When one medicates things with porn, they come back after porn abstinence and hit hard. It happens to me when my streak gets longer and it's probably one of the reasons why I relapse, to "stabilize" myself, which means coming back to familiar territory that doesn't mess up my mind. It's sick how the misery becomes the normal and how I choose misery because this is something I know. Quitting the self-medication means leaving the fake comfort zone and that is the unknown not the known. The known is a prison right now though. I've reached a point where I can't even imagine what's like without being addicted. I don't even know how it's supposed to be without self-medication because I've being doing it since I was about 7. An entire life up to this moment medicating myself with this shit, it makes me sick only to think about it.