not complying to anything. I'm acting like an irrational child and I want to at this moment.
On the positive side, im not thinking about P.. I just feel aggitated or better yet, frustrated. Could it be that these feelings are the consequence of my gaming spree yesterday? I just want to feel usefull and do something productive, but this aggitation and brain fog. I simply cannot oversee it all. The wife is getting ready upstairs and i don't want her to come down because then i have to do the things we agreed to. Its not the wife i dont want to come down but the reality of doing the things we agreed to.
I think that this is it... I'm not feeling like myself and i feel like i am lacking something. So i want to feel like a good person and be productive. But the brainfog and trouble focussing, i'm letting those stop me. So i feel useless in some way and so I want to do something productive AND enter a circle.
Edit: The process of writing my feelins and thoughts down plus immediately talking with my wife about it has helped in such a way that over half of these feelings are not here anymore. I already feel better and relieved i've investigated and expressed these feelings! I have to remember this for future references!
Andrew1973
Active Member
Hi Shade,
I really enjoy reading your posts - they are so thoughtful and full of positive intent. Just a few thoughts from me, in no particular order.....
1) Well done on not beating yourself up for a lapse. That resilience (getting back on the horse after a fall) is a great mid set to have.
2) I tend to agree with you about the gaming. I am not an avid gamer, but have got into playing Fortnite occasionally (a couple of times a week). I notice that it fires up the same parts of the brain that engaging in porn does. The feeling is milder, but it is still very similar. I've not decided how to deal with it - do I avoid it, or is it something that I can use as a diversion tactic when tempted to PMO? Whatever the answer, I think excessive gaming isn't probably a great idea, particularly for people that have compulsive/addictive tenancies.
3) Don't be too hard on yourself about being productive. It feels like you are taking on too many fights with yourself perhaps. Life is about the journey, not the destination. This moment is the only moment you have - the past is gone, the future yet to happen. Enjoy the moment and whatever activities you are doing - appreciate the fact that you had food to make the plates dirty, have a dishwasher to unload, that you are fit and able enough to do it, that you have a loving wife that appreciates your help in doing it. In my life I have learned that aiming for more, even if successful, usually results in aiming for more. Have a read of Eckhart Tolle if you have not already. Don't become a slave to your thoughts. Observe them. Don't judget them. You don't need to follow them. That realisation was a big help for me with my mental health generally. Practicing mindfulness helps me become more aware of the thoughts arising rather than blindly acting on them without awareness.
4) It's brilliant that you feel so positively about this forum - as you know, I feel exactly the same way. Even though I have only been active here 2 weeks, its feels like the 'missing ingredient' to help overcoming my addiction. It's really great to have guys like you to share the journey with - I feel so connected. Perhaps we can meet for a beer in NL or UK when the lockdown is over and celebrate our progress!
Take care, be strong, go and enjoy the day my friend!
I really enjoy reading your posts - they are so thoughtful and full of positive intent. Just a few thoughts from me, in no particular order.....
1) Well done on not beating yourself up for a lapse. That resilience (getting back on the horse after a fall) is a great mid set to have.
2) I tend to agree with you about the gaming. I am not an avid gamer, but have got into playing Fortnite occasionally (a couple of times a week). I notice that it fires up the same parts of the brain that engaging in porn does. The feeling is milder, but it is still very similar. I've not decided how to deal with it - do I avoid it, or is it something that I can use as a diversion tactic when tempted to PMO? Whatever the answer, I think excessive gaming isn't probably a great idea, particularly for people that have compulsive/addictive tenancies.
3) Don't be too hard on yourself about being productive. It feels like you are taking on too many fights with yourself perhaps. Life is about the journey, not the destination. This moment is the only moment you have - the past is gone, the future yet to happen. Enjoy the moment and whatever activities you are doing - appreciate the fact that you had food to make the plates dirty, have a dishwasher to unload, that you are fit and able enough to do it, that you have a loving wife that appreciates your help in doing it. In my life I have learned that aiming for more, even if successful, usually results in aiming for more. Have a read of Eckhart Tolle if you have not already. Don't become a slave to your thoughts. Observe them. Don't judget them. You don't need to follow them. That realisation was a big help for me with my mental health generally. Practicing mindfulness helps me become more aware of the thoughts arising rather than blindly acting on them without awareness.
4) It's brilliant that you feel so positively about this forum - as you know, I feel exactly the same way. Even though I have only been active here 2 weeks, its feels like the 'missing ingredient' to help overcoming my addiction. It's really great to have guys like you to share the journey with - I feel so connected. Perhaps we can meet for a beer in NL or UK when the lockdown is over and celebrate our progress!
Take care, be strong, go and enjoy the day my friend!
ShadeTrenicin
Well-Known Member
UKGuy said:
Thanks UKGuy for being so supportive and active in following my progress.
Regarding the productiveness, you make a good point in enjoying life and i totally agree with it. Fun that you should mention Eckhart Tolle, the power of now is actually on the bookshelf. Havent started it tho, currently im reading a book by Tara Brach called Radical Compassion, i can totally recommend it. I've already been doing a lot of mindfulness and yes, it really really helps!
But the other side of enjoying life is that i do tend to enjoy life to much and not pick up on the things i want to get done. I also do postpone them because i have trouble creating a structure and having an overall view of what needs to be done. This is the ADHD in me (the adhd also makes me sensitive to addiction). On top of that, the continuous brain fog (which i've always linked to my ADHD) of the addiction makes/made it even more difficult.
So lately, since stopping the addiction, opening up about it and investigating where the feelins come from, i've actually gotten more grip on things and with that being able to handle things better. But on a day such as today i kinda relapse into old behaviour and that in itself can again lead to a P relapse.
ANyway, thanks for being so closely involved and having a beer is never a bad idea!
Cheers
Edit, after writing down my feelings, getting positive response and readin other progress reports i feel positive again.
I've immediately switched to use that positive energy so now i am creating new recipies to try out and afterwards ill go sit behind the piano and continue on my composition.
Thanks everyone
ShadeTrenicin
Well-Known Member
Hi Guys,
So yesterday was an emotional experience for me. I woke up and i felt calm. I was productive and calm. But, just before noon i got agitated and frustrated. My previous posts reflect it. I was having a shit day. It was one of those days that you think everything is working against you, like the world is trying to annoy you. While in fact it was myself who was annoying me and I became so agitated about it that I got mad, frustrated and impatient. And because of that i got clumsy and unfocused, so nothing worked for me. I drove myself in an frustrated circle. I stubbed my toe, broke a cup, DAMN YOU WORLD, and then in the supermarket they didn't have courgettes (zucchini for some ) and I almost cried. I had tears in my eye. I went back home (the journey felt like a mountain pass in the Himalayas) and still a foul mood. There was one thing positive though, and that was that I knew what was going on. This made it possible to write my posts. Luckily i had the presence of mind to tell the wife what was going on so that she knows its just a relapse thing and not something else. She was supportive.
Later that evening i finally calmed down and in such a way that i got full on emotional, cried over the stupidest things and in doing so was able to let go of my frustration.
Today i still feel the effects of yesterday (or the day before yesterday in which i had the gaming spree). I am restless and I have strong urges. Haven't felt these urges for a while now. I've been pursuading and yet dissuading myself to give in / not give into these urges. I play out scenarios on the benefits and joy I will have and it takes a lot of effort to come up with counter arguments.
So I came on here and started reading succes stories, other progress reports and finally writing this post.
The urge now is much less strong. I've reminded myself of why I am doing this. But holy sh*t it's such a tricky situation that while only yesterday i was having an emotional breakdown due to a sort of relapse, my mind still things that i should go and jerk off to P.
So here I am, sitting behind my desk getting ready to start working and not doing something else.
Thank you forum, for being there when I needed it!
So yesterday was an emotional experience for me. I woke up and i felt calm. I was productive and calm. But, just before noon i got agitated and frustrated. My previous posts reflect it. I was having a shit day. It was one of those days that you think everything is working against you, like the world is trying to annoy you. While in fact it was myself who was annoying me and I became so agitated about it that I got mad, frustrated and impatient. And because of that i got clumsy and unfocused, so nothing worked for me. I drove myself in an frustrated circle. I stubbed my toe, broke a cup, DAMN YOU WORLD, and then in the supermarket they didn't have courgettes (zucchini for some
) and I almost cried. I had tears in my eye. I went back home (the journey felt like a mountain pass in the Himalayas) and still a foul mood. There was one thing positive though, and that was that I knew what was going on. This made it possible to write my posts. Luckily i had the presence of mind to tell the wife what was going on so that she knows its just a relapse thing and not something else. She was supportive.Later that evening i finally calmed down and in such a way that i got full on emotional, cried over the stupidest things and in doing so was able to let go of my frustration.
Today i still feel the effects of yesterday (or the day before yesterday in which i had the gaming spree). I am restless and I have strong urges. Haven't felt these urges for a while now. I've been pursuading and yet dissuading myself to give in / not give into these urges. I play out scenarios on the benefits and joy I will have and it takes a lot of effort to come up with counter arguments.
So I came on here and started reading succes stories, other progress reports and finally writing this post.
The urge now is much less strong. I've reminded myself of why I am doing this. But holy sh*t it's such a tricky situation that while only yesterday i was having an emotional breakdown due to a sort of relapse, my mind still things that i should go and jerk off to P.
So here I am, sitting behind my desk getting ready to start working and not doing something else.
Thank you forum, for being there when I needed it!
Andrew1973
Active Member
So glad the clouds have cleared a little for you Shade, and well done on navigating your way through it. One of the things I have learned to remember is that moods, emotions and thoughts are ALWAYS temporary, and if you can just observe and be patient, they will pass. Thanks for the Tara Birch recommendation - I've read some of her stuff before and she's great. It seems we have similar interests and tastes, except for one thing....
I HATE COURGETTES!!!
Have a good day.
I HATE COURGETTES!!!
Have a good day.
blueicetea10
Member
You?re determination is incredible! I?ve definitely had days just like the ones you have described. Dishwater on the socks, stubbing my toe and crying for no reason. I hope they come and go for you.
On gaming, I decided to let it go and don?t miss it. Video games can be works of art, and endless entertainment, but like you described I always feel disconnected from reality after long sessions. Everything in moderation I guess.
I hope the rest of your week is blessed.
Rooting for you mate!
On gaming, I decided to let it go and don?t miss it. Video games can be works of art, and endless entertainment, but like you described I always feel disconnected from reality after long sessions. Everything in moderation I guess.
I hope the rest of your week is blessed.
Rooting for you mate!
ShadeTrenicin
Well-Known Member
Thanks BlueIcetea and UKGuy!
I came here because I had an urge (it has been a couple of days and im starting to get frisky) and messages like yours really help me to not cave! They always strengthen my resolve! So, thank you guys.
The last two days I've noticed an increase in my concentration, so working is luckily going much better. Although working from home is still not as productive. Well it is, but more for my house. Since i am also doing a lot of little fixes
I've also picked up another hobby; making electronic music. I've always been a fan and love to go to festivals. I also love playing the piano and am composing my first piece of music. And i've taken that love for composing and electronic music to making digital music. It's really f*cking difficult though.. The amount of technical knowledge of sound, physics and mastering that is required has left me with a newfound respect for producers.
So, fixing the house, working out, making music also helps me with urges; Putting the energy into doing that instead of that other over-glorified-non-fulfulling thing
The thread of Traveler32 has also helped me, as he has clearly written down his mental process. I've found it a great addition to my own process which now looks like this:
1. Recognize the urge
2. Allow that the urge is there (you cannot will it away, let it be and analyze it)
3. Investigate why the urge is there (is there something inside of you that makes you resort to PMO?)
4. Realize that the urge is temporary
5. Recall the feeling of emptiness after a PMO wank
6. (optional if the urge is really strong) Resort to an emergency activity such as sports, anti-sexual activities, other hobbies.
Usually steps 1 to 5 help for me. But when the urge is realy physical or if i am tired/not concentrated i sometimes am not capable of doing 1 to 5, so I immediately go to 6. That helps to cool me down and do steps 1 - 5
I came here because I had an urge (it has been a couple of days and im starting to get frisky) and messages like yours really help me to not cave! They always strengthen my resolve! So, thank you guys.
The last two days I've noticed an increase in my concentration, so working is luckily going much better. Although working from home is still not as productive. Well it is, but more for my house. Since i am also doing a lot of little fixes
I've also picked up another hobby; making electronic music. I've always been a fan and love to go to festivals. I also love playing the piano and am composing my first piece of music. And i've taken that love for composing and electronic music to making digital music. It's really f*cking difficult though.. The amount of technical knowledge of sound, physics and mastering that is required has left me with a newfound respect for producers.
So, fixing the house, working out, making music also helps me with urges; Putting the energy into doing that instead of that other over-glorified-non-fulfulling thing
The thread of Traveler32 has also helped me, as he has clearly written down his mental process. I've found it a great addition to my own process which now looks like this:
1. Recognize the urge
2. Allow that the urge is there (you cannot will it away, let it be and analyze it)
3. Investigate why the urge is there (is there something inside of you that makes you resort to PMO?)
4. Realize that the urge is temporary
5. Recall the feeling of emptiness after a PMO wank
6. (optional if the urge is really strong) Resort to an emergency activity such as sports, anti-sexual activities, other hobbies.
Usually steps 1 to 5 help for me. But when the urge is realy physical or if i am tired/not concentrated i sometimes am not capable of doing 1 to 5, so I immediately go to 6. That helps to cool me down and do steps 1 - 5
Andrew1973
Active Member
I like the way you have distilled the content of Traveler32's wisdom shade. I agree - it's a very simple and logical process. I have saved a copy of it on my phone for emergencies! Great to hear that you've got a new hobby. Boredom is such a powerful trigger for me, it's great to have things to throw yourself in to that are also relaxing at the same time. I'm not very musical - I do enjoy listening though and find that can really help my mood.
Good luck on observing those TEMPORARY urges and letting them drift away as you add another day to your success!
Have a good day.
Good luck on observing those TEMPORARY urges and letting them drift away as you add another day to your success!
Have a good day.
ShadeTrenicin
Well-Known Member
So yesterday has been an amazingly productive day. I've re-noticed that when I'm not sitting behind my desk with a laptop with a webcam i have zero urges. Maybe a quick thought here or there, but nothing serious. The main trigger still is (and I think always will be) is for me to be alone sitting behind a computer.
Luckily my wife, who is recovering, will join me in our attic-office for a couple of hours every day to try and pick up working again. That would be great trigger remover and will automatically make it easier for me. But, the trick in the end of course is to have the trigger decrease! But that is just part of rebooting i guess. I've had a routine of 18 years of making sure i was alone, sit behind the computer and do my thing. So, that's half my life being conditioned.
Today (and tomorrow also, since it's a national holiday) will also be me doing some work around the house. I've started on finishing some details on the first floor of our house and, due to the nice weather, i've also started on rebuilding the roofterrace on the annex of our house. This kind of work is really satisfying and rewarding and it really is great for my self worth and general mood.
I will keep this up the coming two days
Cheers guys
Luckily my wife, who is recovering, will join me in our attic-office for a couple of hours every day to try and pick up working again. That would be great trigger remover and will automatically make it easier for me. But, the trick in the end of course is to have the trigger decrease! But that is just part of rebooting i guess. I've had a routine of 18 years of making sure i was alone, sit behind the computer and do my thing. So, that's half my life being conditioned.
Today (and tomorrow also, since it's a national holiday) will also be me doing some work around the house. I've started on finishing some details on the first floor of our house and, due to the nice weather, i've also started on rebuilding the roofterrace on the annex of our house. This kind of work is really satisfying and rewarding and it really is great for my self worth and general mood.
I will keep this up the coming two days
Cheers guys
Andrew1973
Active Member
Hey Shade - well done, that's great progress. It's funny - I always used to hide myself away with the laptop/phone and PMO, now I hide myself away and come on here (much better use of time!). Has your wife been ill? Glad to hear she is getting better. Good luck with the roof terrace. Take care.
ShadeTrenicin
Well-Known Member
Hey UKGuy,
Yes, my wife is recovering (or still sick) from COVID sadly. Luckily she wasn't hospitalized. But its been three full weeks now.
I've spend around 7 hours building the roof terrace and holy sh*t do i feel satisfied.
With myself, with the result.
I am amazed what I can accomplish if i put my mind on something and not waste all that energy on PMO. This does lead me to look back with a feeling of guilt and regret. Imagine all the things that I could have accomplished.. They say it takes 10000 hours to master something.. I guess I am a master at looking at Porn, but damn.. If you think about it that way.
It's funny. I've always looked up to people that had it all 'going on' like working, fix up a house, doing hobbies, having a very active social life..
And I always sort of known that i was wasting away my hours on PMO. But now, when actually not PMO-ing this hits me in the face like a train.
But, I'll make it a motivational train, since the realization of what i'm capable of also motivates me. s
And also, I've never been one to look back with regret. What's done is done, you can't undo the things that have transpired. The only thing is how to deal with the lessons we learn from past actions.
In the past I didnt learn. Always fell for the same trap (that's addiction for ya). But that is now changing.
I'm starting to feel like a new man again. My confidence is slowly growing
Yes, my wife is recovering (or still sick) from COVID sadly. Luckily she wasn't hospitalized. But its been three full weeks now.
I've spend around 7 hours building the roof terrace and holy sh*t do i feel satisfied.
With myself, with the result.
I am amazed what I can accomplish if i put my mind on something and not waste all that energy on PMO. This does lead me to look back with a feeling of guilt and regret. Imagine all the things that I could have accomplished.. They say it takes 10000 hours to master something.. I guess I am a master at looking at Porn, but damn.. If you think about it that way.
It's funny. I've always looked up to people that had it all 'going on' like working, fix up a house, doing hobbies, having a very active social life..
And I always sort of known that i was wasting away my hours on PMO. But now, when actually not PMO-ing this hits me in the face like a train.
But, I'll make it a motivational train, since the realization of what i'm capable of also motivates me. s
And also, I've never been one to look back with regret. What's done is done, you can't undo the things that have transpired. The only thing is how to deal with the lessons we learn from past actions.
In the past I didnt learn. Always fell for the same trap (that's addiction for ya). But that is now changing.
I'm starting to feel like a new man again. My confidence is slowly growing
Andrew1973
Active Member
Morning Shade,
Love the 10,000 hours reference - makes me wonder what my hour counter is at? 6 hrs a week x 30 years x 52 weeks = 9,360hrs - I think I will stop now before I become a PMO master(bator)!
Agree also on the amount of time this creates. It's not just the saving of the actual tie PMOing, but also the time after PMO where I was tired, irritable, insomniac - you get all that back too!
I hope your wife is feeling back to full strength soon. Did you catch it do you think? Maybe mild symptoms?
PS: just realised that that 9,360hrs is over a year of solid PMOing- scary? Just thankful that I'm not going to waste another year in the second half of my life!
Take care my friend.
Love the 10,000 hours reference - makes me wonder what my hour counter is at? 6 hrs a week x 30 years x 52 weeks = 9,360hrs - I think I will stop now before I become a PMO master(bator)!
Agree also on the amount of time this creates. It's not just the saving of the actual tie PMOing, but also the time after PMO where I was tired, irritable, insomniac - you get all that back too!
I hope your wife is feeling back to full strength soon. Did you catch it do you think? Maybe mild symptoms?
PS: just realised that that 9,360hrs is over a year of solid PMOing- scary? Just thankful that I'm not going to waste another year in the second half of my life!
Take care my friend.
Traveler32
Member
Shade,
Just read thru your thread. You've made some great progress! Well done on getting thru your tough day last week - doing that makes you stronger going forward. You're completely right on letting the past be the past, and to learn from it instead of regretting it. This is something I still struggle with myself from time to time.
I can say enough how pleased I am to hear that my post was so helpful to you and to UK. That was one of my hopes when I wrote it.
That 10,000 hours thing as it relates to porn use is a pretty sobering thought. It just goes to show that undoing those habits takes time and a whole lot of effort. But it's so worth it.
It's good to hear that your wife is doing better. She sounds like an amazing woman. I hope to find someone like that someday.
Just read thru your thread. You've made some great progress! Well done on getting thru your tough day last week - doing that makes you stronger going forward. You're completely right on letting the past be the past, and to learn from it instead of regretting it. This is something I still struggle with myself from time to time.
I can say enough how pleased I am to hear that my post was so helpful to you and to UK. That was one of my hopes when I wrote it.
That 10,000 hours thing as it relates to porn use is a pretty sobering thought. It just goes to show that undoing those habits takes time and a whole lot of effort. But it's so worth it.
It's good to hear that your wife is doing better. She sounds like an amazing woman. I hope to find someone like that someday.
ShadeTrenicin
Well-Known Member
Thanks for your replies UKGuy and Traveler32!
Today started out ok, but then I did our tax returns and turns out that we have to pay back quite a sum. This was unexpected for us.
Although it will not bring us in any financial trouble, I've noticed that I find it hard to get over this. I find it very difficult to just shake this emotion off.
Additionally I've noticed that all my motivation and concentration is gone. I'm trying to recover from it for an hour now. But I just let it set me back.
I have handed control to this emotion. Normally i would just give up, let go of all motivation and concentration and PMO.
For me this is a good realization on how my mind works again. I've always thought that I was an easy going guy that was level headed.. But things like this made me realize I am not. I can get so worked up on this kind of things and totally let it consume me. And by letting it consume me i give away my emotional control and increase the chances of PMO-ing.
That's it for now.
Today started out ok, but then I did our tax returns and turns out that we have to pay back quite a sum. This was unexpected for us.
Although it will not bring us in any financial trouble, I've noticed that I find it hard to get over this. I find it very difficult to just shake this emotion off.
Additionally I've noticed that all my motivation and concentration is gone. I'm trying to recover from it for an hour now. But I just let it set me back.
I have handed control to this emotion. Normally i would just give up, let go of all motivation and concentration and PMO.
For me this is a good realization on how my mind works again. I've always thought that I was an easy going guy that was level headed.. But things like this made me realize I am not. I can get so worked up on this kind of things and totally let it consume me. And by letting it consume me i give away my emotional control and increase the chances of PMO-ing.
That's it for now.
ShadeTrenicin
Well-Known Member
ShadeTrenicin said:
Andrew1973
Active Member
Well done on the realisation Shade. The reaction you describe to the tax situation is completely normal for most people, I would think. An hour is not long enough to process the facts, emotions, and work out implications and get perspective. The fact that you are able to quickly spot the risk to PMO great though. Good luck working through the practicalities, and great to know that this is just a 'bump in the road' and not likely to bring any financial trouble - try and cultivate some gratitude for that fact, and the negative emotions will lose their power. Cheers.