My Recovery Journal

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worldlit4213

Active Member
DAY 38

Today was good. Didn't have many urges. Took the day relatively easy, took a break from studying and just gamed and spent some time with friends. Looking to enjoy Christmas eve tomorrow. No significant urges or temptations that I can recall. Looking forward to improving tomorrow. Still trying my best to remain cautious, humble, and alert so I don't overestimate myself and fall. Keeping my eyes fixed on God always helps in avoiding immoral thoughts.
 
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worldlit4213

Active Member
DAY 39

Today was great. Didn't have any significant temptations or urges that I can recall. Worked out, studied, played some games, and spent time with family on Christmas Eve. I'm starting to get back in the swing of things with my reading; building up enthusiasm for studying again. Gaming has been fun, but it's getting somewhat tedious and unexciting. I'm ready for Christmas morning to finally open my gifts!
 
Chris Oz

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
Glad everything is going well with you.

Tell me what you find in your gift wraps.
Keep pushing!
Chris
 
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worldlit4213

Active Member
DAY 40

Merry Christmas everyone! Made it through today with relative ease; no temptations or urges. Unfortunately, my mom's test results came back and she's positive for covid! She's doing well though, very light symptoms. But my dad is a very anxious and stressful person, so it's him that suffering the most and creating a lot of tension and distress. I managed to deal with it relatively well, as stress is a source of temptation for me. My Christmas gifts were awesome; got a rocking chair, painting, an icon, and some books. Been playing a little too much video games recently, but I'm not too worried about it because I've been studying and reading a lot for a long time. Maybe its better to actually relax and reset during Winter break rather than just keep grinding. Looking forward to completing week 6 on Sunday!
 
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worldlit4213

Active Member
DAY 41

Crazy that it's been 41 days. Today was really easy and productive. Refocusing on studying and soul, no gaming, and helping out family. My mom and sister tested positive for covid, and it seems as though my dad has it but just hasn't been tested yet. I got tested today and was negative, so I have to drive around and care for my mom and sister. My dad is quarantined at work. I feel great with no symptoms. I spent today lifting, getting tested, reading, praying, and a little piano. Had great food too. Capping off week 6 tomorrow.
 
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worldlit4213

Active Member
DAY 42

Made it through six weeks! Today was pretty easy. Still don't have any symptoms and feel great. My family is doing fine and healthy, very insignificant symptoms. Church, jiu-jitsu, reading, some games, and great food. I did have a big argument with my sister, which is psychologically draining. Me and her don't get along at all, polar opposites! Anyways, I had little to no temptations or urges today. Feeling good, and my new good habits seem to be solidifying more. Can't wait to hit the halfway mark in three days! Still trying to stay humble and alert, giving credit to Him that warrants it.

Good luck everyone and keep going! Your support is great.
 
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worldlit4213

Active Member
DAY 43

Today was good. Did have a sudden strong urge in the late afternoon out of left field. Took a good amount of willpower to overcome the temptation, but I did. Other than that, no temptations or urges. Very strange! Not sure what triggered it because I was doing really well today and the past couple days. Maybe I just let my guard down and entertained the thoughts for too long. Takes only a little bit to start a fire! Overall, a great day that was productive. Thanks for the encouragement Chris!
 
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worldlit4213

Active Member
DAY 44

Today was good. Had some rough moments where temptations and urges came up. Thankfully I had the awareness and strength to not give in and to think about something else. I think it was partly due to me not getting enough sleep and stress from some tasks I had to do. Gonna try to sleep and spend more time in prayer (my prayer book should be arriving very soon). The mental warfare is really where it is at; deceptive thoughts trying to make it seem like not that big of a deal or that you've "earned" it, or just MO since it's "not that bad". I do deep down believe that I can get through it and achieve victory through His grace, so I've found it easier to overcome these temptations. I'm halfway through my 90 day goal tomorrow! My life has been so much better so far, it's incredible how much of a difference just not having the guilty conscience and shame of PMO burdening me all the time. Thank you Jesus, and thank you everybody for your support! Looking forward to finishing the first half of my 90-day journey tomorrow.
 
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smeagle44

Member
Congrats! I'm on day 31 and also starting my spiritual journey. One of the thoughts that keeps me going is that if I relapse and PMO, it will be a major impedance to my growing spirituality.
 
Chris Oz

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
You're doing great wordlit. Although I fee you should take time to reflect on what could be causing the intense regular urges before it leads to a relapse. Take time to set your mind on articles, books or videos that reveals the lies porn brainwashes us to think. Arm yourself now brother.

Keep pushing
 
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worldlit4213

Active Member
DAY 45

Today was tough. I unfortunately MO'd, but didn't watch any P. I had really strong urges last night and in the morning, was really struggling to get through. It seems like every 20 or so days of no O I get really strong urges. Thankfully I didn't watch any P so at least the streak is still going. This has happened before a few weeks ago; MO is sort of the last resort to avoid P at all costs although it's still bad of course. My primary aim right now is to just get through 90 days with no P and as little M as possible. After I build up some strength and rewire my brain some more to exclude P, fully cutting M out will be the objective. Usually the next couple days after an MO will come along with some urges (I think it's called the "chaser effect"?), so I'm aware and prepared for them. It is disappointing to me that I stumbled, but I think it's just part of the recovery process and not everything is going to be perfect. There'll be ups and downs, but at least I still have the 45 days no PMO streak. Halfway through to the 90 days.

I'm going to spend some time tomorrow evaluating my first half of this journey and taking some notes based on my journal entries and memories to prepare for the next half. I'm praying that 2021 will be the first year since I was 12 where I didn't watch any P! I'm still motivated and feeling good, still building up good habits around physical exercise, reading, and spiritual exercises. And I truly believe deep down that recovery and a chaste life with God's grace is possible, and I really want it. I think before I didn't really believe that, I thought I was cursed to struggle and PMO forever. But now I realized that I've come to seriously have hope, and I think this will be the game-changer for me in 2021.

This journal definitely helps! Thanks you guys for your encouragement.
 
Chris Oz

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
I think you called the right shot to MO instead of PMO. But like you said the chaser effect is going to come strong. Fight it. I suggest you begin pulling in resources that would help refocus your mind on clearing porn out of your life.

Put on the full armour of God, it's time to fight.

Congrats to 45 days, it's a great achievement
Keep pushing back
Chris
 
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worldlit4213

Active Member
DAY 46

Today was great. Finally got a haircut (lockdowns make it difficult), my mom tested negative for covid and is recovering, an enjoyable and peaceful New Year's Eve, did some reading, and lifted. Overall a great day. Little to no temptations, thoughts, or urges. I developed my recovery plan in light of completing the first half of this journey and did some self-reflection on the past year. The chaser effect doesn't seem very powerful this time thankfully. Looking forward to tomorrow and completing 7 weeks!
 
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worldlit4213

Active Member
DAY 47

Today was great. It was very similar to yesterday. Peaceful, productive, and enjoyable. Lifted, read, and gamed. Little to no temptations, thoughts, or urges. The Exodus 90 day program starts in a few days, so I'm being rather liberal when it comes to my diet and leisure time. Part of the program is no eating sweets, no eating between meals, and no gaming. Going to be interesting, but if need be I will allow myself to resort to a sweet, snack, or video game as a last resort to avoid PMO (the point of the program is spiritual growth, kinda self-defeating the point if I can't do it and I fall into sin haha). I'm glad the holidays are behind me and the new year has finally started, I can fall into a consistent rhythm now that isn't disrupted by big holidays. My family is recovering well from covid and I'm still doing well with no symptoms. I have some spiritual goals for 2021 that my discipleship is doing, which will be exciting for this year.

Thanks for your encouragement Chris! Your support is very helpful.
 
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worldlit4213

Active Member
DAY 48

Today was great. Very similar to the past two days. Getting into a steady rhythm. Didn't have many temptations, urges, or thoughts. Was occupied the whole time. However, I do find myself completing all my daily tasks rather early in the day. I finished everything around 6pm, leaving me looking for something to do which usually becomes playing games. However, given that the Exodus 90 excludes gaming, I'm going to have to find an alternative hobby to occupy my time or simply find more thinks to add to my daily tasks. I'll spend the rest of tonight thinking about what this will be. Maybe the Holy Hour that the Exodus 90 program includes will help to fill time as well (although the program also has me cutting out unnecessary use of technology... which is a lot of time for me haha). Anyway, everything is going good. I've been especially determined to get 8 hours of sleep at least every night because I noticed that it's one of the primary causes of me having urges.

Looking to complete week 7 tomorrow! Thanks everyone!
 
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