Journal for my reboot

96LostWanderer

96LostWanderer

Active Member
SuccessIsBreath said:
Do you use a Mac? If so, you can use the SelfControl app to completely block your access to sites for a specific time duration. You can't undo it once it's set. Not sure what the PC equivalent would be but I'd have to assume there's something like it.
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I do use a Mac, I'll have a look at SelfControl, I haven't heard of it before (no joke intended lol)
 
96LostWanderer

96LostWanderer

Active Member
August 27th

Relapsed again today. Forcing myself to post it here rather than keeping quiet. Feel like I’ve just given in over the past few days. We’ll see what tomorrow brings. Need to download the SelfControl app as mentioned above.
 
96LostWanderer

96LostWanderer

Active Member
Rchie99 said:
I can relate to your issue of being set off by images on sites that aren't discretely pornographic. I did the same thing with 4chan for a long time. I was able to cut that hellhole of a website out of my life not long after my current abstainment streak started, and it proved to be a huge positive. At firsr it feels weird and uncomfortable to have a daily source of human interaction like that missing, but it will lead to a healthier mental state in the long run. I hope that you find the strength to make this change yourself.

Keep fighting, don't give in to this shell of intimacy
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When you’ve got the ‘chaser effect’ from a previous relapse it’s amazing what can set you off. Sometimes it’s images that aren’t proper pornography, yesterday for me it was a comedy show. I was doing well all day, thought I was going to avoid porn, then there was a scene in the show where the characters were looking at a porn mag and it just fired up the thoughts in my mind again.
 
96LostWanderer

96LostWanderer

Active Member
August 29th

Didn't relapse yesterday. I did feel urges but didn't want to relapse four days in a row. Trying to get back into a rhythm now.
 
Blacklightin

Blacklightin

Member
96LostWanderer said:
When you’ve got the ‘chaser effect’ from a previous relapse it’s amazing what can set you off. Sometimes it’s images that aren’t proper pornography, yesterday for me it was a comedy show. I was doing well all day, thought I was going to avoid porn, then there was a scene in the show where the characters were looking at a porn mag and it just fired up the thoughts in my mind again.
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Yes, these be the worst 😩😩
 
96LostWanderer

96LostWanderer

Active Member
31st August

Relapsed again. After saying yesterday I wouldn’t look at porn this week. Absolutely can’t put together any kind of streak at the moment. Feeling very low. Feel like I’ll never be able to beat this.
 
96LostWanderer

96LostWanderer

Active Member
Rchie99 said:
You CAN beat this, don't ever forget that! Obssrve all that you can from the circumstances of your relapses. Learn to balance forgiving yourself of your moments of weakness with maintaining the drive to succeed. And constantly remind yourself that this struggle is worth it, that your future self will look back on it in gratitude.

We are cheering you on!
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Thanks for the support man. I really need to be strict about using my devices downstairs rather than in my bedroom. I keep taking my phone upstairs, for example just to keep me occupied when I'm using the toilet. But then I slip and peek and that leads to a relapse.
 
96LostWanderer

96LostWanderer

Active Member
September 6th

Relapsed first time this month. Didn’t binge though. Looked at a few images then decided to stop. So I’ll take this as a minor setback and get straight back on track.
 
96LostWanderer

96LostWanderer

Active Member
7th September 2021

No relapses today. Fighting some strong urges though. Been to Twitter pages with NSFW images a couple of times before deciding to click away before looking at any images. Then I fired up the SelfControl app which I'm using to block Twitter.
 
96LostWanderer

96LostWanderer

Active Member
12th September 2021

Went out last night with some people I know, had a fair bit to drink. Came home and wanted to watch porn, but I resisted. But then I read an erotic story instead and masturbated. So I think that’s a relapse although I would count it as less bad than watching porn.
 
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