Let's rewire. This time for real.

[Innocence]

[Day 29]

Today feeling quite better even though I messed up my math test.
Last night I read the first 2 chapters of No more mr nice guy and I figured I don't have that much in common but the thing I do
have is that I never had a father figure in my life.

My mother has always been saying bad things about him since I was young and I'm not sure if that's the cause but I've also never been really proud of him.
It's not like he wasn't there for me (or my brother) it's more that I never really had a bond with him. I've also never seen him as someone I would
love to relate to. I've been fighting in my life that I don't want to become like him.
I'm not going into detail, he wasn't a bad guy to me nor my brother but he has done things we weren't exactly proud of.
I'm going to continue to read the book and hopefully learn a lot more from it.

 

[Innocence]

[Day 30]

Only today and tomorrow left and I will have passed a month!
It's going really well, I feel the brain fog getting a little less yet I find it hard to concentrate yet I blame my ADD for that.

I've also given up smoking again together with my mother, I'm pretty sure the urges will be way worse because smoking usually took some big edges off.
Yet, I will hold on and I know that because even in my test week which is full of a lot of tests I keep holding strong.
If I can do it in a week full of stress, I can do it any time!

 

[Innocence]

[Day 32]

Today is the day that I have hit my 1 month milestone!
I'm really glad yet today I'm feeling like a wreck, depressed, sad, lonely and sick.

Knowing that I need to study today feels like I have to run a marathon while with so much weight on my shoulders.
On the other side, I had 3 different dreams tonight, strangely I could recall all of them which isn't really that common.

Today I'll take my rest and study anyway, maybe it's not so bad once I start.

 

[Innocence]

[Day 33]

Days are really going up and down with urges.
Yet the more I keep myself busy the lower they are, I could even say the urges are very low to not there.
Even though I have my mood swings I truly believe I can do this, I hear a lot after a month the cravings and withdrawal symptoms get pretty bad.
I haven't had them badly, so I'm just looking back at my progress how much better and easier it gets and I will stick to that.

 

[Recovery101]

Hey buddy. I'm glad you're making such great progress. Seeing I have failed countless times, I'm glad to see there are still people who are trying to get out of this PMO hell and trying to get on with their lives rather than just relapsing and making no progress. Good luck in your journey and stay strong bro!
-Rec101

 

[Innocence]

[Day 35]

For the past 2 days I've been having arguments with my mother, at last I decided to apologize to her, yet she didn't apologize back and held strong that was far from needed.

Many things came to happen again and I got so mad I started throwing things around in my room.
As we speak even my room's floor is covered in glass.
I also walked away from my home, even though it rained I couldn't care less I just went on as I was so extremely mad.

She really needs a therapist, because she calls me crazy for what I do when I get angry but she's the one who is making me angry even if I scream for her to stop..

Still haven't PMO'ed and I don't feel the need to.

 

[Innocence]

[Day 36]

Still going strong, yet it's not going so well at home with my mother at the moment.
We're ignoring each other 24/7 at the moment, yet I don't and will not let effect this my reboot, I've come too far for that!
Going to work-out again tomorrow to release the stress and just be away (excluding school).

 

[nofap97]

[Day 36]

Still going strong, yet it's not going so well at home with my mother at the moment.
We're ignoring each other 24/7 at the moment, yet I don't and will not let effect this my reboot, I've come too far for that!

Don't let anything effect your reboot, it will make it worse.

Keep going strong! 

 

[Innocence]

[Day 40]

Spent the last weekend at my dad's place, had some great talks with him considering the fights with my mother and managed to solve those.
Still going strong with barley to no urges at all!

 

[Innocence]

[Day 36]

Still going strong, yet it's not going so well at home with my mother at the moment.
We're ignoring each other 24/7 at the moment, yet I don't and will not let effect this my reboot, I've come too far for that!

Don't let anything effect your reboot, it will make it worse.

Keep going strong! 

Thank you for the feedback, I really appreciate it!

 

[datkid93]

That's great that your urges are relatively low and youve managed to fix things at home. Just continue to focus on other aspects of your life and you'll be good. Keep going strong man your doing great!

 

[sadboiboi]

Try to keep yourself busy with lots of stuffs to do, like hanging out with your friends, playing sports and doing your favourite things! It works for me for keeping those thoughts off! And dont give up!

 

[Innocence]

That's great that your urges are relatively low and youve managed to fix things at home. Just continue to focus on other aspects of your life and you'll be good. Keep going strong man your doing great!

Thank you for the feedback, my father taught me a wise lesson about addictions.
If you keep being strong the urges will fade again and you'll feel good that you did!
Even though his addiction was smoking, it does really help when I'm in a bad craving.

Try to keep yourself busy with lots of stuffs to do, like hanging out with your friends, playing sports and doing your favourite things! It works for me for keeping those thoughts off! And dont give up!

Thank you too for the great feedback!
Going to work-out tonight to get rid of all that energy!

 

[Innocence]

[Day 41]

I'm starting to feel more changes, for example today I had a pretty serious conversation yet I felt pretty calm about it.
Normally I would be pretty afraid, trying to hide my fear and just close myself off but this time I faced it without even thinking about it!

Even my mother complimented me suddenly that she said she thought I made a way stronger and more clear impression on her lately.

I was really glad hearing that just out of the blue without giving any hints or whatsoever.
She doesn't know about my reboot though, I've been feeling like telling her but I feel still a bit embarrassed since porn is like a really weird thing to her,
so I don't feel very comfortable telling her I was addicted all those years..
It's not bothering me though, I'm so happy with the support I'm getting here, the journals that truly are motivating and I told some people I met online (anonymously) and it has been a great support for me!

Going to take a short nap and then work-out again or else I don't think I will do a lot. And I don't feel like skipping.

 

[Innocence]

[Day 42]

Had quite a shitty day, couldn't concentrate, also a little bit changes in having a boner or not.
It changes a little from strong erections to the next day with none at all, during my reboot I actually prefer none but I'm glad to see at least it's changing in a good way too!

Besides that I had a lot of head aches, pain in my eye and stomach so I took a pretty powerful pain killer which solved everything but it's a one time solution to me.

Yesterday I still felt too tired to work out so that will be today as I have more energy.

 

[Innocence]

[day 42 part 2]

I came back from the gym completely exhausted, I've been working out really hard and I had to be honest it felt great once again!
Compared to when I started I've been gotten quite a bit stronger and my condition has improved.

I was pretty positive until, well I suddenly got blue balls. I truly don't recall how it happened, I've not been viewing any nsfw stuff yet it happened.
Started looking on ybop and decided to do the cold water trick yet for some reason I've attained some big urges.
Feeling quite nervous out of nowhere and the desire to release stress through MO but I'm doing my best not to, therefore I'm writing a part 2 in my day 42.

 

[1996addict]

Stick with the gym Buddy!  Nothing better for stress.  The only drawback is that it increases testosterone.  For me trying to stop jerking off at your age was fruitless.  I may get called out for saying this.. but jerking off as a teenager is normal (as long as it isn't dond in excess ).  However,  I would definitely recommend  staying away from porn.  You'd be surprised at what a little imagination will do. 
Hang in there  Bud!  Feel free to PM me if u need someone to talk to. 

 

[Innocence]

Stick with the gym Buddy!  Nothing better for stress.  The only drawback is that it increases testosterone.  For me trying to stop jerking off at your age was fruitless.  I may get called out for saying this.. but jerking off as a teenager is normal (as long as it isn't dond in excess ).  However,  I would definitely recommend  staying away from porn.  You'd be surprised at what a little imagination will do. 
Hang in there  Bud!  Feel free to PM me if u need someone to talk to.

Thanks man, I really appreciate it!
I will have to stick with the gym because I bought a 6 month subscription, would be a waste if I wouldn't go.

 

[Innocence]

[Day 46]

Been having a lot of mood swings, from lonely and depressed to really moody.
There were even times when I questioned myself what was wrong and what was right, it felt like my emotions were racing through my mind yet I'm okay now.
Last Thursday, won't say I'm proud of it, was when I went to the coffee shop and bought some weed.
I will not recommend this to anyone but it personally put my head to rest.

Today I'm w/o weed again and felt slightly more tired but after some food/soup/exercise I'm feeling like myself again.
Lately it's been a bit weird with my urges, I can have no problems at all, not even thinking about pmo and it can suddenly change where I'm just sitting with a boner for a while
trying to resist doing anything. Luckily, I'm still successful without PMO.
Yet the dreams is something that keeps confusing me and reminding me of how it was before my reboot.

 

[Innocence]

[Day 47]

Oh man I'm so moody yet lonely.
Feeling really lonely yet if someone talks to me it annoys me endlessly, for example my father called me today and I couldn't wait for him to hang up.
I hope he didn't noticed how annoyed I was, but he didn't seem to.
Guess I just miss having a girlfriend with whom I could share my thoughts and that she could make me feel better again by cuddling or just talking.
I have to set myself over that..

Still going strong without PMO, even though, I wish the moods were a bit brighter.