Starting again
- Thread starter searching4good
- Start date
Yes mate 100%. Is good to have some accountability to succeed on this so if you feel like being weak and giving in to temptation just think about how much better it would feel to post on here that you were strong and didn’t give in
I’ll make sure I keep checking in with you!
searching4good
Active Member
Just checking in very briefly at the end of day 2. Will post more tomorrow but trying hard to build up some momentum again.
Daybyday1988
Active Member
hey man, noticed youre struggling, as you mention you are only on day 2. Do you have a blocking software and a real person to be accountable to? I use Covenant Eyes and im almost 90 days clean for the first time ever. I also found an awesome accountability partner right here on Reboot Nation and we monitor each others activity daily. I highly recommend a situation like this for recovery.
There are 3 "A's" to this addiction that make it hard to kick. Affordable, Anonymous, and Accessible. Covenant Eyes is able to nearly wipe out 2/3 of those by making it so you cant anonymously watch porn on your devices and it isnt accessible on them either. I would seriously consider this if you really want to get clean
There are 3 "A's" to this addiction that make it hard to kick. Affordable, Anonymous, and Accessible. Covenant Eyes is able to nearly wipe out 2/3 of those by making it so you cant anonymously watch porn on your devices and it isnt accessible on them either. I would seriously consider this if you really want to get clean
searching4good
Active Member
Cheers @Daybyday1988 I really appreciate you stepping by. I'm going to respond properly to your helpful suggestions when I get more time. Life is super busy right now but just came on quickly to check in and mark that I'm still going strong and am on day 4. Hope everyone is keeping well.
Daybyday1988
Active Member
Sounds good man
searching4good
Active Member
Still in the midst of a really busy few days of work and life but just quickly checking in to acknowledge that I'm at the end of day 5. Tomorrow will be a bigger test as I'm back at my flat by myself, but I've got a strong platform to build from. Will again try to find the energy to write more tomorrow.
searching4good
Active Member
Have not had a good few days. Just getting back on here to acknowledge it and hold myself accountable. I've got a lot to work on but I'm still determined to do it. It's now about putting that into action.
searching4good
Active Member
Had some strong cravings this morning but resisted, which set me up for a good day. About to head to bed but just checking in to acknowledge a clean Sunday. Which feels excellent. Here's to a good Monday tomorrow.
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searching4good
Active Member
Getting to the end of day 2 - another good day, spent with the GF and reconnecting with some of the reasons why I'm on this journey. I'm trying hard to get back on the path and am determined that tomorrow is another success. Looking forward to checking in.
searching4good
Active Member
I haven't posted much in the last few days and have again had a mixed period. I've been trying to get back on the path and am just checking in at the end of day 4. Tomorrow will be the hardest day of the current streak as I'll be by myself for the first time in a while, so I really need to focus on putting good structures in place and keep myself occupied and engaged.
I also need to remind myself why I'm on this journey and put some time aside to reflect on where I want to get to.
I'm staying positive and know that tomorrow can be a really good day.
I also need to remind myself why I'm on this journey and put some time aside to reflect on where I want to get to.
I'm staying positive and know that tomorrow can be a really good day.
Readytoreboot
Active Member
Keep yourself busy as much as possible. It may help with being alone and possibly getting bored. It has worked for me and helped me from relapsing quite a few times.
searching4good
Active Member
I keep getting a few days under my belt and slipping - I slipped again today and am not feeling in a good place right now.
I have got to reconnect to the sense of why I'm trying to remove this habit and change my life for the better. I cannot have another year of wasted opportunity and numbed sense of self. I cannot afford it - neither in time nor financially.
Deep down I think I'm scared about whether I have the 'grit' that's needed to keep on the path when times get hard. So far the longest stretch I've had is 16 days since I've started to really consciously try. Each time since then, when the going has got a bit harder I really haven't done very well at resisting the urges. As part of that, I also guess I haven't really got into the headspace that porn 'isn't an option' for me... In my head it is still lurking there as a possibility...as a comfort blanket... As something to look forward to at points...
It's late so I'm going to bed, but what I will commit to for just now is... I will not look at porn tomorrow. Tomorrow, I will make good decisions and post here in the evening no matter what.
I am down right now but I am not out, and I guess that's something to hold onto.
I have got to reconnect to the sense of why I'm trying to remove this habit and change my life for the better. I cannot have another year of wasted opportunity and numbed sense of self. I cannot afford it - neither in time nor financially.
Deep down I think I'm scared about whether I have the 'grit' that's needed to keep on the path when times get hard. So far the longest stretch I've had is 16 days since I've started to really consciously try. Each time since then, when the going has got a bit harder I really haven't done very well at resisting the urges. As part of that, I also guess I haven't really got into the headspace that porn 'isn't an option' for me... In my head it is still lurking there as a possibility...as a comfort blanket... As something to look forward to at points...
It's late so I'm going to bed, but what I will commit to for just now is... I will not look at porn tomorrow. Tomorrow, I will make good decisions and post here in the evening no matter what.
I am down right now but I am not out, and I guess that's something to hold onto.
searching4good
Active Member
The bad news is that I ended up slipping again today. The slightly better news is that up until that point, I had a much better day than yesterday, and the slip was a much more momentary thing than the day before. But it was still a moment of weakness that I fell pray to.
Clearly it's not great and I'm bummed that I couldn't manage to hold true to my commitment above. I'm still paying the price of Sunday's much more damaging slip which has really derailed my start to the week. It was always going to be busy, but by basically putting everything off to escape into P, I've made today and tomorrow really quite awful.
It's a reminder that there is always a price and that the demon I need to battle just as hard as P is the inclination to face away from what needs to be done. As a consequence, I've been sorting stuff all evening and will need to get up at 5.30 tomorrow (a little over 6 hours) to try and finish things off before work. And then work is going to be really full on. But it's my own fault and I'll just have to deal with it and get through it.
All in all, I'm holding in that despite everything above, today was better than yesterday and I will work hard to make sure tomorrow is better than today. I'm also on here posting and reading, which is something else to hold onto and to help keep me grounded. And I'm grateful for that. Really grateful. Tomorrow we go again...
Clearly it's not great and I'm bummed that I couldn't manage to hold true to my commitment above. I'm still paying the price of Sunday's much more damaging slip which has really derailed my start to the week. It was always going to be busy, but by basically putting everything off to escape into P, I've made today and tomorrow really quite awful.
It's a reminder that there is always a price and that the demon I need to battle just as hard as P is the inclination to face away from what needs to be done. As a consequence, I've been sorting stuff all evening and will need to get up at 5.30 tomorrow (a little over 6 hours) to try and finish things off before work. And then work is going to be really full on. But it's my own fault and I'll just have to deal with it and get through it.
All in all, I'm holding in that despite everything above, today was better than yesterday and I will work hard to make sure tomorrow is better than today. I'm also on here posting and reading, which is something else to hold onto and to help keep me grounded. And I'm grateful for that. Really grateful. Tomorrow we go again...
searching4good
Active Member
Well I am exhausted. Today has been non-stop since about 6am. Combination of work, tradespeople starting a job in the flat and preparing for a few days away. I've been flat out and as I down tools, there still feels like a hundred things that I didn't get to.
The positives are that I faced into everything today largely as best I could, and whilst I did find myself at one point idly going on an old P website on my phone, I didn't act on it and managed to close it down and get on with what needed to be done.
So in that sense it wasn't a perfect day in terms of purity, but it was a hell of a lot better than the last few days. It also means that I'm heading into my trip with a sense of at least somewhat being back on the right path again. I should now have a clear run to build up some momentum (I almost never feel the urge to look at P when I'm in company) and take stock of the opportunity I have to really seize the year that's ahead of me still.
Onwards.
The positives are that I faced into everything today largely as best I could, and whilst I did find myself at one point idly going on an old P website on my phone, I didn't act on it and managed to close it down and get on with what needed to be done.
So in that sense it wasn't a perfect day in terms of purity, but it was a hell of a lot better than the last few days. It also means that I'm heading into my trip with a sense of at least somewhat being back on the right path again. I should now have a clear run to build up some momentum (I almost never feel the urge to look at P when I'm in company) and take stock of the opportunity I have to really seize the year that's ahead of me still.
Onwards.
searching4good
Active Member
chap
Active Member
hey @searching4good sounds like it has been a whirl of a day for you! kudos to you for putting your foot down and doing the best you could despite any of your circumstances. it’s hard to snap out of it during the general day and it’s so easy to just go on autopilot.
one thing i’ve learned as an athlete is to try and be present. my coach calls it the ‘three r’s’ (recognize, release, regroup). acknowledge what you’re thinking, and release that thought (quite literally by doing some kind of motion; i shake my hands like i’m trying to dry them after washing), then regroup—i like to verbally say, “right here, right now”.
i think, based on what i’ve read and glimpsed at, you’re on the right track and heading towards greatness! keep up the hard work, the fact that you’re here logging in an entry means something—at least to me. you got this!
onwards.