Jswizzle
Active Member
Sunday, January 16th 2022
Day 29 no porn
Didn't think I would have that much to say tonight, but after I posted I feel like I need to speak some truth. I haven't used porn since I've been posting and I'm proud of that. However, since my wife and I made love approximately a week ago, I have struggled with masturbation. It hasn't been daily but I have engaged in the act three times since we've had sex this last time. Usually some nonsensical sexual fantasy with some female I come across in my daily endeavors. I promised myself I'd be rigorously honest and I have been avoiding that for the last 3 or 4 days.
I have been giving myself justification in that I minimize that it's a normal act for a healthy male to engage in. Also my ego has gotten in the way as I have not wanted to admit that I have been engaging in masturbation because I have been doing so well with not using porn. I know it's this kind of mindset and self-deception that leads me back down the rabbit hole of porn use. I'm tired of lying to myself.
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I would like to try a new thing. I have got a book I have had for a while that I would like to institute in regard to my journaling on RN. The book is "No More Mr Nice Guy, The 30 Day Recovery Journal."
Day 1: If it frightens you, do it.
One of the journal questions for this day is "Name Three Things that Scare You."
1. Getting old. I'm afraid of growing old and my body and mind becoming feeble. As I have gotten older I have seen my grandparents age and their health decline. My father passed away in 2019 and he had early signs of Parkinson's disease. My father-in-law had a prostectomy having his prostate completely removed. It was a shit show of a process that changed his life.
2. Anticipation of the future. Change in general.
3. Watching my daughter grow up and make the same shitty mistakes that I have.
Day 29 no porn
Didn't think I would have that much to say tonight, but after I posted I feel like I need to speak some truth. I haven't used porn since I've been posting and I'm proud of that. However, since my wife and I made love approximately a week ago, I have struggled with masturbation. It hasn't been daily but I have engaged in the act three times since we've had sex this last time. Usually some nonsensical sexual fantasy with some female I come across in my daily endeavors. I promised myself I'd be rigorously honest and I have been avoiding that for the last 3 or 4 days.
I have been giving myself justification in that I minimize that it's a normal act for a healthy male to engage in. Also my ego has gotten in the way as I have not wanted to admit that I have been engaging in masturbation because I have been doing so well with not using porn. I know it's this kind of mindset and self-deception that leads me back down the rabbit hole of porn use. I'm tired of lying to myself.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I would like to try a new thing. I have got a book I have had for a while that I would like to institute in regard to my journaling on RN. The book is "No More Mr Nice Guy, The 30 Day Recovery Journal."
Day 1: If it frightens you, do it.
One of the journal questions for this day is "Name Three Things that Scare You."
1. Getting old. I'm afraid of growing old and my body and mind becoming feeble. As I have gotten older I have seen my grandparents age and their health decline. My father passed away in 2019 and he had early signs of Parkinson's disease. My father-in-law had a prostectomy having his prostate completely removed. It was a shit show of a process that changed his life.
2. Anticipation of the future. Change in general.
3. Watching my daughter grow up and make the same shitty mistakes that I have.
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