Not interested in real women and social alienation (No Porn 2020)

[Z]

I relapsed on Day 18. Since then I'm fully back in old behaviour. Today was a pretty good day but I just fucked it up by watching porn for 3 hours, now it's 5 am. Before I relapsed I felt more open to social interaction than before, probably just because of the commitment to change my attitude.

It seems like I just can't get over it without posting every evening that I made it through the day without porn here and that's what I will have to do.
And I need to clearly define what counts as porn in order to not trick myself with grey areas: Every sexual stimulation on a screen that occurs through my action will count as porn for me from now on. If I randomly see an attractive women on a picture it won't be porn. If I try to find more pictures of that women or try to find that picture again at a later point in time - everything that I actively do - it will be porn.

 

[username is not available]

Hey man, sucks that you relapsed that bad
might have a few tips you can try out if you want:

-dont go on social media/facebook/instagram/snapchat/tinder
-try to minimise damage when you relapse by fapping as quick as possible
the longer you edge and the more stimulating the porn is the worse the damage
The biggest thing you need to keep going is to see progress
if you can bring down you porn sessions even to an hour its gunna motivate you and you'll feel better

also youre right you need to eliminate every sexual stimulation
some things I thought were ok like tinder and asmr videos made me relapse alot
even a picture of a girl on amazon can fuck you up

Can also relate that you dont feel like you want to talk to girls and stuff like that
I feel the same way and its even worse when you arent even attracted to them
I'm sure this will change when you use porn less
porn fucks your mind on many levels

also if you need release from anger try listenning to metal, it helps
stay strong my friend
this challenge will make you stronger

 

[Z]

Thanks man. I'm reading this after I relapsed again. But contrary to yesterday the fascination for these visuals clearly dropped now.

So chapter 2 begins now. Like WhackKerouac suggested before porn will not fix my problems, but it's the necessary first step. The first 18 days gave me hope that it actually works. I'll just have to make a small note here every day before falling asleep that I made it through the day without porn, no matter how ridiculous it appears to me. Tomorrow will be day 1 again.

 

[Z]

Watched it for 4 hours today + masturbation, mostly instagram girls. Cooking dinner at 2 am. Holy shit.

Although all this porn stuff just fascinates me I simply have to be at all times aware of the fact that this makes me not achieve my goals. One moment of unawareness of that + being tired while studying and I'm in, and once in my brain is out of control.

These are the reasons why every tiny second of any digital sexual stimulation has a massive negative impact on me:

- Once I see one bit, my brain is triggered. Most times it becomes super hard to concentrate on anything else until I see that stimulus for a second time.
- Once I see one bit, I automatically loose control. The chance is very high that I just loose acces to my self-discipline and waste hours watching. Even after that I usually can't be productive for the rest of the day.
- I have a few hard exams ahead of me. I just can't afford such a session again. Every hour that I loose on porn from now on will mean a decrease in my grades. The risk of seeing one picture that triggers another porn session is just too high.
- I need to get rid of this habit. It is a part of my mission. It is necessary in order to introduce the next steps that will make me feel more attracted to real women. Being attracted to real, normal women is an essential part of my mission. I need to be in this state by no later than September, that's the deadline because I'll move to another city then. If I don't get there until then it would mean a huge setback for my mission and would turn the achievement of my long-term goals from realistic to unrealistic. Rebooting takes time and even if I won't watch porn ever again it might be hard to get my brain rebooted until September. I just can't afford wasting any more time. I have to get these plastic bitches out of my head right now and over the next months, there is no way around that if I want to reach my goals. I have to be more severe to myself: I have to stop fantasizing about the far future and focus on my short-term goals, that are clearly defined and achievable but need much work and self-discipline.

I promise to everyone who is reading this that for the rest of the week (=4 days) I will be absolutely free of porn and any self-induced digital sexual stimulation. Once I have a few days done it will be easier because of the motivation to keep counting.

 

[Z]

Day 1 Without Porn. No masturbation.

 

[Z]

Next relapse. 6 am. The only answer is a home without internet. I'm going to hide my internet cable in a room of my student accomodation now which is 5 minutes away from the room where I live.

 

[Zel99]

In 2020 I want to live without watching porn and by that I want to regain my interest in other people, particularly in real women. This withdrawal also includes images from "instagram models".

Sorry to hear about the recent relapse. Think back to what your goals were. Why do you want to quit PMO? I quoted why you initially started on this journey. Is porn worth it? I'm in a flat line right now, but I'd imagine it's pretty hard if you have constant urges to MO. You need to think of ways to distract yourself when you get these urges. Go outside, play a quick game, meditate, do anything to stop yourself from PMOing. I find it really helpful to read success stories that people post. Here's one of the rebooting account pages:

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-accounts/rebooting-accounts-page-1/

Keep us updated here. I've been reading your story and am in a similar situation. We want you to succeed.

 

[Vlad94]

Hey man,

I know how much it sucks to relapse. It's happened to me countless times and every time it's like something stronger than me takes over. It's almost as if all the logical reasons for me to quit porn get thrown out of my conscious mind and everything that matters is to satisfy that strong rush that seems to be coming out of nowhere. Later on I just end up asking myself what the fuck just happened?

I think the trick here is to become more conscious of the moments you get triggered. It's an autopilot reaction that was deeply conditioned over the years to the point you end up watching porn without even thinking about it. So when you are triggered, try to do your best to step away from the autopilot response of watching porn. A good way is deep breathing and focusing on relaxing your body while doing it. Try also to focus on your breath and do a brief meditation. The idea is to get you focused on the sensation in your body and on the present, it's a good way to regain control. When you are done, hopefully you are more able to take good decisions and at that point you can go over the reasons why you want to quit porn. Try to write what will happen if you continue watching and what will happen of you stop with all the benefits and so on.

Hope this helps, stay strong.

 

[Z]

Thanks for your replies, both were valuable. I lived without internet for 4 days. I'll leave the internet cable where it is now, that was a great idea. Although I had to think of certain images all the time, there simply was no way of watching it, so I had 4 days without porn. All these days were great, I was super productive and wasted no second online.

Today, on day 5, I remembered that I have mobile data on my sim card (that I usually take out of my phone and hide somewhere as well for that particular reason). My brain came up with a random reason why I absolutely have to use that mobile data to look up something for university. So I did and right after that went to instagram and relapsed. A problem is that I have about 50 pages blocked on instagram right now and therefore I get this big list of all these pages by a few clicks. If I unblock them they will appear in my search results, even if I delete my search results they come up again. There seems no way out of that problem on instagram. In total I just spend 1 hour and 45 minutes clicking from one image to another, wasting 2 GB of mobile data. I'll waste my last GB on a random video now so that it won't happen again.

The simple reason was that I didn't sleep good tonight, it took the necessary will power to a level that was too weak to resist.

At least I found a way to stop it - just living without internet at home and only access it at university, which has many good effects on my life.
With that being said I will use up my remaining mobile data now and leave the internet again.

 

[Z]

I'm on Day 5 without porn.

It's a simple formula: no internet at home = no porn. I can recommend this to everyone who lives alone and struggles with relapsing: Just throw your internet cable into the waste bin. It probably is the simplest and most bulletproof way.

It goes beyond porn: My focus and productivity increased heavily and my confidence and happiness levels as well slightly just because of not spending time online. I only have mobile internet without highspeed (it just took me 10 minutes just to load this page to make this entry) and internet access at university, which also forces me to leave the house to a crowded place whenever I have to check for important things online.

The internet is new to our brains and I am not mentally disciplined enough to use it wisely. I'm pretty sure almost nobody from my generation is. If you were invisible and there was an extremely attractive women naked in the next room, doors open, you would feel a strong craving to take a look as well, it's in our nature.

For quite some time I am aware of the fact that living without internet at home would increase my life significantly but I always came up with reasons why it is not possible. This is a note for the future: In most cases there is a solution for these issues without needing internet access at home. If there is not, the benefits from refraining from internet will outweigh the possible problems that come with it.

I am very sure that I would have relapsed if I had access to (normal speed) internet at home. There are cravings but the fact that there simply is no possibility to watch any sexual stimulation (without 10 minutes to load one picture) reduces them as there is no permanent temptation.
In 2 weeks I will start a no-fap challenge. Next week I will be in another town where I have no opportunity to remove the internet cable. This might bring along heavy relapses but at least I found the general formula now.

Changing my attitude about what I find attractive is harder. This will take time and probably I need more contact with real women in combination with refraining from porn to become successful here.

 

[Z]

It's been 11 days since my last post. I did 4 more days without internet at home and without porn, so 9 in total and it had some good effects on me. I made some good decisions that I probably wouldn't have done in my usual daily grind. After that I had 7 days of heavy relapsing, which didn't have a big negative impact on my overall wellbeing until I reached a mental low this morning and that's when I finally found my ambition to get over this porn fantasy world again.

From now on I want to make a small note here at the end of each day. If I can't because of no internet, I want to catch up on it during the course of the next day.

My new rules:
1. No porn. Porn is every visual sexual stimulation through media. Under no circumstances am I allowed to purposely search for it. If it appears in any form, for example in music videos, I have to make it disappear immediately. If that is not possible, I have to stay mentally undetached.
2. Masturbation only once at the end of each week (usually on Friday) while trying to minimize the ejaculation.

The first rule is the essential one. If I break the second, I won't have to start counting from zero again but I should try my best to obey it.

Every day I will count the number of days I did in a row without porn. Additionally I will repeat this affirmation:

In order to develop strong masculinity, staying away from porn is a necessary condition. Even occasional use of porn would significantly reduce my incentive to interact with real women. The time is running and every day without porn is a step in the right direction. Everytime I watch porn it is a setback that requires multiple days without porn in order to get back to the previous level.

Supolemental only one sentence will be allowed. No long analyses anymore, it is time to just count days without porn. Slight changes in the affirmation will be allowed. Today is day 0.

 

[Z]

Day 1 Without Porn. No masturbation.

In order to develop strong masculinity, staying away from porn is a necessary condition. Even occasional use of porn would significantly reduce my incentive to interact with real women. The time is running and every day without porn is a step in the right direction. Everytime I watch porn it is a setback that requires multiple days without porn in order to get back to the previous level.

A few days ago my libido was so strong (despite porn, probably because of the weather) that I started a natural conversation with a girl at the bus station and my goal with this no porn / reduced masturbation challenge is that this level of libido becomes normal to me.

 

[nmmfm]

After that I had 7 days of heavy relapsing, which didn't have a big negative impact on my overall wellbeing until I reached a mental low this morning and that's when I finally found my ambition to get over this porn fantasy world again.

Did you install internet access into your home again?  If not, how did you relapse?

 

[nmmfm]

What gets you out of bed in the morning?  What excited about doing with your life?  Do you have goals?  What would you rather be doing than watching porn?

 

[Z]

This week I'm in another town and I have no possibility to throw away the internet cable here. But I already relapsed 2 days before that because I needed high speed mobile internet. I used it up twice for porn knowing that I'll have to rebuy it.

And yes I have a clear mission for my life that gives me a strong sense of purpose and various interrelated goals that I pursue every day and I'm clearly progressing on this pathway. A problem is that porn usually does not really affect them negatively short- or medium-term, only long-term. Usually I'm watching it in the evening when I'm tired already and wouldn't work on my mission anyway and it might even boost my motivation to work on the next day. A negative effect occurs when 1-2 hours of porn turn into a longer session that prevents me from falling asleep at the right time and when this happens it's usually the point where I decide to stop watching porn again.

The problem is that in the everyday hustle pursuing my daily goals I tend to forget this long-term impact where porn would increase my social isolation although in order to reach my goals I'll have to start socializing again step by step.

 

[Z]

Day 1... or Day 0?

It's not a big deal to resist porn sites and porn videos but I looked up pictures of 2-3 instagram girls. Not excessively, just a few minutes. Should i count it or not? I'm getting tired of this shit. 10 seconds of being unconscius on the phone and I find myself looking at these pictures in fascination. They are in my head the whole day as if they're part of my identity. At least I did not start looking for new ones or switch to porn sites. Tomorrow will probably be the last day with non-public wifi access. After that it will be way easier.

All this shit is a buffer. My subconscious mind thinks that these are real women and that I'm interacting with them. There are always 1-2 instagram sites that I'm observing. After a few days they become boring and I'm switching to new ones. If I'm over with this shit one day it might feel like waking up from a long sleep.

 

[Jeks]

Good discussion on that topic.

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-porn-use-faqs/what-stimuli-must-i-avoid-during-my-reboot-did-i-relapse/

When you feel like you cant withstand the temptations by social media, youve got to make a decision on how you are able to. Its clear, that in your case it reinforces the same behaviorial patterns as porn in you.

 

[Z]

I'm without home-internet since the 20th of February. Since then, I had a 7-day run without porn that ended on the 27th. The week until then had been great. Having no internet access at home significantly increased my productivity, but also my social confidence and overall clarity.

I had a 2-day seminar at university and was flirting with a pretty cute and attractive girl there. She gave me various signs that she was interested in me and just interacting with her with that special intense eye contact felt great. I didn't take it futher than that though, I wasn't really prepared for a situation like this. The next step would have been to initiate physical contact as she clearly gave me multiple opportunities to do so and I'll take it as a lesson for similar situations in the future.

After that it was easy to not think of any pornstars or instagram models for a few days and I felt that my sexual desires were more connected to the real world. I also started socializing more and it surprised me how I'm considerably more confident in that than before my social isolation. Unfortunately I only rarely see attractive girls at university, probably my standards are too high now because of all these artifical girls, so after a few days my thoughts wandered back into the world of the internet.

Even without an internet connection I found a way to access it: I still have an internet flatrate on my phone that I needed for travelling and although all the data volumne was used up, I could access all the images I wanted to see by waiting a few minutes until they loaded. It was a gradual escalation over days, first just allowing myself to see that one picture, then a few hours later to see it again and an additional one and so on. The peak was reached when I bought myself new high speed data for what would be about $3 in the US to load pictures faster. The worst thing I did was watching about 10 previews of porn videos, due to the limited high speed data I couldn't click on them. At least the relapse wasn't as bad as the previous ones.

The modification I need to make is to remove my sim card from my phone as soon as I get home and then put it to a hardly accessible place (the top of my wardrobe). As absurd as it sounds, there are moments where I just can't control the temptation to see a certain picture that's stuck in my memory and sometimes I would even pay a little amount to see it.

Yesterday when I masturbated after my relapse I noticed that my erection wasn't fully hard. I noticed that a few times already, usually I would just switch to one of my all-time favourite scenes and then everything would be great again. I'm not sure if it was because of being tired or if it might be a sign of PIED. The latter is a scary thought that would increase my incentive to abstrain from artificial sexual stimulation heavily. I'm still able to get a full erection by pure imagination but this ability is highly dependent on my energy level.

So now I'll start counting from zero again. I have to remind myself everyday: As soon as I see a single picture, my mind becomes obsessed and won't stop until I fap after watching such pictures for at least an hour. Yes, there are incredibly looking women out there who feel like a cheat-code to my biological nature and yes, if I want to have full integity I have to admit that having sex with women like that is a big dream but I won't get anywhere by just watching their pictures.

 

[Jeks]

Not being able to have erections without porn or porn fantasy is a pretty big sign, but of course it can still correlate with your energy level. Just keep observing yourself or take the test.
https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/porn-induced-sexual-dysfunctions/how-do-i-know-if-my-ed-is-porn-related-test/

 

[Z]

I'm pretty tired today and masturbated earlier today but I failed the test. If I fantasize about real girls, nothing happens. If these real girls turn into pornstars, I get an erection, not strong though. If I would watch porn I would get a strong erection.

This test seems to be pretty vague though because after 5 days without masturbation I probably would be able to get a strong erection in all cases. But it's a good orientation and I'll regularly do it from now on, then I can be more certain. I might be at the beginning of a PIED or already fully into it. I hope not.