Thank you UK Guy. Those 2 you mentioned are also triggers for me, boredom and conflict.
I can also add effort; whenever I need to concentrate on a hard task, think hard on something from my work or studies, I kinda hit a wall and struggle to go on and then I like to pout out to an instant feeling of bliss, and the best one my brain knows is P and M.
Let me also define how boredom and conflict affect me personally.
Since I was a kid I was diagnosed with attention deficit and hyperactivity, I even took Ritalin for it when I was a kid. So I lose concentration and get bored very easily. I 've found a few get around's as an adult, like working with music (synthwave is my thing) on and having a fidget (I use Chinese balls) device in my hands. But I still struggle anyways and run towards and easy amusing fix, P and M.
I have always avoided conflict. Since I was a kid, I always ran away from fights and have dreaded opposing someone, even having different ideas; I don't know why, but it's a big thing for me. And so whenever I sense conflict, at home with my family, or something hard going on in my life, I run to my "safe place" of P & M.
Those are some real triggers for me, that I'm trying to pin down more and be able to get a better handle on them.
Confession time... last time was Monday, so that 2 days ago. I will keep on hanging in there and giving it my best to rebooting and rewiring this brain of mine.
Thank you all.