Iwantthesecondchance
Member
Hi to everyone who reads this journal post.
I am 31 years old and I suffer from erectile disfunction and premature ejaculation at the same time. I am upset and even though I am still relatively young, I do not have a strong desire to live because of the frustration related to sex. I attribute my sexual problems to both pornography and masturbation and think that these are the main causes of my problems.
My first familiarization with masturbation happened when I was 12 years old. Neighbor boys taught me how to do it, but I was reluctant to do it initially because of fear that I could be caught by parents doing it. In summer, though, I was left alone at home during days as there was no school and had nothing to do because I had neither books nor computer, and TV was broadcasting only a few channels. I memorized the lesson taught by the neighbor boys and tried it at the bathroom. At first, I did not like the feeling. But in two hours, I gave it another try. At that time, I did not have a mobile phone or a computer, and was masturbating imagining actresses of Holywood or looking at some erotic photos I could find in journals. I spent all summer masturbating to such photos or imaginary girls.
At that point, masturbation became the important part of my life. I did it daily, sometimes eight times a day, with the minimum of 2-3 times per day. I already did not care if someone was at home or not, I was addicted.
Very soon, my parents bought me a computer, and in couple years, I had an internet connection which would allow to watch porn online. I started to masturbate watching porn. I remember that I started to lose hair at the age of 16, and even though I am not sure if the frequent ejaculation is the reason for it, I started to draw some connections between the hair loss and frequent masturbation. However, I could not refuse completely and would definitely have relapses and start all over again and continue for a long time. My longest time without masturbation at that time was 19 days. I could not stand the temptation for any longer. And I would avoid porn for 10-15 days just to fall into a ditch of several months porn.
The only sex I had was with prostitutes at that time. I felt miserable and scared at the same time when I tried to speak to girls in the university or at the job. I had a lot of failures in my attempts to get acquainted with girls, but porn would never reject me. Therefore, instead of going out in weekends, I would sit at home and watch porn for several hours in a raw. I often refused to my friends to go out just with the sole purpose of watching porn. I remember that when I was new to porn, I was meticulously choosing porn for masturbation, and I could watch it for several hours just to find the 2 minute shot that I would like. In several years, I became very impatient and was not even waiting for erection when watching porn, but started to masturbate immediately. I started to watch hardcore and some freaky porn since ordinary porn would not stimulate me enough.
Eventually, I started to have problems with prostitutes, too. I could not achieve erection with them or would achieve it with big efforts and then I would ejaculate very quickly. I did not know what the reason was behind. I related it to the absence of kisses and prelude, and wanted to find a girlfriend in real life.
Couple of years ago, I had a girlfriend, and we tried to have sex several times, but I could not achieve erection. I used Viagra pills in the third time, but it did not help either. She dumped me.
I had relationships with other girls, but was afraid that I would fail in bed, and did not let it happen. They did not understand what was going on, and I was too ashamed to tell them that I had had ED since 22, and they also dumped me. After that, I had my longest period of "no porn" - 2 months and a half. During first several nights, I had dreams full of sex and had pollution every night, but in 10 days I lost erection at all. During this period, my sexual desire dropped a lot, but I was driven to porn again by my girlfriend at the time who saw it as a cure to my low libido.
Now I am in relationship with a woman I love, but still have the same problems in bed. We tried two times, but both of them were unsuccessful. Even though we love each other and do not want to concentrate on sex only, we cannot live a normal sexual life because of this issue.
I really hope that refusal from porn and masturbation will help me to have a normal sexual life. I am starting now my journey and hope that I will be more successful in it than previously.
I am 31 years old and I suffer from erectile disfunction and premature ejaculation at the same time. I am upset and even though I am still relatively young, I do not have a strong desire to live because of the frustration related to sex. I attribute my sexual problems to both pornography and masturbation and think that these are the main causes of my problems.
My first familiarization with masturbation happened when I was 12 years old. Neighbor boys taught me how to do it, but I was reluctant to do it initially because of fear that I could be caught by parents doing it. In summer, though, I was left alone at home during days as there was no school and had nothing to do because I had neither books nor computer, and TV was broadcasting only a few channels. I memorized the lesson taught by the neighbor boys and tried it at the bathroom. At first, I did not like the feeling. But in two hours, I gave it another try. At that time, I did not have a mobile phone or a computer, and was masturbating imagining actresses of Holywood or looking at some erotic photos I could find in journals. I spent all summer masturbating to such photos or imaginary girls.
At that point, masturbation became the important part of my life. I did it daily, sometimes eight times a day, with the minimum of 2-3 times per day. I already did not care if someone was at home or not, I was addicted.
Very soon, my parents bought me a computer, and in couple years, I had an internet connection which would allow to watch porn online. I started to masturbate watching porn. I remember that I started to lose hair at the age of 16, and even though I am not sure if the frequent ejaculation is the reason for it, I started to draw some connections between the hair loss and frequent masturbation. However, I could not refuse completely and would definitely have relapses and start all over again and continue for a long time. My longest time without masturbation at that time was 19 days. I could not stand the temptation for any longer. And I would avoid porn for 10-15 days just to fall into a ditch of several months porn.
The only sex I had was with prostitutes at that time. I felt miserable and scared at the same time when I tried to speak to girls in the university or at the job. I had a lot of failures in my attempts to get acquainted with girls, but porn would never reject me. Therefore, instead of going out in weekends, I would sit at home and watch porn for several hours in a raw. I often refused to my friends to go out just with the sole purpose of watching porn. I remember that when I was new to porn, I was meticulously choosing porn for masturbation, and I could watch it for several hours just to find the 2 minute shot that I would like. In several years, I became very impatient and was not even waiting for erection when watching porn, but started to masturbate immediately. I started to watch hardcore and some freaky porn since ordinary porn would not stimulate me enough.
Eventually, I started to have problems with prostitutes, too. I could not achieve erection with them or would achieve it with big efforts and then I would ejaculate very quickly. I did not know what the reason was behind. I related it to the absence of kisses and prelude, and wanted to find a girlfriend in real life.
Couple of years ago, I had a girlfriend, and we tried to have sex several times, but I could not achieve erection. I used Viagra pills in the third time, but it did not help either. She dumped me.
I had relationships with other girls, but was afraid that I would fail in bed, and did not let it happen. They did not understand what was going on, and I was too ashamed to tell them that I had had ED since 22, and they also dumped me. After that, I had my longest period of "no porn" - 2 months and a half. During first several nights, I had dreams full of sex and had pollution every night, but in 10 days I lost erection at all. During this period, my sexual desire dropped a lot, but I was driven to porn again by my girlfriend at the time who saw it as a cure to my low libido.
Now I am in relationship with a woman I love, but still have the same problems in bed. We tried two times, but both of them were unsuccessful. Even though we love each other and do not want to concentrate on sex only, we cannot live a normal sexual life because of this issue.
I really hope that refusal from porn and masturbation will help me to have a normal sexual life. I am starting now my journey and hope that I will be more successful in it than previously.
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