Day 2 (1984 days of freedom)
Day 28 of no O
Day 28 of no alcohol
62 cold showers
Thank you
@Ezel, you're absolutely right about that. What's done is done.
Love you king
Hey so sorry to hear about the family issues, that can definitely be tough and a big trigger because we started feeling frustrated and sorry for ourselves which leads to wanting to feel better and our brain suddenly remembers how good porn makes us feel. At least that’s what has happened to me many times in the past.
Thanks for this
@Galatians51. You're right, the brain can really play tricks with us when it comes to this stuff. I know this has been a huge factor in my life when it comes to this habit. Obviously I don't "blame" them for it, I'm responsible for my own actions, however, it would be a lie acting like it didn't happen many times thinking of all this trauma from my childhood etc., just the anger alone can get you sometimes.
Great job resisting going all the way with a MO… But as you know - the images of what you saw will be bouncing around your brain doing whatever they can to get you to give in and feel the release. Tonight, tomorrow morning, when you’re alone in the bathroom… these will be very trying times. For me I’m good like 99% of the time, and then when I’m by myself in a vulnerable moment - suddenly a wave of desire crashes over me. Just expect that is coming your way over the next few days. Do what you can to limit your access to the internet over the next few days, maybe ask your lady to take your devices when you’re by yourself. I’m not telling you what to do just trying to help.
Thanks man, yes you're right about this. I find so much of this is just a mental battle of values. I told myself Porn is not Option for years now, but after that one drunken screw up a month ago, suddenly I reintroduced it back into my life and that "variety" starts calling my name again, whereas before I didn't even let it get to point, it was simply not an option anymore. The whole motto, porn is not option, is to say, no matter how much something might be enticing or whatnot, you've alreadly established it won't be good for you and that it will have bad consequences in the end. For example, you might think your cousin is really hot, but you simply don't go there for obviously reasons! That's what the motto implies, you just don't do it, period! Porn is just not an outlet for your sexuality anymore. I forgot about that these last few weeks, and now I'm starting to remember again. At the end of the day, porn is a battle of values, it's as simple as that. And as Jesus said,
a house divided will NOT stand. If our minds are divided on this issue, then we've already relapsed before we've even clicked the button.
Thanks for your support brother. It means so much.
sorry to hear that brother. i highly respect your brutal honesty with yourself and others. that is true strength. i agree with androg, people are very emotional beings that will in 99% always go into defend mode. But thats okay, maybe they are just not strong enough to see even partial truth in the criticism. In that case i would say, forgive them and move on. there is no gain in fighting this fight. You are wiser.
dust yourself off brother, we you got your back.
Thanks
@swimmer97, I appreciate you. And you're right, people are people, and forgiving them is all I can do in the end. It might not be what I wanted, but it makes the best out of the situation.
Keep killing it man.
Bad luck mate. I suppose it sort of counts as a relapse, but you didn’t M at all, so I think the harm is way less than if you’d gone all in (and then out!).
I am extremely sorry that the parental response wasn’t as you hoped, but looking on the bright side and not trying to be flippant, you can spot your obvious triggers.
Thanks mate. It is what it is, and who knows, maybe something good will come out of this, I still remain hopeful. And yes, I definitely know my triggers, which is always a bonus in all of this.
Best sir.
Like GBS said, the good thing is that you know where your triggers are and you are a veteran among us, I´m certain you will find a way to work through this little slip-up!
You seem to have a very beautiful relationship with your wife and - while family matters can feel like a hurricane - it seems like you two can really build on one another and that is amazing.
Stay strong, champion!
Thanks
@strongfuture89. You're right, what I have with my Lady is truly amazing, and I realize that daily, especially in moments like this. Many women are not cool with this shit, and seeing that she can be understanding and comprehend that this is an addiction is extremely helpful in overcoming it. Learning how to talk to her about this has been a interesting experience, just being truthful in the moment and not hiding behind cowardice etc. has been empowering.
Best brother.
[Hope you find peace and understanding when it comes to your relationship with parents. For some of us, integrating the experience with our parents, might be considered a lifetime achievement.
Thanks
@EarthWalker.
Boy is that the truth. That's what I was aiming for with all of this, so maybe my relapse came from such a great disappointment etc. However, ever since the beginning I've told myself that this could very well be the case, and I wasn't doing this with any assureity that they would see the light, it was always for me to be truthful to myself and put my truth "out there" in the void and see what happens.
I think we project a lot of our own understanding onto P. At the end of the day, P are just some moving images and sounds. We create the meaning behind it. We create so much resistance, shame, guilt, blame, by our own projections. Do we really need to do this?
Wise words indeed. No we do not!
Bless you man.