Finally, I'm doing this…


Respected Member
Day 23, no po, no mo (monk mode).

Can You Really Be Addicted To Porn?

“We love our habits more than our income, often more than our life.”– Bertrand Russell

Yes, an addiction is a compulsion to continue self-destructive habits despite serious consequences with an inability to control cravings.

The American Society of Addiction Medicine stated in its new definition of addiction (August 2011) that sexual behavior addictions are as real as drug addictions. compared Internet porn to excessive gambling, video game playing, and food addiction, all of which can cause brain changes that mimic drug addiction.
Here are three signs an addiction is developing:

Sexual obsession where you spend a large amount of time thinking, planning, or doing the actual activity.

Loss of control where the behavior has become compulsive and the person has lost the ability to stop when he or she wishes.

Negative consequences are developing such as relationship problems, education, physical or emotional, social anxiety, depression, apathy, brain fog, loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities, and potential legal troubles.

Whatever actions you do daily, whether good or bad, will become a part of who you are and have associated consequences.

Porn addicts spend on average 11 hours per week engaging in porn – on some weeks it’s double that. It becomes an addiction when someone loses control and can’t limit porn viewing and when they move to alternative genres of porn to get the same type of stimulation they received in the past.

Using porn was all about having a good time, escaping worries and pleasures, and getting a chance to do things one couldn’t do in real life. Yet most men don’t stop to think that what they are doing is slowly becoming a habit and a daily ritual. Over time, men develop a relationship with porn, and porn easily slips into the role of ‘significant other.’ In this case, a man can be intimate or in a relationship with another women, but porn is what he truly desires and obsesses about.

And as the porn addiction develops, men find themselves easily becoming irritated and depressed, isolating from other people, sexually objectifying people, neglecting important areas of life, having problems with sex in real life, constantly feeling bad about themselves, and/or engaging in risky behaviors (like strip clubs, paying for sex, meeting up with strangers met online and so on)

Given a negative environment, it then becomes easier to go deeper and deeper into the realms of porn, thus sending the user into a downward spiral in life. All in all, porn addiction is very real and the consequences are very serious...

There is a Native American legend that says inside every person lies two wolves: one bad and one good.

Which one will win, you may ask?

The one you feed.


Respected Member
Day 24, no po, no mo (monk mode).

Why It’s So Hard To Stop Watching Porn

“Quitting smoking is easy, I’ve done it hundreds of times.”– Mark Twain

Scientist recently showed that methamphetamine and cocaine hijack the same reward center nerve cells that evolved for sexual conditioning. Put simply, addictive drugs like meth and coke are compelling because they hijack the precise mechanisms that evolved to make sex compelling. And guess what, so can porn.

Sexual arousal is nature’s top priority and raises dopamine the highest of all natural rewards. Your brain starts to crave and then loses control, and negative consequences soon follow.

We’re more inclined to be addicted to food and sex than we are to alcohol and drugs because nature wired humans this way. Humans can survive without alcohol and drugs but not sex and food.

In the study “Brain Structure and Functional Connectivity Associated With Pornography Consumption” published in the Psychiatry Journal, experts at Germany’s Max Planck Institute found that more porn use correlated with less grey matter and reduced reward activity when viewing porn.

In other words, porn use weakens the prefrontal cortex, which reduces willpower so that you can easily succumb to more porn use and other addictive behaviors. This makes it easier to give up on other goals in life.

Understand how dopamine works and you understand why you are attracted to porn.

Porn acts as a substitute for actual sex, but your brain doesn’t know that. It reacts to a picture or video of a naked woman the same way it does to a real life naked woman or real sex. Your brain ramps up dopamine levels, driving you to orgasm whether that climax is fostered with another human being or is self-induced through masturbation.

Dopamine explains why certain types of porn are more compelling than others, and how in extreme cases men prefer porn to actual sex.

When looking at a pornographic image, the brain becomes habituated to that stimulus, simply injecting more novelty and getting more dopamine. A porn video is more intense because the live action activates your mirror neurons, making you feel like you’re the one having sex.

The stronger the stimulation, the bigger the shot of dopamine to the reward system, which means the greater desire to watch that porn video.

Porn offers the sexual novelty that dopamine has hardwired you to seek. The more you find new sexual experiences, the more dopamine you get, which reinforces the desire to look for even more sexual novelty. Porn’s easy access to new experiences is the main reason why it is so hard to stop watching porn.

Men also receive a shot of dopamine whenever we encounter a new attractive woman other than our current partner. Our brains are hardwired to seek out as many different (novel) sexual partners as possible. Males are biologically driven to reproduce with as many different females as possible to create as many babies as possible, with as much genetic variation as possible to increase our possible blood lines.

Men have a constant need for something new. For example, studies show that if you put a male rat in a cage with a female rat, very quickly he’ll start having sex with the female rat. But after a while he’ll slowly reduce the frequency of sex and then eventually stop.

The moment you put a new female rat in the cage, the male rat will begin having sex with the female and then slowly the same thing will happen again. This leads to less and less sex over time and then eventually no sex at all. This trend will go on and on even if the male rat is tired or is starting to hurt himself with too much sex.

The drive for multiple new sex partners – which provides an extra burst of energy and arousal with each novel partner – even when you already have an available and willing one is known the Coolidge Effect. The effect happens in all mammalian brains (although in male brains slightly more than females). The Coolidge Effect is the key to why porn is so exciting and addicting.

With porn, you have access to new women with one click, for free and, no one will ever know. Every time you indulge in porn, your brain thinks you’ve found the evolutionary goldmine that stimulates your brain to keep on consuming more and more porn despite not knowing that you are watching a video.

Binging brings an evolutionary advantage. Thousands of years ago, if you found a berry plant, then you’d eat the entire plant since you would likely never find another anytime soon. Now with porn, it’s like mating season yet it is a 24/7 mating season that never ends due to the unlimited availability of porn. The evolutionary advantage of binging is now a disadvantage. Porn is the junk food of sex except that the junk food is free and in your pocket 24/7.

Sex was a limited commodity throughout most of your brain’s evolution, and it was a good survival strategy to go for sex whenever possible. Now that you have access to an infinite amount of sex online, this is no longer a good strategy. Too much sexual stimulation has health risks of its own: reduced sensitivity to dopamine, which reduces your overall quality of life. More on that later...

The brain releases a level of neurochemicals that your brain can’t handle and was never designed to handle. It’s an artificial, supercharged response to a natural urge to have sex.

Novelty is an extremely powerful desire – look at how humans always want what’s new: the new video game, the new movie, the new TV series, the new restaurant, the new shoes. This is why it’s so hard to stop watching porn because we constantly want more new scenes and they are widely available for free.

Porn used to have barriers such as having to order it to your doorstep or going to the sketchy adult video store, peep shows, or an adult movie theatre. Men felt like they were “creepy” for engaging in these acts, but now with the advent of high speed Internet and mobile capability, porn is in your pocket 100% of your day.

Porn’s power to produce experiences of excitement, relaxation, and escape from pain makes it highly addictive. Over time, you can come to depend on it to feel good and require it so you don’t feel bad. Cravings, preoccupations, and out-of-control behavior with using it can become commonplace.

Porn can become your greatest need and your greatest liability. The more pornography a man views, the less freedom he has over what he thinks and pursues in his life. He becomes enslaved by porn because he has rewired his brain to consume more and more porn. To put it bluntly, when you cannot let go of what controls you, you have become less human, not more.

Critical Questions

What problems has porn caused me in the past

What problems am I experiencing today because of my porn use

How has porn changed me in ways I don’t like

How does my porn use hurt my intimate partner and others I care about

What problems could occur in the future if I continue to use porn?????:


Respected Member
Day 25, no po, no mo (monk mode).

Social Porn

“Our social tools are not an improvement to modern society, they are a challenge to it.”– Clay Shirky, The Power of Organizing Without Organizations

Porn is anything that induces erotic thought. Although we often think of porn as hardcore penetration material, it can even be Playboy, Cosmopolitan, Maxim magazine, a Victoria’s Secret brochure, or even that girl you follow on social media who’s always half-naked...

Porn is all around us, and we live in a hyper-sexual world today because, well, sex sells, and the corporate giants are well aware of this.

The current reality seems to be getting worse every year as men are forming relationships with webcam girls, following girls they’ve never met on Instagram and other social media platforms. These aren’t real relationships and you’re simply wasting your time following them.

Social porn is the gateway to hardcore porn online. If girls you follow on social media such as Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, pose half-naked, the image induces erotic thoughts. That’s essentially porn.

Instagram girls you follow post hot photo after hot photo, always containing breasts, butt, or both. A hit of novelty comes if she’s with her friends.

These social media platforms are basically another avenue for a guy to view porn. You click and enlarge an erotic photo and then you quickly scour through her entire portfolio of photos looking for another photo where hopefully she’s revealing even more of her body. (Ahem, cough, novelty!)

Why are you following these women anyways? Don’t you have anything better to do than look in “awe” at these women who will never talk to you and give you the time of day? Instead of looking at women you wish you could be with, why don’t you become the type of man that she would want to be with?

If there were no women on social media platforms, I am convinced these platforms would not be billion-dollar companies. They would simply be two guys in a garage with a piece of code.

Social porn is the perfect trigger to watching hardcore porn online since your mind is already thinking erotic thoughts. And all you have to do is click over, open a new tab, and within five seconds you have access to unlimited attractive women doing anything you want.

Stop finding pleasure in looking at other people’s lives and being a spectator in this world and get to work on creating the life you truly want. You can start now and be in an entirely different place in just a few years or you can stay the same.


Respected Member
Day 26, no po, no mo (monk mode).

Desensitization To Real Life

“With any addiction, it becomes the central feature of the person’s life. Everything else hangs on it.”– Walt Miller

Porn addiction steals joy from other areas of your life since it impacts the value you get from rewards. And it becomes increasingly difficult to enjoy things that you once enjoyed.

To better understand this idea, think about this: Your brain transfers dopamine along paths of linked nerve cells. Normally this dopamine moves from one to the next without any problems, leading to a positive experience.

It’s released by the sending cell and picked up by the receiving cell’s dopamine receptors. But when on porn, your brain is overstimulated and the sending cell releases too much dopamine at once. This means the receiving cell is unable to handle it. Overwhelmed, the receiving cell drops some of its receptors in self-defense, which reduces its ability to receive dopamine in the future.

You can think of it like a quarterback throwing a football to a receiver. In a healthy state he’ll catch it every time, but when on porn it’s like a quarterback throwing 10 footballs simultaneously to the receiver. The receiver becomes so overwhelmed that he doesn’t catch any of the footballs.

So in the future, when experiencing everyday simple pleasures like a hot meal, walking by an attractive woman, playing the guitar, reading a good book, talking socially, your brain isn’t able to receive the dopamine stimulus that it once did, leading to a numbed experience feeling of life.

All in all, excessive porn use leads to less dopamine being able to travel through your brain, leading to desensitization. When this happens, dopamine has a harder time moving in your brain, regardless of the reason it was sent out. This desensitizes you not only to porn but everything in your life that would normally give you pleasure through a dopamine response. Excessive porn reduces dopamine flow, which reduces motivations and makes you feel less excited and satisfied when you do things you used to enjoy.

And with reduced pleasure and motivation from daily tasks, you feel apathetic, lethargic and overwhelmed. Life seems to have lost its luster, and when it reaches a certain stage this apathy becomes full-blown depression where you are reliant on more and more pornography to feel good even if it is for a short time.

Once you’re in a state of depression, you begin to isolate yourself, live in a constant state of sadness, in despair and feel overwhelmed, which creates an unhealthy environment. In this environment, it is extremely difficult to thrive in your personal and professional life.

Watching porn gives you a massive dopamine stimulation that you typically won’t get from anything else in your day-to-day life. Work is so-so, going to the gym gives you a temporary boost but it’s a lot of work, watching television is boring, so porn has become the only outlet that seems to give you pleasure. Not to mention it becomes the most exciting part of your day and for many a daily ritual.

Nothing you do during your day will come nearly as close to the dopamine rush that you get from porn, so things you once found stimulating are now increasingly boring.

Learning to play guitar is stressful...

Learning that second language is mundane...

Going to the gym is tedious...

Learning to salsa dance seems tiresome...

Improving your professional network is trite...

Going to that local comedy club seems uninteresting...

Things that used to bring joy to your life simply have less importance to you as you consume more and more porn. And the problem here is the more porn you consume, the more desensitized to life you become.

Throughout your day you’re constantly looking forward to getting home and watching porn. You might leave work excited that you get to go home and watch porn, you might be leaving a social venue with friends excited to go home and watch porn, you might be on a date excited to go home and watch porn. You might even be having sex thinking about porn to get you off. What’s happening here is you are looking forward to porn rather than looking forward to life.

Porn has caused such an imbalance in your life that once everyday pleasures are now seen as mundane, boring, and pointless. Porn has become the shiny object of desire that you look forward to rather than your own personal goals or ambitions. You still even may be pursuing goals in your life, but they feel forced and unnatural.

Porn just feels right, so it’s this constant urge to consume more porn. You do it, but then soon after you’re bored, so you do it again and again. This spiral of negative actions leads you to feel more guilt and shame about how you’ve spent the last few hours watching porn.

That lust for life is gone.

Imagine how you look to women after you’ve just watched two hours of porn and now you’re trying to go talk to that beautiful woman in her pretty dress. No wonder she didn’t give you the time of day...

A porn addict is not living in the real world; he’s living for that next scene.

The good news is that stopping or significantly reducing porn and masturbation use and living a healthy well-balanced lifestyle can restore your brain back to its normal function. When you stop the porn, the receptors grow back, and your brain can resensitize itself to dopamine again with time. It can take months, but it can still happen and you can live happily again

Porn cannot only desensitize you to life but it also causes problems sexually with women..


Well-Known Member
Dead on. And it's just suppressed by main stream society. Nobody (well almost nobody) talks about this. Sad.

I used to get the shakes all over my body at the instant when I decided to go for the "hottest" porn. Teeth tshattering, hands shaking, legs even. Especially if I'd had a bit of a break from it. The dopamine would just run amok. And over time I needed harder and harder stuff to get that kind of sensation of course...


Respected Member
Day 27, no po, no mo (monk mode).

The source: the porn pandemic book

The Soft Truth

“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.”– The Buddha

Porn has been known to cause these problems in men: avoiding or lacking interest in sex with a real partner, experiencing difficulty becoming sexually aroused with a real partner and maintaining erections, or even unwanted delayed orgasm.

Men can feel the need to think of porn during sex to get off, or be too aggressive, demanding, or rough with partner trying to act out a porn fantasy. Men can become emotionally distant and not present during sex, feeling dissatisfied following sex with a real partner, which leads to having difficulty establishing or maintaining an intimate relationship. Overall, porn can desensitize you to sex with a woman since real sex may not be as exciting as porn, and you’ve trained your brain to be stimulated by porn and masturbation not real sex.

Porn is also unrealistic. Women in porn do things that not all women in the real world want to do. Not every woman wants to be a man’s sex slave every time, to give blowjobs on command, or to ejaculate on their face or have a penis in their ass. These are, of course, normal acts in porn and you have trained your brain to expect and want these things from women. Regular sex for many becomes boring and less stimulating than watching porn and masturbating.

Watching excessive amounts of porn has been known to lead to men having erectile dysfunction and prolonged ability or inability to ejaculate with real women. Your brain needs dopamine to have and maintain an erection, and if you have become desensitized from porn, then your brain is not receiving the dopamine it needs to have and maintain an erection. Equally, your brain also needs dopamine to ejaculate. If your brain is desensitized, then this can lead to prolonged ejaculation.

Frequent and compulsive masturbation can also desensitize a man to common types of touch and stroke. When this happens, normal vaginal stimulation doesn’t work and it becomes difficult to maintain sexual stamina and interest. If a man continues down the path of watching more and more porn and masturbating, then a real vagina no longer pleasures as good as the grip of your hand and the visual stimulation of the unending novelty of porn.

When a healthy male has sex, arousal builds up through different triggers that respond to sight, sound, and touch. As the sex intensifies, the arousal builds until it reaches the point of ejaculatory ecstasy. If porn use has desensitized your brain to dopamine, then arousal won’t build up enough for you to ejaculate. You can also be so harsh on your penis when you masturbate that you have become less sensitive to stimulation through touch. If you’re under 40 and in good health, then you should not have erectile problems. If you can only get an erection to porn, then porn could be the main source of this problem.

Don’t mask the problem by investing in erection supplements and drugs. Solve the problem at its roots by significantly reducing or stopping porn and masturbation use.

Your body can heal itself from the damage that porn has done over several months or years. Begin that journey and start to experience harder and longer lasting erections and enjoy ejaculation with women in the real world versus porn.

Porn doesn’t just reduce your ability to perform in the bedroom but also damages your views of women. If you’ve struggled in dating or in relationships with women then this could be the root of the problem...


Respected Member
Day 28, no po, no mo (monk mode).

Looking At Women Like Sex Objects Instead Of Humans

The more porn we watch, the more of an obsession we develop looking at women as objects to be fucked rather than interacting with women as the beautiful, intellectual, unique individuals they are.

Dr. James B. Weaver stated before the U.S. Senate in 2004, “In men, prolonged exposure to pornography creates and enhances sexual callousness toward women. Porn results in both a loss of respect for female sexual autonomy and the disinhibition of men in the expression of aggression against women.”

Women are soon objectified and rated solely by size, shape, and hip-to-weight ratio, which destroys any type of emotional availability and real connection with a woman.

Men feel this strong need to validate their masculinity by how physically beautiful their woman is regardless of her values. This gives the idea that women are trophies or collectibles to show the world who a man is. And by watching porn, they only reinforce the idea that women’s bodies are trophies and objects.

Women become objectified when you look at women as sex objects and view marriage or being in an official relationship as a license for unlimited sex. Every woman becomes a fantasy in your head, sometimes instantly. You can always tell when a man is addicted to porn simply by how he looks at a woman. The way he stares at her physical features, the way he talks at her instead of with her. The way he tries to get something from her instead of building something with her.

Frequent porn use brings about the fear of deep intimacy with women and even social friendships. Men have developed an inability to relate with women in an honest, authentic, and intimate way despite being very lonely and yearning for this level of deeper connection inside. All in all, this happens because porn overpowers a man’s needs over deeply intimate connections in their relationships

Have you ever heard a woman say, “You’re emotionally unavailable,” or she checked out of the relationship even though you met all of her needs on paper (house, car, good job, friends, family)? This is exactly what this means. Bottom line: If you want to have a deep long lasting connection with a woman, then you have got stop and or significantly reduce your porn use and masturbation

Additionally, men who watch porn like to isolate themselves as they prefer a plethora of virtual women over interacting with a real woman. It’s easier and less stressful in the short term. Escaping the responsibilities of being a normal human being with friends and women is exactly what it means to lose your soul...

You’re losing your humanity actually.

Boys grow up inundated with messages from porn that objectify women’s bodies and depict women as sex objects who solely exist for male stimulation and pleasure. For many men, they don’t understand that what they’re doing is wrong since they’ve been programmed this way for decades by porn and mainstream media’s acceptance of sex culture.

If you respond to sexual triggers by turning to porn, then you’ve taught your brain to expect overstimulation whenever those triggers happen. Any sexual trigger now causes a much stronger reaction than the trigger should call for.

The more porn you watch, the more triggers it places in your mind until everything reminds you of sex. When you see high heels, lip stick, a skirt, a cheerleader outfit, or a girl bending over to tie her shoe, you think about porn, sending you down a spiral of fantasy and horniness tempting you to watch more porn.

Depression and dopamine desensitization affect the part of your brain responsible for selecting what to pay attention to. When only porn and things related to porn can muster a strong dopamine response, triggers unrelated to pornography are considered less important.

If you spend one hour per day watching porn, then you may interact more with women virtually than you do in the real world, making it harder for you to connect with women

For instance, when you’re looking at women you concentrate and stare at her breasts, lips, and buttocks. You anticipate her to take her clothes off, you fantasize about her moaning and pay no attention to what’s going on, and you’re not present at all – you’re in your head playing a sexual fantasy. And she’s looking at you like “what the f&%# is this guy doing?

What’s more, men believe they should make love like a pornstar. Porn is a performance, an act, not an emotional intimate connection to cherish. Porn gives you what you want, but also makes you want things you never thought you’d want before

And when you do interact with a woman, it’s in a sexual way or at least you want it to be in a sexual way. This can leave you powerless where sexual impulses control your life, fantasies pop up all of the time, and there’s nothing you can do other than let them play out and try to act normally and respectfully.

This changes how you communicate with women in the real world and often in a negative way that doesn’t serve what you truly want: a fulfilling and loving relationship with a woman. For example, when a woman is telling you about her day, you’re fantasizing about turning her around and throwing her up against the wall, hearing her scream your name, and cumming on her face.

The woman might not know that you’re having hyper sexual thoughts, but she senses something’s not right. This sensation can make her feel uncomfortable just being around you, preventing you from becoming a friend, professional contact, or even romantic partner.

All in all, porn decreases the quality of your relationships with women in the real world. To achieve the same level of sexual arousal with a woman, you need your sex to become more extreme – more like porn. Partners of compulsive porn users often complain that their partners need increasingly risky, violent, and degrading sexual acts to get off. This puts your partner in a tough position: Do they accept this behavior in fear of losing you or stand up and also lose you?

This situation forces the woman to make choices she doesn’t want to make. She feels second to your sexual desire and wonders if you are really into her or you just are using her as an outlet to gratify your sexual fantasies. She may wonder, is she your fuck toy or your lover?

When real sex with real partners becomes less interesting, it forces you to go back to porn because you can get what you want. And porn not only damages your views of women but equally has a negative effect on yourself as a man.


Respected Member
Day 29, no po, no mo (monk mode).

The Male Pornstar’s Role In All Of This...

“Life is not a spectator sport. If you’re going to spend your whole life in the grandstand just watching what goes on, in my opinion you’re wasting your life.”– Jackie Robinson

The male porn actor is teaching you to be heartless, apathetic, amoral, and entitled to use women in any way you want. He teaches you to demonstrate zero empathy, respect, or love for the women you have sex with, no matter how comfortable or in pain the woman is.

After sex, the male ejaculates and then leaves. There is no sign of intimacy with the women whose face he has ejaculated on.

Porn does a good job of reducing the male and only focusing on the female to make it feel like the viewer is the male in the movie. This accentuates the male gaze, like a first-person perspective.

This leads men to try to be that guy in in the porn film when they are having sex with a woman. The problem is the average man does not have a fully erect hard 10” penis that can last for 45 minutes. Male pornstars are typically on Viagra or Caverjet, a type of direct penis enhancement injection and other supplements to keep their penis fully erect and prolong ejaculation (please don’t get any ideas now).

The average sex in normal life lasts 10 minutes, so don’t be too tough on yourself if you’re not King Kong lasting for hours.

By watching a man with a large penis lasting long and the women screaming and enjoying (really acting) the sex, a lot of men have trained themselves to believe that this is how you sexually please women.

The problem here is that this isn’t what really works and what all women want from sex.

Many women prefer the average length of an erect penis of 4 to 6 inches. In fact, 90% of all men in the world have a penis between 4 to 6 inches. Anything smaller or bigger makes up the other 10%. And not every woman wants to have sex for an hour and would prefer only 10 to 15 minutes because sex longer than that can often be painful.

All in all, you don’t need to be tough on yourself if you ejaculate after 5 to 10 minutes and if your penis is average in size. Sex is not only about penetrating a woman, but also the touch, skin, breathing, talking, hair, being naked and vulnerable, all in the heat of the moment.

Also, when a man watches porn it makes him feel like a beta male, a spectator who gets rewarded for something he didn’t earn. You are watching another man having sex and this is getting you off. Instead of watching other men have sex, you need to become the type of man who is having the type of healthy sex life he wants.

This is like watching those shows that show rich people’s houses, cars, and boats. Don’t watch that stuff in envy of those people. Instead start taking action and becoming the type of man who deserves those things (if that is what you want).

Charles Darwin says, “a man who da
res to waste on hour of life has not discovered the value of life.” The more porn you watch the more you are training yourself to be a beta male.

Porn has filled a man’s daily existence with more and more distractions. Instead of taking action towards their goals, men find that porn takes them farther and farther from the core of the man they want to be.

To sum it up, be a courageous action taker in your life versus a spectator who will be in the same place 5 or 10 years from now.

Not only does watching porn make you feel like a beta male, it can also ruin a core pillar of your health, causing you to lose energy you need so you can work hard on your goals the next day...


Respected Member
Also, when a man watches porn it makes him feel like a beta male, a spectator who gets rewarded for something he didn’t earn. You are watching another man having sex and this is getting you off. Instead of watching other men have sex, you need to become the type of man who is having the type of healthy sex life he wants.

I've been thinking about this lately and it's so true. If you stop and think about it and what's really going on, it's just totally fucked up - watching someone else have the girl you want and you're ONLY a spectator! Beta indeed lol

Thanks Ezel!