Finally, I'm doing this…

TryingHarder

Active Member
Boys grow up inundated with messages from porn that objectify women’s bodies and depict women as sex objects who solely exist for male stimulation and pleasure. For many men, they don’t understand that what they’re doing is wrong since they’ve been programmed this way for decades by porn and mainstream media’s acceptance of sex culture.
This is very true. I like to think that because I'm older I never lost my perspective on women, and yet with the porn addiction my sexual fantasies involved the women on my computer screen just being the means to an end. So I certainly have some reprogramming to do.
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day 30, no po, no mo (monk mode).

Why Porn Gives You The Worst Sleep Ever

“The night is the hardest time to be alive and 4am knows all of my secrets.”– Poppy Z. Brite

According to Pornhub.com, the largest tube porn site in the world, porn usage spikes between the hours of 10 p.m. and 12 a.m., which is generally the hours most people go to sleep.

The problem is when dopamine increases at night, it delays melatonin production in your body. Melatonin is the hormone responsible for controlling your sleep and wake cycles.

Melatonin production kicks in around 10 p.m. for most people, so if you are watching porn and masturbating then you are releasing dopamine, which gets you excited, alert, and awake instead of preparing for sleep. So although you may feel relaxed and fall sleep after climaxing to porn, it’s a restless type of sleep.

This means that your body will start producing melatonin later in the night so when you wake up in the morning at 7 a.m. your body still has melatonin inside. This means you wake up feeling groggy, in a brain fog, and lethargic. And it’s not because you didn’t sleep enough hours but because you did not get restful sleep.

And since your body still has melatonin inside, it might not fully go away until 10 a.m. to noon, so you’ve spent your entire morning in a hazy rut and you don’t fully wake up until the middle of the day.

In this situation, you’ve spent half of your day in a “slump” and you might be thinking that you’re feeling depressed or you’ve got some problems. But really it’s because you got restless sleep due to watching porn late at night.

If you were to abstain from watching porn late at night, then you would notice an increase in energy and alertness in the mornings. Give it a try...
 

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
This makes sense! If I ever needed another reason to stop using P.

I wonder if it’s the same with other activities artificially high in dopamine?

You’re doing great Ezel, thanks putting these up, they are a great reminder of every good reason we have to quit.
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day 31, no po, no mo (monk mode).

Porn Preys On These Types Of Men

“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”– Henry Wadsworth Longefellow

The big question I often get is why do men still watch porn despite knowing the consequences?

For some knowing is not enough and there is something deeper going on in his life so a man may continue watching porn to fill an emotional void in his life.

This is often associated with a lack of connection with a significant other, their family or friends. Men who are emotionally unavailable typically will be more vulnerable to watching porn and becoming addicted.

Like any addiction, porn can easily prey on a man who needs a quick hit of instant gratification or some dopamine to feel excited about life for a short while.

People are very vulnerable to becoming porn addicts if they meet any of the following:

prior addictive behavior in family to drugs, alcohol, food or gambling, history of neglect, history of emotional, physical or sexual abuse, social anxiety, depression, attention deficit disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, or history of self-harm behaviors.

Also, men who live out of alignment with what they should be doing with their lives or who live off-purpose (basically wasting time or doing something they shouldn’t be doing with their lives like a bad job or involved in a toxic relationship) are vulnerable to porn addiction.

It can be very easy to just click over on a new tab and start watching porn. It’s fun, gratifying, and of course it’s too easy to acquire that dopamine hit to make you feel good in the moment. The key here is to acknowledge what challenges you have and start working on them to improve your life.

Typically heavy porn users are watching porn because they are trying to mask some other serious life challenge. There is no quick fix for any of the above life challenges, but you should acknowledge your setbacks and start working on them now. Then in time you will overcome any challenge.

For however long you live in an unhealthy state, you will always be very susceptible to watching porn. If you improve your life, then you can decrease your desire to watch porn – your life, not porn, becomes your stimulus for dopamine.

You might have heard of the term “addicted2life,” and hey, that’s not a bad thing to love the life you’ve created for yourself. Note that not all depression and social challenges are caused by porn, but it can add to your depression and it certainly doesn’t help the problem. It’s like pouring fuel over a fire – it’s only going to magnify the problem.

And you may have been told you have a problem or special medical condition going on, but it could be really driven by your addiction to porn.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Typically heavy porn users are watching porn because they are trying to mask some other serious life challenge. There is no quick fix for any of the above life challenges, but you should acknowledge your setbacks and start working on them now. Then in time you will overcome any challenge.
This is completely true. When I officially quit four years ago, I had so much more time to get my shit together which was the catalyst that lead me to where I am today, going back to school and pursuing my passion.

It's never too late!

Thanks Ezel.
 

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
This quote describes my situation and how I feel really well. It really feels like I am given the elbow room to really get to the places in my psyche that need attention and nurturing. Man, I am never going back to using P, not without a fight.

And yeah, one month in already! Doing great Ezel.
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day 32, no po, no mo (monk mode).

Doctors Could Be Missing The Point

“Each patient carries his own doctor inside him.”– Norman Cousins

According to BMJ Quality and Safety, 12 million adults in the United States are misdiagnosed with a variety of conditions each year. This figure amounts to 1 out of every 20 adult patients. The research showed that nearly 50% of those cases could lead to severe harm.

Doctors are too quick to label you as having social anxiety, depression, or attention deficit disorder, when in reality the cause of these symptoms may be related to porn addiction and masturbation.

When you fill out a survey at the doctor’s office they often ask you:

How many drinks do you have per day?

How many cigarettes do you have per day?

Have you smoked marijuana?

What other drugs have you tried?

And if you check “no” for those questions, doctors can be quick to think that you have some sort of mental state condition such as depression, anxiety, or ADHD.

But missing on that list is an important question: How many times have you masturbated to porn this week and for how long have you been doing this?

Imagine if someone responded, “Oh, five times and I’ve been doing this for years or decades.” This is important and something doctors should dive more into.

What if instead of taking all these medications with dozens of side effects and spending months or years seeing therapists, you just stopped masturbating and watching porn? Being treated for porn addiction may be the appropriate way to solve the problem of social anxiety, depression, or attention deficit disorder. The reason why you may have those symptoms could be from an addiction to porn and masturbation.

Have you considered this?

You could be on medication for something you don’t need to be on when a much more natural solution is available: cut back on porn and masturbation, and get back into real life.

You’re not alone. You can do this and overcome whatever mental and emotional challenge you’re currently experiencing.
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day 33, no po, no mo (monk mode).

The Great Debate Between Porn vs Real Sex

“Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex.”– Hunter S. Thompson

So the question I often get is this: “Well, what about real sex, is this bad for you too?”

The answer is simply no.

And here’s why...

Porn itself is not entirely bad for you, but when you add these known addictive elements, it can become destructive to a man:

Free access: It cost you nothing.

Novelty: Unlimited variety of new scenes.

Privacy: No one will ever know you did it.

Simply put, it’s every addict’s dream...

You no longer need to hide anything – you can just have a thumb drive or folder on the computer titled “taxes” if you will, and no one will ever find it.

As we’ve discussed, this creates an environment for addiction. And when you watch more and more porn, you need more and more aggressive scenes to become aroused, which leads you to watching scenes you never thought you’d watch like double penetration, gangbangs, incest, abusive scenes, or even cartoon porn. As a result, you become desensitized to daily life’s pleasures.

On the other hand, sex is with one person, which eliminates the novelty factor. Sex is about being intimate, the touch, skin, hair, breathing, the deep connection – all of this is a healthy experience.

A screen full of unending novelty is what makes porn dangerous.

If there were only 5 porn videos ever made, it would be safe to say that very few people would be porn addicts. The 5 videos might be exciting at first, but after a few days you’d hardly watch them, and then after a few weeks they’d never be seen again (The Coolidge Effect).

But when you have 10,000 new porn videos being uploaded to popular porn tube sites and 1000s of pornstars entering the industry every year, it becomes a problem.
 

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Having everything you’ve ever wanted at your fingertips… everything is too easy. You lose the ability to want, to dream, to reach for something great.

Most people want to be rich, but the reality is that people who are millionaires eventually become out of touch with reality or they go nuts. What do you do when you feel like you can have everything?

Thanks Ezel!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
If there were only 5 porn videos ever made, it would be safe to say that very few people would be porn addicts. The 5 videos might be exciting at first, but after a few days you’d hardly watch them, and then after a few weeks they’d never be seen again (The Coolidge Effect).
I chuckled at how true this is!

Have a great porn free weekend Ezel.
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day 34, no po, no mo (monk mode).

Is Masturbation Bad For You?

“We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.”– Lily Tomlin

Again, no.

Doctors and psychologists say that masturbating can be healthy for you when done at healthy rate (a few times per month). Now, if you’re doing it multiple times per day, then you have something else going on in your life that is causing you to do this. You’re masturbating to mask the pain.

It can actually be unhealthy for men to not ejaculate at least once every 90 days. The semen can become infected and cause prostatitis or other bacterial infections in the urinary system, which can spread into other areas of your body.

The problem becomes when watching porn becomes a trigger for you to start masturbating to the point of ejaculation. And as we’ve already seen, porn is highly addictive, making it easier for masturbation to become a problem.

It’s just like alcohol is not inherently or always bad for you. If you have a glass of wine once per week, then it’s not a problem and can in some cases be healthy. But if you abuse it, it can become very bad for you.

The key is everything in moderation.
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day 35, no po, no mo (monk mode).

The Path To Recovery

“If you had started doing anything two weeks ago, by today you would have been two weeks better at it.”– John Mayer

By now I’m sure you understand the overall effects of porn and masturbation, and you’re ready to make some changes to improve your life.

If you have been watching porn for more than one year – which is probably the case with 99% of men reading this book – then it’s going to be difficult to just quit cold turkey. You may be able to do this for two weeks or a month, but your cravings and withdrawals will be so hard that it would be easy for you to watch porn again.

And you may try it again and then the same thing will happen. You may get to a point where you give up and declare that you’re going to watch porn for the rest of your life.

I recommend a long-term, sustainable plan to letting go of porn and masturbation with three main focus areas:

Reduce the amount of times you watch porn.

Reduce the time spent watching porn.

Reduce the number of scenes you watch.

Also, stop fast forwarding or skipping to the parts you want to watch. Anticipation is healthier for you than the instant stimulus of going straight into penetration and ejaculation. You need to eliminate that novelty factor of porn, which fuels your addiction. The goal is to make watching porn unenjoyable and less novel, and to spend less time doing it

Never again allow yourself to go on a porn binge for hours

Make a declaration to yourself right now that the porn binges are a thing of the past, and you are now going to commit to cutting back on porn use and masturbation. I want you to push yourself to get back into the real world to replace pornographic stimulus with real world stimulus to rewire your brain back to a healthy functioning state...

Here’s how to do this:

Stage 1: Cut the number of times you watch porn, the time spent, and number of scenes in half.

For example, a heavy user may watch porn 4 times per day, 30 minutes each time and watch 10 scenes each time. So cut it in half to 2 times per day, 15 minutes each session, and only 5 scenes.

Stage 2: Once per day for 8 minutes and only 3 scenes for 30 days.

Stage 3: Every other day for 8 minutes and only 2 scenes for 30 days.

Stage 4: Once per week for 8 minutes and only 2 scenes for 30 days.

Stage 5: Every other week or twice per month for 8 minutes and only 1 scene for 30 days.

Stage 6: Once per month for 5 minutes and only 1 scene for 90 days.

For many, Stage 5 is a healthy place to be – you are only watching porn every other week (twice per month). This would be considered a huge win for any former porn addict.

If you find yourself falling short, then simply reset your 30 days. It’s okay if you’re stuck at any stage for 60 or even 90 days. Ideally you can get to stage 6 in about 9 months, but if it takes you 12 months or longer, then there is nothing wrong with that either.

Everyone has their own journey, but the key is that you started, and you have to remember being at Stage 4 is much better than where you were last year. Don’t be too hard on yourself – just don’t give up or think this isn’t something you can’t do.

I believe the only way someone will quit watching porn and masturbating forever is when they create a life of their choosing and are living their best life. When a man receives his stimulus from a healthy sex life, has strong friendships, loves his work, and is financially free (not a millionaire but just doesn’t worry about money), and pursues his passions, there is little room for porn and masturbation.

My ultimate goal for you is to not only to stop watching porn and masturbating but to use this extra free time to focus on creating the life of your dreams. Whatever that looks like, go in that direction and become the best man you can be.
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day 36, no po, no mo (monk mode).

12 Fail Proof Resources To Support Your Journey

1. Find a professional therapist trained in treatment of addictions and sexual disorders. Sash.net is a place where you can find someone who can assist you 1 on 1.

2. Find or create a support group in your community. Understanding that you are not alone on this journey is critical to overcoming this addiction. Note: Every client I’ve worked with has either had or currently has a problem with porn and masturbation. You’re not going through this alone – it’s a very common challenge for men today.

3. Find an accountability partner where you check in with each other once per week. Share with him this book, and if he likes it, ask if he’d be interested in working on this together. There is no time here for the alpha male bravado “I can do this myself” mentality.

4. Throw out all physical material related to your problem. If you own any porn files, DVDs, external hard drives, sex toys, get rid of all of it. This might be hard to do for some, so what you can do is at each new stage you enter, remove half of your entire collection every time.

5. With your accountability partner, each time you talk to each other check in to see if they’ve done this and also if they’ve added anything new to their porn collection. If so, tell them to delete it immediately.

6. Cancel any membership to websites and apps. Save your money. I’d recommend spending it on healthier foods, a gym membership, a personal trainer or life coach.

7. Don’t bring your smartphone or tablet into bed ever. If you have access to it, sometimes at night when the lights are off you can get these withdrawals and have a sudden and uncontrollable urge do it at night. Keep all electronics in another room. This will also help you get better sleep.

8. Work in public more. Maybe after work go to a trendy local coffee shop to surf the web instead of going home alone, which may trigger you to watch porn. I know it’s more work, but if that’s what it takes to make this happen for you then it’s worth it. Plus, it will make you more social anyways by getting out of your house and into the real world.

9. Around the house, display inspirational photos of family, fun events, and you having fun with friends. Give yourself a reason other than yourself why you’re doing this. Sometimes we just need more and that should give you constant reminders about who you love.

10. Whenever you have a sudden urge to watch porn, get away from your computer or smart phone and stand up and take three deep breaths. Come back to the present moment and regain control of the urge. With each breath, notice the urge slowly fading away and channel this sexual energy into something productive.

11. Install filtering software and website blockers: Self control for Mac, Getcoldturkey.com

12. Familiarize yourself with these online communities:

sexualrecovery.com

assect.org

reddit/nofap

r/pornfree

reboot nation

If you have been using porn regularly, then withdrawal from porn can be as filled with as much agitation, depression, and sleeplessness as detoxing from alcohol, cocaine, and other hard drugs. In fact, porn recovery can take up to 18 months so take it one day at a time.

Notice your triggers. Someone recovering from AA shouldn’t be found in a bar... a porn addict shouldn’t be in an isolated dark room with a computer, tablet, or smart phone.

When you feel yourself wanting to watch porn, stop immediately what you are doing and admit you have entered a danger zone. If you are on your computer, then get up and away from the computer – get some fresh air, do some push ups, and start doing something else right away such as a small activity to end those thoughts.

Calm yourself physiologically and emotionally by taking five deep heavy breaths. And if you need to reach out for support, do it as quickly as possible. Always reaffirm your commitment to your recovery and that you will make it through the day.

And celebrate the moments when you did pull away from a downward spiral and treat yourself to something you enjoy. This trains you to stop when you feel like you’re about to watch porn

Just admitting that you have a problem and you want to improve makes you a man. This is taking responsibility for your life and pushing you closer to becoming the man you truly want to be..
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day 37, no po, no mo (monk mode).

Fu&k The World Not Yourself!

“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours.”– Henry David Thoreau

Your semen is your life force, whether you are spiritual or not it does indeed have the power to create life. It takes a tremendous amount of energy, vitality and vigor to create this life force inside man.

Masturbation causes men to be lethargic and tired, lacking in drive, desire, and motivation whereas sex drives us; it is one of the primary reasons we are on this planet — to recreate life for the next generation.

When you masturbate your body feels fulfilled. “Yes we did it!” But abstaining from masturbation can give you a powerful motivation and drive to work harder and develop a stronger desire to succeed in your work and life.

Not to mention quitting porn and masturbation has been also shown to give you more energy, motivation, increased confidence, a deeper voice, more alert, less brain fog, higher sex drive, less fatigue, more assertiveness, less anxiety, depression, more social, better memory, better athletic performance, thicker penis girth, higher self-esteem, less acne, and clear complexion.

Stop wasting this power by watching porn and masturbating. Keep it inside of you to drive yourself to penetrate the world. Use it to go after what you want in life instead of letting it out and it going nowhere. Accomplish goals, meet women, and change the world around you.

Notice how you feel hours and days after you ejaculate. If you’re really stressed out from work and life, then it’s easy to succumb to watching porn and masturbating to release and relax for a bit. But as you live your life with more purpose and meaning you won’t accumulate so much tension from the day.

From this point you will discover that ejaculation actually depletes and weakens you of the life force you need to move forward into life. It’s instant gratification. It feels good in the moment, but you ultimately pay the price in the long run. You can live a good life with countless unnecessary ejaculations but you will not live a great life. You won’t have the inner gusto to be courageous, stand up for yourself, and take risks and act on what you most need to do in your life.

If you do pull it together and take the action, then it will be with much less vigor and drive. You will settle with just doing enough to get by instead of going above and beyond in your personal and professional life.

Your gift to the world will remain largely undone.

I encourage you to have the self-discipline to choose more wisely when you do ejaculate instead of just letting it out anytime you feel horny, whether that is through masturbation or sex with a woman. Don’t become addicted to ejaculation; instead, become addicted to becoming the best version of yourself.

When you go to bed at night, the long term fulfillment and satisfaction you’ll get from knowing each day that you put all of your best work, talents, and gifts out into the world will be well worth it and much better than some meaningless orgasm.

Napoleon Hill said it best in his classic, Think and Grow Rich: “The desire for sexual expression is by far the strongest and most impelling of all human emotions. For this very reason this desire, when harnessed and transmitted into action other than that of physical expression, may raise one to the status of genius.”

In other words, since sexual energy is the most powerful of energies, then channeling that energy into your purpose or something productive is much better than letting it out randomly when horny.

This is what it means to fuck the world. It is not saying screw life and become a rebel! It means to transfer the sexual energy onto your personal and professional endeavors in life. Release the energy through your best work, not an orgasm. Give it everything you’ve got.

If you take a Bull, for example, and castrate it, the Bull rarely moves. Its life force has been stolen from it and it no longer has power. It’s still the same size and shape physically but mentally it’s lost its edge.

When you empty your balls, you empty your life. Keep your balls full to go after the life you want.

Don’t waste your finite energy. Use it wisely...
 
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