jatinverma31
Member
Well, I have always thought of online forums for gaming and porn addicts as not being useful, but recently I have been reading and watching a lot of stuff about addiction, specifically gaming and pornography addiction, and I have been addicted to both since almost 5 years now. I have tried to quit myself many times, but to no avail. I EasyPeasy way book, and YBOP, and I am hoping with my better understanding of this addiction I can actually leave this behind for real.
I have been trying to quit from a long time, and I don't binge watch porn. My problem is that I will stay away from it for some time, like 1-2 days usually, then in a moment of desperation I watch porn and everytime escalating the violence of content I watch. This is not to say I watch violent stuff, no Thankfully I am not too deep into this like some people, but from the past few months I am noticing the I am watching things that I shouldn't. And that's not it. These 5 years I had to tell a lot of lies to hide my addiction. It all started innocently, me just stumbling upon porn one day, but it never stopped. And I just don't want to talk about the efforts I made sometimes just to hide away from everyone and watch porn. Just 2 weeks ago, I went to someone's home and fapped there in a room watching porn when my brother was in other room. I feel very embarrassed about that. I have never been found out, and never told anyone about it. But I can't control it. Everytime I am done with the process I feel terrible about myself. I would start doing good things, respecting myself, then eventually I will watch porn, and lose all the pride I have in me. I want to change, and I will change. I don't even feel conflicted in my head about pornography. I know it's bad, and how it's bad. I realize it has become a bad habit. Even when I am watching porn, I realize I am not doing the right thing, and I even ask myself to stop, but my habit wins. Hopefully things will change. Hopefully. Oh god, I really wish that would happen, I feel so bad about it right now.
I will need your help. Please help me when I need it. I have no one else to talk about it. Can't even go to a therapist or anything. Please.
I have been trying to quit from a long time, and I don't binge watch porn. My problem is that I will stay away from it for some time, like 1-2 days usually, then in a moment of desperation I watch porn and everytime escalating the violence of content I watch. This is not to say I watch violent stuff, no Thankfully I am not too deep into this like some people, but from the past few months I am noticing the I am watching things that I shouldn't. And that's not it. These 5 years I had to tell a lot of lies to hide my addiction. It all started innocently, me just stumbling upon porn one day, but it never stopped. And I just don't want to talk about the efforts I made sometimes just to hide away from everyone and watch porn. Just 2 weeks ago, I went to someone's home and fapped there in a room watching porn when my brother was in other room. I feel very embarrassed about that. I have never been found out, and never told anyone about it. But I can't control it. Everytime I am done with the process I feel terrible about myself. I would start doing good things, respecting myself, then eventually I will watch porn, and lose all the pride I have in me. I want to change, and I will change. I don't even feel conflicted in my head about pornography. I know it's bad, and how it's bad. I realize it has become a bad habit. Even when I am watching porn, I realize I am not doing the right thing, and I even ask myself to stop, but my habit wins. Hopefully things will change. Hopefully. Oh god, I really wish that would happen, I feel so bad about it right now.
I will need your help. Please help me when I need it. I have no one else to talk about it. Can't even go to a therapist or anything. Please.