Hey man,
Nice update. Pretty dark, but you seem to know what you have to do. Must not be easy right now, with your baby, your girlfriend and all you wrote about... I don?t know, I can?t think of anything that could be helpful to you right now. But you?re not alone, man. Sometimes we don?t feel like life is really worth it, I know the feeling. At the same, I?m still interested by the challenge to accomplish something. Life sucks, life is often boring, but it?s still possible to achieve something, and that?s a sufficient reason for me to keep going. I know you?re not really suicidal, and that you don?t need to be convinced that life is worth it, I?m just writing what came to my mind when I read your post.
I?ve been doing not bad, man. I have to thank you for this, because ever since we discussed about the fact we worry and think too much, I started working on that, and actually it hasn?t been that hard. I realized I always think too much, and that it?s not only useless, but also detrimental to me. For the last two weeks, I?ve tried to behave differently on that regard, and it works. I mean, I?m the same guy, but I try to just go with the flow and to shut my inner voice, and it?s better that way.
Overall almost everything in my life improved since I started rebooting ten months ago. Work is good, I have creative projects, I generally feel way better. The only thing that still bothers me is my libido. I thought I would have progressed more at this point, I mean, I didn?t even have the worst case of PIED, but things have only improved a little bit so far. It?s kinda weird to translate this into numbers, but I could say my sex drive was at around 30% before my reboot, and right now it would be around 40%. I know we can?t really calculate that, but it can still give you an idea of where I am in terms of recovery. The funny thing is that apart from that, I have a pretty decent life, I mean, it?s not written on my face that I have ED. I'm not a weird guy, it's just that attraction to real women isn't very powerful for me, even when I find them sexy or fun.
PIED is still a bit of a mystery to me, I don?t really know what to think about it and about recovery from PIED. I know it took a while for many guys to heal, so I?m more than willing to give it more time. But right now, I find it easier to just think about it as less as possible, because progress is very, very slow. That being said, things could be worse. I have a sex life, I?m often functional, so I can?t complain.
Keep it up, man. It takes courage to go back at it after relapsing, especially when you have a journal on a forum. Hats off to you, you?re doing good.