Finally, I'm doing this…

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day 61, no po, no mo (monk mode).

It’s been a long busy week, my first week in college this year, that’s why I haven’t been journaling a lot lately, I would just write how many days I’m at and call it a day. A lot happened this week, I faced so many temptations, and anyone who went through college knows what I'm talking about.

Girls everywhere, some of the most beautiful girls you will ever see will be college girls lol. I must admit that sticking to monk mode was very challenging, i even slipped sometimes and peeked at their body parts, but i looked away immediately telling myself:
What the hell are you doing man, she is not yours she’s for someone else, what’s the point of looking at a girl and fantasizing about her if you will never have her, she’s just passing by, so mind your own business, you will just torture yourself and your mind will use her against you to torture you even more, and at the end of it back to square one and back to pornland… get over it partner you are better than this…

Yeah, tough time for an addict to go through, but so far I'm handling it quite well. Probably my most challenging test was this past Thursday. After I finished my two-morning classes, I went to the college library to study a little. I sat down at a table in the corner of the library. At first, it was just a girl and me at the table, I had already seen her in a class, she was dressing modestly and minding her own biz, but after a while, i saw a girl coming in through the door, a gorgeous girl and in top of it all she showed some skin, again i looked away and i was like: no way she’s coming to this table, very likely she’s looking for her boyfriend or friends. And soon after she sat down at the same table facing me, and I was like: WTH, girl give me a freaking break, from the whole library empty seats you didn’t find but this chair.

i’m not going to lie, i peeked for a second at her arms, and the automatic behavior was on, lucky me i got it under control and i shut it down, 30 min later i spotted an old friend and went to talk to him, and left that girl at the table, and that was it.

yeah, it was tough, if you ever reached this stage of getting turned on by a girl’s arms know that you are thirsty af, like a lost man in a desert and he hasn’t seen water for 2 months ( after two months you will surely be dead, but you know what i mean lol).

Speaking of two months porn free, I had a wet dream this morning. What are the odds? It's like my body celebrated in its own way these 2 months on monk mode, so I’m glad for it.

I would like also to thank all the members that supported me:

@Blondie you just made my day with that last post of yours, I’m honored my man, bless your efforts to the community, all hail the king.

@Beautiful1973 thank you for your support, I’m glad that men aren’t fighting alone in this battle and there are women out there who want the best for men, bless you sis.

@Skittelz thank you partner, 100+ days of being porn-free, man you are killing it, i will just shut up and let the numbers do the talking, god bless…

@FreedomFromTheStruggle_11 thanks brother, you have always been there for me man, i appreciate you so much, i’m glad you are back and conquering your inner demons, you got this brother, you always have, one day you will set yourself free, you got heart man.

Until next time.

Peace.

Ezel.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
You're killing it brother.
Girls everywhere, some of the most beautiful girls you will ever see will be college girls lol
lol I know what you mean. I feel the same way. I try to just thank God for their beauty and go about my day - sometimes easier said than done!

I do have a question though, when are you thinking about getting married? Is that after you finish school and get a good job. I was just wondering if you might be able to talk to one of those girls and see if it could lead to a loving relationship, or maybe you're waiting for something later on down the road?

Either way, you do you brother.

Have a great porn-free weekend!
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Hey @Blondie thanks for your support my man. Yeah man I get what you are saying, i like to do it the old fashion way, I'm an old school type of a Guy 😉, after I get my things in order (finish school and get a good job) then i will go for it and marry for sure. Man I can't wait till that day comes, but good things come to those who wait. Thanks for your reply man, always a pleasure to be hearing from you...
Keep doing your thing partner ☺️😉.God bless...
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day 62, no po, no mo (monk mode).

triggering content warnings:

One of the things that have changed is the quality of sleep I'm getting. Just 2 weeks ago I couldn’t sleep till 2 or 3 am, but currently, I sleep like a baby. Maybe it’s because I come home from college very tired, so my life has been very busy…

Yesterday I didn’t have any college classes, but I went to a language center in the afternoon to practice my French, and there was this girl in the French class with me. This wasn’t the first time I saw her, but yesterday was like the first time I ever saw her…

Yeah I know I’m on monk mode, but sitting in the same room with her tight jeans, naked arms, and thickness made it more challenging for me, it’s not like I scanned her from top to bottom, but I got some glimpses of her from here and there, and it came back to bite me in the ass this morning when I woke up early, as I was laying there staring at the ceiling I fantasized about her…

I spoke to her a couple of times, even yesterday we spoke to each other, nothing serious, just some school stuff. One crazy thing I noticed about girls lately is, man how are they growing up so fast, you can see a girl and think she’s 25 or 26yo but in fact, she’s only 17 or 18 yo, go figure…

This girl I'm in class with looks 26yo but she’s only 18yo. Those fantasies I had about her were manageable as soon as I got up from bed they were gone, but I have to be careful though, this could be the beginning of the end for me, never underestimate your brain and what it could do…

I know it will be tough from now on, but this is the only way out, no pain no gain, be strong guys, if it is easy then everybody will do it…

Peace.

Ezel.
 

SimonM

Active Member
Maybe instead of fantasizing about these girls, ask one of them out? Don't know your situation but what is there to lose? If she says yes, then that's great, if she says no maybe the fantasies will go away?

Nothing wrong with pursuing a real relationship while being in monk mode in my mind. As long as it's not just about sex, but potentially something real.
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
but I have to be careful though, this could be the beginning of the end for me, never underestimate your brain and what it could do…

I would challenge this thinking, as it's mere perspective. You're a man, and she's a (very attractive) young woman, and so natural processes are occurring.

It was normal and natural that this attraction was somewhat charged sexually, but just see it for what it is. It's biology right now (without the emotions), and can be held at arms length, and forgotten about as soon as your mind goes to a different topic.

To say, "....beginning of the end for me" is black-and-white thinking that won't serve your overall goals. Seeing one 'hot' young female isn't enough to deter you from your purpose to say 'goodbye' to porn...! And, afterall, marriage is in your ultimate plans..., and your school or work environment will be the likely place you'll meet the future Mrs. Ezel. So, just let it be. Don't put too much judgment on it. And above all, understand and have compassion on yourself and your responses.

Be blessed!
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day 68, no po, no mo (monk mode).

Ay, feeling good, like I should
Went and took a walk around the neighbourhood
Feeling blessed, never stressed
Got that sunshine on my Sunday best (yeah)

Ay, everyday can be a better day despite the challenge
All you gotta do is leave it better than you found it
It's gonna get difficult to stand but hold your balance
I just say whatever 'cause there is no way around it

E-e-everyone falls down sometimes
But you just gotta know it'll all be fine
It's okay, uh-huh, uh, uh
It's okay, it's okay

Ay, feeling good, like I should
Went and took a walk around the neighbourhood
Feeling blessed, never stressed
Got that sunshine on my Sunday best

Ay, somedays you wake up
And nothing works, you feel surrounded
Gotta give your feet some gravity to get you grounded
Keep good things inside your ears
Just like the waves and sound did
And just say whatever 'cause there is no way around it

E-e-everyone falls down sometimes
But you just gotta know it'll all be fine
It's okay, uh-huh, uh, uh
It's okay, it's okay

Ay, feeling good, like I should
Went and took a walk around the neighbourhood
Feeling blessed, (Ay) never stressed
Got that sunshine on my Sunday best

Ay, feeling good, like I should
Went and took a walk around the neighbourhood
Feeling blessed, never stressed
Got that sunshine on my Sunday best.

Peace.

Ezel.
 
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