Jswizzle
Active Member
Blondie,
I think hypervigilance can be a good thing. Fear not so much. Hypervigilance keeps me in recovery. You're changing your way of life without pornography. Keep giving it hell brother.
Porn is not an option
- Thread starter Blondie
- Start date
I think hypervigilance can be a good thing. Fear not so much. Hypervigilance keeps me in recovery. You're changing your way of life without pornography. Keep giving it hell brother.
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 157
"Let us be slaves to the law, in order to be free." - Cicero
I found this saying from Cicero yesterday, and thought it was apt for many of us here. I thought if I changed the word law to discipline, it would be even better.
"Let us be slaves to discipline, in order to be free".
So much of modern society tells us we're not free unless we are free to do whatever the hell we want to do. "Don't tell me to do this!" "Don't tell me to do that!" "I have a right to do whatever I want!" It's obvious to me that this is not true freedom, in fact the very opposite. What is freedom, if you're a slave to it? Freedom is to be free from all your vices. To be in charge of your day's activities and not the other way around.
Let us all lean more into discipline, maybe the discipline many of us never had. It might just save our lives.
"Let us be slaves to the law, in order to be free." - Cicero
I found this saying from Cicero yesterday, and thought it was apt for many of us here. I thought if I changed the word law to discipline, it would be even better.
"Let us be slaves to discipline, in order to be free".
So much of modern society tells us we're not free unless we are free to do whatever the hell we want to do. "Don't tell me to do this!" "Don't tell me to do that!" "I have a right to do whatever I want!" It's obvious to me that this is not true freedom, in fact the very opposite. What is freedom, if you're a slave to it? Freedom is to be free from all your vices. To be in charge of your day's activities and not the other way around.
Let us all lean more into discipline, maybe the discipline many of us never had. It might just save our lives.
D
Deleted member 22651
Guest
Preach the good word brother @Blondie I agree with your point of views on discipline. Being disciplined in certain areas in life can bring real freedom but only a few are willing to do what it takes to get there, or even understand it, so they remain victims of their circumstances and environments.
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 158
Yesterday was a hard day. All day long I was struggling to stay focused and it felt like it was an uphill battle right from the start. I think I'm going through some withdrawals again. I was stressed and pissed, and everything made me irritated, especially school.
Since I'm not partaking in any vices to relieve myself from a day like yesterday, I do feel I'm learning new ways, hopefully more healthy ways, to cope with my emotions.
Here are things I'm trying not to use to temporarily relieve myself of discomfort.
- Obviously no porn
- No alcohol (for three more weeks)
- No over eating (I've lost over 40 lbs.)
- Staying within my planned budget, thus, not buying shit I don't need for a little "fix"
Refraining from all of these at once is pretty hard for me (especially when shit hits the fan) thus I want to master myself and be okay without them. It's a sign of maturity to be able to handle your emotions, and not do stupid shit, when your day goes to shit! I want to be that guy.
Stay strong everyone!
Yesterday was a hard day. All day long I was struggling to stay focused and it felt like it was an uphill battle right from the start. I think I'm going through some withdrawals again. I was stressed and pissed, and everything made me irritated, especially school.
Since I'm not partaking in any vices to relieve myself from a day like yesterday, I do feel I'm learning new ways, hopefully more healthy ways, to cope with my emotions.
Here are things I'm trying not to use to temporarily relieve myself of discomfort.
- Obviously no porn
- No alcohol (for three more weeks)
- No over eating (I've lost over 40 lbs.)
- Staying within my planned budget, thus, not buying shit I don't need for a little "fix"
Refraining from all of these at once is pretty hard for me (especially when shit hits the fan) thus I want to master myself and be okay without them. It's a sign of maturity to be able to handle your emotions, and not do stupid shit, when your day goes to shit! I want to be that guy.
Stay strong everyone!
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D
Deleted member 27008
Guest
You're doing great. I'm sure it's very close to being that mature man. Something tells me this series will turn into an endless series that cannot be expressed in numbers, my friend. I hope so.
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 161
It's been kind of a crazy weekend. The lady is experiencing a few health problems. It is nothing life threatening at the moment, but stressful nonetheless, with a few remaining questions up in the air. I sure as hell didn't slip, but I did eat a hell of a lot food over the last couple of days! That's alright, but back on the diet now. This week is midterms as well, so there's a lot going on right now.
Let's give porn hell this week! And let's give it all we got.
"If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is." ― Charles Bukowski
It's been kind of a crazy weekend. The lady is experiencing a few health problems. It is nothing life threatening at the moment, but stressful nonetheless, with a few remaining questions up in the air. I sure as hell didn't slip, but I did eat a hell of a lot food over the last couple of days! That's alright, but back on the diet now. This week is midterms as well, so there's a lot going on right now.
Let's give porn hell this week! And let's give it all we got.
"If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is." ― Charles Bukowski
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 163
I don't know if any of you have the book Gifts of Recovery: Daily Meditations for Men and Women in Recovery from Sex and Porn Addictions, but I've been reading it on and off again for a while now. I would highly recommend it! I really liked today's reading, and a couple of sentences really struck me.
"Intense feelings can be my guide... When we view our intense feelings as destinations, we get stuck in our feelings and this creates problems.
For example, intense sadness does not ask us to wallow; it asks us to become aware of and involved in our growth and healing. If we see our feelings as destinations and get stuck, we do not allow them to guide us to what is next."
This is something I've been really trying to work on this last streak, working on my feelings, and how to deal with them in the heat of the moment. I really like that part, that we shouldn't deal with our emotions as destinations, but as a means to understand what we should do next. How many times have I let my emotions define my state of reality! Too many times! What is funny though, is that I'm a very rational person in everything else in my life, I even take pride in that aspect of my personality. But here, in my addiction, I have many times treated my emotions as true destinations. It's a very humbling thing to realize.
Keep killing it everyone, and remember that you control your reality, and not your emotions.
I don't know if any of you have the book Gifts of Recovery: Daily Meditations for Men and Women in Recovery from Sex and Porn Addictions, but I've been reading it on and off again for a while now. I would highly recommend it! I really liked today's reading, and a couple of sentences really struck me.
"Intense feelings can be my guide... When we view our intense feelings as destinations, we get stuck in our feelings and this creates problems.
For example, intense sadness does not ask us to wallow; it asks us to become aware of and involved in our growth and healing. If we see our feelings as destinations and get stuck, we do not allow them to guide us to what is next."
This is something I've been really trying to work on this last streak, working on my feelings, and how to deal with them in the heat of the moment. I really like that part, that we shouldn't deal with our emotions as destinations, but as a means to understand what we should do next. How many times have I let my emotions define my state of reality! Too many times! What is funny though, is that I'm a very rational person in everything else in my life, I even take pride in that aspect of my personality. But here, in my addiction, I have many times treated my emotions as true destinations. It's a very humbling thing to realize.
Keep killing it everyone, and remember that you control your reality, and not your emotions.
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 164
Today is a good day. I did a hell of a job yesterday on my midterm test, and I found out I received a great grade on my first midterm I took last week. I have two more to go but I'm feeling positive about those as well. You might be asking, what does any of this have to do with porn addiction? Well for me, quite a lot actually. My first time around quitting porn, I really focused on the number days, and I defined myself by those days, instead of setting other larger goals for myself etc. Sure, that first year and half porn free was a great time of self improvement (how could it not have been, I had so much extra time on my hands!), however, another day porn-free, was really the only goal I had in mind. Thus, when I blew it, it was devastating to say the least. I remember for several weeks afterwards almost having a personality crisis, with questions like, "who am I now since I've fucked up yet again?" etc. This is not healthy, and I wouldn't recommend it for anyone. This time around though it's much different, and I feel that, even if I did blow it, I could jump back much faster, because I actually have other goals in my life than just not looking at porn. I have something to live for!
Quitting porn for many of us is just the first step in a much larger process. Maybe the question shouldn't be, why do I look at porn?, but, why do I have so much free time to even look at porn?
Today is a good day. I did a hell of a job yesterday on my midterm test, and I found out I received a great grade on my first midterm I took last week. I have two more to go but I'm feeling positive about those as well. You might be asking, what does any of this have to do with porn addiction? Well for me, quite a lot actually. My first time around quitting porn, I really focused on the number days, and I defined myself by those days, instead of setting other larger goals for myself etc. Sure, that first year and half porn free was a great time of self improvement (how could it not have been, I had so much extra time on my hands!), however, another day porn-free, was really the only goal I had in mind. Thus, when I blew it, it was devastating to say the least. I remember for several weeks afterwards almost having a personality crisis, with questions like, "who am I now since I've fucked up yet again?" etc. This is not healthy, and I wouldn't recommend it for anyone. This time around though it's much different, and I feel that, even if I did blow it, I could jump back much faster, because I actually have other goals in my life than just not looking at porn. I have something to live for!
Quitting porn for many of us is just the first step in a much larger process. Maybe the question shouldn't be, why do I look at porn?, but, why do I have so much free time to even look at porn?
The ole' reverse psychology trick. I like it! Focus on the positives instead of the negatives. Hope you're more loving towards yourself than you used to be. "Who am I now since I've fucked up yet again" made think, well, you're a human being who makes mistakes and has to fight natural urges brought on by unnatural means. The fact that you're doing this, at all, makes you a better human being. Period.
Also, you went a year and half without pmo? DAMN! I still have yet to beat 35 days and you're already upping the bar for me!
Also, you went a year and half without pmo? DAMN! I still have yet to beat 35 days and you're already upping the bar for me!
Blondie
Respected Member
Thanks Seafly. Yes, I should probably try to love myself more, definitely something I'm working on. What I was trying to say though, and maybe it wasn't completely clear, was this; If you relapse, and your only goal in life is to not look at porn, it's devastating to your moral! If however, you have other goals that are larger than porn in your life, when you relapse, you don't have a personality crisis, because porn doesn't define you anymore. You're heading towards an actual destination, and not just running away from one! To me, that's a big difference.
Either way, 35 days is a great achievement, and nothing to be ashamed of. Every day without porn, is a beautiful day.
Jswizzle
Active Member
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 166
I'm feeling pretty good this morning. I'm less than two weeks away before I reach my 6 month goal! I can't believe I'm getting this close.
My lady will be out of the house today to visit her parents, which will give me some much needed alone time. I like to be alone sometimes with my thoughts, and since I have plenty of homework to do, the day will be busy. Though I won't be tempted to look at porn, just knowing that she would be gone, my brain still went there, just from the old habit of doing porn when she was gone. When will this shit ever go away? I don't know, but it is what it is, and I rather be on this side of the fence than the other. I remind myself that, the thought of thinking "this is when you would of done it", is not the same as the temptation to look at it.
I saw this quote yesterday, and thought it was good. "What the eye does not see, the heart does not desire"
Stay strong everyone, and have a great porn free weekend!
I'm feeling pretty good this morning. I'm less than two weeks away before I reach my 6 month goal! I can't believe I'm getting this close.
My lady will be out of the house today to visit her parents, which will give me some much needed alone time. I like to be alone sometimes with my thoughts, and since I have plenty of homework to do, the day will be busy. Though I won't be tempted to look at porn, just knowing that she would be gone, my brain still went there, just from the old habit of doing porn when she was gone. When will this shit ever go away? I don't know, but it is what it is, and I rather be on this side of the fence than the other. I remind myself that, the thought of thinking "this is when you would of done it", is not the same as the temptation to look at it.
I saw this quote yesterday, and thought it was good. "What the eye does not see, the heart does not desire"
Stay strong everyone, and have a great porn free weekend!