Porn is not an option

Galatians51

Galatians51

Active Member
Blondie said:
Day 2 (1984 days of freedom)
Day 28 of no O
Day 28 of no alcohol
62 cold showers

Thank you @Ezel, you're absolutely right about that. What's done is done.

Love you king

Thanks for this @Galatians51. You're right, the brain can really play tricks with us when it comes to this stuff. I know this has been a huge factor in my life when it comes to this habit. Obviously I don't "blame" them for it, I'm responsible for my own actions, however, it would be a lie acting like it didn't happen many times thinking of all this trauma from my childhood etc., just the anger alone can get you sometimes.

Thanks man, yes you're right about this. I find so much of this is just a mental battle of values. I told myself Porn is not Option for years now, but after that one drunken screw up a month ago, suddenly I reintroduced it back into my life and that "variety" starts calling my name again, whereas before I didn't even let it get to point, it was simply not an option anymore. The whole motto, porn is not option, is to say, no matter how much something might be enticing or whatnot, you've alreadly established it won't be good for you and that it will have bad consequences in the end. For example, you might think your cousin is really hot, but you simply don't go there for obviously reasons! That's what the motto implies, you just don't do it, period! Porn is just not an outlet for your sexuality anymore. I forgot about that these last few weeks, and now I'm starting to remember again. At the end of the day, porn is a battle of values, it's as simple as that. And as Jesus said, a house divided will NOT stand. If our minds are divided on this issue, then we've already relapsed before we've even clicked the button.

Thanks for your support brother. It means so much.

Thanks @swimmer97, I appreciate you. And you're right, people are people, and forgiving them is all I can do in the end. It might not be what I wanted, but it makes the best out of the situation.

Keep killing it man.

Thanks mate. It is what it is, and who knows, maybe something good will come out of this, I still remain hopeful. And yes, I definitely know my triggers, which is always a bonus in all of this.

Best sir.

Thanks @strongfuture89. You're right, what I have with my Lady is truly amazing, and I realize that daily, especially in moments like this. Many women are not cool with this shit, and seeing that she can be understanding and comprehend that this is an addiction is extremely helpful in overcoming it. Learning how to talk to her about this has been a interesting experience, just being truthful in the moment and not hiding behind cowardice etc. has been empowering.

Best brother.

Thanks @EarthWalker.

Boy is that the truth. That's what I was aiming for with all of this, so maybe my relapse came from such a great disappointment etc. However, ever since the beginning I've told myself that this could very well be the case, and I wasn't doing this with any assureity that they would see the light, it was always for me to be truthful to myself and put my truth "out there" in the void and see what happens.

Wise words indeed. No we do not!

Bless you man.
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I think what i like most about this post is it shows through all the responses how many people care about you on here, and we care about you because you care for so many on here, even if it’s just a like on our post or a comment here or there, it shows that somebody is out there listening to what everyone has to say and then encourage us. You are a big part of this community and in turn we all appreciate you.
 
First_step_thousand_miles

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Stay strong man. Sorry to hear about the relapses but I know there's been a lot of turmoil in your life recently. Life definitely kicks us in the teeth when we're down and all the bad just seems to pile on...but the good news is that leaves the door open for some upside as well. I'm proud that you're making an honest effort -- perfection is DAMN hard. That said, I think you can be free of this poison

Next time you're tempted, try a replacement activity maybe -- I love just walking for an hour / calling a friend to clear me head. Find whatever technique works for you, I think we turn to short-cuts like porn when we do not have forward momentum in our lives. So find that forward momentum (i.e. exercising for an hour will help lose weight, talking with a friend for a while will increase the quality of your relationship, etc)
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Day 4 (1986 days of freedom)
Day 30 of no O
Day 30 of no alcohol
64 cold showers

Galatians51 said:
I think what i like most about this post is it shows through all the responses how many people care about you on here, and we care about you because you care for so many on here, even if it’s just a like on our post or a comment here or there, it shows that somebody is out there listening to what everyone has to say and then encourage us. You are a big part of this community and in turn we all appreciate you.
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Thanks @Galatians51. I don't know what to say so I'll just keep it at that. You and everyone here are fantastic men.

Best
TryingHarder said:
Clearly I don't need to remind you, but I'll take this opportunity to remind myself: whatever the problem is, porn is never the answer. There is no lasting solace, comfort, or enlightenment in porn. It is always a useless dead end.

Stay strong, man!
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Thanks @TryingHarder! No shame in reminding me, and I would totally agree, porn is never the answer!

Keep killing it.
First_step_thousand_miles said:
Stay strong man. Sorry to hear about the relapses but I know there's been a lot of turmoil in your life recently. Life definitely kicks us in the teeth when we're down and all the bad just seems to pile on...but the good news is that leaves the door open for some upside as well. I'm proud that you're making an honest effort -- perfection is DAMN hard. That said, I think you can be free of this poison

Next time you're tempted, try a replacement activity maybe -- I love just walking for an hour / calling a friend to clear me head. Find whatever technique works for you, I think we turn to short-cuts like porn when we do not have forward momentum in our lives. So find that forward momentum (i.e. exercising for an hour will help lose weight, talking with a friend for a while will increase the quality of your relationship, etc)
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Those are good ideas, thanks @First_step_thousand_miles. The thing is, I've been working my ass off on my goals and kicking ass at school this last month, but after that drunken slip a month ago by accident, I just allowed it to be "somewhat" okay again in my head, thus, my predictable failures, especially this last week. To me this has always been very a simple matter, either porn is allowed in my life or it is not, there's no qualms about it. "Fighting urges" or "constant warfare" is all secondary to the initial decision, in fact, they practically vanish after making that final decision. Which leads me to my next point. I've told you all last week after my two small relapses I was still somewhat "on the fence" about quitting porn, well, no more. These last few days I've decided to officially get back on the bandwagon again. I know this because when I tell myself it's over, when I tell myself it's time to breakup with the harem, I feel this great sadness and even anger at this thought, because what I'm saying to myself is that this outlet for my sexuality will never happen again. What I'm saying is that this outlet for "variety" with women will never be an option for me anymore. And these thoughts make me fucking pissed off, that is, just imaging never looking at porn again for the rest of my days, especially the variety part. When I imagine that I'll never see another naked woman besides my Lady or possibly a few other partners, or some random life drawing models here and there, this thought literally brings depression and anger to my mind to be honest with you all, and I find myself saying out loud holy fuck, this is it! This is all I'll see from here on out. Yesterday I found myself getting sad and angry because of all the these thoughts, because now I have to live in the real world again, and if I'm not happy about this or that or my relationship, I'll have to change it or change myself, but no shortcuts, period.

Have you guys ever felt this when you've really made that final decision to quit? It always happens to me when I have, and it makes my feel both happy on one hand, but terribly sad on the other, like I'm losing a "great" friend. However, deep down inside I'm happy because I know I'm over it too, and the only way to get to freedom is to go through those feelings of "breaking up" forever. :cool:

Porn is NOT an option ladies and gentlemen.

Keep killing it @First_step_thousand_miles.

Love you brother

Also, 30 days no O feels great!
 
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swimmer97

swimmer97

Active Member
Glad to see you back on the principle.

I know exactly what you are talking about. I also made that final decision. Porn for me, doesnt exist anymore since that one day. Still don't forget that real women in the real world are still an option. Also it is for sure true that you and also me are in a relationship and the coolidge effect hunts us men all down due to simple biology we can still appreciation women in real life. I understand your struggle of living a monogamous life until death, to be honest i have the same insecurities, possibly everyone has at some point. I personally just think that we should not mix in Porn into this discussion as it is not a useful medicin for that problem. Quite the opposite.

Bzw GZ on 30days no O!

Keep trucking it brother
 
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Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Day 5! (1987 days of freedom)
Day 31 of no O
Day 31 of no alcohol
65 cold showers

I've been meditating on how I will feel on my deathbed, when I haven't looked at porn for ages since this last relapse five days ago. My brain gets pissed thinking of this thought, because that's what never again means.

Never again
Never again
Never again

Let it be pissed. Let it be angry. Let it not be happy. I can handle it.

Never again
Never again
Never again

Goodbye (dear) ladies. I'm going to a better place now
A place I've grown accustomed to
A place of true happiness
A place of true joy
A place of true freedom

There is no joy in your digital actions
There is no joy in my digital reactions!
I wish you well but goodbye all the same
There is more to life than feeling all this shame

We met again in a drunken stupor just a month ago
There was no love between us, yet we gave it another go
Let's face it, we both want different things on this path
I want freedom and joy and not another psychopath!

Our two paths in this life shall never meet again
Trust me, these are not mere words of a silly pen
When I say it's over, it's over and you know it to be true
There's more to life than arguing with a hot but crazy shrew!

There is no joy in your digital actions
There is no joy in my digital reactions!
I wish you well but goodbye all the same
There is more to life than feeling all this shame

Porn is Not an Option
 
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GBS

GBS

Respected Member
Awesome poem, mate. Print it out and put it by your bedside. You need to remember that you wrote it and why.

Meanwhile, how does 31 days of no MO feel? It’s amazing, huh?
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
GBS said:
You need to remember that you wrote it and why.
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Thanks @GBS, you're right about that that. If I'm proof of anything, is that it could get you where and when you least expect it to.

GBS said:
Meanwhile, how does 31 days of no MO feel? It’s amazing, huh?
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I'm feeling great at the moment. In fact, I'm feeling like a million bucks to be truthful. I really think part of my positive attitude at this moment, even after these three small relapses, has been doing this SR and feeling mentally strong. Life is good and I'm feeling back on track again. For me, it's always been about the mindset, there's hardly any urges once I get there mentally. My next goal is one month, which I've done many times before. Then three months, which I've done quite a few times, and then four months, which I've done only three or four times. I got this!

Love you sir.
 
L

logicprox

Well-Known Member
Blondie said:
Day 6 (1988 days of freedom)
Day 32 of no O
Day 32 of no alcohol
65 cold showers

Be the father to yourself that you wished your father had been. And understand he did what he could in the shadow of his own.
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That really connects with a lot of things I have been thinking about with my own father recently. Hits home (in a good way). Probably something I will talk about in my journal here at some point.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Day 7! (1989 days of freedom)
Day 33 of no O
Day 33 of no alcohol
66 cold showers

It's hard to believe, but a big change has happened with my parents over the last few days, and it's blowing mind in all the best ways. It seems my straightforwardness with them, and my assertiveness with love, might have just turned a new leaf for us, and a few days ago I finally got that apology I've spent years wishing for. No bullshit, no accuses, just utterly straight up with me and nothing more. We're sorry son. We're so sorry. I couldn't believe it. I still can't believe it. I woke up this morning in shock with tears of joy for the journey this has been and proud of myself for what I did and who I've become. This isn't the man I used to be. I faced my fears. I faced my tears. I faced my childhood. Sure, it's not all worked out or "perfect" but what is? But this is a gigantic change and is what I had considered a best case scenario when I started this journey a few months back. I'm simply speechless. I am convinced when you're not chasing fake highs with a click of the mouse, you chase life instead, all the good, the bad and the ugly of it. This is a new me, and minus my few slip ups this last month, I'm still the same man I was before, even mentally nothing has changed, and none of this would have happened chasing highs instead of chasing my values and what I actually want to be in this life, a man of authenticity and integrity. Though losing that streak was heartbreaking to be sure, and was never part of "my plan", it was worth it in the end because I got this in return. An immense weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and today I feel at peace with myself and the world.

I want to thank you all for your support over these last few months. This place reminds of one of my favorite TV series, Band of Brothers, where each of us fight together in the trenches of our own personal lives, and where no man is left behind.

Today I'm feeling that big number up above more than the little one. The big one is where it's at for sure, because it shows the man I've become, and not the man I revert back to sometimes. Never forget that, our relapses don't define us, it's what we do afterwards that does, and the final destination we are all aiming at.

I'll be out of dodge for the next couple of days, except for maybe my daily numbers, but I'll be thinking of you all.

Love

Blondie

Leave no man behind
 
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