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Icandoit
Guest
Hello, everyone! I chose the username "Icandoit" because I can do this and all of us can if we don't give up.
I've decided to start my journal in the "30-39" section because I will be 30 in 6 months and I would have to change the section anyway. I hope there is no problem with this.
My story is not very different. I watched P for the first time when I was 13 but things got bad when I got Internet at 16. Everything went downhill after that. I can't exactly explain why but I didn't escalate to crazy things that other people talk about. I've been watching the same videos over and over again for years and I should be tired of them, however, when strong urges hit me, they become so appealing again. I would find a new favorite video and add it to the collection. The lack of escalation doesn't prevent a man from becoming a P addict, though. I can't stop despise the problems that I experience nowadays because of this. I haven't escalated in genres but I did escalate in PMO-ing myself to exhaustion. I do it as many times as I can, until I drain myself completely.
Because, when I relapse, I rarely don't binge. I feel so low in dopamine that I keep trying to elevate myself, further drowning myself. There is also this "chaser effect", this craving for more that comes after the first PMO that drives me crazy and pushes me to do it "one last time". And with each PMO, I feel worse and I try to "medicate it" with more PMO. I see how this works but I can't stop it.
After a binge, I feel so "low" that nothing pleases me. I enter a flatline period that can last many days and I feel uninterested in everything. I have low motivation, lack of energy, low mental tolerance for things and I don't enjoy anything. Some days ago I tried to listen to an album and I jumped from song to song because they didn't make me feel anything. It takes about 3 weeks for my dopamine to become sensitive again to simple things but I haven't been able to reach 3 weeks in a while. I feel that P fucked up my brain seriously. After a binge, I am not interested in work either and I have attention span problems. I can't concentrate to study anything for work and my brain works so slow that I can barely find words to speak.
I've decided to start my journal in the "30-39" section because I will be 30 in 6 months and I would have to change the section anyway. I hope there is no problem with this.
My story is not very different. I watched P for the first time when I was 13 but things got bad when I got Internet at 16. Everything went downhill after that. I can't exactly explain why but I didn't escalate to crazy things that other people talk about. I've been watching the same videos over and over again for years and I should be tired of them, however, when strong urges hit me, they become so appealing again. I would find a new favorite video and add it to the collection. The lack of escalation doesn't prevent a man from becoming a P addict, though. I can't stop despise the problems that I experience nowadays because of this. I haven't escalated in genres but I did escalate in PMO-ing myself to exhaustion. I do it as many times as I can, until I drain myself completely.
Because, when I relapse, I rarely don't binge. I feel so low in dopamine that I keep trying to elevate myself, further drowning myself. There is also this "chaser effect", this craving for more that comes after the first PMO that drives me crazy and pushes me to do it "one last time". And with each PMO, I feel worse and I try to "medicate it" with more PMO. I see how this works but I can't stop it.
After a binge, I feel so "low" that nothing pleases me. I enter a flatline period that can last many days and I feel uninterested in everything. I have low motivation, lack of energy, low mental tolerance for things and I don't enjoy anything. Some days ago I tried to listen to an album and I jumped from song to song because they didn't make me feel anything. It takes about 3 weeks for my dopamine to become sensitive again to simple things but I haven't been able to reach 3 weeks in a while. I feel that P fucked up my brain seriously. After a binge, I am not interested in work either and I have attention span problems. I can't concentrate to study anything for work and my brain works so slow that I can barely find words to speak.