Another story - probably the same as everyone else

GBS

GBS

Respected Member
502 days
54 hard core

Thanks @Gracie - I agree. The odd thing is that she said we’d sorted everything out or words to that effect. And we plainly haven’t so why say we have? Why not say, for instance, say we’re working through our issues. Maybe I am hair splitting and making more of this because it suits me.
 
joepanic

joepanic

Respected Member
GBS said:
502 days
54 hard core

Thanks @Gracie - I agree. The odd thing is that she said we’d sorted everything out or words to that effect. And we plainly haven’t so why say we have? Why not say, for instance, say we’re working through our issues. Maybe I am hair splitting and making more of this because it suits me.
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I don't think your hair splitting I think you have done your part and more Sometimes champions do not get the recognition they deserve
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
Thanks @joepanic - Truth be told I do get recognition from my wife. Before she left for the US over a week ago we’d sat down and talked about things. She asked if being away would be a problem for me. I asked what she meant and she said would I be tempted to watch porn or go out and freely flirt with women. I said categorically not and I gave her the stats about being (then) nearly 500 days sober and 7 or so weeks totally masturbation free, and the thought of returning to the old me was hideous. She seemed impressed by the conviction (and the ability obsessively to state the number of days!) and said she was glad and liked my mantra. So that’s all good.

I am equally thrilled that she “sees” the relationship as mended or for fear of not misquoting her, through the recovery stage. For the avoidance of doubt though, it’s not specifically just sex that I miss, it’s the affection and connection. I’d say we do have great connection now. Affection, I would expect everyone to say, will naturally follow, and sex will follow that. They haven’t happened yet of course. Being upset about that has proved to be unhelpful and so I have stopped playing the hurt child. You’re kind to call me a champion but I’m not. I have got great strength and a degree of bloody mindedness that are things I am proud of. I have patience too. My wife was severely hurt by my behaviour (which was more than just watching porn) and it looks like her mindset says she’s moved to the next base. So I shall keep a lid on the optimism but I am entitled to a bit I think.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
503 days
55 hard core

Thanks @joepanic - watching porn is very often, so I understand, a symptom and not a cause. I won’t go too personal and unveil all my past, but certain insecurities made me easily susceptible to porn addiction.

Things are very quiet here as my wife is away. Due back Friday but highly likely to stay longer. And so we persevere.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
505 days sober
57 no MO/hard mode

Wife us home. Yay. Exhausted. Probably will sleep for a day. Obviously I am providing the lowest amount of pressure (= zero). See where we are in a few days.

Stay strong guys. The battle we have, we often fight on many fronts. But we fight. Hard. We are together in this.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
Hi @Androg

Well I may as well tell you that her mother passed away yesterday. One day after she got back. Don’t need anyone to send any flowers. Theirs was one of the oddest mother daughter relationships of all time. But my wife assisted greatly in these last few weeks when her passing was inevitable. So the mood is sombre in the GBS household. There was a revelation when when my wife was in the US (utterly unrelated to me) which confidentiality forbids me from discussing. Suffice it to say my wife has something additional to discuss with her therapist. It had to do with something her mother said.

Rather inevitably our relationship is about as far back on the most distant back burner. I am able to cope with that of course. My libido , remember I’m on roughly two months monk mode, is raging up and down. I have to cope with that too as she deals with all her hyper confusing emotions.

Thanks for asking, man.
 
Androg

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
GBS said:
Hi @Androg

Well I may as well tell you that her mother passed away yesterday. One day after she got back. Don’t need anyone to send any flowers. Theirs was one of the oddest mother daughter relationships of all time. But my wife assisted greatly in these last few weeks when her passing was inevitable. So the mood is sombre in the GBS household. There was a revelation when when my wife was in the US (utterly unrelated to me) which confidentiality forbids me from discussing. Suffice it to say my wife has something additional to discuss with her therapist. It had to do with something her mother said.

Rather inevitably our relationship is about as far back on the most distant back burner. I am able to cope with that of course. My libido , remember I’m on roughly two months monk mode, is raging up and down. I have to cope with that too as she deals with all her hyper confusing emotions.

Thanks for asking, man.
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May this event signal a sea change for your wife and for the two of you. It’s good that she could be with her mother near the end.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
Thanks @Blondie - I am not one for endless overuse of cliches but it has been a roller coaster ride this sad ending of my mother in law. I (sadly) can’t tell you the one juicy bit, but you’d be horrified. My wife needs my full support and I am, so she says, being very helpful. No, she went further than that…..she said totally wonderful then she rubbed my arm.

And thanks @Androg - man, I hope you’re right…..
Androg said:
May this event signal a sea change for your wife and for the two of you.
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There were some signs this weekend but I await. It’s been a waiting game and I can do it.

Meanwhile 508 days sober and 60 hard mode. That 60 is interesting. Not the same as the last time I went for the 90 day hard mode. Or at least it seems easier. I think that’s psychological rather than physiological. Raging libido though, just less irritability.
 
Percival

Percival

Active Member
@GBS, you're being a great husband to her. Quite a roller coast lately, and lots of things for both you and her to work through. As you say, patience and waiting is the only good way forward, and will pay off one day. Keep going, one day at a time.
 
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GBS

GBS

Respected Member
509 days sober
61 days hard mode

Thanks @Percival
Percival said:
and lots of things for both you and her to work through
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…which I think are bringing us closer.

There were leg rubs and arm stroking yesterday as we binged on The Traitors (Australia version) - you just have to see if you can find it, unbelievable - I was getting that feeling you get when you haven’t had sex with someone but you know you’re going to. So dangerous for me to go there, right? We await.
 
Gracie

Gracie

Moderator
Staff member
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I am so sorry to hear your mother in law passed. The mom is a tough one to lose. I hope that this will help her see you there for her and can help her through this time. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
Thanks @Gracie - she does seem slightly different following the awful news, but hers with her mother was a tense and imperfect relationship so the whole thing is most odd.

What will happen next is almost anyone’s guess.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
511 days
63 monk

Libido was so high yesterday. I also had morning glory today which was almost painful from a sense of bursting. We also went swimming yesterday. That didn’t help the raging lust. I know this’ll make me sound like a pervert but my wife in a swimming costume almost feels like I am looking at porn subs. I know it’s ok and probably very good, but it left me feeling deeply deeply unsatisfied.

This is fine. She’s dealing with the aftermath of a tragic event so I must just endure. This I have experience of.
 
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