Tuesday, May 31 2022
Day 161 no porn
3 days no MO
Doing well with keeping vigilant with not using porn. This is the first time in my life since I was 13 years old I have made it this far. So grateful to find this community and dig in on getting this shit out of my life. So tired of living in shame and secrecy. However, I know that the "allergy" is still there and one slip can send me into a spiral.
Yeah, I have been porn free but working a program of recovery is what will lead to lasting change. Which, I have faltered on for the last three months.
I do things that help replace the dopamine rush.... videogames, online gaming, projects around the house, reading etc. They're all good distraction. Plus my work acts as a buffer to keep me busy.
As I reflect on my history of porn use, I want to be vulnerable and confront my shame. On my honeymoon, as a twenty year old kid, my wife and I went to Hawaii. Our first day in Waikiki, after our plane had landed we settled into our hotel room. While my wife was asleep in the afternoon (we landed early in the morning and she was taking a nap) I went to explore areas around the hotel. I found an adult novelty shop and found myself using porn in a booth. This was before the expansion of the smart phone and internet boom within the first decade of the late 2000's.
Wanted to share that. Leave it here. Not carry it anymore. Glad for utilizing the blog as I can utilize posts to find motivation when temptation strikes.