Another story - probably the same as everyone else

GBS

Active Member
156 no PMO and (just) 4 no MO.

Two things I read recently on other threads came to my memory again today. One was definitely @Blondie who said he never touched his dick anymore. Not at all. He’s well over 300 days sober and a long standing pillar of this community but that seems to be the goal. I am mikes from there or I think I am. Perhaps this only comes after many months and retraining the mind with the body. This is now my aim. Difference is he has sex with his lady. I don’t. I still think that as an ideal this is where I should head and get through the next frustration.

The second thing I read I can’t recall where (on RN) was someone saying they were many days sober (like 200 plus) and they truthfully (I believe him) said he wanted to test out wether he could watch porn for one night only. He could but then said he had two weeks or so of hell. He put the words in CAPITALS and said it was mind blowing how hard it was not to go back. Obvious conclusion - this is like heroin. All duly noted.
 

Gracie

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
As part of my husband and my working through this years ago, we no longer watch any media that has nudity. And that includes even brief nudity. It works well for us both.
 

joepanic

Well-Known Member
156 no PMO and (just) 4 no MO.

Two things I read recently on other threads came to my memory again today. One was definitely @Blondie who said he never touched his dick anymore. Not at all. He’s well over 300 days sober and a long standing pillar of this community but that seems to be the goal. I am mikes from there or I think I am. Perhaps this only comes after many months and retraining the mind with the body. This is now my aim. Difference is he has sex with his lady. I don’t. I still think that as an ideal this is where I should head and get through the next frustration.

The second thing I read I can’t recall where (on RN) was someone saying they were many days sober (like 200 plus) and they truthfully (I believe him) said he wanted to test out wether he could watch porn for one night only. He could but then said he had two weeks or so of hell. He put the words in CAPITALS and said it was mind blowing how hard it was not to go back. Obvious conclusion - this is like heroin. All duly noted.
Hey GBS Looks like your doing well keep it up

Not sure what to say about no fapping as well as who's decision it is. I recall back in school in the early 80s during "health" class it was mentioned that masturbation was a perfectly normal and healthy activity. I don't think that has changed at all. As for who's decision it is I subscribe to the "my body my choice" school of thought. If I were to tell my wife she can't masturbate than I might was well tell her she can't ever have an abortion. Now mo to porn that's a different matter. No good can come of that of course. You got married and if she is not interested or can not "put out" why should you go without?

Just my 2 cents for the day.

Post often it helps me it helps you
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Hey GBS, this whole masturbation thing is such a personal aspect of everyone's recovery, that it's hard to make any real black and white rules about it. What works for one guy might not for the other. And since you mentioned me in your post, I thought I'd make sure I clarified exactly what I meant.

Obviously as you mentioned, I don't touch myself anymore, and that's definitely a rule of mine - no buts about it. I also said that I would do this even if I wasn't in a relationship, which is also true, BUT, it's only theoretically true, because I've been in a relationship for eight years with constant sex, thus, I'm a little removed from a situation where I would have to think about it. However, I do know when I was single, I was refraining as long as possible, because I like the way it feels not getting off all the time. I even do this with my lady sometimes - refraining from orgasming during sex for a month or so, just to get my sexual energy soaring high again. I think as a whole, our society gets off way too much, and here a RN, that's decidedly true for us.

I personally feel more creative when not getting my rocks off 24/7. I mean just think about it, semen creates life, it's not exactly something that should be wasted and thrown away like a shity can of Hamm's beer. Therefore, make love to your wife, or, in your current predicament, make love to your life, and your wife just might notice the change in you.

Secondly, if not more importantly, for me personally, there is no difference between masturbating and porn - they're literally one in the same! @Ezel and I were just having the conversation the other day. I honestly can't remember the last time I masturbated without porn, it was probably early 20s if not younger. I don't even know if I could do it with only fantasy, even if I wanted to - which I don't. So in my eyes and from my perspective, not masturbating for 300 days means absolutely nothing, like I haven't even thought about it.

Porn = masturbation, no porn = no masturbation - end of story.

Last month I was out of town for a few weeks, and my contingency plan in case I was really tempted was to masturbate and only masturbate. Of course, I had no idea if that would actually work, but it was the plan nonetheless. But truth be told, I was anxious, I was anxious because I didn't know if could do one without the other. In my mind, they are completely intertwined.

So there you have it, my views on masturbation.

In short, no masturbation for your recovery is pretty damn helpful, and is always strongly recommended.

If you're having consistent sex, I see no reason at all to masturbate - it's just a waste of energy (obviously, just my opinion).

In your case, I would refrain as long as possible, if and only if that's what YOU really want. And whatever you do, don't be too hard on yourself if you happen to slip. Remember, we're here because of porn, not masturbation. But of course for me, that last sentence is an oxymoron :)

Best
 
Last edited:

GBS

Active Member
Thanks for your comments @joepanic and @Blondie. I really don’t wish to spark a row. Obviously this is all personal choice stuff. For me though, one of the stare yourself in the mirror revelations is that I knew masturbation was borderline encouraged (when I was younger - 70s actually) I think it would be fair to say I took that advice a bit too literally. It has been too many years of too much self satisfaction. I am not used to what I am going through but my brain changes are vast because I am not only breaking 45 year (off and on) porn habit, I am also breaking. 45 year masturbation habit and it feels like that one is the one that is harder and making more difference. As @Blondie said if you’re having regular sex, isn’t masturbation a bit of a waste of energy?

This debate need not rage on. I do think those of us who do want to carry on the MO thing, should obviously just do so, but do have a think if you’re doing that often.

Meanwhile (here in sunny Cornwall on holiday - deep south west of UK) my numbers are 159 no porn and 7 no MO.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Yes, it's interesting @GBS that we all come to this from different perspectives and experiences.
I knew masturbation was borderline encouraged (when I was younger - 70s actually) I think it would be fair to say I took that advice a bit too literally.
It's funny, I was just thinking about this this morning - I don't think I ever masturbated until I was in my early 20s (long after I discovered porn). My "innocent" self, coming from a strict Christian background, had no idea that masturbating was even possible! 🤣

Anyways, we all come to this from different backgrounds, but yet we all agree, this has to stop!

Best to you GBS, and a have a good holiday.
 

GBS

Active Member
160 no PMO and 8 no MO.

In good head space. This forum is great. I have learned so much about the size of this problem and about myself. I know my wife has suffered so much and still has a way to go, but I am so thrilled we’re doing this because it really IS life changing. I fully realise that I am changed and my wife is the same as she was, so she has to endure as I improve. That’s a tough ask but she’s so brilliant that it’s working.

Keep going.
 

GBS

Active Member
161 days no pornography and 9 days no masturbation.

Very good connection with wife on holiday. Feels like nothing happened to change things. But all boundaries are still in place although she relaxed one a little bit when I was starting to make a point by saying sorry probably slightly too often.
 

GBS

Active Member
162 days sober from porn. 10 days without masturbating. Getting tricky again. Very tricky. The urge to watch porn is very infrequent now. I wonder if that’s because the big urge is just to ejaculate. I realise others would say, just go do it…..no need to suffer. Think of something about your partner and off you go. Is that the life? Obviously if/when real sex comes back things will change and perhaps weekly sex will stop these 10 days without MO urges. I wrote earlier in this string that I wondered what 45 days + would feel like. Whether you eventually park it or it dominates one’s life. That’s the brain kicking in again. Have your dopamine, it’s not even shameful and it certainly won’t take long (!!!)….go on….do it. That’s going to be a big hard no from me. The challenge is being set by me for me.
 

Zeile

Member
Just read a punch of your posts. Thank you! I got into this on a whim, but the more I read and reflect, I realize that porn has caused MAJOR obstacles in my life and has numbed me to past opportunities. I cannot go back. I need to be better.
 
  • Like
Reactions: GBS

GBS

Active Member
Best whim ever @Zeile . It’s a test, this road in front of us. It’s simply up to us individually whether we can pass it, BUT we have each other providing essential support.
 
Top