Another story - probably the same as everyone else

GBS

GBS

Respected Member
619 days clean
43 days no MO

Thanks @Ezel - hell yeah.

My bollocks are getting bigger again. Discipline is being REALLY tested. This new accountability is interesting because it’s helping me stick it out.

Things are good here just inexplicably still moving slower than a snail. Got more therapy in a week.
 
joepanic

joepanic

Respected Member
GBS said:
Pornography is responsible for so much societal damage. The people at the top in the porn world deny there is anything wrong and would tell me I can’t prove it. I know they’re wrong.

Fuck porn.
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I tend to agree with this for the most part except how do we explain "Onlyfans and Patreon gals?
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
620 days porn free
44 days no MO

joepanic said:
I tend to agree with this for the most part except how do we explain "Onlyfans and Patreon gals?
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Ok. Fair point @joepanic - I don’t know who funds Only fans and Patreon gals, but if it isn’t the porn industry it’s still exploitation of one kind. Is every girl on OF or PG doing it of their own free will? Rhetorical of course. Exploitation is everywhere, just a very touchy subject on here. We know we’ve been used. Whether it’s a fight we can have is a discussion for another day, but I do like being used so I am fighting back. Fuck the manipulators.

44 days is ok. Fantasy is nearly completely gone. It’s a version of grief counselling really. I want ball ache and wandering around thinking sexual thoughts and going to the bathroom for mini edges and throbbing choppers. But that ain’t the reality now. Weird. Lovely. Scary. Divine. Awful. The next chapter. Praying I have a sex dream. All those feelings.

Keep going guys.
 
joepanic

joepanic

Respected Member
GBS said:
620 days porn free
44 days no MO


Ok. Fair point @joepanic - I don’t know who funds Only fans and Patreon gals, but if it isn’t the porn industry it’s still exploitation of one kind. Is every girl on OF or PG doing it of their own free will? Rhetorical of course. Exploitation is everywhere, just a very touchy subject on here. We know we’ve been used. Whether it’s a fight we can have is a discussion for another day, but I do like being used so I am fighting back. Fuck the manipulators.

44 days is ok. Fantasy is nearly completely gone. It’s a version of grief counselling really. I want ball ache and wandering around thinking sexual thoughts and going to the bathroom for mini edges and throbbing choppers. But that ain’t the reality now. Weird. Lovely. Scary. Divine. Awful. The next chapter. Praying I have a sex dream. All those feelings.

Keep going guys.
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I'm pretty sure the OF girls are up there of their own free will. They use their own homes and camera's to do the filming and they make their money by gaining subscribers. It's probably the least exploitive of any porn and also the most profitable at the same time. Although it could be said that the viewer is the one being exploited as for some their loneliness or depression is being taken advantage of for profit. Again it is not always porn in itself that is the evil entity but a lack of support for those men who feel undervalued in their lives.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
622 days sober
46 days no MO

@joepanic - I guess you’re right….not all pornography is run by people who exploit others (women mostly) to exploit us, but I bet the AF website is underwritten by those types. Bottom line: exploitation is everywhere in this world, and porn is right up there. We users or former users were and are exploited . We have an addiction and advantage is taken of us. We don’t get lung cancer from it, be being totally desensitised is a death sentence too. Thanks for weighing in, man.

My 46 days are manageable but it’s best I just don’t think about it. Ironically I think about it more when I post, like now! Sheesh.

Wife being lovely and I am supporting a very difficult situation that is family related (hers in US)…..we had a date last night and talked like old mates. It should be a step forward. Actually it obviously is, it just doesn’t translate straight into removal of clothing. I used to find that almost unbearably unfair. Less so today. Not sad, just wish I could wind clocks forwards.

Good weekend all.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
623 days sober
47 days no MO

Had a really realistic dream last night. It breaks all the rules to tell you what happened. Wife wore nice clothes and slowly she wore fewer and fewer. That’s all I will say. Keeping the MO streak going today is going to be hard because my brain has had a dopamine hit and wants more.

We’re going away together for a weekend in two weeks time. We don’t do this often. In the old days this would have meant sex twice a day. It will be odd being in a nice hotel room but acting like a monk. Trying not to get carried away with thoughts of what might happen, after all wife was one who suggested it.

Stay clean guys. Porn makes you something that you just shouldn’t ever be.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
624 days sober
48 days no MO

I will be glad when the MO number is in the 50s. Been painful in the 40s. Why do I think it’ll be easier? It won’t be I just need some motivation from somewhere.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
626 days sober
50 days no MO

Ok so it’s difficult keeping the streak going, but I am managing. I am not quite sure how. When the strongest urge comes over me, I get this urge to fight the urge if you can understand that. It’s like a battle inside me but also an out of body experience. Each time I do a long no MO streak - I have done a few 40s before and a 90 - it’s different to the time before. This is way the easiest and yet I keep getting these urges daily. How you move on from them is the thing to latch onto. But there’s also a strange ecstasy in suffering the pain of abstinence so I don’t actually try that hard to stifle the fighting pain. Somehow there is pleasure in pain. Who knew?
 
Galatians51

Galatians51

Active Member
GBS said:
627 days sober
51 days no MO

Just wishing you lovely guys from US a very Happy Thanksgiving from all of us here in the UK.
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Thanks! I know it’s an American holiday but I have some friends in the UK that celebrate it as well, do you do anything?
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
Galatians51 said:
I know it’s an American holiday but I have some friends in the UK that celebrate it as well, do you do anything?
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You know, we used to but my wife has been here since 2000 and we’ve stopped doing it now. Her family in the US are not her favourites right now so it was never going to happen this year.

And what’s with pumpkin pie? I have never tasted a good one.
 
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