I am going to end 14 years long hidden nightmare

Puggler

Active Member
Hey puggler!
Hold on! I'm so sorry to hear how you are feeling. Just looking over your journal, I can see you have had successful moments and that you are healing. Like everyone on here says. It just takes time.
If you're like me, we have spent A LOT of time building this habit.
My friend told me, imagine having that path in your yard, you've waled it for years. It's now hard ground. One day you decide to take a new route. How long does it take to have the grass regrow and cover up that old path? A long time. But it's worth it. I have to believe its worth it.
We are here for you.
Thanks for the encouragement squidward. This illness is sucking happiness out of my life. Im living in a constant fear and stress. The main thing what i occasionally think is maybe i will be like this forever. Im really hard fighting to it but i dont want to lose thid battle and lose my gf. Im trying my best. I know everyone says everyone recoverd but what if it doesnt for me?
 

Fappy

Respected Member
Thanks for the encouragement squidward. This illness is sucking happiness out of my life. Im living in a constant fear and stress. The main thing what i occasionally think is maybe i will be like this forever. Im really hard fighting to it but i dont want to lose thid battle and lose my gf. Im trying my best. I know everyone says everyone recoverd but what if it doesnt for me?
it 100% will for you too if you keep at it.
 

Puggler

Active Member
Day 124(453)

Day statistics:

Morning wood: 80%
Exercise: 0
Sleep duration: 08:05
Libido: 1/10
Mood: panic attack

Yesterday my GF stayed overnight. I used 15gr tadalafil. It still doesnt work on me. There was really a small effect. I didnt try sex but still it didnt work. Shall I jump through the window?? Its been 4 months already
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Dude, you report any other day, that your erections or MW got better. There are clear improvements with your erections. In my opinion you would even see much more improvements, if you would just stop testing with fantasy or touching yourself for some time. So please try to see, that its just a matter of time until you heal, how else would you now start to get better erections?
 

Puggler

Active Member
I just cant believe that from this zero rock bottom i can get cured. Its been around 15 months now 4 th month of hardmode and still dont get erected even with tadalafil. Im feeling really in a panic. Feel like i will lose my gf and it gives me panic. Nothing else, i want to get cured asap
 

k-fff

Active Member
Dude, you report any other day, that your erections or MW got better. There are clear improvements with your erections. In my opinion you would even see much more improvements, if you would just stop testing with fantasy or touching yourself for some time. So please try to see, that its just a matter of time until you heal, how else would you now start to get better
Jeks is right, Puggler. You really need to stop constantly fantasizing and stimulating yourself by hand. That’s artificial stimulation and your connecting erections to fantasy. Even with the constant artificial stimulating you’re doing you are seeing improvements.
 

Puggler

Active Member
Day 127(456)

Day statistics:

Morning wood: 80%
Exercise: 0
Sleep duration: 10:20
Libido: 3/10
Mood: above average

FINALLY! I broke my streaks with a BJ and surprisingly, after 4 months of hard mode, after 15 months of hell I had full and 90% Hard dick while i was lying down on my bed. I didnt use any kind of pills, It was not even hard to keep erection. It didnt require constant thinking of stimulation and fantasy, i was just getting BJ and it was enough to keep erection. I lasted around 3-5 minutes just because of i didnt have orgasm around 4 months but it was really big progress. I got bj on morning and the best part was that evening i used Tadalafil 25 mg and it worked! My penis was so full and hard when i was getting Blowjob it was like not thinkong about fantasy to keep erection. I was just keeping it even without thinking about anything. The good part is also i could go like that really long time(didnt feel premature ejaculation. I lasted around 5-10 minutes while getting BJ then I got doggy style kinda thing. Still stayed erected but with the doggystyle i orgasmed faster. Also i walked around in room while for 3-5 minutes. Before it i would instantly loose the boner but now i didnt lose it.
Overally this is a huge progress, my depression alleviated by 50%. Also the best part was that after 2 orgasms I thought my dick would go back to extreme shrinkage and coldness stage but didnt happen. Its the next day and im still not feeling the flatline simptoms much at all.
Also i have noticed that before reboot and now its a huge difference in the mood. Before reboot i would constantly feel anxious and depressed even if i didnt know i couldnt have erection. Also after the orgasm i would go instantly into a depression state. Now it didnt happen. Also i used to feel extremelly depressed during the autumn and winter time. This also improved and i realize the depression during autumn and winter was so sharp and deeo that I felt coldness of autumn these days and it felt really strange , just because I was used to be so depressed when the autumn coldness would hit that i instantly realized something changed in me and my mood. I feel around 10-15% depressed in this autumn.
In conclusion my opinion:
Im heading the right direction
Recovery requires time and hardmode, both are must
Recovery really is like ups and downs. If you overview my journal one day im happy with the progress, next day i feel really depressed because i think ill never recover
Im really happy today, Im not saying im cured but I think i can have sex now with pills and lets see what happens next days if i get into the next hard flatline. Im afraid of this but nothing i cam help about it yet.
Also one more thing i really want to mention(not to brag about it) today I have noticed that my dick was soo big and inflated in the erected state that i have never seen my dick so big. It was around 3 timea bigger as usual(im not saying the dick is huge, im just underlying the simptom of shrinkage how pied really shrink my penis so much that now it feels strange when i see it in normal size and its big)
In the end, im continuing the nofap, I think i should limit the orgasms once per week or the simptoms may come back. Will keep you updated. Im more hopeful to reboot now and now i can really think like maybe next couple of years will definitely recover
 

Puggler

Active Member
Also one big note. After orgasm all my libido/erection drastically improved, so it is true that sometimes long rebooter needs orgasm to get going. In my opinion when you recover receptors they are still closed/ sleep mode before the first activation/orgasm. I really cant believe im writing this but its the second day im having penis really sensitive, full and responding to my fantasies. It feels like im 50% recovered and i dont feel flatline or big drop of libido after orgasm.
 
Mate, congrats for your progress. Let me tell you that i think the best thing you can do is use pills, so you can have an erection n O. Use them as much as u need it. Test your body using 15mg before or 5 mg all days, just test n after days try not using pills.
Look, the important thing here is your health, your brain health, have sex with pills, enjoy it but dont abuse. You will feel very happy by having normal sex but keep with the reboot (no PMO) ever again.
My friend at his drugstore says he sells more viagra n cialis than aspirines so... enjoy the life dude! n get cured!
 

Puggler

Active Member
Mate, congrats for your progress. Let me tell you that i think the best thing you can do is use pills, so you can have an erection n O. Use them as much as u need it. Test your body using 15mg before or 5 mg all days, just test n after days try not using pills.
Look, the important thing here is your health, your brain health, have sex with pills, enjoy it but dont abuse. You will feel very happy by having normal sex but keep with the reboot (no PMO) ever again.
My friend at his drugstore says he sells more viagra n cialis than aspirines so... enjoy the life dude! n get cured!
Thanks mate. I think i will still have ups and downs before i finally recover. Right now im worrying if i will have another hard flatline but the fact is penis is as full as never before and i get erected while touching and fantasizing. I believe my erectile receptors are recovered to a certain point and i will never use porn or masturbation ever in my life. I have been waiting to some kind of this progress around 15 months. Im 50% happier now. Im really interested what happens upcoming. So lets see i will try to have sex next time. 20-25mg tadalafil works for me now. I think another year or so will fully recover me. Im more hopeful to my situation now
 

Puggler

Active Member
Day 3(459)

Day statistics:

Morning wood: 80%
Exercise: 0
Sleep duration: 09:03
Libido: 3/10
Mood: above average

Its been 3 days after having 2 orgasms on the same day and even i if thought i would get into another big flatline, instead im feeling much better erections.
Penis is full, 80-90% of shrinkage is away
Penis is warm, 100% of coldness is away
When i lie down or sitting I can touch myself and start fantasizing i get erections. This never happened daily before.
I even noticed slightly getting erected while standing(i count this the best indicator of PIED)
Im still worried for the tomorrow, i dont want to get into another flatline but surprisingly there is no sign of flatline.
More time goes by more i believe im getting cured
 

Puggler

Active Member
Day 5(461)

Day statistics:

Morning wood: 80%
Exercise: 0
Sleep duration: 09:00
Libido: 3/10
Mood: above average

Today is the first day when I achieved some kind of 60% of the erection while standing and manually stimulation. this is the biggest win! i have not achieved it in years. also its been 5 days in a row i dont see any symptoms of worsening. i get erections much easier with the touch than before. im getting cured!!!
 
I would love to know why the hell is that hard to recover the hability of having an erection while standing, i just dont know! I'v read that it is due blood flow, but its weird. Same happens to me dude. I hope time cure us.
 

Puggler

Active Member
I would love to know why the hell is that hard to recover the hability of having an erection while standing, i just dont know! I'v read that it is due blood flow, but its weird. Same happens to me dude. I hope time cure us.
I think i know the answer. The amount of signals from your head to penis is enough to suck the blood is enough why you are lying down, but when you are standing the blood has higher gravity to resist it. So while standing the amount of signals are not strong enough to suck it in the penis. This theory proves the fact that the erection quality while standing is not gradual bucause lets say the strength of signals need to be 6 to have erections and below the 6 never gives you erection but 6 and above does. Imagine it as a vacuum cleaner, once it doesnt have certaain level of force it cant suck the dust in but once it has it does the job
 

Puggler

Active Member
Day 8(464)

Day statistics:

Morning wood: 80%
Exercise: 0
Sleep duration: 09:00
Libido: 0/10
Mood: average

Im in another flatline but:
The flatline is much weaker
The penis feels much fuller
Almost never feel penis coldness
There is not any day where i touch myself and not get really hard.
Im much less depressed.
I feel like sleeping is charging my libido/erection
There are some cases (finally) when im standing and while stimulating manually i get erections
Ed pills work now
Im more hopeful to the cure now, I believe if i keep on like this, one day soon i will be fully cured
 

Puggler

Active Member
Day 9(465)

Day statistics:

Morning wood: 80%
Exercise: 0
Sleep duration: 09:00
Libido: 0/10
Mood: average

I had nice erection on morning but noe before bedtime im having dead dick, some really small coldness but no shrinkage. Still im comfident i will have better erection on morning and pills work.
 

Puggler

Active Member
Ive just went to bed and i got rock hard erection with manual stimulation. Even if ive been feeling dead dick whole evening i got hard boner just as i lied down in my bed. Im cured on a certain level for sure.
 

Puggler

Active Member
Day 10(466)

Day statistics:

Morning wood: 60%
Exercise: 0
Sleep duration: 07:59
Libido: 0/10
Mood: average

Total dead dick, cold but less shrunk.
It is the process indeed
 

Puggler

Active Member
No matter how dead dick syndrome i feel. I lie down on bad. I start manual stimulations, i get rock hard erections and they last longer than before. After 15 months of rebooting finally i see how hard my boner is. Finally im winning the battle, so fuck you porn, fuck you all who were discouraging me and giving me depression, fuck you all evil people, Im invincible. Im winning!
 

Puggler

Active Member
You know what? Despite of all these help from forum there is a big problem I see here. Yesterday some bitch DMed me to see her nacked photos, I didnt see it of course. I see many temptations even on the forums like this. Id better to stop using these forums and focus on my mental health as well. I know i can get cured. I know its reversible but need to take the measures. Even people who try to rise awareness are making our lives harder. Today i received a message from Noah church about thr pornography bad effects where i saw some pornographic materials and my mind almost blown up with the headache and fear i felt. Id better stop visiting all of these sites. Focus on health, workout and continue rebooting. I dont know if i keep on updating the journal but I know the next new topic will be in successful stories when i will be completely cured. When I even will not need ed pills to have sex. My progress after the last 15 months is huge. I dont know if i will need another 15 months or 30 but I must recover. Im not going to lose this battle. My dream girl is believing in me and waiting for me. I will have family and children with her. I will win!
Farewell before writing the successful story.
 
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