Nick 2.0

otanerferguson

Active Member
Congratulations on reaching 35 in such good spirits! I can relate when you say that you've never "been that long giving in to the urges", but in my case it's just that I can't remember being this consistent at anything for years with no external obligation, like classes or work training.

Yes, not giving into the urges is great, but how great is it that we are also picking up good consistent habits that have an impact on other things besides porn. Imagine what else you can accomplish if you apply this consistency to it. The sky is the limit.

You'll soon get to your basecamp #2 and I am glad that you have so much to show for it my friend.

Keep knocking it out of the park!!!
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
At day 36 ... and feeling pretty solid.  Another good day yesterday ... positive routines starting to settle into what is becoming "normal" in how I conduct myself daily.  And its a good feeling - like I am actually becoming "legit" (not just someone who is temporarily pretending to be a non-porn user ... until returning back to the "real me"). 

Also, thanks Hugo for your kind words,  I am starting to imagine what I can accomplish with consistency ... and it is exciting and invigorating.  But will stay ever on guard this day, by immediately and vigorously shutting down all triggers, breathing warmth and light through my body to bring separation between myself and my thoughts / feelings, and rebalancing myself once I have let go. 

Have a strong day all.     
 
Sounds like you are doing awesome.  I know myself,  I get some down time in my truck and if I don't stay on guard and know my triggers,  I could get myself in trouble. You are doing great. Just keep your guard up. Pretty soon this porn thing will be history.
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Day 37 ... and to your point Wasted, I had to work extra hard yesterday to keep my guard up. 

I have learned 2 things from these unexpected ambushes.  First they can come anytime (and particularly when I figure I am in smooth sailing mode and / or feel I have "earned" some down time), 

Second, I was pleasantly surprised to note yesterday that my old triggers are starting to feel ... well different.  They just seem to have less appeal than ever before ... kind of stale and easier to break free from.  I know this is probably obvious given what we've learned re the re-wiring of the brain and therefore what is currently underway in my brain ... but its neat to actually feel a difference and be able to chock this up now to an actual experience (vs. just theory). 

Anyway, looking forward to strengthening up these positive new brain pathways. 

Here's to all of us hacking into a new and better brain.   
 

Orbiter

Active Member
Vigilance I think is important as the (quite normal) transition of urges going from being difficult or overwhelming to being deceptive or tricky happens. But I think there is definite strength to be found in the commitment you made to yourself that this is no longer an option for you and, as long as you're not indulging in your addiction, you are and will continue to heal from day to day & go from strength to strength. It sounds like those changes are already becoming quite tangible to you.

Keep up the great work Nick!
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Day 38 .. and my 40 day "base camp #2" is in site.

And with that ... I escaped from a bunch of triggers yesterday by the skin of my teeth.  You are absolutely right Orbiter - vigilance is critical now as "difficult or overwhelming" slippery slopes transition to "being deceptive or tricky" slippery slopes. 

After I was able to escape and regroup from my temptations yesterday, I felt a bit shaken (given how close I came to giving in to old habits after feeling I had made such good and steady progress) ... but I also felt very accepting and not too hard on myself as I appreciated that I still eaked out a victory and shouldn't expect these temptation to go away but rather to appreciate that this was still a process where I need to continue to grow until I can consistently react more skillfully without even having to think about it.  Keep practicing, stay positive, and never lose sight of what I have to gain and the fact that I have nothing to give up. 

Anyway, glad to still be on the non-porn user path and excited to reflect further when I reach my 40 days.  Stay strong everyone and appreciate the glorious gift we have all been given to take control of our lives. 

 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Day 39 under my belt! 

Yesterday was smooth and effortless, feeling pretty good and balanced today.  I am waiting until I hit day 40 (tomorrow) to do a proper reflection on my 40 day porn jail break ... so for now I will keep my post short and enjoy the sense of peace I am currently feeling. 

Stay strong brothers, emphatically say "Never again", and lets shut this thing down forever!
 

J01

Active Member
Hi Nick-I have followed your journal and have been encouraged by it.  I also count days, but in some ways it is mainly today and tomorrow that really count the most.  Stay with it and stay in touch (rain or shine) and glad you are seeing improvements to your life!
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Hey jixu, thanks for checking in - I appreciate all your support and input - its great to feel surrounded by brothers in arms in battle together!  I had a chance to read up on your journal and I resonate with a lot of your observations.  In my case, particularly what you said about looking at every day as if it is "day 1".  For me, I'll be honest and share that I had a bit of a stumble on day 42 ... but actually I am just so happy and feel like I have learned so much over these last 42 days ... that I am in a great place mentally and am just super excited to take things to the next level moving forward.  Also, like you I am not really going to fixate on # of days achieved - although I will loosely keep them going as I enter what I feel is a great new phase of my life as a non PMO user. 

So here I go, continuing with my climbing analogy, I am now leaving "base camp 2" (i.e. base camp #1 was 7 days, and base camp 2 was 40 days) and now ... off to "base camp #3" ... this time 90 days out from here. 

Day 1 under my belt to base camp 3 ... stay strong brothers and have faith.   



 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Day 2 ... and had a great weekend. 

Feeling very centered and grateful as I move forward.  Morning routine has been fine tuned - I have been tinkering with and engraining a series of activities over my previous 40 days to start my day with focus and balance (as many of you do as well) - key elements includes meditation on scripture / living as a non porn user, visiting the RN site to read success stories / check in on the RN posts, using visualization to see success in my daily priorities identified for the day, completing my breathing / headspace meditation routine, doing a solid hour of stretching / strengthening , healthy breakfast, shower / change.   

Off we go ...
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Day 2 ... and my initial frame of mind as I awoke was that of mild stress / anxiety as I was feeling overwhelmed on several fronts in my life (work, family, health).

But as I practiced my morning meditation it led me to a place of acceptance - and more specifically to a place where I am just really at peace and fully dialed into where I am right now - in this moment - in my life. 

I focused on sweeping away any false thoughts which might make me feel like I "had a million things to do and was way behind (overwhelm)" or that I "was missing out on something important that was passing me by (fear of missing out)".  I realized that I am exactly where I need to be right here and right now - and I simply have to live fully in this moment (and every moment), letting go of any expectations of outcomes and just seeing each moment as an opportunity to embrace life - living in faith that all I need is right here.  Letting go of everything else and living life in this very "simple" uncluttered way is providing me with perspective and another tool that allows me to reduce my stress and anxiety ... and further prevents me from going down the porn path. 

Hope everyone stays balanced and "in the moment" today.  Cheers.

 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Day 3 ... and starting to feel like I am finally emerging from a long 7+ day brain fog. 

About 1 week ago (the day after my recent 40 day clean milestone to be precise), I got my first COVID vax shot.  Unfortunately I got some not so fun flu like side effects that took me down for 2-3 days - add that to an exhausting, super busy / stressful week at work and a slip up to the dark side when I lowered my guard for just a few minutes and well ... it has made for a tough last 7 days. 

But the good news is that I am finally feeling like I am shaking off the dust - and starting to feel like I have more focus, energy ... overall just feeling "clearer".  So I am taking all my learnings from my first 40 days and doubling down as I embark on my trip to "basecamp #3" of 90 days as a non porn user.  Stay strong my friends.   
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Day 7 ... and feeling like I am starting to get some positive momentum - which is kind of cool and also happened as I recall when I got to day 7 of my previous 42 day streak. 

I guess mentally I am feeling that I now have a vested interest (in living the porn free life) and therefore feel extra motivated to let this play out and experience first hand all the benefits that I had a chance to start to experience for the first time lduring my recent streak. 

All in all, looking forward to a good day and excited to anchor some consistent wins living as a non porn user.  Stay strong.   
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Hi Nick and everyone in here. I feel like I found the right place. Your story is my story. Although for many years, I masturbated every day and often times many times a day. I just can't do it any more. I have trouble getting there until I find some weird porn thing to focus on and that allows the release. I'm just starting and I'm really hoping that this time I can make it stick. I think the longest I ever went was about 6 months and then I just slid right back in. I thought, I'll just do it once a month and that became a couple of times a month and then I was right back where I started.

I'm 53 and married. No sex life. Probably mostly because of me. I have had issues with ED and ejaculating. If I want to ever have a normal sex life again, I really have to make this stick. I'll be coming here every day and journaling.  Just reading and writing posts today has made me feel so much better. I have no one to talk to about this. My wife knows I jerk off and watch porn, but I have always kept it away from her for the most part. I haven't admitted to her that I'm an addict and that it is so bad.

Looking forward to reading more about your experience and sharing mine.
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Hey Guitar1968 thanks for your thoughts and it certainly looks like we are in the same boat - we are all here to support each other so welcome to the journey as you finally escape from porn prison and transition to becoming a non-porn user.

I'll be honest, I have had the greatest progress I have ever had these past 50 day or so in my own escape journey ... but also have had a recent slippage which has now brought me back to being on Day 2.  And I discovered, along with the amazing learnings from my recent 40 day non-PMO streak, some additional amazing learnings on how to pick myself up way easier than ever before when I have had a stumble - without shame, without some massive self-analysis to discover what "went wrong" ... just simply accepting the fact that I stumbled but am now firmly back on my journey to my "base camp #3" that lies at 90 days of being porn free. 

I step forward with a clear perspective, carrying no burden on my shoulders from my past, and knowing than I am in a better position than ever before in my life to finally become a non-porn user.  Looking forward to keeping one foot ahead of the other.

Thanks all.




 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Day 3 ... and feeling a sense of balance and calm as I start the week.  Yesterday had some stresses (progress on an injury I am trying to heal from not quite recovering as quick as I would like, some pesky tasks not quite finished, general COVID fatigue, etc...) - but all were met in a balanced and detached way .. with no hint of any triggers to the dark side. 

Really looking forward to this week and getting some good consistent living as a non-porn user.  Stay strong all.
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Onto day 4 ... and these last few days have been awesome.  Just an overall feeling of balance and control that feels great but is also beginning to feel ... "normal" (which is very cool).

Also, and this may just be coincidence, but I am feeling a lot less brain fog than I did during my first 40 days of non-PMO.  May just be other things in play ... but I feel I am emerging from a pseudo-haze and a bit of a mental rut into a state where I am  more motivated, energetic, willing to step outside of my comfort zone and go with my gut more and act a bit more spontaneously.  Of course I read about some of these benefits when I was doing my research on YBOP but really didn't feel too much of them during my 1st 40day reboot ... but now I feel it and it is excellent.  I'll keep you posted on this. 

Have a great day y'all.
 

J01

Active Member
Glad to hear you can sense the lifting of the brain fog-being clean is so beneficial in so many ways, as you noted.  Let's do this bro!
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
It's Day 5 ... and things remain in a good solid place - and thanks for your encouragement Jixu, its helps a lot to know there are others here not only for accountability purposes but also to provide a sense of shared purpose and support. 

One thing that I am starting to notice is that my sleeping / dreaming patterns appear to be improving.  I began to notice this as I started my last 40 day streak ... and it appears to be continuing as I launch out on my current 90 day journey.  To be clear, I'm not talking about the length of time I am sleeping but rather how "restful" my dreams seem to be these days. 

So up until I joined this forum and started my reboot back in February of this year, I would typically (at least once per week) have a dream where I would find myself in some sort of "desperate" situation where I would either be fighting something / someone or otherwise needing to escape something - and I would typically wake up my wife as I would either be talking in my sleep and / or flailing about as I moved in synch with what I was dreaming (needless to say this was annoying for my wife  ). 

But I can honestly say, now that I stop and think about it that I haven't had even 1 of these types of dreams in the past 50+ days since I started here.  I suppose it could just be coincidence but I am guessing it has something to do with my rewiring brain ... and perhaps the letting go of the burden / baggage of guilt that I used to drag along with me as I continually went through the cycle of binge and regret as I battled my internal monster. 

Anyway, hoping this is another benefit that I wasn't really expecting (for both me and my wife!). 

Stay strong.






 

guitar1968

Active Member
Just wanted to say that I've been reading and following your journey. I'm just 7 days in today and reading what others are going through is very helpful. I've been down the road of quitting before. I even made it about 6 months once. This time, I really want it to be for good. I can't go back. I slide back into it way too easily.
 
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