Another story - probably the same as everyone else

[GBS]

Thanks @Blondie

You know what they say in life, things never quite turn out as bad as you expect (most certainly when you have phenomenally low expectations).

Session was good and cordial. A great deal based on increased empathy by me. Sliding into what is called middle circle behaviour without quote “flirting” but still having (allegedly) groomed women into my fold, various women are slightly more delighted to see me (still) than they should be. I don’t invite this and indeed have grown used to be a bit generally colder. But that doesn’t mean the women change and it still hurts wife’s feelings. Can’t change the past, but can recognise the pain that still exists. Wife knows I am not encouraging it but it still hurts so be more aware.

Worked through the need (probably not) for full therapeutic disclosure and wife said she acknowledged she had to leave that behind.

Food for thought. No, sex was not even mentioned. No problem.

 

[GBS]

Ooh and thanks for the man-hug @Blondie . Don’t grab my ass next time, as cute as it is. Wink.

 

[Blondie]

 

[Androg]

It almost sounds like the therapist is putting pressure on you both with extreme language ("exit strategy") to get you both to admit you don't want to end the marriage. That would be a very effective starting point, and teams the 2 of you up with a common goal. Who knows?

 

[Jlied]

It almost sounds like the therapist is putting pressure on you both with extreme language ("exit strategy") to get you both to admit you don't want to end the marriage. That would be a very effective starting point, and teams the 2 of you up with a common goal. Who knows?

Interesting view point, get them to realize they want to be together by making them think about not being together.

 

[GBS]

Gentlemen @Androg and @Jlied - I have just had a phone call from the OOS (Office of Optimistic Statements) and I am delighted to announce that you have just won the 2023 OOS MOSY (most optimistic statement of the year) award. Congratulations. You guys deserve it.

Ahem…. (clears throat)….hang on, is this mic on? Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking, ladies and gentlemen, I wanna tell you a little story about 2 friends of mine….[voice fades away, and curtain closes]……….

 

[GBS]

607 days sober
31 days no MO

This having been a turbulent week with quite a lot of door slamming and obvious moments of tension, it’s sort of no surprise that the no MO streak carried on. In other words the urge to masturbate is negligible because one is at loggerheads with someone. Well that was the case for me at least. But yesterday was a nice day and the therapy was calming so I have a feeling that stronger urges will occur today.

Stay clean guys.

 

[GBS]

608 days sober
32 days no MO

 

[GBS]

609 days sober
33 days no MO

Lots going on at home which distracts from analysis of relationship and that’s good right now because it’s been an exhausting few weeks.

The MO streak is going well. Morning wood today was a rod of iron.

 

[Galatians51]

Hey man have you noticed any changes from no MO?

 

[Blondie]

Hey man have you noticed any changes from no MO?

My favorite conversation!

 

[GBS]

Hey man have you noticed any changes from no MO?

Good day, pal. I think this is the whole thing right here. Become a man again from not watching porn….that’s what I initially read. Then I found myself caught in this crazy wild fantasy world because my brain was playing games. I read further. Your recovery will be far swifter if you don’t masturbate. I have basically tried this since March 2022. I reckon I have averaged about one MO every 30 days. Did a 90 day streak in Aug-Nov 22 and some 45 day streaks. Plenty of two and three week streaks as well. Now to answer your question - the changes are vast.

I fear I could lapse into cliche here. Please forgive me;

I feel empowered
I feel like a new man
I felt like I could pick up any woman but I had no desire to be so crude
I could look women in the eye without thinking about their bra size
My penis grew in length and girth
My brain fought me hard but it was easier to fight back with the new power
If I had sex now I feel as though I could last for hours

This is my favourite subject. I honestly believe it’s called hard core for good reasons. It’s incredibly difficult to do. It’s so SO easy to fall off because if I did now no one would tell me off. But you physically and mentally change. Where you were desensitised before now you’re sensitised again. I had forgotten what it’s like to be awake and alive. I am yet to get to my goal which is to get my wife to recover too. So I have to wait. It’s a painful and frustrating wait but I am fully equipped to cope.

Thanks for asking @Galatians51 - I know you’re on 5 days no MO right now. Fight hard buddy. The rewards are immense. Trust me.

And thanks for chipping in @Blondie . You guys make this possible.

 

[Galatians51]

Good day, pal. I think this is the whole thing right here. Become a man again from not watching porn….that’s what I initially read. Then I found myself caught in this crazy wild fantasy world because my brain was playing games. I read further. Your recovery will be far swifter if you don’t masturbate. I have basically tried this since March 2022. I reckon I have averaged about one MO every 30 days. Did a 90 day streak in Aug-Nov 22 and some 45 day streaks. Plenty of two and three week streaks as well. Now to answer your question - the changes are vast.

I fear I could lapse into cliche here. Please forgive me;

I feel empowered
I feel like a new man
I felt like I could pick up any woman but I had no desire to be so crude
I could look women in the eye without thinking about their bra size
My penis grew in length and girth
My brain fought me hard but it was easier to fight back with the new power
If I had sex now I feel as though I could last for hours

This is my favourite subject. I honestly believe it’s called hard core for good reasons. It’s incredibly difficult to do. It’s so SO easy to fall off because if I did now no one would tell me off. But you physically and mentally change. Where you were desensitised before now you’re sensitised again. I had forgotten what it’s like to be awake and alive. I am yet to get to my goal which is to get my wife to recover too. So I have to wait. It’s a painful and frustrating wait but I am fully equipped to cope.

Thanks for asking @Galatians51 - I know you’re on 5 days no MO right now. Fight hard buddy. The rewards are immense. Trust me.

And thanks for chipping in @Blondie . You guys make this possible.

Thanks man, that’s some fantastic motivation right there. It’s really great to hear that it has had so many positive effects on you, I look forward to the same.

Do you have a current goal for your no MO streak or do you just go as long as you can?

 

[GBS]

Do you have a current goal for your no MO streak or do you just go as long as you can?

Ha….good question. I want to see if I can do 90 again. I have never had a wet dream in my life so there’s no nocturnal emission going on, and inevitably it gets really difficult. I read the book @Ezel was on about which proposes zero masturbation and actually limited sex to keep semen in the body. The book is highly glib in places and sort of says you just have to get a grip (no pun intended!), it’s not that difficult to resist. Yeah, right.

Now before we all get carried away here, I think there’s a danger that we get too hard on ourselves and think that masturbation is a huge sin. I think there’s obviously personal choice in here, but one needs not to give in too easily.

 

[Galatians51]

I will go for 90 with you! We can do this. Granted you’re a month ahead of me but I’ll go along with you, sometimes it helps having somebody do the same thing. The one thing that might be “unfair” in this is that I still have sex with my wife (sorry not trying to rub salt in the wound) but i think it would be unfair for my wife if I didn’t… yet our 3 kids and schedules keep us very busy so we are less busy in the bedroom than we used to be, but still - 90 days will be easier for me in that regard.

As for the whole aspect of sin, I want to agree with you, however I’m not sure. My morality (being Christian) comes from the Bible and Jesus said if you lust after a woman in your heart then you have already committed adultery with her. Old Testament focuses on peoples actions, New Testament adds to that and brings motives, intent and your “heart” into the picture. This isn’t to say that you can’t masturbate without thinking of anyone, but I find that the more you do it - it becomes increasingly difficult to not think about some image that’s been tucked away in the back of our brain. That’s what happened in the reboot I’m on - I MO’d like 4 times without thinking of anything, but it’s almost like porn for me in the sense that eventually it just isn’t enough and then I let my mind wander - which led the last time a week ago where i was thinking about images while MO.

The other thing for me is that if my wife were to tell me that she masturbates I’m not sure how comfortable I’d be with that - because i would wonder what she is thinking about while doing so… so how could I hold her to a different standard than I hold myself to? I’m not saying I’d get mad at her and tell her off or something like that, more that I’d just be hurt feeling like I’m not enough for her so she has to take matters into her own hands (no pun intended).

I guess one last thing is that I feel like masturbating is a very selfish act - which it seems like the culture of this world has become increasingly ok with, do whatever you need in order to make yourself feel good so long as you aren’t harming anybody else. I’m not so sure that’s good for society. I can stay home and smoke the bong all day (legally) and just chill out on my couch, and that wouldn’t affect anybody else directly by my actions. Yet my inaction might be affecting many people, what about the people I could have been helping instead of being stoned on the couch. I know that’s a completely different example, but i think the same idea applies - just because we aren’t directly hurting anybody - I think selfish behavior never leads to anything positive in the grand scheme of things.

These are just my thoughts on the matter - not trying to push them on you, sorry to go off on a long rant on your journal… take all this with a grain of salt, considering it’s only been 6 days since my last MO, but these are the thoughts bouncing around in my head that are convincing me to quit MO altogether (along with what you and others have said about it on this forum).

Have a great day man, it’s awesome to see all the progress you’re making.

 

[Androg]

Ha….good question. I want to see if I can do 90 again. I have never had a wet dream in my life so there’s no nocturnal emission going on, and inevitably it gets really difficult. I read the book @Ezel was on about which proposes zero masturbation and actually limited sex to keep semen in the body. The book is highly glib in places and sort of says you just have to get a grip (no pun intended!), it’s not that difficult to resist. Yeah, right.

Now before we all get carried away here, I think there’s a danger that we get too hard on ourselves and think that masturbation is a huge sin. I think there’s obviously personal choice in here, but one needs not to give in too easily.

Thanks for pointing out that shame can easily backfire.

Galatians is also write that “training and selfishness“ does wider damage.

 

[GBS]

Thanks guys.

I will go for 90 with you! We can do this. Granted you’re a month ahead of me but I’ll go along with you, sometimes it helps having somebody do the same thing. The one thing that might be “unfair” in this is that I still have sex with my wife (sorry not trying to rub salt in the wound) but i think it would be unfair for my wife if I didn’t… yet our 3 kids and schedules keep us very busy so we are less busy in the bedroom than we used to be, but still - 90 days will be easier for me in that regard.

You have yourself a deal. That’s not easy for me to agree to because I am bursting and need a release, but I think a disciplined attitude is needed. No salt in the wound from what you said, just good old fashioned envy!

As for the whole aspect of sin, I want to agree with you, however I’m not sure. My morality (being Christian) comes from the Bible and Jesus said if you lust after a woman in your heart then you have already committed adultery with her. Old Testament focuses on peoples actions, New Testament adds to that and brings motives, intent and your “heart” into the picture. This isn’t to say that you can’t masturbate without thinking of anyone, but I find that the more you do it - it becomes increasingly difficult to not think about some image that’s been tucked away in the back of our brain. That’s what happened in the reboot I’m on - I MO’d like 4 times without thinking of anything, but it’s almost like porn for me in the sense that eventually it just isn’t enough and then I let my mind wander - which led the last time a week ago where i was thinking about images while MO.

Tricky, very tricky. I get your point and the bible says what it says. Just trying to give myself a break and not make it too difficult. Problem for me is that I want to masturbate mindfully but my brain slightly won’t let me. It’s partly why I think I get this mild shame after I MO. I am trying not to be too tough on myself is the exec summary.

Meanwhile things are calm at home. One of my sons is here on a study leave from university so wife is happy about that. Stresses and strains of last week have receded.

611 days sober
35 days no MO

 

[joepanic]

Thanks guys.


You have yourself a deal. That’s not easy for me to agree to because I am bursting and need a release, but I think a disciplined attitude is needed. No salt in the wound from what you said, just good old fashioned envy!


Tricky, very tricky. I get your point and the bible says what it says. Just trying to give myself a break and not make it too difficult. Problem for me is that I want to masturbate mindfully but my brain slightly won’t let me. It’s partly why I think I get this mild shame after I MO. I am trying not to be too tough on myself is the exec summary.

Meanwhile things are calm at home. One of my sons is here on a study leave from university so wife is happy about that. Stresses and strains of last week have receded.

611 days sober
35 days no MO

I'll get in on the 90 day no m streak with you guys

 

[Androg]

Thanks guys.


You have yourself a deal. That’s not easy for me to agree to because I am bursting and need a release, but I think a disciplined attitude is needed. No salt in the wound from what you said, just good old fashioned envy!


Tricky, very tricky. I get your point and the bible says what it says. Just trying to give myself a break and not make it too difficult. Problem for me is that I want to masturbate mindfully but my brain slightly won’t let me. It’s partly why I think I get this mild shame after I MO. I am trying not to be too tough on myself is the exec summary.

Meanwhile things are calm at home. One of my sons is here on a study leave from university so wife is happy about that. Stresses and strains of last week have receded.

611 days sober
35 days no MO

When is the next therapy session?

 

[GBS]

When is the next therapy session?

Friday 11am (UK time)