Let's rewire. This time for real.
- Thread starter Innocence
- Start date
Catch a Body
Member
You are doing very well ! I can't even picture myself going that far without PMO . its been so long that its been apart of my life. The longest I went without it was like 22 days :/
Innocence
Active Member
Lost Boy said:
Don't worry!
I've been with PMO since I was about 11 until I started rebooting. If I can do it, so can you!
Also, yes the beginning is hard, but once you can stick yourself with it, it gets easier by the day!
The only thing you'll have to fight are the random urges from time to time.
Innocence
Active Member
[Day 53]
Since yesterday I became pretty badly sick. Throat hurts like hell and I keep coughing and sneezing. My nose was completely stuck and it still kinda is.
Today I woke up with a fever and I've been in bed since, at the moment I'm feeling slightly better but I'm not too happy about it.
My depression is a bit lower, yet I wouldn't say I'm happy.
Since yesterday I became pretty badly sick. Throat hurts like hell and I keep coughing and sneezing. My nose was completely stuck and it still kinda is.
Today I woke up with a fever and I've been in bed since, at the moment I'm feeling slightly better but I'm not too happy about it.
My depression is a bit lower, yet I wouldn't say I'm happy.
Catch a Body
Member
Hey man I am pretty sick too hope you feel better soon!
Innocence
Active Member
[Day 55]
Saturday night I had a great dinner at a fancy restaurant with my mother and my brother. My brother and I were always fighting but since this time we did really fine! Afterwards I even stayed with my brother at my dad's place where we hung out with him and a couple of friends of his I know as well.
It made me feel really good having fun together.
Today has been awful, suddenly I'm getting so much urges and so much boners which are stronger than I can remember.
It does make me feel more confident knowing the reboot is working but it's really difficult resisting yet I am doing it! Tonight I'll spend some more time at the gym so I'll be away from the computer and I can release this strength in exercise.
Besides that, I'm almost hitting my second month! I'm pretty proud of myself.
Saturday night I had a great dinner at a fancy restaurant with my mother and my brother. My brother and I were always fighting but since this time we did really fine! Afterwards I even stayed with my brother at my dad's place where we hung out with him and a couple of friends of his I know as well.
It made me feel really good having fun together.
Today has been awful, suddenly I'm getting so much urges and so much boners which are stronger than I can remember.
It does make me feel more confident knowing the reboot is working but it's really difficult resisting yet I am doing it! Tonight I'll spend some more time at the gym so I'll be away from the computer and I can release this strength in exercise.
Besides that, I'm almost hitting my second month! I'm pretty proud of myself.
Innocence
Active Member
[Day 56]
It's getting slightly harder, have been feeling rather aroused lately, yesterday working out worked really great! All my energy was just out of my system, it did leave me exhausted though. Posting away on this forum helps me vent but having more and more boners through out the day is really frustrating. I need to keep my head straight on the reboot or I might relapse. Luckily that hasn't happened though!
It's getting slightly harder, have been feeling rather aroused lately, yesterday working out worked really great! All my energy was just out of my system, it did leave me exhausted though. Posting away on this forum helps me vent but having more and more boners through out the day is really frustrating. I need to keep my head straight on the reboot or I might relapse. Luckily that hasn't happened though!
Innocence
Active Member
[Day 60]
Time does go really fast, already day 60 and thinking of seeking help for my depressive moods. I've always been heavily against professional help as it has never helped me in the past but I'm willing to maybe give it another try.
Besides all the negativity, YES, I've successfully hit 60 days! I will count the day after tomorrow (62 days) as 2 months and I'm 100% sure I'll hit that too.
Time does go really fast, already day 60 and thinking of seeking help for my depressive moods. I've always been heavily against professional help as it has never helped me in the past but I'm willing to maybe give it another try.
Besides all the negativity, YES, I've successfully hit 60 days! I will count the day after tomorrow (62 days) as 2 months and I'm 100% sure I'll hit that too.
Innocence
Active Member
[Day 62]
Today I've hit 2 months! I'm planning on a lot of improvements, as in that I will continue to work-out which I do 2 times per week.
As the brain fog is slowly disappearing (sadly and returning from time to time) I'm going to be more strict on myself with doing my homework so I have more free time in the evening.
This free time will not be spend on chances to relapse of course, maybe work out more but in general I'll find something.
Today I've hit 2 months! I'm planning on a lot of improvements, as in that I will continue to work-out which I do 2 times per week.
As the brain fog is slowly disappearing (sadly and returning from time to time) I'm going to be more strict on myself with doing my homework so I have more free time in the evening.
This free time will not be spend on chances to relapse of course, maybe work out more but in general I'll find something.
Innocence
Active Member
[Day 63]
Awful day, had a headache, my bowels hurt, feeling very tired and just depressed.
I don't know what's going on with me, yesterday I was so super positive and nothing could bother me. Today all of that just went down the drain, no sign of optimism here, on top of that I'm extremely moody and tired. As soon as I got home from school I just went straight to bed, I've slept until even my mother had finished her dinner and woke me to eat something. Now it's 9PM and I still have to do all my homework, I might just let some slip but I must do most of it as some important tests are coming. It makes me rather emotional and stressed. My brain is even questioning the reboot, that's why I know I must hold on even more but it's really difficult in these dark times.
Awful day, had a headache, my bowels hurt, feeling very tired and just depressed.
I don't know what's going on with me, yesterday I was so super positive and nothing could bother me. Today all of that just went down the drain, no sign of optimism here, on top of that I'm extremely moody and tired. As soon as I got home from school I just went straight to bed, I've slept until even my mother had finished her dinner and woke me to eat something. Now it's 9PM and I still have to do all my homework, I might just let some slip but I must do most of it as some important tests are coming. It makes me rather emotional and stressed. My brain is even questioning the reboot, that's why I know I must hold on even more but it's really difficult in these dark times.
Very encouraging words man, it's nice to see that you've hit 2 months, congrats!!
You know... when everything's allright it's so easy to reboot. It's the bad days which make the difference between relapsing or being a winner. You can do it!!
This is my 2nd day without PMO since last relapse, yesterday was a great day and today I was deeply depressed as you. My best mark has been 20 days without PMO and I can remember in a few of them I was depressed.
It's completely normal, you are rewiring, your brain is suffering withdrawal and that's stressful and painful. Your brain wants you to keep hooked; but your life needs the opposite. KEEP STRONG.
I'm sure you already know that, but I usually try to remember this thoughts on dark times and dark days, and it's always nice to hear it from a different person.
Cheers!!
You know... when everything's allright it's so easy to reboot. It's the bad days which make the difference between relapsing or being a winner. You can do it!!
This is my 2nd day without PMO since last relapse, yesterday was a great day and today I was deeply depressed as you. My best mark has been 20 days without PMO and I can remember in a few of them I was depressed.
It's completely normal, you are rewiring, your brain is suffering withdrawal and that's stressful and painful. Your brain wants you to keep hooked; but your life needs the opposite. KEEP STRONG.
I'm sure you already know that, but I usually try to remember this thoughts on dark times and dark days, and it's always nice to hear it from a different person.
Cheers!!
Innocence
Active Member
[Day 65]
Feeling really depressed, school isn't going well and I feel misunderstood there. My mood is just going down the drain, even almost relapsed but I managed not to. Just took a shower to get rid off the temptation and to clear my mind but the sadness isn't fading.
Nothing is cheering me up, today we had mentor class with my mentor and fellow students to have a talk how everyone was doing and studies etc etc.
Usually I'm kind of active there but today I didn't smile at anything, nor felt the need to. Maybe I'm quite happy my mentor didn't ask me to stay, I wouldn't have wanted anyway.. I thought about talking to my social worker, but due past experiences I'd rather not. Besides that I wouldn't feel comfortable telling him what I expect my depression is coming from, I've already made myself look like a fool before, I highly doubt he will take me serious nor would I have the balls to tell someone in real life. Even as I decided to accept help, I can't get myself to receive any, I just feel like a sore loser. I know I even hit past 2 months of no PMO and I should be proud but I'm not. I'm at the moment where I could just burst in tears and suicide on my mind all the time. I just can't get out of it, even if I would want to. I have no energy, nor motivation and my grades are just dropping. Messing up my finals is the last thing I would want to but I feel like I can't really do a lot about it at this moment. Maybe I should just drop out of school but I don't know what I would do after that, just work? Feel even more like a loser? I would love a girlfriend but I just feel like such a failure I wouldn't even dare to try. I don't know how to go on, I will keep my head straight about rebooting but my motivation to even live on is terribly low. I've even been thinking about death, I'm quite afraid there will be nothing after it, how would that be? Like if I could remember anything before this, nope I can't nor anyone can. I don't believe in a heaven nor helldon't try to convince me I'm not religious. to me it's just a way of letting people be more calm when they're passing away in stead of freaking out that everything will be over for real.
Feeling really depressed, school isn't going well and I feel misunderstood there. My mood is just going down the drain, even almost relapsed but I managed not to. Just took a shower to get rid off the temptation and to clear my mind but the sadness isn't fading.
Nothing is cheering me up, today we had mentor class with my mentor and fellow students to have a talk how everyone was doing and studies etc etc.
Usually I'm kind of active there but today I didn't smile at anything, nor felt the need to. Maybe I'm quite happy my mentor didn't ask me to stay, I wouldn't have wanted anyway.. I thought about talking to my social worker, but due past experiences I'd rather not. Besides that I wouldn't feel comfortable telling him what I expect my depression is coming from, I've already made myself look like a fool before, I highly doubt he will take me serious nor would I have the balls to tell someone in real life. Even as I decided to accept help, I can't get myself to receive any, I just feel like a sore loser. I know I even hit past 2 months of no PMO and I should be proud but I'm not. I'm at the moment where I could just burst in tears and suicide on my mind all the time. I just can't get out of it, even if I would want to. I have no energy, nor motivation and my grades are just dropping. Messing up my finals is the last thing I would want to but I feel like I can't really do a lot about it at this moment. Maybe I should just drop out of school but I don't know what I would do after that, just work? Feel even more like a loser? I would love a girlfriend but I just feel like such a failure I wouldn't even dare to try. I don't know how to go on, I will keep my head straight about rebooting but my motivation to even live on is terribly low. I've even been thinking about death, I'm quite afraid there will be nothing after it, how would that be? Like if I could remember anything before this, nope I can't nor anyone can. I don't believe in a heaven nor hell
Wow man I feel your pain. Letc it be known that the depression probably is an indicator that your on the right way to recovery. I too and really fucking up in school I really don't have motivation to really do anything I can't bring myself to study or anything. I dont even enjoy hanging out or going out with my friends I just rather be by myself at times now. Although my mood mentally isn't depressed I myself am more depressed at where I stand with my reboot and as to whether I can get where I want to be. I get constsnt thoughts about my sexuality and havent forgotten it in anyway if anything i feel luke its gotten worse. I feel awful knowing where I have brought myself and refuse to accept this as the person where I want to be but rn the road to recovery looks extremely daunting for me. I remember for me at least I wanted to improve my image and take better care of myself to be more appealing to girls but given that's not what Im wired to at the moment I just don't eben see the point I haven't even been taking care of myself like I used to. I just don't know...i too have had sui dial thoughts but knowing how many more people I'd hurt doing it leaves me unable to even consider it. I hate myself rn and feel totally lost man I honestly try to sleep the day away when I can bc in my dreams I'm away from my strUggel but at times it is even present there. I just wish I could go back if there a fucking reset button or something to do it all over again but there isn't just gotta makevery day better than the last at this point is all we can do at this point....
Innocence
Active Member
datkid93 said:
Thank you for your inspirational words and making me feel not alone in this. I really hope you'll feel better very soon and just keep in mind that in the end it was all worth it.
We're just in a huge struggle at the moment, but we will get through!
Keep strong buddy!
Innocence
Active Member
[Day 67]
As it couldn't get any worse, as my old iPhone 4s was about to break down, I've quit smoking and I hit 2 months of no PMO I rewarded myself with the iPhone 6.
Mainly because I quit with smoking I can actually afford it, but last night, I cracked the screen. It kept me awake almost the entire night feeling really depressed.
I already know it's probably going to cost around 300 euros, can you believe that, such a big price for a screen?! I'm completely devastated, but I guess that's life.
On the other side, what strange was that I felt really depressed and my brains were seeking for a dopamine high, of course that's what you do when you feel like you've hit the bottom.
The thing was, my brain wasn't telling me to PMO, I was searching for other things, which I personally see as a really great improvement, just the fact that I had alcohol and nicotine in my mind wasn't very great. I think I should be happy that it happened in the night so there was no way to get alcohol nor nicotine so I managed to get through the night even though I barley slept..
Edit: So, I turned in my phone at the store and I probably won't have it for like 14 days. Well FML, now I can't even read my e-books nor the news comfortably in my bed. This really sucks, but I guess I'll have no other choice..
As it couldn't get any worse, as my old iPhone 4s was about to break down, I've quit smoking and I hit 2 months of no PMO I rewarded myself with the iPhone 6.
Mainly because I quit with smoking I can actually afford it, but last night, I cracked the screen. It kept me awake almost the entire night feeling really depressed.
I already know it's probably going to cost around 300 euros, can you believe that, such a big price for a screen?! I'm completely devastated, but I guess that's life.
On the other side, what strange was that I felt really depressed and my brains were seeking for a dopamine high, of course that's what you do when you feel like you've hit the bottom.
The thing was, my brain wasn't telling me to PMO, I was searching for other things, which I personally see as a really great improvement, just the fact that I had alcohol and nicotine in my mind wasn't very great. I think I should be happy that it happened in the night so there was no way to get alcohol nor nicotine so I managed to get through the night even though I barley slept..
Edit: So, I turned in my phone at the store and I probably won't have it for like 14 days. Well FML, now I can't even read my e-books nor the news comfortably in my bed. This really sucks, but I guess I'll have no other choice..
TheAntagonist
Member
maybe a little too late but gratz on reaching 2 months
since you started about 20 days before me, i see u as my role model, whenever the urge to fap come, i say to myself "i'm not gonna lose to innocence, if he can do it i can too"
keep going strong bro, i'm with you !
since you started about 20 days before me, i see u as my role model, whenever the urge to fap come, i say to myself "i'm not gonna lose to innocence, if he can do it i can too"
keep going strong bro, i'm with you !
Innocence
Active Member
[Day 68]
Lots of mood swings today, no motivation to do whatsoever but I did work on my homework an hour. It's not a lot but if I look back, it's pretty decent for what I used to do in dark times.
I've also been noticing over the past few days that my morning wood is starting to return more often so I'm pretty glad about that!
At the moment I'm just feeling a bit down with a headache and been feeling quite sick this entire afternoon. I hope I'll feel better tomorrow because I don't want to miss classes nor skip going to the gym again.
Lots of mood swings today, no motivation to do whatsoever but I did work on my homework an hour. It's not a lot but if I look back, it's pretty decent for what I used to do in dark times.
I've also been noticing over the past few days that my morning wood is starting to return more often so I'm pretty glad about that!
At the moment I'm just feeling a bit down with a headache and been feeling quite sick this entire afternoon. I hope I'll feel better tomorrow because I don't want to miss classes nor skip going to the gym again.