Return to reality

SexualHealing

Active Member
14085011377_1da5f11cc8_o.jpg
Happy 60 day, dear Vid!! I found a very unique and bright 🌞 watermelon for you on this special day. It's as bright and unique as you are. It better be sweet! Enjoy 🎆🧨✨🎉🎈🏅🏆🥇🪅🌋🍉
 

vidvan13

Active Member
I have stacked up my fridge with this watermelon:
IMG_1685.jpg

This will be consumed tomorrow Nov 13th, morning, as a victory dessert! 13 is a special number to me. The next watermelon day for me would be Dec 13, a day after day 90. Henceforth, every month day 13th would be remembered as watermelon day by me. It will remind me every month to be true to myself and others, and live my most authentic life. I am not perfect, and I don't seek perfection anymore. I look forward to this ever lasting journey in my life. I will run the counter till 90, and a little beyond just in case. I feel a lot of gratitude towards everybody who has given me hope, told me to carry on, and made me realize I am not alone. Big shout out to S for paving the way for me. I have followed her inspiring story one day behind. She is a treasure.

On my recovery status, I would say that my desire to PMO is minimal. It still lurks around, I have noticed, on ignition of some old triggers. I am actively re-calibrating these triggers to put me in a habit of doing something more useful. I am not going to get rid of these triggers, I am simply going to give them a new meaning. My morning woods are consistent and my dreams can get very sexual some of these days. I am avoiding any sexual encounters for the first 90 days so those PIED aspects will reveal after 90 days are past. My approach towards women has changed dramatically. I see them as people, and I appreciate them as humans. Sometimes I can get distracted but I keep asking myself to act with intent. If I am attracted to somebody and my intent is clear, I am all right. But if my intent is simply the old dopamine hit, I re-calibrate and use my wrist feedback band to remind myself that these are triggers and remnants of the old pathways in my mind.

My mental life has completely changed. I feel very energetic, very hopeful, and very refreshed every day. I can see creative ideas coming to me and I am finding huge amount of interest in them now. I am going to wait for my romantic life to untangle till I am at day 90. I want to finish that mental landmark. This will also give me time to think about my present and where I want to be in future in terms of my relationships. But, I can say with certainty, that time away from Pixels is the best thing that has happened to me in my life. My will to live authentically every day is at its peak. My kindness is back, my emotions are flowing, and I find myself connected to the world and people.

To everybody out there, who are struggling and losing hope, remember you are not lost till you keep trying. I had tried and relapsed for years, until I found the key to my joy for now - I needed to be true to myself and have the courage to be true to others, AND I had to put brain reinforcing activities in my life to reprogram my triggers into habits that are productive. Submersion into books, lots of Dr. Trish Leigh's videos, journaling and introspection paved the way for me. I wish everybody luck and a lots of love. You all are enough, you all are unique, and you all deserve a rich, joyous life away from the toxic shackles of pixels.

  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? none
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress?
  • What am I grateful for today? grateful for the second watermelon day tomorrow.
  • Day counter! DAY 60
On the journaling front today was an exploration of how to cure perfectionism (https://vidvan13.livejournal.com/8555.html)

“Our job in this life is not to shape ourselves into some ideal we imagine we ought to be, but to find out who we already are and become it.” ~ Steven Pressfield
 
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SexualHealing

Active Member
I have stacked up my fridge with this watermelon:
View attachment 497

This will be consumed tomorrow Nov 13th, morning, as a victory dessert! 13 is a special number to me. The next watermelon day for me would be Dec 13, a day after day 90. Henceforth, every month day 13th would be remembered as watermelon day by me. It will remind me every month to be true to myself and others, and live my most authentic life. I am not perfect, and I don't seek perfection anymore. I look forward to this ever lasting journey in my life. I will run the counter till 90, and a little beyond just in case. I feel a lot of gratitude towards everybody who has given me hope, told me to carry on, and made me realize I am not alone. Big shout out to S for paving the way for me. I have followed her inspiring story one day behind. She is a treasure.

On my recovery status, I would say that my desire to PMO is minimal. It still lurks around, I have noticed, on ignition of some old triggers. I am actively re-calibrating these triggers to put me in a habit of doing something more useful. I am not going to get rid of these triggers, I am simply going to give them a new meaning. My morning woods are consistent and my dreams can get very sexual some of these days. I am avoiding any sexual encounters for the first 90 days so those PIED aspects will reveal after 90 days are past. My approach towards women has changed dramatically. I see them as people, and I appreciate them as humans. Sometimes I can get distracted but I keep asking myself to act with intent. If I am attracted to somebody and my intent is clear, I am all right. But if my intent is simply the old dopamine hit, I re-calibrate and use my wrist feedback band to remind myself that these are triggers and remnants of the old pathways in my mind.

My mental life has completely changed. I feel very energetic, very hopeful, and very refreshed every day. I can see creative ideas coming to me and I am finding huge amount of interest in them now. I am going to wait for my romantic life to untangle till I am at day 90. I want to finish that mental landmark. This will also give me time to think about my present and where I want to be in future in terms of my relationships. But, I can say with certainty, that time away from Pixels is the best thing that has happened to me in my life. My will to live authentically every day is at its peak. My kindness is back, my emotions are flowing, and I find myself connected to the world and people.

To everybody out there, who are struggling and losing hope, remember you are not lost till you keep trying. I had tried and relapsed for years, until I found the key to my joy for now - I needed to be true to myself and have the courage to be true to others, AND I had to put brain reinforcing activities in my life to reprogram my triggers into habits that are productive. Submersion into books, lots of Dr. Trish Leigh's videos, journaling and introspection paved the way for me. I wish everybody luck and a lots of love. You all are enough, you all are unique, and you all deserve a rich, joyous life away from the toxic shackles of pixels.

  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? none
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress?
  • What am I grateful for today? grateful for the second watermelon day tomorrow.
  • Day counter! DAY 60
On the journaling front today was an exploration of how to cure perfectionism (https://vidvan13.livejournal.com/8555.html)

“Our job in this life is not to shape ourselves into some ideal we imagine we ought to be, but to find out who we already are and become it.” ~ Steven Pressfield
There's a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in... incredibly true.

I love that you talked about your transformation these last 60 days. Pretty phenomenal.. learning about your challenges, your moments of triumph fill me with complete delight. You put in so much work into your reboot journey!

Glad we got you on the reboot forum for the next 30 days. You definitely bring so much value to my journey and the journey of others. Thank you for writing blogs that somehow fit into the stuff that I'm going through. Also, it was a real treat I had the opportunity to connect with you. I'm big with building connections with people; especially when it comes to connecting with others through humor, insight, laughter, wisdom, honesty, and playfulness. Although virtually, it was cool to connect with you on that level.

Have a fantastic 60 day! May all your days be filled with inner abundance. ✨
 

vidvan13

Active Member
Today was a great day. Watermelons were great. yoga was great. food was great. life was great. I read and summarized about numbing down, something that had defined my life till recently - not feeling anything, detached, disconnected, addicted. (https://vidvan13.livejournal.com/8742.html)

Looking forward to the next 30 days of this journey.
  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? none
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress?
  • What am I grateful for today? just being myself
  • Day counter! DAY 61
 

vidvan13

Active Member
  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? none
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress?
  • What am I grateful for today? Meeting an old friend and discussing my artistic venture thoughts.
  • Day counter! DAY 62
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Today's journal is about saying 'enough' to counter numbing. We need to feel our feelings and lean into the discomfort. The question of intent is central to live authentically (https://vidvan13.livejournal.com/9057.html)

  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? none
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress?
  • What am I grateful for today? good Ramen
  • Day counter! DAY 63
Definitely. Poor coping skills is one of the reasons why some people keep staying addicts (me included).
 

vidvan13

Active Member
Definitely. Poor coping skills is one of the reasons why some people keep staying addicts (me included).
True. leaving an addiction is work, and we should not expect positive results till that particular work is done. But, it is a skill which is easy to master after some genuine input. Good luck in your journey. You shall overcome.
 

Takeoff

Member
leaving an addiction is work
Indeed!
I deeply agree with what you stated in your journal, being: "People who find ways to manage and soothe the anxiety end up struggling with numbing." as I have experienced this myself, and not trying to escape the emotions we don't necessarilly want to experience definitely gets easier when you put work into staying away from whatever you were escaping into, whether it was porn or other drugs. Good job man, let's keep going.
(I said let's because we're actually on the same day now, good job man!)
 

vidvan13

Active Member
  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? none
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress?
  • What am I grateful for today? busy day at work
  • Day counter! DAY 64
 

vidvan13

Active Member
  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? none
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress?
  • What am I grateful for today? good read.
  • Day counter! DAY 66
 
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vidvan13

Active Member
Day 70. I feel blessed. I am starting to think about past 90 days now. To move beyond this phase of my life and see what is out there. But before I get there, let us treat the next 20 days with respect and gratitude.
  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? none
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress?
  • What am I grateful for today? great sunset
  • Day counter! DAY 70
 

vidvan13

Active Member
  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? some picture on my phone
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress? moved on after checking my intent.
  • What am I grateful for today? good day at work
  • Day counter! DAY 71
 
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