Journey to a better me

[Flesh]

I have a lot of em, one of the last that covered the way of life and philosophy for me is "the beginning of infinity".

For personnal growth and pretty much the same reason we do/did nofap :
12 rules for life is so fcking good too. (free audio on google if u search a bit, i don't link here coz don't wanna be in trouble xd, just in case)
The way of the superior man (free audio on yt)
The rational male (I didn't read/listen to this one but heard a lot of goods and is also free audio on yt)

 

[Deleted member 22651]

I have a lot of em, one of the last that covered the way of life and philosophy for me is "the beginning of infinity".

For personnal growth and pretty much the same reason we do/did nofap :
12 rules for life is so fcking good too. (free audio on google if u search a bit, i don't link here coz don't wanna be in trouble xd, just in case)
The way of the superior man (free audio on yt)
The rational male (I didn't read/listen to this one but heard a lot of goods and is also free audio on yt)

Cheers for that!

I have the way of the superior man on audible but am yet to listen to it, and 12 rules for life has been recommended so many times im surprised I havent got it yet. I would rather get physical copies of books though as I like to read at my own pace and make sure I understand things before moving forward. Plus I want to build a personal library so that would be cool

 

[Flesh]

Ye 12 rules for life is a masterpiece (depending where u are in life, it was for me). It reminds me that there is "12 more rules for life" out now and I have to check it aswell.

I would rather get physical copies of books though as I like to read at my own pace and make sure I understand things before moving forward. Plus I want to build a personal library so that would be cool

Lol complete opposite of me, I'm such a slow reader and audiobooks are a bless for me, it saves so much time + I can understand what's said better. And also I don't want to be bothered by the space physical books take xD, total opposite

 

[Deleted member 22651]

Day 23:

The urge to look at triggering material is strong this morning, focusing on work but cant seem to shake it off. My mind is currently fighting between "One peek wont hurt, just a quick scroll at a few images" and "Don't do it, its not worth it", so far the latter is winning and I plan to keep it that way.

 

[Deleted member 22651]

Lol complete opposite of me, I'm such a slow reader and audiobooks are a bless for me, it saves so much time + I can understand what's said better. And also I don't want to be bothered by the space physical books take xD, total opposite

Funny that, I'm a slow reader too, that's why I prefer physical books so I can take my time to really understand what I've just read. I tend to zone out when listening to audiobooks and need to go back every once in a while listen again

 

[Flesh]

Another lockddown ouch. Well This method is native from france so idk if u'll find an english version, that's a full bodyweight training method without any material needed, and is very effective format if done well, long term it just lacks posterior chain muscle trainings for the lower body but this can do the work for few times if you have no other choice.

Ps: be carefull with the link I haven't tested it, but if u gotta search it for yourself it's the lafay method :

https://oiipdf.com/methode-de-musculation-110-exercices-sans-materiel

 

[Deleted member 22651]

https://oiipdf.com/methode-de-musculation-110-exercices-sans-materiel

Thank you for this, funny enough French is my first language so no need to translate

 

[Deleted member 22651]

Day 25:

Achievement unlocked: 1 month with no porn or masturbating. Noticed some differences during this month that I didn't last time I went this long without porn. I'm not getting any brain fog or mental blocks, I'm naturally energetic again and get out of bed at a decent time without feeling like sleeping in as much as before. Although I'm not having as much sex as I would ideally want, and my libido doesn't feel like its back to normal yet, I don't let it bother me or use it as an excuse to look at anything. I'm training my mind to think of the consequences that have happened before to stop me from looking at anything porn related. I still occasionally think that a few pictures wont hurt but I don't let that thought live for too long. I'm not letting a temporary high get the best of me.

 

[Flesh]

Nice, now be careful about this thing that occurs pretty often when reaching milestone, lowering the guard or even worse, saying to yourself "ye now i deserve a reward" which lead to overall indulge and porn lol. Just a warning that this happens, i imagine it didn't even cross ur mind but still worth reminding.

How long were u streaks before ?

Although I'm not having as much sex as I would ideally want,

Confort yourself witht the fact that usually ppl go on nofap coz they did already destroy any relationship so they have no otherchoice than hardmode lol

good luck for the 2 months mark, should be just a bit easier from now on, but streaks of few days of high horniness and urges may still lurk in the corner that's for sure.

 

[Deleted member 22651]

Just a warning that this happens, i imagine it didn't even cross ur mind but still worth reminding.

I have thought about this actually that at some point I will most likely think that I'm good and that will lower my guard, equally I don't want to be constantly thinking about whether I will ever watch porn again or relapse, I want to have enough things going on that the thought never occurs again and if it does then on the rare occasion and I move past it quickly.

 

[Deleted member 22651]

Day 28:

 

[Flesh]

Okay I'm gonna limit my reaction of what I just read to few words only coz ur partner attitude, from how u describe it, is litteraly 13yr old. How hypocrite. U're like a warrior already, day 28 on such a hard addiction, making big big efforts because she pressurised the thing, and now she's just at about the 1st stage of her own addiction where she just got excuses to give in, how subjective and not understanding.

About the conversation, just to give you my take on it, I would say that if i'm making an effort for the couple, she has to make one aswell coz that's not a damn one way trade. And honestly I would explain in detail I'm going through with this porn addiction, what are the technics the brains uses to trick you back in, all that stuff, so she can relate and realise by herself it's not her that say "it's under control", it's her damn brain manipulating the minde to get its chemical. If she still don't care and go on with her shit, well I let you make your own conclusions on that I'm just a random on the internet.

For the last couple of days I've been thinking "well if she can do that why cant I watch a bit of porn"

Idk if u didn't realise it but you aren't doing it for her, I mean maybe you are, but realise that's a thing you have to do for yourself to even wish to "succeed" (and by succeed I mean just behaviors around sex that keep you away from porn and frequent masturbation on daily basis)

 

[Deleted member 22651]

Idk if u didn't realise it but you aren't doing it for her, I mean maybe you are, but realise that's a thing you have to do for yourself to even wish to "succeed" (and by succeed I mean just behaviors around sex that keep you away from porn and frequent masturbation on daily basis)

Thanks @Flesh, you basically said exactly what I'm thinking about the situation. The first few days of this journey started because I didn't want to hurt her anymore but later on I realized that I had to do it for myself first and no one else.

I've been thinking of the "right" way to tell her how I feel about what she's doing but I think the only way to do it is to honest about how I feel without trying to sugar coat it. I dont usually like telling people what to do, as I believe that everyone should make their own choices in life but his is not something I want around me and I cant be silent or too nice about it.

Thank you for your advice and opinion

 

[Flesh]

I didn't want to hurt her anymore

I think u saw it there right ? your bias towards "not hurting ppl to get along with them better".

In this situation it makes you confuse "not hurting her" in general with "not hurting her with your porn problem". You know that but worth reiterating -> she is a person aswell, she has bias and a subjective viewpoint that does not allow her to see the whole picture.

Yday I was reading something saying "if you love your partner, honesty might sometimes trigger them but in the end they'll always be gratefull that they can relay on your honesty to help them either figure out what's wrong or what's right." And in the same theme, "Being a partner is to support your significant other, not to take responsabilities for their problems, otherwise you're a savior and that leads to toxic relationships.", from The subtle art of not giving a fuck.

PS: i'm not english native speaker and the word "bias" feels weird even after verifying, can you confirm that it's the right word for the context. What I mean by it is "a concept/value/idea that limit your viewpoint".

 

[Deleted member 22651]

PS: i'm not english native speaker and the word "bias" feels weird even after verifying, can you confirm that it's the right word for the context. What I mean by it is "a concept/value/idea that limit your viewpoint".

Yeah that's basically it, or because you like something more you're less likely to change your point of view on it.

Had the conversation, and it sort of went the way I wanted. I also came to the conclusion that she is her own person and she can do what she wants, although im not for it, I don't want to force her to do something shes not ready to do and that's okay.

I'm just happy I said what was on my mind and I feel like we can move forward.

 

[Deleted member 22651]

Day 32:

I just looked at some porn content for about a minute, as I felt my dick getting hard I closed the site and went outside for air.

Updated: Looked at porn a second time, due to lots of mixed feelings and frustration but closed the tab again quickly.

I feel like my sex drive isn't what it used to be or maybe my sex life isn't what it used to be, maybe even both.
I might need to reassess a few things

 

[Flesh]

ye it can be hard to express this kind of thing and not fall in a "im your father listen to me, stop this" like position,I think u wanna keep in mind u're just highlighting the behavior that is a problem for you, why is that, how you think things can get gradually managed toward better but ultimately the choice is her responsibilities.

ps: I'm not trying to explain this to you, I'm more expressing how I guess it's supposed to go

I just looked at some porn content for about a minute, as I felt my dick getting hard I closed the site and went outside for air.

THIS, lately I got kind of tricked by my brain but ended seeing the trap there (staring longer at "random suggestuve thumbnails on yt or suggestive art"). THIS IS NUTS how our body to react x100 to a content anyone without our past addiction would have just a "normal reaction" with feeling hornier within a good amount time checking this content. It really reminds me the alcoholique guy who's brain fire x100 more when he just even smells alcohol compared to a random who has no problem. It would make sense that it's the addicted path that's overactivating because of the absence of what stimulated him daily with high doses initially.

 

[Flesh]

But some of this is probably just natural considering my virginity

I'm clearly not virgin and still have that ^^

 

[Deleted member 22651]

ye it can be hard to express this kind of thing and not fall in a "im your father listen to me, stop this" like position,I think u wanna keep in mind u're just highlighting the behavior that is a problem for you, why is that, how you think things can get gradually managed toward better but ultimately the choice is her responsibilities.

That's exactly what I'm trying to avoid, sounding like a father who is micro managing someone. I don't like being like that.

 

[Deleted member 22651]

Day 34: