Return to reality

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vidvan13

Active Member
  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? None
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress?
  • What am I grateful for today?
  • Day counter! DAY 84
 
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vidvan13

Active Member
watermelon day beacons!
  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? None
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress?
  • What am I grateful for today? restful day
  • Day counter! DAY 86
 
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SexualHealing

Active Member
Happy Day 88!! It's been awhile since I've read one of your entries, this last one was very relevant. Thanks :)

"Our pleasure center is fried out! The pursuit of pleasure for its own sake, leads to the inability to enjoy pleasure of any kind!"
 
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vidvan13

Active Member
Monday I get the watermelon reward!
  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? None
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress?
  • What am I grateful for today? good podcast
  • Day counter! DAY 89
 
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vidvan13

Active Member
As day 90 of my reboot closes to an end, I feel a lot of gratitude and peace. This was a tough journey for me - the triggers still remain, but the urge is relatively easier to subdue now. I acknowledge that this will be a much longer journey than 90 days. But this has also been a life changing experience for me. It gave me a lot of courage to face who I really am, and how I want to live. I will continue this journey further for another 60 days at least, on this forum, as I explore the physical aspects of my reboot. Mentally, I feel a lot more settled now. I know what I am and want, but I have to be careful with my triggers. My attempt in the next couple of months would be to open up to my near and dear ones and expose my true self. I am going to hurt a few people in this process, but I sincerely hope they can forgive me for my mistakes. I am a bit scared to do it, but I need to do it. Along with this I will focus on healthy sexuality and its interpretation in my life. There is no more PMO for me, ever. Finally, I am putting my long held plans in action in the next two months and I look forward to making progress in them and living a life I want, while being true to myself and others around me.

  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? None
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress?
  • What am I grateful for today? spend the day with a couple of friends, who were visiting.
  • Day counter! DAY 90
 
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SexualHealing

Active Member
Beautiful post 📫 it's pretty incredible how far you've come! I'm not just speaking for myself, I'm sure we can all agree that your blogs were transformative. You poured out your wisdom and your heart and your TRUTH with all the blogs you wrote. Perhaps on of my favorite parts of witnessing your growth was reading those blogs.

You're absolutely right, these first 90 days are only the beginning and there's still more work to be done but you've done the kind of work that will take years to do. I'm talking about going inward and self reflecting and self evaluating yourself; the good and the bad. Many people never get here. Congrats to you on that front 👏

Sending you all the light you need to be open and truthful about yourself with the ones you love. Honestly, I rather be loved for who I am then to be loved for who I'm not.

You're awesome!! Glad you had a great day with friends!!
 
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vidvan13

Active Member
The watermelons were super! I cut them to cubes with love; put some salt and then ate them. The juices are so pleasurable. It is a reward I deserve; every 13th :) welcome to the real wold.
 
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vidvan13

Active Member
SexualHealing said:
Beautiful post 📫 it's pretty incredible how far you've come! I'm not just speaking for myself, I'm sure we can all agree that your blogs were transformative. You poured out your wisdom and your heart and your TRUTH with all the blogs you wrote. Perhaps on of my favorite parts of witnessing your growth was reading those blogs.

You're absolutely right, these first 90 days are only the beginning and there's still more work to be done but you've done the kind of work that will take years to do. I'm talking about going inward and self reflecting and self evaluating yourself; the good and the bad. Many people never get here. Congrats to you on that front 👏

Sending you all the light you need to be open and truthful about yourself with the ones you love. Honestly, I rather be loved for who I am then to be loved for who I'm not.

You're awesome!! Glad you had a great day with friends!!
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Thanks S, for your constant support.
 
V

vidvan13

Active Member
This week I tried to answer the question 'can I have an erection without porn?' and the answer is yes. That is a big win, because it was not true before. The stimulus to natural touch is back. I guess, this will improve further over time. I also tried to expose myself to some triggers to look at what I am thinking and how I am responding. I notice that I am a lot more interested now in the interaction of people even when watching movies - like how people kiss, what are they doing with their hands, eyes etc. Mind you, these things still tempt me, but I still wanted to approach it with mindfulness, a couple of times, to see what happens. There was risk in it, but I was able to observe myself to some extent neutrally and make mental notes. Morning wood has been regular and associated erections hard. I have had two episodes of nightfall, probably because all the experimentation I did remained somewhere, subconsciously, in my mind. Erections don't recede easily now, but they are still harder if I have an external stimulus like fantasy or image I saw earlier - probably meaning there is still some scope to recover. I will experiment more but after the holiday season. It is time to let the bells ring meanwhile.

On the work front, I am still taking baby steps towards my goals. But I can see things moving now. This is a nice rush for me. I always use to think I am a procrastinator, instead I was mainly mind numbed by PMO. There is more want and desire to do stuff now. There is more motivation for sure. My gym and yoga routine is solid and I really enjoy it. I focus on healthy eating and genuine conversations with coworkers. Also, I will be updating once a week now on this forum to keep myself disciplined. I feel good, but I do see room to improve on this journey. This continues.
 
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