No Smoke: 60 days
No PMO: 26 days
Not going to lie, life has been rough this year so far. My anger turned into all-out rage and I have been struggling with depression so badly that I was beginning to feel suicidal. Feeling like a waste of life and a detriment to my family is the worst emotional pain I have experienced.
But there are good things to report as well. I did manage to see a psychiatrist last week. She gave me a very long/thorough assessment, (3+ hours) and diagnosed me with bipolar disorder. Not much of a surprise there, I suppose, as I've been up and down chemically for decades. I am taking a mood stabilizer now but it's too soon to tell if it is helping or not yet. We shall have to wait and see. But just taking the step to get help, making an effort to show up for myself, seems to have had a somewhat positive effect on my mentality.
I am still clean on the porn front, and I am happy about that. Even when life sucks, it sucks less if I am porn-free. I also seem to have really made a u-turn on smoking weed, which I am happy about as well. I've been struggling to nix that habit longer than porn. I'm still hacking up black shit from my lungs tho, I wonder how long it will take to clear it all out finally?
My final piece of good news is that I just got my final dental crown installed today. I have had 5 molars replaced in 2024, and they were all painful and EXPENSIVE. I've been living off of soup and yogurt, for months now, and I'm sick of it. I plan on celebrating by having a steak dinner as soon as I can chew again.